Digging Up The Past - What Happened

was supposed to read my notes in the lib, but since 2 gd frens blogged abt this, will give in to peer pressure and do likewise. be warned: it may get pretty long

odac AGM just concluded last week, with the usual controlled democracy voting system again. it seems that adsports has been overshadowed by ATC, the adventure race entity it created. now the main commer in charge is labelled: ATC SPO, not adsports officer or even SPO (adsports).

my 2 buddies expressed dismay that adsports is no more, but from a reliable source, there still is adsports... but it has somehow been relegated into like trek comm or climbing comm... will find out more details out of curiosity. abt the structure, the roles, etc.

some background: i was in adsports1 as a sub commer in yr 1... the 1st adsports comm. had lots and lots of fun with red, lining, ally, kb, zow, gingin, gill, nicky n thongliang. zow and i wanted to continue as heads... but she wasn't given the chance. those who were going from 6th to 7th comm, esp the girls, were convinced she could only play... none of them saw her work, therefore, she does not work. others, like some guys, felt she was inexperienced.

so i felt (and self-afflicted) the pressure of making adsports2 as much a success as adsports1. the camaderie, the fun activities, the garang-ness that made adsports1 wat it was had to be passed on, and as someone who knew how it was like, i had to make it happen. unfortunately, i made the mistake of wanting adsports2 to be just like adsports1 for the 1st sem... so i was nv satisfied and constantly comparing, giving myself pressure and breathing down the necks of adsports2 (esp kitty's) despite early half hearted attempts by the pres to convince me otherwise.

i don't know when, but slowly i realised there was no point comparing, coz the ppl are not the same, so the comm won't be. the realisation was complete somewhere in late jan/early feb 2003 when after a meeting at cant a, everyone else from adsports2 went towards NIE while i was the only one going down to south spine. i felt a little tinge of loneliness... i didn't feel like leaving this bunch of fun ppl. that was when i knew... i was in love with them. hahahah

unfortunately, most outside the comm didn't take adsports2 seriously. maybe it was because i scaled down the end-of-yr event from an adventure race to a dual-discipline expedition due to manpower constraints: without the competitive element, maybe the main commers felt it was less of a big deal.

having announced that all main commers had to help out in all 3 main odac events, of which ex:ex was among them, the pres, along with his best fren the biz mag, left for spain. the secretary left for germany. as they say, shang liang bu zheng, xia liang wai; with the ones on top setting a poor example, the ones below would follow likewise. in spite of meeting announcements and emails, none of the main commers turned up for the recce, at most 2 turned up for the dry run. wat made the lack of support worse was the complaining. main commers complained they didn't know wat to do, didn't know they needed to pay, etc, etc. someone was even reported (by one of the climbing guys) to hv shed tears over paying $15. but of course, little children... you wldn't know a thing coz u never turned up when we were preparing for the event. poor things... we wld hv taken ur feedback if u were around to give it.

of coz, logistical problems brought on by external companies (notably, a kayaking company situated on the western end of ECP) added to the tensions and headaches, but in the end, participants were coming to us saying it was great... they couldn't have done it without us. of coz there were also problematic, uncooperative and ungrateful participants around...

then came the AGM preparations of that year. kitty and i were poised to stay on in the main comm after indicating our interest and given stamps of approval by the controllers of democracy (ie. those who weren't running again, or who said they weren't). i wld reprise my post in adsports while kitty wld go to publicity, with crying-coz-she-gotta-pay-$15 (CCSGP$) girl.

a few wks after we thot we had settled on this, on the 1st day of sch, the new comm had a meeting. after climbing guy droned on and on abt main commers shd be closer to each other than twds their own sub comm (a barb aimed at kitty and me, an idea i disagree with) the 2-time pres met kitty and me privately and told us the rest of them decided to ask us not to run again, for the following reasons:

- Fresh blood, in the form of freshies, was desired (applies to kitty and me)
- Publicity could do with only one senior, and 2-time pres said he could work better with CCSGP$ girl (kitty)
- Adsports can be handled by freshies alone (me)
- Most of those who were staying on didn't like our style of working (unspoken but clearly shown during ex:ex)
- We weren't in the "in" group (unspoken but clearly shown during ex:ex, and the surprise meeting announcement of us not running)

FINE. i don't stay where i'm not welcomed. so kitty and I left, after a polite announcement from 2-time pres and a polite applause thanking us for our efforts in the past yr. feeling pissed over being sorely unappreciated already, the following happened:

- 2-time pres' best all time buddy, the biz mag, rejoined the comm when he indicated otherwise before.
- CCSGP$ girl stayed on but didn't become publicity, a yr 2 from sports club did.
Which contradicted the point abt getting fresh blood.

- after adsports2, adsports3's yr 1 officers floundered, and messed up such that seniors had to step in and run the show.
Which proved to everyone else i was right all along: Adsports cannot be run by 2 inexperienced yr1s.

and during that AGM, adsports2 accidentally staged a protest of sorts. everyone knew we weren't happy with the shabby way they treated kitty & i, but it wasn't on purpose. with most of us taking basic malay together, we arrived late for the AGM. and since most didn't get a place in hall yet, we had to leave early together, walking out during the break. the lao jiaos were indignant at our behaviour... thinking kitty & i had led this protest. in actual fact, we just wanted to go home - this AGM didn't matter much to most of us anyway. in the end, 2 of us stayed inside and i stayed outside to accompany PP, after someone said it wasn't v nice.

and that was the end of my involvement with adsports. i wasn't wanted, therefore i made myself scarce.

No More Presidential Election... :-(

Currently Playing: Silence to Mark This Bit Of Sad News...

How sad... 3 out of 4 Presidential hopefuls have earned the vetos of the Presidential Election Committee... No prizes for guessing who made the cut. Oh well... if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

But still... some thoughts. If ppl want to enter the fray, they have to be totally clean... really TOTALLY. look at how much dirt the newspapers dug up? SG is a small country... someone somewhere sure know your ugly history. And even if u want to enter, will the ppl see u as buay hiao bai, want to be big shot?

And even if many ppl welcome the competition... lets face it, how many votes is the unknown guy or the shady past guy or the keep trying guy going to get? the ppl will be thinking: "i'm glad there's a choice for the public, but no way i'm going to let u win... i'll vote for the incumbent coz at least i know he can do the job."

Also, thanx to our (too) wonderful gahmen, everyone with gahmen power is super clean... that's y they wear all white! so much so that now the ppl as kinda spoilt as well... a little bit of dirty past also cannot... ppl in power must be CLEAN. unlike other countries. good is that we can the best, clean gahmen. but bad is coz once ppl got a bit of dirt, no matter how good they are, either they'll be shot down or the ppl wun accept anyway.

Future how? when no one is clean enuff? when the ppl are over reliant and complacent abt our gahmen and its public services? (oops, its happened already)

Wat will the ppl do if someday the gahmen fails to perform or protect? will we sit around helplessly waiting for someone to tell us wat to do? hope that things will magically turn out well as usual? will we dare to stand up and take positive action? would we even know wat positive action to take?

Nightmare!

Currently Playing: Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chilli Peppers on Class95

My fren, the squid, and I were walking a dirt road and discussing the plight of foreign workers... how they are nameless, exploited and some of them die very pitifully due to accidents, etc. (Dunno why that was the topic)

Then we came across a group of foreign workers who were digging/filling up holes/watever... Squid and I stopped and watched them a while. Suddenly Squid grabbed one of the spades and nearby, ran to the nearest water pipe and started digging furiously!! The foreign workers and I stood there stunned and bewildered, they wondering why this crazy singaporean kapoh one of their spades, and I wondering what he was doing. Finally when the pipe was fully exposed and Squid seemed ready to punch a hole into it, I shouted at him, "Stop! That's our National Resources!" (hahahahah dun ask me, i dunno why!)

Squid seemed to suddenly realise what he was doing, dropped the spade and we quickly walked off the way we came, feeling paiseh towards the workers. After a distance, some guy zoomed past us, shouting "Bees! Bees! Bees!" Squid and I RAN. But soon the bees were all around me, and i tried to pluck out the few that landed and tried to sting me. The one in my palm felt so real as i tried to squeeze it out, at the same time knowing there were at least 3-4 other stings pumping their venom into me... I didn't feel any pain, probably coz of the adrenaline. I was still trying to squeeze out the bee from my left palm to the sound of "Bees! Bees! Bees!"... and I woke up.

Analysis:
I dunno wat's up with the foreign workers thingy... maybe coz i read abt this guy who was flung out of the back of a pick up and died on the expressway.
I dunno why Squid acted liddat but I was with him earlier yesterday... talked about sensitive stuff. Maybe he wanted to dig up the past? hahah.
I dunno wat's up with the "National Resources" thingy... maybe coz it's National Day? haha
I think the "Bees! Bees! Bees!" was a corruption of hearing my Dad shouting at me to wake up... hahahahah

Note to self: Sleep earlier at night!

Late Nite of Serious Thots

Currently Playing: Everybody's Changing by Keane

Late Nites are very conducive for serious thots.

Was reading a gd fren's blog, where she questioned the certainty of marriage and asked, "what is your greatest happiness?"

Well... but why is marriage such a happy thing? why everyone wants it? Coz it is a symbol of hope... The hope that you will never be alone again... Where someone will always care for u and love u and share ur life... and gives more hope that the person you depend on will not leave.

I learnt something recently... abt ppl: Hope, but don't Expect.

Inspired by my parents, rite now my greatest happiness wld be to be a wonderful father to my kids, so they grow up to be good, responsible, balanced, happy adults.. and of coz I need a wonderful spouse to help me with that.

Not so long ago, I wanted to be a big big shot like LKY... change the world, make ppl's lives for the better; so after i die, i will live on in history books, govt policies, roads and buildings named after me.

But now I realise the best way to live forever is thru others... thru the ppl you affect the most... and upbringing is the strongest way to affect others... so I want to live after death thru my kids.

And at the same time... I want my parents to live thru me... so I want to know them as ppl... pick up who they are and wat they like... so part of them will always be with me.

To develop and improve myself, is also one of my ultimate goals... but it isn't be my greatest happiness. To have a large hand in developing someone else, and to develop them well, is.

UNpleasant Animal Clinic

Currently Playing: I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance

Hamster Girl has had a bald spot under her right hind leg, since I got her back from a fren, which spread to above the leg since. Dunno how that happened...

