Currently Playing: Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me by TISM
Inspiration for this entry: On my way back to study in school, just after 11.30pm, i passed a China couple, yakking away in mainlander mandarin so loudly i heard them long before i saw them.
As i crossed the road upfront, the bus rumbled past. the china couple broke into a run, and while passing me a spectacle case dropped from the chinaman's ridiculously wide-open bag. I picked it up, with an expressionless " excuse me, you dropped something."; and handed it to him with an equally deadpan "your bag is open." The prick takes back his case without a word and runs to the bus.
Come on man, even a fricking "xie xie" in ur mainlander mandarin would hv sufficed. I just saved you some trouble, and probably few hundred RMB in spec case and bribes back in your homeland. Not even a "thank you"? how ungrateful.
I'm not particularly affected by this incident, but it got me thinking: i encounter so many hundreds of chinamen in school... and not one of them has recently impressed me with polite, considerate behaviour, esp during exam period.
on normal days in normal conditions, they already irritate the hell out of me by speaking so, so loudly in normal everyday conditions. they speak as though their fren 0.2m away from them is 2m away and there's a train running between them. i am not adverse to noise, but not only would i like to hear myself think, the incessant chatter in loud mainlander mandarin likens to loud screeching - makes my skin crawl.
maybe it's alright in a crowded canteen, but imagine being stuck in a life with 2 chinamen shouting at each other: enclosed in 2m X 2m x 3m box with a speaker set at 80db screeching away. just inconsiderate. notice how we singaporeans (and some other developed cultures) do it? when we step into the lift with strangers, we lower our volume or stop talking completely. it's not to prevent eavesdropping, but more to show polite consideration to the other person; an acknowledgement that there's someone else in the space.
in the library during exam period, they show even more inconsiderate behaviour. i feel it's alright if u occupy one seat and ur bag occupies another: everyone needs personal space to move ard and place stuff. but these fricking chinamen place their stuff on one table and sit at another! i have already sat at these tables twice. both times the chinaman concerned ignores the table with his/her stuff completely, letting others looking for a seat hapless, thinking someone else occupies the seat. so while there is no extrinsic utility to the chinamen, they rather not let others have a decent place to study. maybe wat drives them is the hope that without a place to study, these other ppl would fail their exams and give them a higher grade?
also, you think chinamen shouting at each other in mainlander mandarin is bad enuff? wait til they WHISPER loudly rite in front of you in a largely quiet library. Extremely. Irritating. they push their voices higher but with no reduction in volume and rattle off in mainlander mandarin... likens to loud static in your headphones.
it's a long entry, i think i've said enuff for you guys to get the picture. there's lots more such annoying actions, and there's so, so many chinamen around. and there'll be more of them coming every year. but i'll stop here for today. i dunno how to solve this widepsread problem, besides telling these pricks off. you can bet i'm not going to any of those crowded, deafening, jostling, "developed" coastal cities in china anytime soon. probably never, with the noise i have to take in and the bribes i have to give out.
note to self: start telling these pricks off. but only when they're inconsiderate of rude, not just irritating. it's a fine line though......
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Moving Out Soon
Currently Playing: Turning Japanese by Presidents of the United States of America
Will have to move out of hostel soon.
after 4 years in the same old (older than me) block of stuffy, warm, smelly rooms... it kinda grows on you. and not just the smell. after walking to the same stinky toilet for so long, i'm bound to sort of miss it when i no longer have the kind of freedom i do now.
sure, i like home... but in hall there's no one nagging at me to sleep, no one to worry abt if i switch on toilet lights or play music loudly (no complaints from here yet). I stock my fridge with my fav foods and leave the place filthy until i realise it is. kind of like a bachelor pad... but probably neater than most.
but the issue weighing most on my mind is the moving. having just moved house, i know there's a lot of junk to pack, to throw and to carry back home. then at home i gotta settle where to put all this junk. for certain, i'm going to give away most of my ntu t-shirts (some brand new, never worn coz i HATE black or red shirts.. too hot), probably to salvation army or some disaster services centre, and leaving my free FHMs in the lounge where horny neighbours can get them. but i still got so much stuff... my fridge, this computer i'm whacking away at, the clothes that i want, my bed items, my hamsters, a friend's bike which i disasterously rode last yr (2nd entry in this blog) and lots and lots of papers, stationery and books. amazing how much junk i have squirreled away after 4 yrs.
speaking of which... i have a terrible confession to make. even though i myself narrowly escaped the terrible asian tsunami by a last min change of travel plans, i failed to contribute anything to help. partly my fault because i procrastinated, but when i was all set to contribute my (brand new) t-shirts to the agencies, they had chosen to close their doors on that same day! well at least later i bought medicine for NTU WSC to bring over...
anyway i digress. who's got a lorry and professional movers to spare?
note to self: start throwing away junk! esp those usually empty chicken essence bottles... old, old food... never-been-used free gifts....
