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Currently Feeling: Despondent

My friends warned me against it
They saw it before
Yet 1 person foolishly stumbled in
30 pairs of eyes couldn't be wrong
31 ppl thot i had a chance

As time passed soon no one else mattered
As we played with the same kids
As we bid them goodbye together
As she grew closer to me
As she took photos of us
As I held her hand all the way down a mountain
As I watched over her when she was ill

So many things happened between us
Or so I thot
It was just a matter of time
Just a little longer and she wld be mine
I'd gaze at her photos when she wasn't around
And think of all the things I'd say to her
Coz somehow with her
My mind goes blank
My tongue gets tied
And all I can see is her

Then she reveals the awful truth
Which I still don't know if I should believe
Am I so disillusioned?
Or were 31 ppl so wrong, so fooled?

But it doesn't really matter now
does it
The dream is over
The illusion shattered
I woke up to my harsh reality
Which came 2 mths after hers
Which she wants to try to deal with

I can't want her back
Coz she was never really mine
Though I was hers

What happened?
What went wrong?
What could I have done to change things?

The alarm clock rings
And I wake up
To a new night
That reeks familiar

Fooled Again

Currently Playing: Love Is Only A Feeling by The Darkness
Currently Feeling: Dark

I don't know if i'm sleeping tonite. but perhaps it is the most convenient escape.

For those who dunno, I met a girl some time back. I did bio her the 1st time we met, but that was it. but somehow circumstances threw us together, some frens helped as well... and we ended up hanging out often.

Soon ppl were encouraging me, based on wat they saw and felt. I felt some good vibes too, or i nv wld hv done anything. Things seemed to get better still. I nv spent almost 8 hrs with someone alone before. MSN sessions left me smiling the whole day.

But bcoz of something arbitrary called morality, i decided not to talk any concrete action until external factors were favourable. my own words at that time. a time when i still wasn't too sure.

But the more time passed, i grew deeper and deeper in. and factors became less favourable. i began feeling some pain, which i thot wldn't last long.

But i was wrong. and fuck, it hurts on so many sides i dunno where to start.

So many questions about her. she says there was never anything. no chemistry, no feeling. do i believe that? i know wat i could feel from her, at a time when my mind was clearer. bystanders saw it too. of all i did, did nothing move her? was i just a float in stormy waters?

So many questions about me. so many times already. am i such a chemical-less person? am i such a poor specimen, unworthy of romantic experience? i do not reveal my romantic side lightly, for i believe it is reserved for someone. is that a wrong decision? could i hv done something to change her mind? did i hesitate too long?

why always not me? they say you have to be lovable first. goodness knows i've tried so hard and improved as a person so much... 5 yrs ago i was a different me. but still nothing's changed, even though i'm not the same. wat's wrong with me? after all that i've changed, its still the same.

a fren once told me i shdn't be so readily available all the time, to create some anxiety in the other person, which wld create feelings. is that true? i can't bring myself to do that... if i hv feelings for that person, it is only right that i will be there for her all the time. are such outdated thots obselete in romantic feelings today?

am i too straight forward, too old fashioned, too truthful? or do i lack the scruples to ensnare unsuspecting girls, do not know how to play upon their feelings so as to make them like me?

So many questions about life. Am i destined, fated, to spend my life alone? I never believed in fate, but it's starting to seem that efforts dun always count, there is a stronger hand at work. if that is so, my hope is that there is some very good reason for me to be single forever. maybe being single will allow me to get bombarded by gamma rays to gain superpowers to save the world from evil villians.

I do not know the answers to all these questions. maybe coz after a quarter of a century, i still do not know wat is love. not that i've ever experienced it before. and you know... of everything in my life... i had some successes somewhere. all except this aspect. is that y this is the only thing that can make me feel so down, so depressed, affecting everything else? or becoz it is so impt that i keep messing it up? all i want, all i need, is one fucking chance. i know i will succeed, if only given one chance. never one fucking chance.

don't get all preachy on me and tell me some godly supreme being up there has a plan for me and everything will be alrite and all that crap. that's only shallow consolations. and don't tell me crap like everything will be fine and the rite one will come along someday. i've heard that so many times i sick of it. dun give me empty consolations when u can't do anything abt it.

Always. WHY? why she liddat? why not me? WHYWHYWHY? will it ever come to me?

Enough. i will only allow myself so much self pity. i dun care if it is my fate. i'm sailing on to another port of call. and another, and another, if that's wat it takes. i will not be brought down. never for long.