After 1 month with no improvement, been wanting to bring her to the vet down Katong. Checked her this morning, seems there's some improvement. The mid-day heat added to my reluctance to go, but Mum said i shd be a responsible pet owner.

So i pushed away an appointment with frens and walked down the sweltering road under the sun, with an umbrella shielding Hamster Girl's cage. By the time i reached there, i was wet with sweat.

A bit of background knowledge here. The few times i went to recce the clinic, I noticed something really dumb. their opening hours are printed on a crummy little piece of A4 paper stuck inside of their door. they have a little foyer at a right angle and a gate which prevents ppl from entering the foyer. So, when the place is closed, no one can see their opening hours. How Dumb Is That?? No Fricking Business Sense.

So last nite i went, seeing the lights on but door closed, I went into the back door and asked a female worker with specs and 2 large pimples on her forehead for their opening hours. wat she conveniently neglected to tell me is they closed for lunch.

So on reaching the damn place, it was "closed" although ppl were waiting ard. I went in and asked, the unsympathetic biatch of a receptionist said they reopen at 2pm, come back then. i told the woman my hamster isn't feeling well, i dun want to walk back and forth with her when its so hot. she coldly said if i insisted to see the vet, they would charge emergency fees.

WUT DA FARK?!?!? so wat's ur damn motivation in running the clinic? helping animals or making profits?? But then again, with such poor business sense, i don't think profits are much.

So i adamantly protested with my feet. come on use ur fricking brains! u're not the only animal clinic in SG. but with ur poor attitude towards customers u'll be the one i wun visit again. The least you could do is open up one more slot for me, i dun think dropping fur would take too long to diagnose. attitude counted for plenty as well. No "I'm sorry sir, but we'll be taking a break. you could leave your poor little hamster here and come back later, we'll take a look at her then."

Consumers Of Singapore! These few days there's been articles and letters in the newspapers about poor service standards. If we don't show management of service companies we'll willing to vote with our feet and wallets, and if we don't show service staff we will not stand being bullied, the service standards of our economy will never be improved upon.

So do your part of the country on its 40th birthday! Experience lousy service? Walk out. Getting rude service? Tell the sales staff off. but of coz, dun stoop to their level and be rude. tell the person civilly that such lousy attitude will not make the sale. the money u pay will go into the person's pocket, and with such attitude, that will not happen. If the person continues with such poor attitude, he/she might not have a job soon.

Anyway, for Hamster Girl, i'll continue to monitor her fur... but there's been some improvement (i'm being objective here), fur's been growing a little under her leg. so i'll wait another week and see... meanwhile look around for other clinics, and continue to give her healthy food.

Note to self: Stand up for your consumer rights!

Instructions on How to Have A Happy Day Even When Friends Pang Seh You Last Minute The Night Before

Follow these steps in chronological order:

1) Wake up at 11am.

2) Wake up again at 12.20pm.

3) Go for a swim with your new goggles. Afterwhich, laze by the edge of the pool until white arms turn red.
Note: Do NOT do this with goggles! Take them off after the swim.

4) Play with pet hamster while changing the wood shavings and washing cage "furniture". Repeat for all pet hamsters.

5) Have late lunch of Mother's homemade chicken pie and coffee. Help wash up after.

6) Go out to buy newspapers at 7-11 coz you badly need to take a crap and have nothing to read.

7) Return (Quickly!) with newspapers.

8) Crap.

9) Take a nap.

10) Wake up from nap when its dark, and mull about the house while playing MSN. Go out for dinner when too hungry to MSN.

11) Walk through local red light street looking like a bum to the nearest Burger King which isn't very near.

12) Order that Whopper you've been craving for and be very pleasantly surprised when the counter guy asks if you want a Double (DOUBLE?!?) Whopper. Say "Yes, please."

13) ENJOY that Double (DOUBLE?!?) Whopper.
Note: This is best done alone so you really enjoy that Double (DOUBLE?!?) Whopper without worrying about the ketchup, mayonaise and salad dressing on your face and dripping down your fingers; and really, really sink your teeth into 2 huge patties of beef below a crispy, juicy salad in a large bun. ooohhh man... it was sssssssoooooooo GOOD......

14) Stroll about the shopping centre aimlessly.

15) Buy that pouch you're been eyeing for a year. (Optional)

16) Buy a choc fudge brownie ice cream cone which offers a discount when you show your student card. (Extra points if your student card has expired)

17) Stroll down local red light street looking like a bum eating ice cream.

18) Return home and play MSN, chat with frens on the phone and blog til falling asleep.

Repeat as and when applicable.

Some Thots Abt Life & Love

Currently Playing: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

I have the fortune to have a number of close girl buddies, and the misfortune of some of them being attached to other guys. ;-) (hahaha)

Now and then, they have problems and somehow exercise poor judgement by confiding in me. So thru them, I learn how to treat my future gf. thanx gals...

This entry is not in response to anyone, it is just my personal thots collected recently.

Expectations:
After all that's happened recently... I guess the only thing i can expect from my future gf is that she loves me, and is faithful and true. Maybe she won't appreciate every effort i make but that's probably coz she doesn't see the effort or intent. So i shall endeavour to communicate my thots and feelings to her wherever applicable, and accept when she does the same. Also, appreciate every intent, every effort she makes for me. this way, i don't expect her to understand me automatically always.

Appreciation:
Also, i will endeavour to show appreciation always, in words and actions. Affection as well, just like what i do at home for my parents. Times when we sit down and chat about nothing will be often.

Personal Selves:
We both will hv to understand that in the initial stage, both of us would stick together relentlessly... but there'll come a time when our personal selves would push out again; esp so for me, with my affinity towards freedom, space, independence, individuality, and alone time. She will want them too, so i shall endeavour to understand her personal needs and not swamp her with my own. being together doesn't mean 2 ppl sharing 1 life, but 2 ppl sharing their 2 lives with each other. Also, i will respect who she is, and not try to turn her into someone she is not. if she likes to dig her nose (in private lah, which girl will in public?), go ahead and dig... coz i dig too!! *sings: "she can dig, and i can dig, we can dig together..."

Restrictions:
Restrictions on her going out with guy frens one-on-one? I wldn't want that on me, and similarly dun want to place any on her. coz I believe I will choose someone unflirty, someone who will stay true as long as i don't mess up too badly. So she shall hv my trust. If she does stray, it'll be becoz i hvn't been treating her well or things hv become stale... Thus I will endeavour to stay true and honest, always show affection, and make efforts to keep things fun for the both of us.

I know these might be hard to achieve, and i might not remember to do so all the time... but all these have an underlying principle: Life is short, and there's only one chance. So I want this chance of her's, as well as all my loved ones', to be full of happiness and love, and to let them be who they are. What i can do to get that, i will. No point trying to force her to do things she dun wanna do or be someone she's not... i'll always let her choose, but in doing so i will make my offer of choice the best one. (a bit like economics... hahha)

Coz like what those emails always say... if u die, ur company just places an ad in the newspaper the next day to fill your position. but the lives of those who love u, and maybe those u largely ignore coz u see them at home everyday, will be changed forever. Love them, show them you care every chance u get.

And next time, when i intro my gf to you, no need to tell her how lucky she is... coz, she'll know.

She will be loved. :-)

Reader Census!

Currently Playing: Cornflake Girl by Tori Amos (late quiet nite just great for her tracks!)

Alamak... Have already lost track of who's been reading here...

So quick... Gimme an ego-trip! comment on this post with ur name (or nickname or something i can identify u by) so i know u're a loyal reader!! ;-)

Uni Education: Lateral Thinking Not Included

Currently Playing: Endless Ads on Class95

Was slightly later than usual in reaching Boon Lay, so I met the queues of 179 and 199 near the 199 queue area. Taking reference with last sem's situation, I walked further on to the 179 queue area and found that there was another queue at the original railings, only half filled.

The shorter queue was clearly visible to those in the front of the other queue, but obviously, they wouldn't want to move. Yet, if they see this everyday, didn't it occur to them that every morning they could have walked further to check the shorter queue and join it, saving waiting time instead of joining the first one that they encounter? Last sem i only went to sch on mondae mornings and i learnt abt it... so why didn't they, who go back and forth daily?

Kind of blindly queuing up isn't it? I know queuing is our national pastime... but must be smart abt it also mah. What does it say abt the bulk of undergrads from this crappy uni? No lateral thinking? No risk taking culture? Sheep mentality? Inability to learn beyond books? Simply no common sense?

But is it due to this particular uni? or SG education of rote learning? Can't say for sure, but at least there's improvements... don't apply to me anyway. I too, am guilty of non-existent lateral thinking.

Today's headlines say a 51yr old ex-JTC CFO wants to run for President. My 1st thot was "wah, so young... sure a not?" (Surely, a remark he hasn't heard in a while) I wondered about his experience and ability... Then in the boring fluids lecture it struck me... why not? if he is up to it, let him stand for election. It's what I want too rite? An election at least.

So although I do not know you, go for it, Mr. Andrew Kuan! I support your intention to stand, as well as the incumbent's. Of course, my vote will go to whoever appears more suitable. The people will be watching... ;-)

Note to self: Don't stereotype, always give people a chance!

Random Thots on the Same Day

Currently Playing: There She Goes by Sixpence None The Richer on Class95

Every once in a while, it happens, just like today. Some guy/girl who i find vaguely familiar, manages to make eye contact and wave/smile at me.

For those few milli-seconds, my bewildered expression gives away my brain processes:
1) Do I know this guy/girl?
2) Do I respond in kind?
3) Where have I seen him/her before? Searching......

Usually I quickly respond in kind (after an embarassing incident where i kept trying to search and i met the "stranger" a few days later in the same hall!) and after being puzzled for a day, I'll forget the person until the next time I meet and wonder who the person is again...

So why do I not remember this person?
1) Probably I identify the person with a particular context or setting... so when out of that setting, I don't recollect him that easily.
2) Probably there's no emotional attachment with the person. In the brain, the memory function area (hippocampus) is located next to the emotional function area (amygdala) and thus events/people with an emotional attachment are recalled more easily.
See how interesting and applicable psychology is, as opposed to engineering?