Will have to move out of hostel soon.
after 4 years in the same old (older than me) block of stuffy, warm, smelly rooms... it kinda grows on you. and not just the smell. after walking to the same stinky toilet for so long, i'm bound to sort of miss it when i no longer have the kind of freedom i do now.
sure, i like home... but in hall there's no one nagging at me to sleep, no one to worry abt if i switch on toilet lights or play music loudly (no complaints from here yet). I stock my fridge with my fav foods and leave the place filthy until i realise it is. kind of like a bachelor pad... but probably neater than most.
but the issue weighing most on my mind is the moving. having just moved house, i know there's a lot of junk to pack, to throw and to carry back home. then at home i gotta settle where to put all this junk. for certain, i'm going to give away most of my ntu t-shirts (some brand new, never worn coz i HATE black or red shirts.. too hot), probably to salvation army or some disaster services centre, and leaving my free FHMs in the lounge where horny neighbours can get them. but i still got so much stuff... my fridge, this computer i'm whacking away at, the clothes that i want, my bed items, my hamsters, a friend's bike which i disasterously rode last yr (2nd entry in this blog) and lots and lots of papers, stationery and books. amazing how much junk i have squirreled away after 4 yrs.
speaking of which... i have a terrible confession to make. even though i myself narrowly escaped the terrible asian tsunami by a last min change of travel plans, i failed to contribute anything to help. partly my fault because i procrastinated, but when i was all set to contribute my (brand new) t-shirts to the agencies, they had chosen to close their doors on that same day! well at least later i bought medicine for NTU WSC to bring over...
anyway i digress. who's got a lorry and professional movers to spare?
note to self: start throwing away junk! esp those usually empty chicken essence bottles... old, old food... never-been-used free gifts....
Monday, April 18, 2005
When I Grow Up...
Currently Playing: Elevation by U2
just a quick entry, in midst of exams. one this morning, one tml morning.
stumbled upon someone's personal blog just now. a former air stewardess, former newspaper journalist, also a scropio, has own website, looks chio, intellectual, and only 28 yrs old!
got me thinking. Who do I really want to be?
I guess rite now my dream job would be a freelance travel photojournalist who gets by selling great photos and travel (humour?) articles to magazines and newspapers, while moonlighting at nite as a violin-playing busker; using the money earned to further travel, ending it all with a book abt my travels. For extra cash I could do small jobs on a farm or as a waiter, etc...
Wonderfully romantic isn't it? unfortunately that wld mean i'd hv to be commitment free... which unfortunately am not. too attached to family. plus my photo taking and writing skills aren't that great, plus i dunno how to play violin.
coz all my life i've been busy pursuing quick gratification... playing when i want to play, eating when i want to eat, etc. of course studies get in the way somewhat as well. a quarter of a century wasted just liddat...
ok i HAVE grown as a person. maybe now is the time to spread my wings and take flight. hahha sounds corny. but everyone's going to get a office job, earn money, etc. do i want that? wat abt my dreams?
oh well... maybe an office job isn't so bad. i could work hard and learn enuff experience to venture out on my own, be wildly rich and successful after working my butt off. in my old age i'd sell my shares, take the money and go travel round the world taking photos and writing down my experiences, maybe entertain myself and locals with a bit of violin playing. hey that sounds familiar...
Note to Self: Who do I Want to Be?
just a quick entry, in midst of exams. one this morning, one tml morning.
stumbled upon someone's personal blog just now. a former air stewardess, former newspaper journalist, also a scropio, has own website, looks chio, intellectual, and only 28 yrs old!
got me thinking. Who do I really want to be?
I guess rite now my dream job would be a freelance travel photojournalist who gets by selling great photos and travel (humour?) articles to magazines and newspapers, while moonlighting at nite as a violin-playing busker; using the money earned to further travel, ending it all with a book abt my travels. For extra cash I could do small jobs on a farm or as a waiter, etc...