And yes, she reads this. Tomorrow i will wake up, and everything that happened between you and i wld be just a dream. in my opinion, it was wonderful and sweet, but too bad it didn't end well. u might say it was nothing, maybe even think it was nothing, but i don't. but it doesn't matter. it was only a dream.

I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance

Well if you wanted honesty
That's all you had to say
I never want to let you down or have you go
It's better off this way
For all the dirty looks,
The photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not oka-ay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
I've told you time and time again, you sing the words
But don't know what it means
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not oka-ay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you'd read me like a book,
But the pages are all torn and frayed

(I'm not okay) I'm okay!
I'm okay now (I'm okay now)
But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this
I'm okay! (Trust me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not oka-ay
I'm not okay

Two Princes by the Spin Doctors

One, two, princes kneel before you
(That's what i said now)
Princes, princes who adore you
(Just go ahead now)
One has diamonds in his pockets
(That sounds great now)
This one, said he wants to buy you lockets
(Ain't in his head now)

This one, he got a princely racket
(That's what i said now)
Got some big seal upon his jacket
(Ain't in his head now)
Marry him, your father will condone you
(How 'bout that now)
Marry me, your father will disown you
(He'll eat his hat now)

Marry him, or marry me
I'm the one that loves you b-baby can't you see?
Ain't got no future or family tree but
I know what a prince and lover ought to be,
I know what a prince and lover ought to be...

Said, if you want to call me baby
(Just go ahead now)
And if you'd like to tell me maybe
(Just go ahead now)
And if you wanna buy me flowers
(Just go ahead now)
And if you'd like to talk for hours
(Just go ahead now)

Oh baby
(Just go ahead now)
Oh just just go ahead now
Oh your majesty
(Just go ahead now)
Come on forget the king and marry me
(Just go ahead now)

Come on come on come on
(Just go ahead now...)

My Life, My Rules Of Engagement

Currently Playing: I Just Wanna Live by Good Charlotte

I'm sure u guys wanna read more than lyrics... wanna read something interesting and exciting abt me... nv a dull moment huh?

Well then here it is... I threw a quiz yesterday. When it was time to wake up, i switched off my hp alarm and went back to sleep. on purpose. i knew wat i was doing. by the time my mum "discovered" me still in bed, it was too late.

No worries... not like i've nv done it b4... in fact i've thrown 3 exams so far. 161, 360 & 361. yup, ntu brought me to a new low...

The mitigating factor is that my fren told me he didn't understand wat the questions of the quiz were asking. but that doesn't help the big picture. i'm not supposed to be doing these stupid things anymore... it was a risk. wat if the questions were easy?

It wldn't hv mattered... coz no matter how easy they were i cldn't hv answered any... after mugging for wed's quiz and entertaining some depressive thots during the week, i kena burnout. cldn't study a single crap, cld only get as far as the 2nd lecture. to illustrate, i cld only blog out lyrics copied from the net or the CD. Productivity zero.

In this aspect, i can only hope the lecturers are kind enuff to do a retest for absentees even w/o MCs. if not well... then i shall hv to study even harder for the exams. it's not like i wanna stay longer.

The thing is... i only fight winning battles. no point expending energy and losing morale over something i cannot win. so instead i took a break. slept til 11, slept again after breakfast, went for a hair cut and watched the longest yard with VJ. now i'm feel like it's a Sat nite, got an extra day to rest. so instead of draining myself todae... i took a recharge, albeit a guilty one.

No need to preach me abt working hard, and going for lessons, yadda yadda yadda... i already know all that. and i know myself too. i need breaks from doing wat i hate, and the time happened to be now. i know; i've been doing stuff i hate for 7 yrs. and i dun wanna prolong it any less than any of u. but after so long, i know myself well enuff.

My Life, My Rules of Engagement.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone
And I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone
And I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Nature 1 Man -1

I stupidly decided to come to sch this morning despite only 4 hrs of sleep. why? coz i needed to cover lots for my quiz tml.

now the various weird symbols stare into my glazed eyes as all of us embark on a floating ride of mutual unfamiliarity.

and all i can think of is my warm soft bed i idiotically left so early this morning. that is, when i'm at least half awake.

futility! no way i can cover so much in such short time at such drained conditions now. tempted to throw paper again but i know i can't risk it anymore.

i decide the most viable option now is to head home, get a decent sleep, then study thru out the nite.

i get -1 for stupidity and lack of determination.

overloaded head spinning.