About engineering... i obediently went for 2 concurrent lectures this morning from 830am, a rarity by any standard. unfortunately, i brought the wrong notes for both, leading to me not getting a clue wat the old men were talking about. chances are the outcome would not vary anyway, but i was more bored than i shd hv been. ended up reading newspaper in one lecture, sleeping in another. hey, at least i made some effort.

And during this short time in sch todae, I already saw 5 guys i know, who are same batch as me. There's at least 10ppl i know, same batch, and who are still ard... i dun really think too depressively of me staying back, but its comforting to know i'm not the only one, and that there's so many of us. ;-)

And, I made an exciting discovery! Hot coffee on a cold morning in a cold LT feels wonderful. a bit afraid of coffee spilling on me again (refer to old entry) but it was great... the slightly bitter sweetness of thick warm fluid rolling ard my mouth... the heat travelling down and staying in my chest... the strength of coffee going to my brain as i read the newspaper... shiok. Maybe u have to try it to understand...

Speaking of newspaper... President SR Nathan is running for a second term in office, with 2 possible opponents so far. One of them remains anonymous; the other is Mr. Oei Boon Ewe, who already "failed to qualify for an eligibility certificate" in 1999, when also trying to run against President Nathan. Even if Mr. Oei gets to stand for election, chances are he won't win: Singaporeans are not known for their generousity of 2nd chances towards "failures", and their defiance towards the status quo. Personally, between an unknown vs someone tried and tested, I would go with the majority as well.

So, very likely President Nathan will be running again. One technicality i foresee would be his "victory title", his "statement of achievement". Being President for 12 years, he would possibly be "Singapore's Longest Serving President" if my memory serves me correctly. So more specifically, would he be "Singapore's Longest Serving Unelected President"? or "Singapore's 1st Unelected/Elected President"? "Singapore's 5th Unelected and 2nd Elected President"?

No offense, but it's not an election if the people don't get to vote. But i guess if there's only one person running and he's endorsed by the govt, an election is out of point. even if there's no clear majority, he'll be appointed anyway. Too bad as of now, no one else (explicitly) worthy is running... oh well, since i got no solution, i shdn't criticise.

Note to Self: Stop wasting time blogging and get back to FYP!

Genius, 24, eats Jackfruit Seed

Currently Playing: Ads on Class95

(a respite from the ultra long entries u've been reading... dun wanna bore my dear readers.)

Yesterday, a local genius, so referred to as he has spent many more years in university than his peers, ate a jackfruit seed.

He (didn't give his name as he does not want to be identified) was present at his university's sailing club welcome tea, which was held 5-8pm, when finger food was made available by the welfare IC of the committee.

The finger food, meant for 20-30 ppl, consisted of stiff, dry french fries, burnt spring rolls, passable curry puffs, (only) EIGHT chicken nuggets and six suspicious looking hunks of what appeared to be fried chicken meat, mostly bought from a nearby muslim food stall.

Being hungry, it being dinner time, the protagonist, having tried most of the other food to little satisfaction, gamely took a large bite of a suspicious chicken meat hunk, which no one on scene had tried before.

Munching on the terribly crunchy, hard and tasteless food item, not only did he realise it wasn't meat, he noticed a weird phenomenon: instead of teeth marks, a large, perfectly circular concave void was staring back at him in the remaining half of the food item.

Thinking nothing of it, he finished the rest of what he thought was a fried, rather tasteless, dry cake; not unlike that of a fried banana cake, but less oily and with a crunchy component.

After some time spent chatting with friends, the protagonist returned to the food table to find, amongst everything else, a plate empty except for 2 round, hard objects which a fellow commitee member labelled "jackfruit seeds".

The horrible feeling of realisation dawning upon one is quite unforgettable.

Thankfully, the shock was hidden well from the people looking on.

The local genius, hereby re-establishing his title, shall henceforth endeavour to be less adventurous about food.

A Sianzed Nite Cycling - What Happened

Ever had an event where everything just turned out wrong? Felt that you could go apply for redundancy? Felt unappreciated for efforts, that amounted to nothing much anyway?
yup... it was that kind of a night.

prologue
it was a while since the 9 of us did something adventurous, so one of us suggested reliving old memories by having another night cycling. despite some insistence there was no need, i thot we shd hv a safety vehicle for the following reasons:
- ok i admit it... i was doubtful my body could handle it reasonably.
- with some of us working already, not used to staying up all nite. we could take turns on the bikes.
- i was afraid of accidents involving us and drunk and/or speeding drivers.
a few incidents got me scared of this kind of thing, but the one that really stands out was alvin's... (for those who dunno) a drunk driver hit him from the back of his bike and he landed on his head. it had almost been two yrs since he passed on... i only spoke to him once, but (unfortunately) he taught me the frailty of life.

so, i turned up a little late with my car at ECP last nite coz i needed to sleep more before staying up. it started pleasantly enuff with me having dinner alone at mac while the rest got their bikes and moved off 1st... small, but a sign of things to come, on hindsight. one of us was supposed to join me in the car, and another was contemplating abt it, so at least i wld hv company. but the first one didn't come coz she was tired; without knowing that, the second decided otherwise - he wld cycle.

so i drove down the unfamiliar expressways and got lost, at one point finding myself at changi airport, and then at changi village. thankfully, i managed to catch up with the cyclists but they had already started on the roads instead of waiting for me to cover the rear... which was wat i thot i was supposed to do. at least i did once i caught up.

being sianzed at the thot of being alone the whole nite, i wasn't in best of moods. so i called to see if there was anyone who was bo liao, free and nice enuff to join me the rest of the nite... thankfully it only took 2 calls. 1st callee didn't mind, satisfying the criteria but didn't know the rest. 2nd callee, CS, who knew the rest, decided to be a wonderful fren and sacrificed her sleep to accompany me. only problem: she stayed in sembawang.

so i left the rest at changi village and picked CS up... meeting them at tampines mall and again they had rode the roads without me guarding. i don't blame them for moving on, i feel guilty at not being there.

after a rest, they moved on and i took some time to take a leak and get back to the car... by then they were far off. i caught up with them at bedok, but they were on the pavement, thus i cldn't and there was no need to slow down. unfortunately the route wasn't firmly agreed upon, so i cldn't find them and only caught up at chai chee... only after the last man had an egg thrown at him by 2 brain damaged turds on a motorbike. if i was there they wldn't hv dared, or i wld hv run over them. but i wasn't.

i followed them til geylang when the traffic was too heavy and i had to move on. so i wasn't there yet again. and when they left geylang they took an off road route soon after... so not only i had a delay going back to the car, i lost them 10secs after i found them. thot indoor stadium was on the route... went there only to realise it wasn't. it being late (5am), i decided to top up petrol and send CS back to sembawang. at the kiosk, petrol came up to quite a bit but CS made up for it... by sleepily trying to enter the wrong car!

so after sembawang, i zoomed to catch the cyclists from esplanade back to ECP. once again for the umpteenth time, i went round in circles trying to find them as they cycled, kept moving. finally found them at mountbatten rd and managed to do wat i was supposed to for a short while before they turned into the park. it being late (or rather early in the morning, 7am) and me being in a lousy mood, i promptly gave them their bags from the car and returned home.

A Sianzed Nite Cycling - My Thots

In reference to "A Sianzed Nite Cycling - Wat Happened"

On the surface, i felt... unwaited for. i always had to search for them, chase them and catch up to perform my protective role, only to lose them to the pavement. i know i shdn't hinder them, but it felt as though there was no need for me to be there. not much acknowledgement from them except the last man anyway, that my vehicle was there.

So i started thinking: shd i have even turned up with my car? they seemed to be having so much fun on bicycles, hardly giving a damn abt me, no serious accidents happened, and i didn't prevent any. and the one who didn't think a safety veh was necessary wasn't talking to me much. if not for CS chatting with me the whole nite and the bags deposited in the backseat, i wld hv just gone home.

so why did i turn up with my car? a lovely fren had told me i was paranoid a few occasions. maybe i am... like wat they say in chinese, "not scared ten thousand, just scared in case". i even brought my 1st aid kit with me... i'm that kind of guy: if i see something that needs to be done and i hv the ability, i'll do it. and if anything happened to these close frens of mine, i dunno how i'll react.

maybe coz we are close frens... so they didn't think was i did was anything out of the ordinary, or maybe i placed too much expectation on them. but simply put, all i wld've liked is some form of appreciation, just a "thanx for being behind" or even "having fun in the car?". was that too much? felt like my role was largely ignored.

or maybe i had gotten to used to YEP, where i was always thanked for just simply doing my job, which i felt there was no need (coz it's my job mah). here i took on the risk of my car getting rammed by a drunk speeding driver but petrol costs... when i cld hv just thot abt having fun and cycled for $8. maybe only from my pt of view its different. or maybe the same and i expected same gratitude.

probably it has to do with my expectations that there wld be appreciation from them for sitting in an air con car while they are pedalling like crazy. expectation is such a perception shifter... i will get disappointed with close frens who i hv expectations of, and will get pleasantly surprised when frens, who i do not dare to hv expectations of, overdeliver in their concern and appreciation of me.

as yet, i might hv too high expectations of long time close frens, or none at all. i'm sorry, i'm currently trying to revise them into just appreciating when i do something for u guys. so to help me along... when u feel appreciative of me, pls do let me know. i promise i'll take it as graciously as i can. if u know my expectations of u are too high or are getting higher, let me know too; i like frankness, and will adjust accordingly.

so, to end off, a note to...
CS: thank you for being a wonderful fren last nite. staying up the whole nite toking cock with me even though u felt sleepy and had to go ur bf's place the next morning... thank you so much.
the last man: thank you for showing appreciation and acknowledging my prescence as a safety veh... even though i wasn't there most of the time. and apologies in the repeated calls abt location; i kept calling u was coz i felt u appreciated.
the one who didn't show up: no worries... i know u're tired from work. sianzed but dun blame u at all.
the one who didn't think a safety vehicle was necessary: yup, i'm the idiot who brought all this trouble to myself... no useful contribution watsoever. fine... i know wat to do next time.
the rest: sorry if my lousy mood affected u guys or the general mood.
self: stop giving frens unreasonable expectations. and stop doing unnecessary things. no one appreciates nothing contributed but trouble.

Yet Another Charity Show!