Wonderfully romantic isn't it? unfortunately that wld mean i'd hv to be commitment free... which unfortunately am not. too attached to family. plus my photo taking and writing skills aren't that great, plus i dunno how to play violin.
coz all my life i've been busy pursuing quick gratification... playing when i want to play, eating when i want to eat, etc. of course studies get in the way somewhat as well. a quarter of a century wasted just liddat...
ok i HAVE grown as a person. maybe now is the time to spread my wings and take flight. hahha sounds corny. but everyone's going to get a office job, earn money, etc. do i want that? wat abt my dreams?
oh well... maybe an office job isn't so bad. i could work hard and learn enuff experience to venture out on my own, be wildly rich and successful after working my butt off. in my old age i'd sell my shares, take the money and go travel round the world taking photos and writing down my experiences, maybe entertain myself and locals with a bit of violin playing. hey that sounds familiar...
Note to Self: Who do I Want to Be?
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Excuses for Lousy Writing
Currently Playing: Vertigo by U2
Anyway, dear readers, if you're thinking the standard of my entries has been declining... my sincere apologies. My exams are starting this friday until 4th May... so nowadays if i add an entry it's quite late at night and i'm tired from studying. tired brains dun really write well even if there's something to say... so i rather not write yet. but stay tuned. coming up, if i have the energy:
1) What's "Uniquely Singapore"? Our Language lah! Ahberthen?
2) Not Another Call-In-&-Win Charity Show again!
Anyway, dear readers, if you're thinking the standard of my entries has been declining... my sincere apologies. My exams are starting this friday until 4th May... so nowadays if i add an entry it's quite late at night and i'm tired from studying. tired brains dun really write well even if there's something to say... so i rather not write yet. but stay tuned. coming up, if i have the energy:
1) What's "Uniquely Singapore"? Our Language lah! Ahberthen?
2) Not Another Call-In-&-Win Charity Show again!
Clumsy Oaf Gets An Interview
Currently Playing: Somewhere Only We Know by Keane
Yup... so old liao still as clumsy as ever. Last nite wanted to make myself a cup of milo but didn't grip the glass jar of condensed milk hard enuff... it slipped out of my weak right hand and crashed onto the floor... with 3/4 a jar of condensed milk cushioning the glass shards. i was PISSED!! at myself of coz. stood there staring dumbfounded at my handiwork for abt 5-10 secs. Mum tried to help... but i decided to get out of that state and drink my milo i wanted so badly 1st.
but dunno whether it was the lack of milk and milo or psychological... the milo was tasteless. i poured most of it away and proceeded to clear up my mess. Mum tried to help by telling me wat to do and taking the 1st steps coz i was at a pissed loss... kept pissedly asking "now do wat?" eventually i cleared up most of it... Mum helped somewhat... went to bed feeling hungry and guilty after that... guilty abt breaking the glass jar, and guilty abt showing Mum pissed behaviour. she knows it's not directed at her, but all the same she doesn't like it. and i know i shdn't be liddat... just can't control emotions most of the time.
well anyway at least the day wasn't so bad. besides some pleasant company over lunch, had a call from a company wanting to interview me for management trainee position. YES!!! bad thing is it's on fridae, when i hv a paper... oh well at least it's after the paper, in the afternoon, and they actually want to interview me!! yes... one step closer to a job.
You might ask "get job very big meh?" well it definitely beats studying here!! and anyway study for wat? get degree lah, but get degree for wat? get job lah!! so before my degree course ends already ppl want me, what does that say?? ;-) somemore, my results are crap...
note to self: more self control, and prepare for the interview!