Current Favourite Song: Everybody's Changing by Keane

You say you wander
your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching
You're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
and I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move
just to stay in the game
I
try to stay awake
and remember my name
But
everybody's changing
and I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
fading into beautiful light
Cause everybody's changing
and I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move
just to stay in the game
I
try to stay awake
and remember my name
But
everybody's changing
and I don't feel the same

Random Bored Thots

Currently Playing: Radio ran outta batteries so now listening to the next computer's incessant beeping from the CPU coz the chinawoman next to me fell asleep rite on the keyboard. No wonder the computer's protesting! shd i wake her up? gross... looks like she's drooling on the right CTRL button...

anyway. supposed to be studying for my quiz on fridae... but tired and bored after quiz this morning. just finished 1 lecture of notes after trying to study for 4 hrs. hmm.. past few entries a lot abt quiz quiz quiz. sch life is boring. detest this place. wanna faster get outta here... longest i've stayed in an instituition since pri sch.

well... at last something to look fwd to tonite... meeting takyu & misa! but before that got errands to run...

now got long haired girl come over to investigate source of beeping... but she's on the wrong side of the tables! can't figure it out, goes back to her own computer.

i was right! the beeping was from the protesting keyboard! chinawoman sleepily lifts head from table and the beeping immediately stops. i think the computer and everyone else ard it is relieved. chinawoman whips out tissue and cleans herself, then goes back to sleep, this time in a smarter position (ie. on the table instead) oblivious that in a few minutes, the whole world is going to know she drooled all over the right CTRL button.

anyway, last nite surprisingly went for ODAC bbq... but mainly coz i knew zz, zow & girl wld be there... been a while since 4 of us were tog (probably girl's house warming) so i went despite
a) not knowing most ppl there
b) knowing i don't know most ppl there
c) was hungry, studied til 8pm w/o dinner
d) had a quiz 830am the next day which i hvn't finished studying for

and surprisingly, it was fun to laugh and talk cock with others like old times... even ppl i not close to but once, we were in the same comm with the same goals. good lah. corny but true: time heals. also found new respect for a fren who kindly offered to gimme a lift home so i could stay longer: she drives like a guy!! respect.

but as always, there are in significant ppl ard who i hv no interest in talking to... the Know-it-all and the Poker-who-can't-stop-talking-abt-himself. esp when their 1st line on seeing me was "eh u hvn't graduate yet ah??" not that i mind ppl talking abt it; i don't care. but with a condescending tone, it only serves to up your own insignificance. probably sensing my nonchalance, they tried giving empty encouragement like "just push a bit harder can liao", blah blah blah... i responded with body language screaming "yeah sure, watever". i dun need encouragement from u guys... in fact, i dun need anything from u guys at all... just stay away. hahahah

But at least Know-it-all isn't the worst... Poker is the current champion of annoyance. someone mentioned that zz was visiting a cousin in hospital, he immediately "that so-and-so is it?" FWAH!! even zz family he must claim to know ah??? best siah. a bit of backgrd info: zow observed that whenever someone mentions a company in front of Poker he will claim that he knows someone (a friend/a relative/a friend's relative/a relative's fren/a friend's friend/a relative's relative) working inside that company.

Know-it-all only dishes out unwanted advice and knows how every thing shd be done (ie. his way). Poker shd be renamed as "Know-them-all"... first name is "Claims-to".

haha apologies for bitching abt others. i normally don't but these 2 really crack me up.

girl, zow, zz... i miss the times when 4 of us wld go sentosa n suntan... and i wld set up my hammock but hv no time in it at all... too bad schedules dun match now. still, it was fun to hang out with u guys last nite. :-)

Nice, Busy Weekend (So Far)

Currently Playing: Destiny by Zero 7

Although the wkend hasn't ended yet, better blog now... coz ltr tonite access will cut off, and gotta watch apprentice, so probably no time to bang away here...

Anyway... wkend started nice enuff with me going home early from sch (refer to previous entry) but working hard from tue-thu really drained me out... went home and collapse on the bed, woken by squid who was already at the dinner meeting place! chialat. took a bus down somemore, was quite late. but then, not much choice rite? fri evening take cab into the city, might as well walk.

the evening was ok, but
a) the pasta at coffee bean isn't anything to shout abt
b) i was feeling a little tired
c) squid seemed to be deteriorating before my eyes... his cough and runny nose were getting worse by the minute. so we ended abt 10+.