Currently Playing: I Just Wanna Live by Good Charlotte

In spite of the NKF fiasco 2 weeks ago, for this sunday, there's still yet ANOTHER charity show involving celebrities singing, dancing and doing other death defying stunts. It's the President's Star Charity Show! *Canned applause and wolf-whistles*

Don't worry good folks, I'm betting that the organisations involved in this show won't be up to any (expensive) monkey business... thanx to the NKF shooting themselves in both feet. And also, the Patron (unfortunately, a dirty word nowadays) is none other than our esteemed President! Obviously, there won't be any pocketing of money coz the Istana ALREADY HAS gold taps and designer bowls. (It's meant to be a joke, Mr President Sir... please please PLEASE do not sue me; my family does not own a peanut farm. I support your running for a 2nd term wholeheartedly.)

We all also read on a local tabloid newspaper that actually the celebrities on these charity shows were TOLD to cry (of coz, they're actors) and make all those phone dialling actions and act pitiful and sympathetic while doing crazy stunts forced upon them... If my earlier posting had shone any bad light on them, i sincerely apologise - they were just unhappily and blindly following instructions.

To show my remorse, I have decided to join into the charity show fray (there were 6 last year)... Yes, next year TV audiences will have yet another forced down their throats and into their phonelines - The Rockie's Star Charity Show! It will be organised for what the name really means... yes, it's a Star Charity! No more fake crying and no more fake concern and no more fake sympathy... the money collected will go to helping the star celebrities themselves!

Dear Readers, I see your shock and concern. "Do we really want more golden toilet furnishings?" Hear me out, please. After a recent study done by an uninterested engineering student from a local university, it has been found that the majority of individuals who suffer from Unfortunate Name Syndrome (UNS) in the Asia Pacific Region are in/or are connected to the showbiz/music/entertainment* (pick one) industry! Samples range from the unpronouncable ("Fann" pronounced "fun", "Ix") to the obviously-spelt-wronngly-somewhere ("Nnadia", "Ezann") to the non-humanoid noun (Fish, Noodle, Apple)

To help these celebrity victims and sufferers of UNS, the Rockie's Star Charity Show(RSCS) will endeavour to raise S$4.2m to help 7 victims change their name. Why so much money, yet only 7 victims, you ask. Well it so happens that recently a stat board found out that it costs S$400,000 to change a name back to the same one! Therefore, the board at RSCS realised that to have an actual name change, more money would be needed - their patron casually commented that each name change would cost a peanut. So thus only 7 victims can be helped, with no peanuts going into patron and board member pockets.

Unfortunately the Asia Pacific Region has more than 7 victims of UNS, so riding on the popularity of voting reality shows on every local channel rite now, the RSCS board has decided to change the charity show format: the full name of the show would be "The Rockie's Star Charity Show: Unfortunate Name Idol"! (it was supposed to be called "Unfortunately Named Idol" but apparently local TV does not care for grammar)

So now instead of risking neck, life and limb doing stunts, those who will be benefitting from the Show would perform for the show! TV Audiences would vote via SMS who should get the funds to cure UNS. for transparency sake: each SMS would cost $1, with 20 cents going to telcos, 20 cents going to organising the show, 20 cents for marketing the show, 5 cents going to the unfortunate celebrity voted for and 15 cents going to paying auditors for making sure the rite amt of money goes to all these ppl.

The format of the show would be as follows:
The 2 possibly-retrenched hosts of the possibly-axed NKF show would intro each contestant, who would talk abt how hard it was growing up with UNS, how much he/she suffered and a short re-enactment clip would be played.

Sample Script: *Sepia tones, pitiful music, sympathetic voice-over* Fat boy sits down on old-style canteen table full of other kids carrying a bowl fishball noodles and an apple. loudly announces "You all look! I'm eating *insert name*!!" Camera shows many many kids standing in front, pointing to camera and laughing loudly. scene suddenly changes to kid giving pirated Ru Lai Shen Zhang to bigger kid, ends up being beaten, kicked and pee-ed on. a little girl offers lollipop, but kid runs off. hmmm seems familiar... *pitiful music fadeout*

TV then shows hosts and contestant drying their eyes with ever present tissue. host asks "so what will you be singing for us tonite?" reply: "i hate my childhood/name/parents/fat kids/lollipops* (pick one) which can be found in my latest CD, even though i can't sing well and should just stick to acting, which i already suck at."

Repeat umpteen times for each contestant each weekly show, kicking out one contestant every show until 7 are left. After the celebrities have all been cured of UNS, themed variations of the show can be done... like ordinary ppl suffering from UNS (Premier League Soccer Teams). Eg. Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester, Chel...

Stay tuned!

Disclaimer: the above posting is solely for entertainment purposes; it is not meant to defame, insult, or ridicule any individual or organisation, dead or alive/disbanded or functioning. the events depicted are also purely fictional and from the author's imagination, or can be found in local newspaper reports. the author sincerely hopes anyone who may be adversely affected by his work sees the humour beneath, for no malice is meant. the author does not own any designer toilet bowls, gold taps, peanuts, or company cars which can be sold for legal costs in a defamation suit.

First Day of School Tml! Will it be my last?

Currently Playing: Nothing. It's a school nite and i dun want my mummy to know i'm still awake at 2am!

Aiyoh... first day of school TODAY. hopefully i grad this sem. really been dreading this... been putting off going to sch for FYP... rather stay at home and nuah. the past 2 days been spent running ard getting things in order. at least packed my room, bought a new hamster cage and cleaned out the others, managed to meet frens.

BUT... didn't bring hamster girl to see vet abt her balding, still hvn't totally unpacked from YEP, didn't spend time on the treadmill like i told myself to. and i badly, badly need a hair cut.

besides doing FYP and juggling 6 subjects, i'll also need to handle "curious" acquaintances...

Acquaintance, whose name i probably forgot: "Eh?? I thot u grad liao?!"
or: "Eh?? U hvn't grad ah?!"
or: "What happened to you?!"
To which I would reply: "Nope, my course 4 1/2 yrs, u dunno meh?"
or, if it applies: "No... I see you've decided to extend as well."
of coz, my course is Engineering for Uninterested Students (EUS)

well... those who matter to me already know, so doesn't matter to me much. just something i hv to deal with. but in any case most of my non-lesson and non-eating time wld be spent either in FYP lab or library. recently, I told someone this coming sem wld be siong... she told me dun think it is siong, but think that u must chiong... hahhaa how true.

but feel free to come look for me if u happen to be in sch... always hv time for frens, esp when i shd be doing something else.

need to fall asleep fast... will read a chinese picture book to do so. ;-)

note to self: work hard to end it this sem! and for goodness sake go cut ur scruffy hair!

Being Different

Currently Playing: 1985 by Bowling for Soup

Yet another lovely fren shared with me her blog address. to date, i've been able to access abt 6 blogs of my frens... and all but 1 is abt feelings, emotions, what happened. Got me thinking... i'm not a blogger, i'm a columnist. haha! sounds so professional... so which magazine/tabloid is going to pay me to write?

but seriously speaking... y dun i write abt feelings? maybe coz that wld somehow make me more vulnerable? maybe coz feelings and emotions come and go? maybe coz i'll get embarassed abt reading how dumb i was few mths ago? (i realise this is not restricted to just emotions) maybe coz thots, that hv been maturing for some time now, have more credibility to last longer? maybe coz i'm looking for a writing job but need a fricking load of practise?

hey... i AM writing abt my feelings/thots/emotions. DARN! there goes my writing job!!

anyway... thank you, dear readers, for visiting my little spot in cyberspace so regularly. the praises i get for jabbering away at things that peeve me. the pride u guys give me when u mislead me into thinking i can actually write well. thank you and your comments are more than welcome. i really appreciate ur readership.

note to self: finish all entries before cyberspace time runs out! and stay different, coz i am.

Am I That Approachable? Part 2

Currently Playing: Distractions by Zero 7

Just as I was saying frens who hv become MLM agents or "financial planners" using frenship to earn money... I caught another one over MSN! this guy did IA in the same company... but we hardly spoke over MSN after that. only said hi when we met in sch.

Fren: yo
Me: hey wazzup?
Fren: how's life?
Me: liddat lor. u? working as? (i knew something was up)
Fren: financial planner
Me: hahahhah
Fren: how many subjects next sem?
Me: eh dun bother selling me anything... i got plans liao
Fren: (proceeds to ask me abt my work load next sem, doesn't say anything abt his job nor my "dun bother" sentence) ........

was he genuinely asking abt me? or looking for a potential victim? a close, rather intellectual, fren once told me i'm damn cynical, shd give others the benefit of the doubt. yup, like in this case, i give him the benefit of my doubt... hahahah


on an unrelated note... i wonder why has this song by Zero 7 been catching my ears lately... wonder why i can't seem to settle down to get things done... wonder why things seem less fun these days... wonder why i feel so... distracted.

note to self: get a hold on yourself!

Am I That Approachable?

Currently Playing: Nothing. It's late at nite.

It all started with a YEP fren telling me he just came back from business. since he seemed eager to make conversation, to humour him, "what kind of business?" i casually asked.