Yup... so old liao still as clumsy as ever. Last nite wanted to make myself a cup of milo but didn't grip the glass jar of condensed milk hard enuff... it slipped out of my weak right hand and crashed onto the floor... with 3/4 a jar of condensed milk cushioning the glass shards. i was PISSED!! at myself of coz. stood there staring dumbfounded at my handiwork for abt 5-10 secs. Mum tried to help... but i decided to get out of that state and drink my milo i wanted so badly 1st.
but dunno whether it was the lack of milk and milo or psychological... the milo was tasteless. i poured most of it away and proceeded to clear up my mess. Mum tried to help by telling me wat to do and taking the 1st steps coz i was at a pissed loss... kept pissedly asking "now do wat?" eventually i cleared up most of it... Mum helped somewhat... went to bed feeling hungry and guilty after that... guilty abt breaking the glass jar, and guilty abt showing Mum pissed behaviour. she knows it's not directed at her, but all the same she doesn't like it. and i know i shdn't be liddat... just can't control emotions most of the time.
well anyway at least the day wasn't so bad. besides some pleasant company over lunch, had a call from a company wanting to interview me for management trainee position. YES!!! bad thing is it's on fridae, when i hv a paper... oh well at least it's after the paper, in the afternoon, and they actually want to interview me!! yes... one step closer to a job.
You might ask "get job very big meh?" well it definitely beats studying here!! and anyway study for wat? get degree lah, but get degree for wat? get job lah!! so before my degree course ends already ppl want me, what does that say?? ;-) somemore, my results are crap...
note to self: more self control, and prepare for the interview!
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Taking Responsibility
Currently Blasting: Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me by U2
What is it abt me that make me always kena done a wrong by ppl who are totally unaffected by their actions?
todae, the 1st time i attend 460 lecture, some guy has to walk over and spill my cup of hot coffee all over my pants. i wasn't harmed in any way, but my pants were totally soaked in brown liquid. not a sight i wld want to move around in. so i let off a "cheebye" loud enuff for most of the LT to hear. all the guy could do is apologise and offer me 1/2 a pkt of tissue to clean, wat, 3/4 a cup of coffee? oh pls. then he went back into his seat (right in front of me) and proceeded happily with the lecture WITHOUT TURNING ROUND ONCE to check if i was ok, during which all the while i'm wondering wat to do out loud to my fren next to me. i solved the problem by getting ZZ to get my keys and going back to my room to take extra pants. when he delivered i went to toilet to change and came back just in time for the lect to end. and that irresponsible bastard just walked off after looking at the mess on the chair n floor.
let's summarise. bastard spills coffee, ZZ uses 20 mins to get my stuff, i spend 2 hrs cleaning up, washing my clothes, and lost a cup of good coffee while all the while i cld be studying. and now my mood's spoiled thanx to the bastard.
wait a minute... u mean he gets off SCOT FREE after his clumsy ass starts off this chain of events? absolutely rite! fucker! and he didn't hv the sense of responsibility to ask if there was anything he cld do to remedy this situation. just sat happily thru out the lecture and left. bastard!
i'm not faulting him for knocking my coffee over; could happen to anyone. wat pisses me off is he didn't bother to do anything more than offer me a pkt of tissue. after that conveniently ignore me. fucked up upbringing! look, if you did someone a wrong, do wat you can to make it rite! a good example in this case is skipping the lecture to get me a pair of pants. instead, my brudder had to remedy ur clumsy ass actions. think abt the bloody consequences of ur actions u ass!
i earlier said i always kena? yup, i lost my specs to someone supposed to hold it for me during games at the beach, after he claimed he wasn't going into the water. of coz he did... then when searching for my specs in the water he was the one at the shallowest end... dun think he even got his feet wet. later when i asked him straight up whether he was going to pay he said yes. then back from ordering the specs, i had to use my sports goggles (only abt 80% power) to eat, etc.. while he just sat one corner and avoided me the rest of the nite.
he didn't pay full amt but that's ok. i'm not even faulting him for losing my specs since he came out with $200. wat he shd hv done more is to show more effort in looking for something he lost. and making sure i'm ok wearing dark 80% power goggles at nite.
look... when u do someone a wrong, take responsibility: do remedy actions and make sure the person is ok. do so few ppl in the world realise simple responsibility? after these incidents hv happened to me, you can be sure that i'll do the right thing if i do someone a wrong. but this also means the next time someone does me a wrong and refuse to take proper responsibility, i not going to hold my tongue anymore. Watch Out!
note to self: make rite wat i do wrong; do the rite thing when wronged, and lash out.