Yesterday started with plans to go sentosa with cream & bowl... cream was the only one on time (coz she got sis transport) but at least i was 2nd... took cab down. but then we dragged over lunch and a bit of shopping (i bought lousy earphones)... decided no point crossing over liao, walk round harbourfront and hung out at coffee club instead. talking abt plans to travel together turned into a geog lesson for bowl on y the some places on earth has 4 seasons. it's not everyday u get to convince someone winter doesn't happen due to a lack of day time... hahah

In my slippers n singlet, i then went to orchard... felt a bit weird wearing that... hahah. went into Crown hotel for grandma's birthdae, changed into something more presentable in the toilet. the food was not bad... but as usual, nothing much to say to cousins and uncles and aunties. only thing i did was to help set my cousin's camera to an indoor setting and tok cock with her a bit... consciously want to be nice to her and her mum... after all, it's this aunt who ALWAYS gives the biggest ang paos during CNY... ;-)

after dinner went home and watched dude where's my car on tv... hahaha classic dumbass. shibby!! stayed up late online coz i dun think i will much on wkdays anymore.

todae met yx & jo at tampines mall for lunch... long time nv meet up liao, so catch up A LOT and talked abt jobs (auditor & insurance agent) plus gossip regarding hallmates that i'm supposed to know but dun bother abt. nice to realise that even though we so long nv see each other liao, we still can talk so much cock like those yr1 days in hall. that's the nice thing abt old frens... can meet after a long time but the comfort level and frenship still never change/diminsh.

after a pizza hut lunch and swensen's dessert (earthquake!! twice in 3 mths!) with them, went to old beijing at PS for QZ's birthdae... got his footies plus a few others like me... but i wasn't at the main footies table where ZZ & CS were... so kinda felt a bit weird, only got 1 person i close with and she was flanked by 2 un-close ppl... hard to talk. concentrate on stuffing myself with more food lor... hahhah

supposed to meet misa for gym, so left them after the meal... probably now they're still at partyworld. but misa hvn't replied leh... is she going to tuah me? hahah but doesn't matter... i still need to go run anyway. hvn't run this wk... and still hvn't reach 6km mark yet.

wah... like I damn ladies man hor... sat & sun both days go out with a different pair of girls... and all 4 are... well... not bad lah. like wat squid say: 1 on each arm! hahaha then wed going out with another pair somemore... so fun ;-) only bad thing is the amount of time spent in shoe shops. wat is it abt girls and shoes?!?!?!?

note to self: try to grow extra pair of arms so can go out with 4 girls next time... but make sure none of them interested in shoes.

added entry
=========
misa didn't come... but i didn't run either. dun blame her at all coz still too full (after 4 hrs from eating!) and tired; in fact if she came, either i watch her exercise or she watch me puke. took a half hr nap, but it didn't help much... chialat... feeling guilty that i totally didn't run at all this wk. :-S

Nature 1 Man 0

No, this entry is not abt nature's fury, clearly demonstrated in the US Gulf now and Indian Ocean late last year... it's simply abt going against the course of nature.

You guys know more often than not, i sleep til late, procrastinate on sch work, and generally hv a lousy attitude twds school. but it's not coz i like doing these things... it's my nature... just following nature's will. I think i shd continue that way. Yes, i see that disdainful look on u... well read on and u will understand the perils of not being yourself.

I reluctantly pulled myself out of bed this morning at 6.15... sitting there i wondered if i shd just fall back to sleep; but no, i told myself i shd be getting fyp data, at least this one time this week. if i didn't start my day early, i wldn't hv the time to do much. so although unwilling, i fought against my basic human need for slacking and went to sch. i even wore jeans, instead of my usual berms, coz wld be meeting squid for dinner ltr.

I reached the data collection site just in time, with abt 5 min to spare. Soon i was hectically (is there such a word?) recording cars from 4 directions as 90% of ppl walking by peeped over my shoulder and met my fleeting glances with befuddled looks. the other 10% just looked befuddled. I noticed storm clouds coming twds me, and hoped they wld pass without incident.

but Nature had other plans. in defying her will of me staying in bed, now she was going to teach me an evil lesson.

the construction shelter i was under didn't deter her one bit... the rain came flying in at an angle, threatening to soak my data forms, my bag and my clorets i placed outside for easy reach. that was that. 11 mins of data out of a supposed 60. i packed up, took out my china umbrella and went for breakfast at cant a.