BIG MISTAKE. he was in a cosmetic selling MLM. i am neither interested in the products nor sales method. yet he proceeded to rattle on over msn trying to recruit me into his fold and/or sell me cosmetics. i am unable to quote him becoz i ignored the msn and went out.

when i came back home, my hp was full of his SMS - asking me when wld be free to meet to discuss abt the business or even if i wasn't interested in the business his gf (also went YEP, also in the business) was looking for ppl to practise her demo (read: sales) talk on.

i replied that i wasn't interested and wld be too cynical to encourage his gf. anyway all the best.

since Plan A: Innocent Requests for Help failed, he put Plan B: Emotional Blackmail into action, by saying it's ok he understands but his gf wld be so disappointed to know that her good fren from YEP didn't want to help her out...

oh come on... i hardly spoke to her during the trip unless it was abt work or health. so i replied he was being pushy (he claimed he wldn't on msn earlier) and told him i was too cynical to be affected by emotional blackmail. gdnite.

so out comes Plan C: Guilt Trip! he smsed saying he did sms his gf abt it and she really got disappointed but he told her she had to respect my wishes as a fren and in seemingly no connection whatsoever, proceeded to thank me for a job well done during the trip and told me i am really a good fren to have.

i mean, no offence, but becoz he has MLM up his sleeve, i take all his words with a large dose of salt. i wldn't know if he was saying those things coz they were true and he meant it, or it was just a sales pitch. precisely y i dun like selling stuff to frens and dealing with salesppl who are frens... you don't know when they are using the friendship to earn extra cash.

i hv a good fren (since sec sch) who also came to tell me abt MLM... either with or without the guise of passing me lecture notes. i endured abt an hour of sales talk and he endured an hour of cynical questions, afterwhich neither convinced the other. but at least we kind of agreed to disagree, and we never mentioned abt it again. at least we're close enuff for me to be straight fwd and tell him no, but know our frenship would still be as strong. KB, i appreciate that. thank you.

my cousin and his sis are into MLM as well... 3 of us used to be very close when young. all it took was a happie birthdae sms from me to him for the sales talk to begin. my 2nd sms told him i wasn't interested, but thanx. last i heard, they're not doing too well, having a dearth of customers.

besides frens in MLM, strangers approach me as well... either churchy ppl or insurance agents/financial planners/life planners/whatever they are called now

used to give the religious ones a chance... thot they mean well. until this guy claiming to be a major in the air force approached me when i was a young naive recruit in BMT and talked to me from 11pm to 2am, robbing me of my precious bookout time. which recruit dares to tell a major to stop wasting his time? i never gave them a chance to do so again.

and now, i have lots of fun handling insurance agents. used to such say "no" to their questions and try to walk away... but i've learnt to identify them from far... those ppl wearing office wear (sometimes with a red lanyard) standing at busy bus interchanges with a clipboard while everyone else rushing ard has better things to do. (those with no clipboard are the religious ones) among my best rejections are:

(when the agent approaches expectantly)
- stick my hand out in front of her like a traffic police stopping a car and saying "no! not interested."

- agent: "would you like to help me do a simple survey?"
me: "about insurance rite?"
agent: "no, it's abt financial planning..."
me: "insurance lah!" (walks off)

- smile sweetly and ask "insurance? not interested" (just happened few hrs ago!)

- (agent walks alongside me at my speed, which was quite fast)
agent: (breathlessly) "hi."
me: (cheerfully) "hello!" (still walking moderately quickly)
agent: (still breathless) "would you like to stop for a while?"
me: (still cheerfully) "no, not really."

the short, sharp interactions thus end, saving me and the unfortunate agent time to pursue more rewarding encounters. it is a pity i never turn around to witness their reactions; but my main motivation is not malicious, it is not to damage their egos. although i admit it can be fun, i also do this so that i do not waste any of my valuable time on futile sales talk. i only have so many years, months, days, hours, minutes, seconds... none to spare for salesppl i will nv see again... i feel no empathy for them - they chose their own career.

note to self: Never get a sales job!

A Missing Entry!

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What happened? well i was banging away furiously to post an entry abt my waterfall trek with ODAC orientation camp, and especially abt the guy who turned my headache into a full blown migraine when my internet connection died on me... resulting in complete loss of the post. since i as a writer believe in literary integrity (read: laziness) i shall not attempt to re-write my 1st hand thots as every time it wld be different. so the blank space above is for u, my dear readers, to imagine the horrific true account that would hv been...

but no worries... the account (with some liberties taken) will be the subject of a book i shall be writing in the near-future. from my recent market survey, children and adults (with child-like interests) seem to go crazy over certain books with titles of little variation. in that light, i shall name my book "Rokky Panner and the Half-Wit Who Wouldn't Stop Talking"

In this episode, Rokky, the young "magician" (read: street con-artist) and his 2 young frens (who have no real role whatsoever, and are only there to make up the numbers so the lead doesn't seem like a social outcast) meet the Half-Wit within the long windy corridors of NTU where the Half-Wit talks the 2 frens out of their minds. Rokky, as usual, after various encounters, saves the day and the world from destruction by locking the Half-Wit in a soundproof room with LOUD chinamen who doesn't understand english. Everyone in the room dies from too much bleeding from the ears.

Wow. from a mere explanation into a full-length entry. this thing is addictive.

Looking for Job? I got Lobang!

Currently Playing: Nothing (coz scared my mum wake up and scold me for being online so late)

First of all, finally i'm back online!! Dear readers, sorry for making u guys wait so long... u can all thank my very first fan (she read finish all my entries in one sitting!) for dragging me to starhub to apply for broadband... if not i'd be sleeping right now.

Anyway, back to the current topic. Updates on YEP can wait...

Frens who hv just graduated, are you still looking for a meaningful, well-paying job? look no further than our local charitable organisations!! it's true!! usually ppl hv the concept that being a social worker means little pay, no perks, and working with sickly, old, problematic ppl. not true!!

nowadays, charitable orgns are likening themselves to publicly listed companies, and are willing to pay their employees matching salaries!! wat's more, the orgn will value your privacy and not disclose your pay package. so u can continue to act poor in front of free loading frens!! first pay just treat them 40 cent you tiao can oready! then say u nv bring out enuff cash for dou jiang... and when they ask u why u urself never order? smile sweetly and say u're full oready. the smarter ones will get the msg.

not only they match salaries, they match perks and benefits as well!! ensuring comfort locally and when abroad, each employee has their own personal toilet with fittings in the colour of their choice!! (but dunno y, now least popular is gold colour) when travelling overseas, employees are given a choice of the best airlines... or a choice of taking the lousier airlines and get a free upgrade in seats!! those who choose to travel by land may rent the whole bus for themselves as well!!

and how abt the ppl at work? no worries!! now the scope of employees have changed. last time, employees were volunteers, made to run circles round the beneficiaries. now, employees make volunteers run round in circles! what's more, now the "volunteers" are pretty faced hunks and babes under contract by their company to do wat the charitable orgn tells them to do, so no more 1/2 past 6 volunteers! can make them juggle dice, stand on eggs, and even stand on each other!! (see previous entry) so fun!!

so what are you waiting for?? sign up at your nearest charitable orgn outpost todae!! just take a quik peek at the list below before doing so...

Do's:
-Let your frens use ur lovely office toilet... i've got requests for mine already
-Maintain a not-so-well-to-do image (eg. using 10cent public toilets, giving cheapo treats, taking economy on flights)
-Sue anyone who thinks otherwise, preferably with good lawyers

Don'ts:
-Let your beneficiaries or donors know about ur lovely office toilet
-Hire kaypoh contractors who will blow ur not-so-well-to-do image
-Sue print companies who hire even better lawyers

Update from 丽江古城阿酷咖啡推荐

Currently Playing: Crappy BSB CD from the Lijiang Old City Haku Cafe

Hey hey faithful readers!!

Been trying in vain for the past 3 wks looking for an update?? here it is!! a short summary of wat i've been doing so far.

Spent the 1st 15 days in rural village in the mountains... did a little construction for a pri sch (carrying stones and soil ard), did a little interaction with the kids (it took a while to get used to their lack of bathing), did a little trekking (climbed a nearby mt twice, went to a scenic valley twice), did a little field work (toilets are self-dug among trees, goats, sheep, pigs, etc), and had fun with my teammates (i hv to say they're nice ppl coz 1 of them is looking over my shoulder as i type this now)

unfortunately the 3 girls i'm with hv discovered i'm banging away on my blog so i hv to describe them now. but since at this moment they are discussing bargains so i cont. typing.

in the village, i had to take care of the sick and injured... fun at 1st but soon i got a bit overworked... but at least i didn't mess anyone up. food was kinda bland but at least we could request to the cooks (2 young local girls) to cut down on oil and salt and etc. one thing to note: crapping in the wild is LIBERATING!!

yes, crapping means shitting, as one of my frens found out from me in this trip.

had 3-4 days of R & R... but it was kinda more like Rushings & Restrooms. we were rushed from attraction to attraction on tourist bus and by foot... walking dunno-how-many km to some china uni... slipping off wet rocks on western hills and caves... and lots of ppl were going toilet every hr to release the unhygienic, oily food.

now i'm in lijiang for my trip extension... in a grp of 11 - 6 guys 5 girls. all are fun ppl, and we hv lots of fun together... only 2 problems: we were kinda ambitious, planning to cover all tourist attractions in these few days and a grp of 11 is large and slow to move/decide... not a problem with the ppl, but the number. it's something i didn't plan on... oh well. there'll be other opportunities to travel. anyway, i'm more or less over china.. hahhah

will return to kunming tml nite, leave for bangkok the next day and return to sg on 1st july. my flight touches down at 9.20pm, if anyone is interested *ahem ahem*

well... i dunno abt this trip. on one hand it's great to be in china... but OTOH i'm kinda tired of being in a big grp, and feel a bit aimless liao....

my 3 girl frens with me are hungry liao... so gotta sign off. anyway to indulge them... they are cute, fun gals... great to be with... simply irresistible...

dear readers.. u know i didn't type those words.

Leaving Day After Tomorrow!!

Currently Playing: Nothing by In The School Library

OK... just HAD to sneak in 1 more entry. my word... this thing is addictive.

been 1 hectic past week... had camp at ubin, spent 2 days packing and moving out most of my stuff, met up with some impt frens and removed my little monsters from hall over the wkend, getting little sleep in the process... average is probably 5 hrs a day. wish i could spend time with other impt frens though... last nite with ally, kok and cyclist at BT prata was great... had so many laughs i dun even know wat we were talking abt.

returned the keys to hall just now... had a long lingering look at my sanctuary of 2 years... now that it hits me, kinda will miss the place. i looked at the empty room and pictured the various furniture in their usual places... some emotional attachment to the place after all. oh well... time to move on. but the bad thing abt packing up and leaving is that it makes me feel i've graduated already! hahahahah

oh abt packing up and moving out last nite... i met old-man-angry-with-his-job security guard again... in fact walked past him a few times. 1st time didn't look at him. 2nd time he pretended not to see me. 3rd time our eyes met and we stared for a glancing while. 4th time i was returning from the car after depositing little monsters and he gives me a "eh boy, where u going?" in an ah-beng fashion. imagine a old 60-70 yr old security guard acting like that! so amusing. but i didn't bother abt him and returned an equally bengish "go where? go home lah" while not slacking on walking speed. passing him and his security guard fren (superior?) the other guy remarks "finish already... pass out already..." and i walked away responding with "yah yah pass out already" didn't want to waste time talking to them. 5th time passing them they were talking, i didn't bother to stop although i did make one last disdainful eye contact at the old-man security guard.

was thinking of telling him off or complaining/commenting to hall office abt his poor attitude towards students (he's supposed to protect the premises, not act as a CSM)... but wat the heck, i'll never see him again and it's a waste of time. besides, he's not that significant... just provided me with an amusing episode... so heck it.

most impt pt in this post... i'm leaving day after tml!! finally the excitement sets in just thinking abt it!! or is it caused by my full bladder? no matter!! yesterday chal asked me if i was excited... i gave a nonchalant shrug. but todae i wake up and realise it's day after tml... so near liao!! woohoo!!! day after tml i'll be in china and thailand for a mth!! YEAH BABY!!!

still got so many things to settle before i leave... things to buy, bags to pack, ppl to spend time with, my own grooming (i BADLY, BADLY need a hair cut) extremely excited & rather stressed.

note to self: STAY CALM!! and post something when there's a chance.