What is it abt me that make me always kena done a wrong by ppl who are totally unaffected by their actions?
todae, the 1st time i attend 460 lecture, some guy has to walk over and spill my cup of hot coffee all over my pants. i wasn't harmed in any way, but my pants were totally soaked in brown liquid. not a sight i wld want to move around in. so i let off a "cheebye" loud enuff for most of the LT to hear. all the guy could do is apologise and offer me 1/2 a pkt of tissue to clean, wat, 3/4 a cup of coffee? oh pls. then he went back into his seat (right in front of me) and proceeded happily with the lecture WITHOUT TURNING ROUND ONCE to check if i was ok, during which all the while i'm wondering wat to do out loud to my fren next to me. i solved the problem by getting ZZ to get my keys and going back to my room to take extra pants. when he delivered i went to toilet to change and came back just in time for the lect to end. and that irresponsible bastard just walked off after looking at the mess on the chair n floor.
let's summarise. bastard spills coffee, ZZ uses 20 mins to get my stuff, i spend 2 hrs cleaning up, washing my clothes, and lost a cup of good coffee while all the while i cld be studying. and now my mood's spoiled thanx to the bastard.
wait a minute... u mean he gets off SCOT FREE after his clumsy ass starts off this chain of events? absolutely rite! fucker! and he didn't hv the sense of responsibility to ask if there was anything he cld do to remedy this situation. just sat happily thru out the lecture and left. bastard!
i'm not faulting him for knocking my coffee over; could happen to anyone. wat pisses me off is he didn't bother to do anything more than offer me a pkt of tissue. after that conveniently ignore me. fucked up upbringing! look, if you did someone a wrong, do wat you can to make it rite! a good example in this case is skipping the lecture to get me a pair of pants. instead, my brudder had to remedy ur clumsy ass actions. think abt the bloody consequences of ur actions u ass!
i earlier said i always kena? yup, i lost my specs to someone supposed to hold it for me during games at the beach, after he claimed he wasn't going into the water. of coz he did... then when searching for my specs in the water he was the one at the shallowest end... dun think he even got his feet wet. later when i asked him straight up whether he was going to pay he said yes. then back from ordering the specs, i had to use my sports goggles (only abt 80% power) to eat, etc.. while he just sat one corner and avoided me the rest of the nite.
he didn't pay full amt but that's ok. i'm not even faulting him for losing my specs since he came out with $200. wat he shd hv done more is to show more effort in looking for something he lost. and making sure i'm ok wearing dark 80% power goggles at nite.
look... when u do someone a wrong, take responsibility: do remedy actions and make sure the person is ok. do so few ppl in the world realise simple responsibility? after these incidents hv happened to me, you can be sure that i'll do the right thing if i do someone a wrong. but this also means the next time someone does me a wrong and refuse to take proper responsibility, i not going to hold my tongue anymore. Watch Out!
note to self: make rite wat i do wrong; do the rite thing when wronged, and lash out.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Growing Old
Currently Playing: Love Me Do by The Beatles
hahah! how ironic playing such an old song with this topic. well can see a trend rite... i write a lot when i feel inspired and disappear before coming back again. infrequent ramblings.
yup... as much as i hate to admit it, i'm growing old. and fat. my body not only doesn't recover as fast, doesn't react as well to exercise anymore. it's not an excuse. i still know i have to exercise... but i've been busy...
busy with exams of coz. gotta try clear every subject this time round... so at least next sem not so siong. and i wanna faster get out of here! sorry state that i'm staying here longer than my frens when i dislike it more than them. of coz that's part of the reason too...
and to make things slightly worse, i got a toothache! my last one was... 10 yrs ago? hahah darn... i HAVE been brushing... dunno y. oh well let's just wait and see if it goes away...
problems... problems... problems... this blog of mine is starting to whine. hopefully my brain gets better at writing. maybe after the exams. tired... better sleep.
note to self: stop whining and do something abt my fitness! and write better!
hahah! how ironic playing such an old song with this topic. well can see a trend rite... i write a lot when i feel inspired and disappear before coming back again. infrequent ramblings.
yup... as much as i hate to admit it, i'm growing old. and fat. my body not only doesn't recover as fast, doesn't react as well to exercise anymore. it's not an excuse. i still know i have to exercise... but i've been busy...
busy with exams of coz. gotta try clear every subject this time round... so at least next sem not so siong. and i wanna faster get out of here! sorry state that i'm staying here longer than my frens when i dislike it more than them. of coz that's part of the reason too...
and to make things slightly worse, i got a toothache! my last one was... 10 yrs ago? hahah darn... i HAVE been brushing... dunno y. oh well let's just wait and see if it goes away...
problems... problems... problems... this blog of mine is starting to whine. hopefully my brain gets better at writing. maybe after the exams. tired... better sleep.
note to self: stop whining and do something abt my fitness! and write better!