but she wasn't finished yet. the wind shifted direction twice: first time sent rain flying in directly to my front, soaking my jeans. second time rain chased me from behind, soaking my bag. and all the while the ground insidiously formed little depressions to collect water exactly where my feet wld land. nature is evil, evil, evil.

i reached cant a soaked from feet to jeans pockets, with an equally soaked bag and dripping, semi-open umbrella. been too used to high performance goretex shoes... i had long forgotten the sickening feeling of wet socks. reminded me of my pri sch days where wat i feared most was getting caught in a heavy rain before/after school. I once spent an afternoon emptying my drenched bag in the hall, opening every exercise book and workbook, and spreading everything, EVERYTHING, across the whole floor in hope that they would dry for the next day. (those were the days where my sch bag comprised of 50% of my body weight, and yes, my bag has grown considerably smaller and i considerably larger) i remember falling asleep amongst the wet, crumpled and torn exercise books...

not the end yet. i decided to cheer myself up with a mcbreakfast. as i walked back to my seat with my sausage mcmuffin, i noticed the ppl coming in were... dry. i looked out and the sky was... dry. and even before i finished the food, the sun was sadistically gloating at me. i could almost hear her manical laughter. nature has a sense of humour after all, albeit one more wicked than mine.

now, as i sit in the cold library in my damp shoes, damp socks, damp-up-to-pockets jeans(heng underwear not wet), with my damp bag... i reflect over the morning's (it's not even a day yet!) decisions:

- waking up at an unearthly hour
- to engage in fyp/studies
- wearing jeans & shoes

all of which i usually don't do, ie. against my nature. and nature punished me with evil glee... negating my efforts at waking and fyp, with the added touch of soaking my jeans & shoes. lovely.
if i made the seemingly wrong (but natural) decision, rite now i wld be in my soft warm bed, happy, sleeping, dry. now i'm cold, wet, demoralised, tired. i've learnt my lesson: i'm never going against nature again.

i wanna go home :'(

Strangely Less Unwilling

Strangely less unwilling to get out of bed and go to sch todae... maybe it's coz i know exactly wat i hv to do todae, and for the next few days. maybe also partly coz for the past 2 days, i've been able to do wat has been planned. more or less.

In chronological order -
Todae: blog this, go lecture, do last remaining tutorial, go flunk quiz, come back lib to print notes for 2 quizzies next wk, go comex check out monitors, mice, desktops n SLR cameras, go home run min. 6 km, watch child of our time n lost.

Tml: collect FYP data, do FYP, go tutorial, do more FYP, meet squid for dinner.

Sat: go out with adsports2, go grandma's birthday dinner, watch dude where's my car. (hahha i know its a fricking dumb show... but i like ;-P) send happie birthdae sms to gin.

Sun: meet yx & jo for lunch, run min. 6 km w misa (i'm running, she'll be watching, egging me on and irritating me nearby), watch friends season 2 at nite. send happie birthdae sms to qz.

guess i like to know wat i'll be doing, and will be more eager to do stuff that way. that's y i always like to plan my schedule... so u always see that slim black book w me. without it i'd be absolutely lost, not only on wat i'm supposed to be doing in the near future, but most prob i'd forget wat i'm supposed to do rite now. need to constantly hv things on my plate, coz when i feel got nothing to do, i cn gt so nua tt i just stay in bed all day, see tv, play pc, n dun even bother 2 type blog prprly.....

but in doing stuff, i don't need to do stuff with frens, in fact if not purely for hanging out, i do most things better alone, esp things that need effort on a personal level; i just need to concentrate on the stuff i'm doing.

y am i running so much? 12km a wk? coz i joining stanchart 10km run... CS jio-ed me abt a mth ago, and since i had been running 10km per week to prepare for YEP, was thinking y not push a bit harder? good preparation for my yr-end trip also. so decided on it last wk and signed up on sunday.

speaking abt my yr-end trip... gotta start planning soon. oops... late for lecture liao.

note to self: todae after comex go look for guidebook!