Youth Expedition Project

Currently Playing: Untitled by Keane

so is it a expedition or a project? sounds kinda funny doesn't it?

anyway, rite now major issues in my head are moving out of hall and the upcoming YEP trip to Yunnan. I shall be permenantly moving out of hall tml, so this blog will be stopping for a while. i will be overseas in China from 1st june to 1st july, so this blog will be stopped for a long while. but since i won't be plugging in my comp again til after i come back from the trip and will be tired after that, most prob there will be a delay and this blog will be stopped for a longer while. so sorry dear readers, but if i get internet access in the meantime i shall post something.

sitting w/ my 1/2 packed boxes and 1/2 empty room... my predominant thot is....: I WANNA GET OUTTA HERE!!! the dust is clogging my nose, irritating my eyes and driving me crazy. shall be moving everything else tml.

another 6 days i'll be going on the longest overseas trip of my life as yet... another exciting adventure. dun really know wat to expect, but i'm keeping an open mind abt it... i wanna go there to experience the life and culture, and hopefully do some trekking, take some great photos while i'm there. the interaction and helping ppl is secondary. kind of selfish, sorta going for the wrong reasons... but i got chosen for this coz i can contribute effectively to the project... and i will. although my motivations are not the best, my efforts will always be.

so fast... dunno if i'm mentally really prepared for it... hvn't even looked at the equipment list to see if i got everything... just joining ppl in buying stuff i know i dun hv. a little apprehensive abt wat i leave behind for a mth as well.

most missed will be parents, brother, and my dear, dear frens. but i dunno if i can spend enuff time with them... i'm sometimes too busy for my family, and frens sometimes too busy for me. frens i can a bit bo chup if dun get to spend time, but family cannot. even more so when i know how fortunate i am now (see previous entry).

would like to thank the following ppl:
- parents and brother for not objecting, being supportive of me running away for 1 mth.
- cream for taking care of my little monsters for that mth.
- zz, chel, qz for studying for exams with me and making studying less boring.
- my grp of 8 frens(adsports2), for loving me so much as a fren.
- tan kuku, chalsee, and ally, for supporting this blog. will be back in july!!

Time for another Great Adventure!!!

YEP Pre Expedition Camp

Currently Playing: Everybody's Changing by Keane

On Monday-Wednesday, I went for the YEP pre exp camp which i volunteered to help organise,. even though my position is "medic" in the project.

Mon morning we met at chinatown to do a kind of amazing race game for 3 hrs. had lunch, then went to tampines to buy food, after which travelled to pulau ubin by land and sea. From the jetty, we hiked to a kampung where we spent the nite. Next day we went to the highest pt in ubin, had lunch at town and took minibuses to noordin beach. after a wet nite there we packed up and went back mainland to hv a debrief and lunch at changi village.

This little camping trip has been very significant... as a project team we really bonded roughing it out and sharing each other's life stories as part of the itinerary. we were supposed to share the significant moments in our lives with others and we all learnt everyone's past. i learnt that many had problematic childhood/families and realised i am very fortunate. i am VERY FORTUNATE. also, it gave us an opportunity to know y so-and-so sorta behaves liddat, etc. I myself rambled on abt myself quite a bit. darn... lost the piece of mahjong paper which i drew and scribbled on for thots.

other things significant to me are that the guys have realised i can cook, i am quite competent and do take my post as medic seriously, and i can be authoritative when leading. i cooked my signature kung pao chicken for the 1st dinner, french toast for 2nd breakfast, pasta n omelettes for 2nd dinner. got quite busy with ppl getting bee stings, muscle strains, stomachaches and emergency simulations. when setting up camp in the rain i kinda raised my voice a bit... but they probably also realise that i'm not too organised as well. well at least i'm making an impact... helping in this is enjoyable and beneficial.

but most imptly, we have really bonded as a team, as frens. now i hv a "brother", a buddy, a dance partner, a fellow medic, and so many other frens. so far i dun think i've pissed anyone off yet.

note to self: treat these nice ppl well!! and always remember how fortunate i am.

Not Another Call-In-&-Win Charity Show again! (as earlier promised)

Currently Playing: Unwell by Matchbox20

Newspapers report we are suffering from charity fatigue.

Not surprising when newspapers hv also reported that the number of charities just keeps growing year after year. same goes for tv charity shows and number of flag days, looks like.

chialat... at home tsc artistes bug me to dial a 1900-number while doing irrelevant stunts. out in the pavements, waiting outside just-stopped buses in interchanges, outside mrt stations, shopping malls and cineplexes... sch kids eager to get their CIP pts which will eventually give them an edge when they apply for university and get a job, thrust their rattling cans at me with a tired "would u like to donate?" NO.

To me, it's akin to begging. "selling flags?" no way that little sticker anything more than 2 cents. swindlers! touts! who wants those little stickers anyway, besides little stickerbook hobby kids? i dun want any. and more than something u want to "buy", now it's become more of a rubber stamp that says "PAID" or "Screened". something u show those pesky kids so they stop bugging u. but u still hv to show it to every kids who comes to u in eager strides.

solution? "buy" a flag from every charity once, and stick in on ur ez-link card holder. enjoying urself silly by flashing ur card like the US cop every saturday. Or, my way. "NO. NO Thanx. NOT interested. get out of my way, my train's coming. will you STOP blocking me??? *short pause* stop whimpering, dammit, and it'll stop bleeding soon enuff. ARGH MY TRAIN!!!!"

now u know y i'm late if i'm supposed to meet u.

"wasn't it last mth i saw TV ppl doing crazy stunts for money? they're doing it AGAIN?" i've lost track of wat charity of wat show since 2 yrs ago. i can't even tell the shows apart anymore, and stopped donating long ago. why?

1) these are the big charities. if they can get national TV to pursue their cause, i dun think they need much help anymore.
2) with such publicity, there'll be no lack of ppl donating. so even if i sit out there's not much difference.
3) donating money to win a car is a winning, albeit contradicting, marketing strategy for charities.
4) the shows are all alike. celebrities doing stunts and making phone dialing actions while comperes gibbering away abt how dangerous the stunt is. after the stunt is performed, concerned, panting celebrity stammers its was dangerous and he/she was scared, but altruism pull him/her thru. and of coz, more phone dialing actions. Token wimpy singing/dancing/magic items performed.
5) advertisements cajole ppl to dial to donate and WIN! without telling ppl just how much they would be "donating" for that chance to win a car. or amount donated in fine print.
6) how much of the donations wld go to gold toilet taps for the respective head honchos? will we ever know?

all this while the poorer charities hv no means to garner for funds coz they didn't hv any to begin with. and no one knows they exist, everyone's mistaken them for another of the hundreds of charities popping up every yr. is someone breeding them like rabbits?

so that's it. i keeping my money, thank you very much.

Authority Figures

Currently Playing: This is the Last Time by Keane

I was confronted by the security guard and ordered to return to my room abt 1-2 hrs ago. but first, some background.

Staying in the same place for 4 yrs, i've seen these jagas come and go... I appreciated their presence, coz in the 1st 2 yrs here there were chinaman orgies and masked perverted running around the hall. grew chummy with 2 of them, the guy in yr 2 and yr 3. Recently there was some reshuffling and the usual jovial malay dude got replaced with a sullen malay uncle.

Out of habit, coming back late at nite i'd pass the guard table and try to make eye contact, smile and say hi. but soon i gave up trying coz this sullen guy either never made eye contact or didn't bother to respond. never saw him talking to residents, and in the end i just didn't bother to look at him altogether.

So back to the very recent past, i was watching band of brothers (1am on channel 5, tuesdays) when at abt 1.45am sullen uncle walks past without stopping and mumbles something at me, showing a 'V' sign with his fingers. it took me a while to figure out he was telling me to switch off the tv at 2am.

This might have been a very reasonable request, if not for 3 issues:
1) BoB was only going to end at 2.15am.
2) I had the volume low enough not to disturb anyone, just enough for me to hear.
3) It being the holidays, i doubt there was anyone in hall for me to disturb on a tuesday nite anyway. besides, if u're staying in hall on a tuesday nite in the holidays, chances are u're not going to sleep til 3am.

So i continued watching.

Punctually, sullen uncle shows up at 2am and tells me i have to leave coz everything was supposed to be swtiched off at 2am. He adds that I shd hv been in my room from midnite coz all activities are to be stopped at 11.30pm, as written in the "standing orders". Of coz not in such proper english.

Really? Half amused, I remarked that this was a hall and not a military camp. He told me if i didn't believe it, i could go look at the notice board, where the "standing orders" were. As BoB was starting, i decided to sit down and enjoy the show. he asked me if i was yr 1. to shut him up i said yes, following which he told me to ask the yr 2s and 3s abt the standing orders, which apparently was something they knew very well. "you don't believe me ah, boy?" was something he repeated at least 3 times. u're rite, i don't. even if it was true, i don't care coz i know i'm not disturbing anyone.

Anyway, itried to appease him by telling him nicely my show will end at 2.15am, after which i would switch off everything. he told me something to the effect of i'd better do it, coz he could just switch off everything as he liked. that i hv no doubt, but most prob i wld just switch everything back on again. he ended his show of bravado by telling me the hall counsellor was a woman (dunno which he's talking abt, the head hall counsellor is a man btw) and would come and check. if she found the lights still on at 2am, she would give sullen uncle trouble. as he turned round, he added if he got into trouble, he would make sure i got into trouble.