Supposed to be Studying Part 2

Not easy to get a table in the Lib these days,
even though not even 1 week break yet.
Y? coz the lib full of Fricking Chinamen!
surprisingly, i'm starting to be able to tell individuals apart from their kind
remember some faces from last sem
with their chinamen faces, remember their chinamen whispering
LOUD whispering. 1st time i hear.
and they're everywhere...
wanted to settle down on a table... looked ard and to both sides, there were stinking chinamen.
settled in a cubicle instead.
went to toilet, found some idiotic chinawoman at the staircase eating pear.
she already had another pear core in her other hand.
fricking hell! go outside and eat lah! u think this is that fricking kunming university isit?
actually, if she mistook this place for it, i wldn't be surprised either.
even rite now, got 2 chinamen talking next to me on the computers.
frick man... did i even leave that horrible chinaman kunming university?
or did we bring it back with us?
or we never needed to "visit" it in the 1st place?

i wanna get out of here... i wanna go back singapore... with singaporean chinese, malay, indian, and all others except noisy, loud, disgusting, selfish, inconsiderate, rude chinamen.

who says we hv ugly singaporeans? come to NTU. we singaporeans are angels.

Supposed To Be Studying

Got a quiz tml - fricking heat transfer.
supposed to be studying, but slacking instead.
playing games n msn.
Zow requested for an entry, so here it is!
wanted to write a poem abt this,
but i realised a rushed poem wld be sucky.
so i shall just type like this,
instead of a paragraph,
so it looks like a poem anyway.
think i shd go study now,
got 3 tutorials to do,
by tml afternoon.
and it's already 5pm.
siao liao...
3 tutorials only, very difficult meh?
yes if
a) it's an engineering subject
b) i'm the one doing it
gimme 3 psychology tutorials anyday!
or task me to write 3 blog entries!
or produce 3 nice photographs!
or take down 3 UFOs in XCom - UFO: Enemy Unknown! (computer game lah)
but dun gimme a engineering tutorial to do!

looks like i'll be stuck here til library closes. but since got so much time... might as well play game. hahahahahha

Thinking Out Of The Box Abt Chickens

Currently Playing: I Don't Like Mondays by Boomtown Rats

Was having lunch at fried chicken fast food place coz i got coupons... Saw a advert for their O.R. fillet burger - noticed that the chicken was a nice regular rectangular shaped slab, and thot "since when did they make chickens liddat?"

Then, i looked down at the fried chicken in my bandito pocket... it was also a rectangular slab; just like the one in my zinger last week. (OK OK i've been eating a bit too much fastfood. but that's not the pt here.) Oh no... do they really make chickens liddat now???

Remember that earlier email hoax/urban legend abt the restaurant growing "chicken parts" instead of chickens? alleged whole rows & rows of genetically grown thighs, wings, drumsticks, etc... Have they taken that idea and gone 1 step further - just growing "chicken slabs"???

It could be like the earlier internet hoax "Kitten in a jar" except that this wld be "chicken in a box". chickens being forced in and grown into a box/slab shape... then once full, just pop it open and fry the bugger!

hahahahha of coz u all know this isn't true... ( i dun wanna get sued) but think abt it... wldn't it be interesting? restaurants and homemakers all over wld be using "chicken in a box" instead of regular chicken... and if i set this up, i wld be rich!! Why? bcoz...

a) being in regular slabs, the chickens wld stack very well and packing them wld be easy, and transports, warehouses, freezers wld hv no wasted space!

b) no more trying to squeeze 16 thighs, drumsticks, and esp wings, and other irregularly shaped parts in 1 bucket... just present them in a 4x4 box!! like mooncake liddat!!

c) restaurant frontline staff no longer need to contend with fussy customers anymore... no more plump guy with coupons from newspaper demanding he wants "all thighs" or stick-thin girl asking for "all wings" or stinky spoilt little brat screaming he/she wants "all drumstick". "Sorry sir/madam, we only got "all slabs". u wan original or crispy?"

Wow!! this could be a world-changing breakthru! actually useful uses for genetic engineering!! This wld only be the 1st step... next in line wld be "Cow in a patty" or "Fish in a sashimi"!!

Any top food company executives out there? reply to me quickly to gain on this remarkable business idea! "Chicken in a box", anyone? ;-)

Day of Nightmares!

Currently Playing: I Just Wanna Live by Good Charlotte

Slept til 1130am this morning... but before waking up kena plagued by nightmares... probably started abt 9am...

Nightmare 1: NIE Biathlon
Was considering joining it... then decided against it coz i dun think i'd like to run in wet, tight shorts... Major OUCH. abrasion such chialat chialat. So i dreamt i was back in hall... then every fricking door i passed hung a sign "Finisher - NIE Biathlon" or "3rd - NIE Biathlon" or something liddat... every fricking door except mine!!! aaarrggghhh...