Was that supposed to be a threat? now really amused, i smiled. he saw me smiling and got more dissatisfied. he came back to me asking me for my student card. i said i didn't hv it so he asked me for my room number. i gave him a bogus one and watched the rest of the show in peace. after the show, i went up not looking his way and closed my door, which has remained since.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of a sullen uncle dissatisfied with his mundane job and misguided by the fact he has some form of power, i'm just the sort of guy who avoids unnecessary confrontation. for his sake as well.

His position is already compromised coz he didn't enforce his "authority", "gave chance" in a grudging manner and threw up an empty threat. classic hallmarks of someone who trying to act that he has authority. i know; i've been there before.

Don't forget, this is hall... the security guards role is just that. to provide security for residents, and since they're there, switch off the lights. no authority over resident unless someone complains/pao tos. but if he did switch off my TV, i'd complain to the hall office. oh no, not abt the TV incident, but just casually remark this security guard doesn't seem too frenly... and i've never seen him walking on my corridor on patrol once. (this is true)

So if he does find me and realise i gave him a bogus room number and wants my student card? hahaha like i'll give it to him. it's my property, wat if he doesn't give it back? unnecessary inconvenience. nice try, but no. my name is written quite clearly on the door, he could use that. if he steps into my room to grab my card? that's trespassing. these security guards aren't allowed in our rooms unless campus security or hall office is with them. if he grabs me to get my card or my attention? that's criminal force isn't it? oh man. i am so evil. since young i've never liked authority unless i AM the authority. esp despise those who think they have some and bully others.

Brings to mind another incident in malaysia, the recent angsi trip. before the shopping ctr next to the bus interchange opened, we went and asked the old malay security guard if we could go in and wait for the breakfast stalls to open. he gave the green light and we all went in, heading for the toilets and sinks by the tables to wash up. some of us sat and chatted, while an indian security guard positioned by the toilets and lifts eyed us from time to time. i was the last to use the sinks by the tables, when he decided to show some authority.

He loudly asked me wat we were doing here. i explained nicely the guy up in front let us in. he then had an outburst shouting the guy was old and didn't know anything; that we were not allowed inside here; and we should not be doing any disgusting stuff at the sinks near the tables. well since he found brushing of teeth and washing of face disgusting, no way i was going near him. i turned and continued cleaning up in nonchalance, and this guy skulked back to by the toilets repeating that we were not allowed in there. of coz, we ignored him and he did nothing. did not enforce "authority", and "gave chance" in a grudging manner. he didn't bother us after that as well.

i guess they wanted to show some authority after being blatantly ignored... but the show of bravado just made it worse. even if the ignoring part wasn't on purpose before, now it was.

no i'm not finished... this brings to mind something else. not necessarily related.

It seems that we bloggers have a new bane... some chairman of some govt body has decided to take it upon himself to rid s'pore of irresponsible blogging. he has publicly announced something to the effect of using weapons of mass destruction on anyone who belittled his govt body or himself. that's y i'm being careful here... i do not want to fall victim to his signature finishing move, which incidently is the same of another guy with the same famous surname... but that guy i respect a lot. this guy? i dunno.

for some reason his name keeps popping up in cases when a govt body does something bad to some rich studying guy who has run away and/or made some noise. this guy has also publicly announced he thinks better of young foreigners and young local girls over young local guys. (to work in the orgn he heads lah, wat u thinking)

sure his orgn does good work for the country... but it gets kind of old to see his name popping up in controversial news reports. he makes himself the face of the orgn, like a civil service Trump. wat will happen when he leaves? but more imptly, why? is he chasing controversy to shine more light on his orgn? or on himself? or is he just enjoying hunting down rich studying guys? i dunno... u decide for urself. one thing's for sure, i dun wanna work in his orgn. scary.

i'm not trying to influence anyone, but come on, it's just a blog... some guy's ramblings. ppl with intelligence would see blogs as just an opinion, not necessarily an educated one. so take stuff with a pinch of salt, and lighten up.

note to self: no names! and continue laughing at jagas with high self-importance.

My (Hopefully) Last School Holidays!

Too tired, busy to play anything.

These holidays will be busy busy busy... just the way i like them. but of coz that means i will be here less often. just the 1st monday and i feel tired already. here's a rough guide to my next 3 months (for my reference as well):

9-15 May: FYP interim report / YEP Medic Course / YEP meetings (2) / Mothers' Day Dinner / Fren's Wedding Dinner.

16-22 May: FYP Interim report / YEP Meetings (4) / YEP Shopping for Med Supplies / YEP Children's Home Visit / Campus Interviews (not sure if going) / Dinner w best buddies

23-29 May: YEP Pre-Exp Camp / Moving out of Hall Officially / More YEP meetings forseen

30-31 May: YEP Final briefing / YEP Packing

1 -19 Jun: YEP programme proper

20 - 27 Jun: Getting lost in the wild in China! hopefully can go trekking (by myself?)

28 Jun - 1 Jul: Hanging out in Bangkok

2 - 20+ Jul: Doing FYP in SG

That's it.... got ppl come into my room tok cock and irritate me liao. gotta entertain her...

note to self: don't burn out!

Last Man Standing

Currently Not Playing Anything.

Last exam for this sem in another 7 hrs... and i'm probably the only guy left... almost all my frens finished earlier than me... this wouldn't be so depressing if not for the nearly empty library (no chairs full of chinabags anymore!) and the empty canteen... at its peak i made up 16.67% of its entire population.

library..... almost empty
tutorial rooms... vacant
canteen in late afternoon... sparse
canteen at dinner.... quiet
canteen at midnite... empty
hall... now... silent
preparation for tml's paper.... unfinished
state of mind... finished

note to self: go to sleep.

I am a Published Online Writer!

Currently Playing: Boondock Saints Theme by the Boondock Saints

My victory song! hahhah yes dear readers... you have not made the wrong choice by stumbling onto this blog... the author has had a piece of work published online! it is now entombed in cyberspace at a satirical, (very) Singaporean website as of 1st May 2005.

I am now a published writer!! WOOHOO!!! one small step towards my writing/phototaking/violin-playing/travelling/farm-boy/waiter/no-commitments dream!! WOOHOO!!!!!

*the audience groans in loathing at the estatic typer of a puny article bouncing around the room in glee*

OK OK... 1 hr after reading my work on the web, i have significantly calmed down (gleefully). true, it is just 1 puny article in a world of a gazillion trillion words... but to me, it is one of life's little accomplishments... like my 1st self-tied shoelaces(7yrs old), the 1st time i successfully used chopsticks(8yrs old), my 1st sports medal (15yrs old), the 1st time i washed my own clothes (20yrs old), the 1st (and only) time i cooked for my parents (21yrs old), etc etc....

Obviously, this blog is helping me with writing skills by providing me an avenue and an audience to practise. Therefore, my dear readers, you deserve some credit too. ok not that much, but still, some. well, here's to more to come, accomplishments large and small. cheers! (apple juice w aloe vera bits *glug glug glug*)

note to self: let this be one small, beginning step...

Pet Peeves: Inconsiderate, Rude Chinamen

Currently Playing: Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me by TISM

Inspiration for this entry: On my way back to study in school, just after 11.30pm, i passed a China couple, yakking away in mainlander mandarin so loudly i heard them long before i saw them.

As i crossed the road upfront, the bus rumbled past. the china couple broke into a run, and while passing me a spectacle case dropped from the chinaman's ridiculously wide-open bag. I picked it up, with an expressionless " excuse me, you dropped something."; and handed it to him with an equally deadpan "your bag is open." The prick takes back his case without a word and runs to the bus.

Come on man, even a fricking "xie xie" in ur mainlander mandarin would hv sufficed. I just saved you some trouble, and probably few hundred RMB in spec case and bribes back in your homeland. Not even a "thank you"? how ungrateful.

I'm not particularly affected by this incident, but it got me thinking: i encounter so many hundreds of chinamen in school... and not one of them has recently impressed me with polite, considerate behaviour, esp during exam period.

on normal days in normal conditions, they already irritate the hell out of me by speaking so, so loudly in normal everyday conditions. they speak as though their fren 0.2m away from them is 2m away and there's a train running between them. i am not adverse to noise, but not only would i like to hear myself think, the incessant chatter in loud mainlander mandarin likens to loud screeching - makes my skin crawl.

maybe it's alright in a crowded canteen, but imagine being stuck in a life with 2 chinamen shouting at each other: enclosed in 2m X 2m x 3m box with a speaker set at 80db screeching away. just inconsiderate. notice how we singaporeans (and some other developed cultures) do it? when we step into the lift with strangers, we lower our volume or stop talking completely. it's not to prevent eavesdropping, but more to show polite consideration to the other person; an acknowledgement that there's someone else in the space.

in the library during exam period, they show even more inconsiderate behaviour. i feel it's alright if u occupy one seat and ur bag occupies another: everyone needs personal space to move ard and place stuff. but these fricking chinamen place their stuff on one table and sit at another! i have already sat at these tables twice. both times the chinaman concerned ignores the table with his/her stuff completely, letting others looking for a seat hapless, thinking someone else occupies the seat. so while there is no extrinsic utility to the chinamen, they rather not let others have a decent place to study. maybe wat drives them is the hope that without a place to study, these other ppl would fail their exams and give them a higher grade?

also, you think chinamen shouting at each other in mainlander mandarin is bad enuff? wait til they WHISPER loudly rite in front of you in a largely quiet library. Extremely. Irritating. they push their voices higher but with no reduction in volume and rattle off in mainlander mandarin... likens to loud static in your headphones.

it's a long entry, i think i've said enuff for you guys to get the picture. there's lots more such annoying actions, and there's so, so many chinamen around. and there'll be more of them coming every year. but i'll stop here for today. i dunno how to solve this widepsread problem, besides telling these pricks off. you can bet i'm not going to any of those crowded, deafening, jostling, "developed" coastal cities in china anytime soon. probably never, with the noise i have to take in and the bribes i have to give out.

note to self: start telling these pricks off. but only when they're inconsiderate of rude, not just irritating. it's a fine line though......