It's not abt peer pressure... but it's the thot of if others can do it, y can't i? but i still dun wanna kena abrasions... most prob won't go for the biathlon but will try to match the distances by myself. And will be signing up for StanChart 10km tonite!

Nightmare 2: SCDF & SAF
Somehow, dreamt that i was riding an SCDF vehicle... dunno whether was part of them of being rescued. hahaha. but we (dunno who were with me, but they were ppl i knew) were on some kinda HUGE empty platform out and high up at sea... then we got out of the vehicle and had to climb down this long hanging ladder... now surprisingly, the height didn't scare me coz i was thinking can just drop into the sea...

then i realised, i needed my SAF things!! dunno y. then all my SAF stuff are in the old house, and i lost my SAF card like... 4 yrs ago? and nv bothered to replace it. was thinking die liao die liao... got totally nothing, totally not prepared at all....

then i woke up. once was bad enuff, but twice? 2 nightmares? esp the last one... i lay awake, stunned for a while, wondering if i really needed to go back SAF, thinking where my things were... then remembered i hvn't got any letter or anything yet. whew. decided enuff was enuff... time to wake up.

i really hope they nv call me back, although VJ told me it's all computerised now, no escaping, no losing of documents & records. Sianz... hated my NS life, hated the regimen, the 24hr duties, the backside covering, the rank pulling, the NSF bullying by regulars, the bengs, the red tape, the "discipline", the endless forms, and almost everything abt the army. i hope i nv hv to go back.

hmm... maybe to escape, i cld stay longer in sch.... hahhahahah

An Astounding Discovery!

Been getting complains abt lack of updates from my fans... demanding ones even bemoan the lack of quality entries... OK LAH! here's one. think i spoil u guys too much.

Apologies if i had dissed chinamen earlier, there is a reason for their boorish behaviour! I happened to stumble upon a little red book which some blur chinaman freshie left behind at the canteen this wk, and curiously opened it. Astounding! It had English translations and was titled "Little Red Book for Comrades Who Are In Nantah" I have some excerpts below:

"Prease, if you are a the lecturer, direct all your words to the projector. They lonely as they are alone in the lecture halls for the rest of the day."

"Prease, if you are using projector transparencys, print smaller words. This is to discourage students from our host country to get short-sighted, which is a large problem in the country."

"Prease, if you are speaking outside, be as loud as possible. The person whom you are speaking to will hear you better as the host country is a crowded one.

"Prease, if you are addressing a group of students in the classroom, be as quiet as possible. This is to discourage students from speaking at the same time."

"Prease, if you are in the library, speak in a higher pitch. In host country, this is called whispering. There is no need to adjust the volume of your speaking."

"Prease, if you are in the library and local students ask you to remove your bag/book/notes/file from another table, firmly tell them that they are subscribing to the evil ideas of dirty western capitalists. The library is for use by the people and for use by the people who come here first. Chairman Mau, he say, do not care whether it is a bag, or a book, or a notes, or a file; if it can chope a seat in the library, it is a good instrument of study."

"Prease, if you are having a bowl of soup noodles, it is courtesy to eat as loudly as possible. This is courtesy to the noodle hawker so that other patrons will know that the noodles are delicious."

"Prease, if you are encountered by a local student, it is not necessary to say please or thank you, or have unnecessary conversation. They are the subcribers of evil western capitalism and we must not hear about such evil ideas! If you see any comrades who are hearing the evil ideas, inform our party officials immediately! The officials are among the students and lecturers, and will make efforts to quickly educate the stray comrade."

Now u know y they liddat liao lah... cannot blame them. they must hv their CCP ppl everywhere watching their every move.... poor buggers.

Update on Adsports5

For those who are interested, here's an email exchange i had with the current ATC head, Kawei. it seems that Adsports has been relegated... but it is no longer for us to worry or get worked up about... just be happy that we made a difference in Adsports, as it made a difference to us. ;-)
=================================================================
From: Xunster!
Subject: How is Adsports?
Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2005 00:07:33 +0800 (CST)

Hi Jiawei,

I don't think we've met, I'm Xun, from Adsports 2001/02 & 2002/03. I've been hearing lao jiaos talk abt the AGM and such events, and out of curiosity, I wld like to ask some questions... hope u dun mind answering an old man's queries.

- since u r now the "ATC Head", is there still an Adsports subcomm? Who is the Adsports head? Is Adsports now under ATC?
- will be there a connection between ATC comm and Adsports?
- wat will Adsports be doing? will there still be local activities and courses?

Maybe u could give me an overall view of wat Adsports & ATC comms will be like this coming year? Thanx a lot...

Xun
==================================================================
Tan Ka Wei wrote:

YoZ!
This year, ATC and Adsports will be a different committee. ATC comm will only be in charge of ATC and the planning whereas Adsport(Facilitated by>Steven and Jessica from main comm).
In Adsports, they will be in charged of organising kayaking clinics, rock climbing and off road cycling for the school's population.
In ATC this year, we will be dedicated to run the program as well as a new event thats coming up, joinly organised by pumpfest and ATC comm. Its a race for kid age 11-16 from Peoples' Asociation, and this race is some sort of pre ATC preparation thing for our comm. Anyway, hope u seniors will be coming back to help us out this year ya? Any problem updated me k!

Regards,
Kawei
===================================================================
From: Xunster!

Hi,
thanx for replying. so who are Steven and Jessica? ie. wat posts do they
hold? how many ppl are in the adsports comm?

Xun
=================================================================
Tan Ka Wei wrote:

Yo,Steven is the current biz mag and Jessica is the Webmaster. Tentatively, there will be around 6people in it. :)

Kawei

Finally an FYP Reading After 5 Mths!

Well... the previous entry sorta helped me bring out my thots and made me realise i shd start working... so for all who read n left their comments of encouragement, thanx a lot.

missed all lessons, but managed to tinker a bit with the simulation and took a reading after 5 mths of procrastinating! can't believe it's been that long. standing at roadside for 1 hr is tiring... not to mention so many ppl walking by wondering wat u doing, breathing over ur shoulder... irritating.

came back home and compiled the data.. of 700+ vehicles. so shack... think tml i shall take another break... ahhaha just kidding. will not take another reading coz it's too draining... but will still pop by the lab, maybe go for a lecture.

late liao... need to sleep.

Note to Self: this isn't enuff! gotta cover more ground! *crack whip*

Inertia? Or Plain Laziness?

Currently Playing: Drone of the Oscillating Fan Which Irritates Misa Everytime We Tok on the Phone

Apologies, this isn't an upbeat entry. May be one of the reasons i'm so sian lately.

Didn't go to school yesterday, due to migraine.

Still had a slight headache 7am this morning, decided to sleep more, and leave for sch at 1030 for 1230 lecture.

Guess wat? it's 1035 now. And i don't wanna leave. Lately I only go to school when forced to take the car with brother and father.

Wat's the pt of going lectures? the old men don't hold my attention; the only things that keep me awake when they read the notes out loud are SMSes and daydreaming. Even if i wanna follow them, once i start seriously thinking abt some part of the notes, i look up and i realise i've lost them. i cover the notes faster and clearer by myself, i don't need an old man reading them to me like a bedtime story.

Wat's the pt of going tutorials? i only go coz gotta sign attendance, and now dun need liao. nowadays i can buy the tut answers at the library, or borrow from frens. detest furiously copying tiny equations blindly, so wat for when i can get the same outcome by other means?

The problem is, i hvn't been reading my notes or doing my tutorials, even though i planned to start last week. and dread going to school. so fricking far... and doesn't hv anything interesting for me there.

Used to think my FYP was interesting, fun, practical. Lately i've just been sitting at a computer trying to figure out how to programme parameters on components on simulation software. so interesting, fun and practical that i fall asleep at the desk everyday (that i'm there). Feel like an idiot standing at the junction furiously jotting down traffic details too.

I know i gotta read my notes, do my tutorials, programme my simulation and record my data, all by 2 mths time. but sometimes it seems so much that i dunno where to start. and the thot that 2 mths is a long time isn't helping.

I'm procrastinating ending my procrastination. Ultimate.

At least i know that there is a problem. So i shall humble myself... this is a cry for help. Pls encourage me to work on my studies, this final round.
Tell me this is the last time, the last chance, and i shall never touch engineering again.
Tell me time is running short... My draft report is due End Sept, final report due End Oct, Exams in Nov. I will be able to let go of everything and play in Dec.
Tell me you want me to do well and clear this sem, and that i cannot let u down. Let me know you care, coz i rather to do difficult things for others more than for myself.

Just pls don't nag or use negative, sarcastic, scolding tones... coz if so i'll do the exact opposite of wat u ask.

I wanna clear everything, but knowing that i'm fighting this alone is demoralising, more than ever before. Help me out, guys.