Moving Out Soon

Currently Playing: Turning Japanese by Presidents of the United States of America

Will have to move out of hostel soon.

after 4 years in the same old (older than me) block of stuffy, warm, smelly rooms... it kinda grows on you. and not just the smell. after walking to the same stinky toilet for so long, i'm bound to sort of miss it when i no longer have the kind of freedom i do now.

sure, i like home... but in hall there's no one nagging at me to sleep, no one to worry abt if i switch on toilet lights or play music loudly (no complaints from here yet). I stock my fridge with my fav foods and leave the place filthy until i realise it is. kind of like a bachelor pad... but probably neater than most.

but the issue weighing most on my mind is the moving. having just moved house, i know there's a lot of junk to pack, to throw and to carry back home. then at home i gotta settle where to put all this junk. for certain, i'm going to give away most of my ntu t-shirts (some brand new, never worn coz i HATE black or red shirts.. too hot), probably to salvation army or some disaster services centre, and leaving my free FHMs in the lounge where horny neighbours can get them. but i still got so much stuff... my fridge, this computer i'm whacking away at, the clothes that i want, my bed items, my hamsters, a friend's bike which i disasterously rode last yr (2nd entry in this blog) and lots and lots of papers, stationery and books. amazing how much junk i have squirreled away after 4 yrs.

speaking of which... i have a terrible confession to make. even though i myself narrowly escaped the terrible asian tsunami by a last min change of travel plans, i failed to contribute anything to help. partly my fault because i procrastinated, but when i was all set to contribute my (brand new) t-shirts to the agencies, they had chosen to close their doors on that same day! well at least later i bought medicine for NTU WSC to bring over...

anyway i digress. who's got a lorry and professional movers to spare?

note to self: start throwing away junk! esp those usually empty chicken essence bottles... old, old food... never-been-used free gifts....

When I Grow Up...

Currently Playing: Elevation by U2

just a quick entry, in midst of exams. one this morning, one tml morning.

stumbled upon someone's personal blog just now. a former air stewardess, former newspaper journalist, also a scropio, has own website, looks chio, intellectual, and only 28 yrs old!

got me thinking. Who do I really want to be?

I guess rite now my dream job would be a freelance travel photojournalist who gets by selling great photos and travel (humour?) articles to magazines and newspapers, while moonlighting at nite as a violin-playing busker; using the money earned to further travel, ending it all with a book abt my travels. For extra cash I could do small jobs on a farm or as a waiter, etc...

Wonderfully romantic isn't it? unfortunately that wld mean i'd hv to be commitment free... which unfortunately am not. too attached to family. plus my photo taking and writing skills aren't that great, plus i dunno how to play violin.

coz all my life i've been busy pursuing quick gratification... playing when i want to play, eating when i want to eat, etc. of course studies get in the way somewhat as well. a quarter of a century wasted just liddat...

ok i HAVE grown as a person. maybe now is the time to spread my wings and take flight. hahha sounds corny. but everyone's going to get a office job, earn money, etc. do i want that? wat abt my dreams?

oh well... maybe an office job isn't so bad. i could work hard and learn enuff experience to venture out on my own, be wildly rich and successful after working my butt off. in my old age i'd sell my shares, take the money and go travel round the world taking photos and writing down my experiences, maybe entertain myself and locals with a bit of violin playing. hey that sounds familiar...

Note to Self: Who do I Want to Be?

Excuses for Lousy Writing

Currently Playing: Vertigo by U2

Anyway, dear readers, if you're thinking the standard of my entries has been declining... my sincere apologies. My exams are starting this friday until 4th May... so nowadays if i add an entry it's quite late at night and i'm tired from studying. tired brains dun really write well even if there's something to say... so i rather not write yet. but stay tuned. coming up, if i have the energy:

1) What's "Uniquely Singapore"? Our Language lah! Ahberthen?
2) Not Another Call-In-&-Win Charity Show again!

Clumsy Oaf Gets An Interview

Currently Playing: Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

Yup... so old liao still as clumsy as ever. Last nite wanted to make myself a cup of milo but didn't grip the glass jar of condensed milk hard enuff... it slipped out of my weak right hand and crashed onto the floor... with 3/4 a jar of condensed milk cushioning the glass shards. i was PISSED!! at myself of coz. stood there staring dumbfounded at my handiwork for abt 5-10 secs. Mum tried to help... but i decided to get out of that state and drink my milo i wanted so badly 1st.

but dunno whether it was the lack of milk and milo or psychological... the milo was tasteless. i poured most of it away and proceeded to clear up my mess. Mum tried to help by telling me wat to do and taking the 1st steps coz i was at a pissed loss... kept pissedly asking "now do wat?" eventually i cleared up most of it... Mum helped somewhat... went to bed feeling hungry and guilty after that... guilty abt breaking the glass jar, and guilty abt showing Mum pissed behaviour. she knows it's not directed at her, but all the same she doesn't like it. and i know i shdn't be liddat... just can't control emotions most of the time.

well anyway at least the day wasn't so bad. besides some pleasant company over lunch, had a call from a company wanting to interview me for management trainee position. YES!!! bad thing is it's on fridae, when i hv a paper... oh well at least it's after the paper, in the afternoon, and they actually want to interview me!! yes... one step closer to a job.

You might ask "get job very big meh?" well it definitely beats studying here!! and anyway study for wat? get degree lah, but get degree for wat? get job lah!! so before my degree course ends already ppl want me, what does that say?? ;-) somemore, my results are crap...

note to self: more self control, and prepare for the interview!

Taking Responsibility

Currently Blasting: Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me by U2

What is it abt me that make me always kena done a wrong by ppl who are totally unaffected by their actions?

todae, the 1st time i attend 460 lecture, some guy has to walk over and spill my cup of hot coffee all over my pants. i wasn't harmed in any way, but my pants were totally soaked in brown liquid. not a sight i wld want to move around in. so i let off a "cheebye" loud enuff for most of the LT to hear. all the guy could do is apologise and offer me 1/2 a pkt of tissue to clean, wat, 3/4 a cup of coffee? oh pls. then he went back into his seat (right in front of me) and proceeded happily with the lecture WITHOUT TURNING ROUND ONCE to check if i was ok, during which all the while i'm wondering wat to do out loud to my fren next to me. i solved the problem by getting ZZ to get my keys and going back to my room to take extra pants. when he delivered i went to toilet to change and came back just in time for the lect to end. and that irresponsible bastard just walked off after looking at the mess on the chair n floor.

let's summarise. bastard spills coffee, ZZ uses 20 mins to get my stuff, i spend 2 hrs cleaning up, washing my clothes, and lost a cup of good coffee while all the while i cld be studying. and now my mood's spoiled thanx to the bastard.

wait a minute... u mean he gets off SCOT FREE after his clumsy ass starts off this chain of events? absolutely rite! fucker! and he didn't hv the sense of responsibility to ask if there was anything he cld do to remedy this situation. just sat happily thru out the lecture and left. bastard!

i'm not faulting him for knocking my coffee over; could happen to anyone. wat pisses me off is he didn't bother to do anything more than offer me a pkt of tissue. after that conveniently ignore me. fucked up upbringing! look, if you did someone a wrong, do wat you can to make it rite! a good example in this case is skipping the lecture to get me a pair of pants. instead, my brudder had to remedy ur clumsy ass actions. think abt the bloody consequences of ur actions u ass!

i earlier said i always kena? yup, i lost my specs to someone supposed to hold it for me during games at the beach, after he claimed he wasn't going into the water. of coz he did... then when searching for my specs in the water he was the one at the shallowest end... dun think he even got his feet wet. later when i asked him straight up whether he was going to pay he said yes. then back from ordering the specs, i had to use my sports goggles (only abt 80% power) to eat, etc.. while he just sat one corner and avoided me the rest of the nite.

he didn't pay full amt but that's ok. i'm not even faulting him for losing my specs since he came out with $200. wat he shd hv done more is to show more effort in looking for something he lost. and making sure i'm ok wearing dark 80% power goggles at nite.

look... when u do someone a wrong, take responsibility: do remedy actions and make sure the person is ok. do so few ppl in the world realise simple responsibility? after these incidents hv happened to me, you can be sure that i'll do the right thing if i do someone a wrong. but this also means the next time someone does me a wrong and refuse to take proper responsibility, i not going to hold my tongue anymore. Watch Out!

note to self: make rite wat i do wrong; do the rite thing when wronged, and lash out.

Growing Old

Currently Playing: Love Me Do by The Beatles

hahah! how ironic playing such an old song with this topic. well can see a trend rite... i write a lot when i feel inspired and disappear before coming back again. infrequent ramblings.

yup... as much as i hate to admit it, i'm growing old. and fat. my body not only doesn't recover as fast, doesn't react as well to exercise anymore. it's not an excuse. i still know i have to exercise... but i've been busy...

busy with exams of coz. gotta try clear every subject this time round... so at least next sem not so siong. and i wanna faster get out of here! sorry state that i'm staying here longer than my frens when i dislike it more than them. of coz that's part of the reason too...

and to make things slightly worse, i got a toothache! my last one was... 10 yrs ago? hahah darn... i HAVE been brushing... dunno y. oh well let's just wait and see if it goes away...

problems... problems... problems... this blog of mine is starting to whine. hopefully my brain gets better at writing. maybe after the exams. tired... better sleep.

note to self: stop whining and do something abt my fitness! and write better!

Being Practical

Currently Playing: Don't Get Me Wrong by The Pretenders

This song has been on my mind for a year! the lyrics say it all... nice. wat i usually kena.

anyway... got really disappointed with ntu undergrads todae. Our 2nd last HRM lecture with FOO CT and halfway thru he said since there's not much time left he shall do evaluation (ie. letting students fill up feedback & evaluation forms) the LT started buzzing and next thing u know, ppl are packing up and leaving even before the forms reach them at the top! WTF! come on, give the man some respect! he's not a wonderful lecturer but as least he's not horrible like some chinamen... plus he means well in his material. fricking idiots! dunno wat's proper behaviour.

just shows the failure of the upbringing, education of these ppl. already at least 21yrs, still dunno when the give respect when due. too practical... yes, that evaluation form doesn't mean a thing to u, but it does to this guy who has been trying to convey outside world knowledge to us! so much for altruistic inclinations. so many ard me are just plain practical and mercenary. sigh.

well ok, i dun mean to claim i'm never practical and mercenary, but i'm that to the ppl that deserve such behaviour... am i being too critical of others? maybe. well at least when the forms weren't coming, ZZ & i went down to ask for extra forms and filled them up in front of him.

note to self: be less critical, less judging, and above all, nicer to everyone. hope i can carry it out.