Being Practical
Currently Playing: Don't Get Me Wrong by The Pretenders
This song has been on my mind for a year! the lyrics say it all... nice. wat i usually kena.
anyway... got really disappointed with ntu undergrads todae. Our 2nd last HRM lecture with FOO CT and halfway thru he said since there's not much time left he shall do evaluation (ie. letting students fill up feedback & evaluation forms) the LT started buzzing and next thing u know, ppl are packing up and leaving even before the forms reach them at the top! WTF! come on, give the man some respect! he's not a wonderful lecturer but as least he's not horrible like some chinamen... plus he means well in his material. fricking idiots! dunno wat's proper behaviour.
just shows the failure of the upbringing, education of these ppl. already at least 21yrs, still dunno when the give respect when due. too practical... yes, that evaluation form doesn't mean a thing to u, but it does to this guy who has been trying to convey outside world knowledge to us! so much for altruistic inclinations. so many ard me are just plain practical and mercenary. sigh.
well ok, i dun mean to claim i'm never practical and mercenary, but i'm that to the ppl that deserve such behaviour... am i being too critical of others? maybe. well at least when the forms weren't coming, ZZ & i went down to ask for extra forms and filled them up in front of him.
note to self: be less critical, less judging, and above all, nicer to everyone. hope i can carry it out.
This song has been on my mind for a year! the lyrics say it all... nice. wat i usually kena.
anyway... got really disappointed with ntu undergrads todae. Our 2nd last HRM lecture with FOO CT and halfway thru he said since there's not much time left he shall do evaluation (ie. letting students fill up feedback & evaluation forms) the LT started buzzing and next thing u know, ppl are packing up and leaving even before the forms reach them at the top! WTF! come on, give the man some respect! he's not a wonderful lecturer but as least he's not horrible like some chinamen... plus he means well in his material. fricking idiots! dunno wat's proper behaviour.
just shows the failure of the upbringing, education of these ppl. already at least 21yrs, still dunno when the give respect when due. too practical... yes, that evaluation form doesn't mean a thing to u, but it does to this guy who has been trying to convey outside world knowledge to us! so much for altruistic inclinations. so many ard me are just plain practical and mercenary. sigh.
well ok, i dun mean to claim i'm never practical and mercenary, but i'm that to the ppl that deserve such behaviour... am i being too critical of others? maybe. well at least when the forms weren't coming, ZZ & i went down to ask for extra forms and filled them up in front of him.
note to self: be less critical, less judging, and above all, nicer to everyone. hope i can carry it out.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Roles & Age
Just came back from Gunung Angsi (825m) on Good Friday, 25th March. Took a midnite bus from Larkin on Thurs nite, reached Seremban 4+am. Took bus and started trekking at abt 9am, reached summit 1230pm, reached the exit at 3+pm. Took buses, had supper at JB and returned to SG after midnite.
I digress... from this trek, i realise more about myself. I had a long break from trekking, Jan '04 to Feb '05, and this was my 2nd trek after revival. Even more memorable than my 1st leech in 2 yrs, instead of being the sociable leader i can be, i laid back and kept to myself a bit.
i didn't need to be a leader, ZZ was there to lead; QZ, CS, etc to assist. the party was 17 - usually i'm the odd one out. all bus rides i sat alone, but i didn't mind. i like to hv time to myself to think and let my mind wander. but that wld usually set the mood for the entire trip. i subconsciously became laid back, aloof, less willing to talk and help, and generally kept to myself and listened to others (which is rare) basically being a participant thru and thru.
but that didn't really take effort... maybe that's my true self. i CAN be sociable, i CAN be the entertainer and i CAN take up leadership; i also CAN be the supporting role and assist, but when others can and willingly take up these positions, i step back and let them handle it unless they are THAT incompetent.
So it seems i am capable of different roles, it's just whether others can fill the roles needed or i put in the effort. of coz if i'm tasked and responsible for holding that role, i slip into it effortlessly. but given a choice, i look at people dynamics 1st. good or bad? i'm not sure, but being versatile nv hurt anyone ;-)
but also... the trek made me realise i've aged... i don't recover as fast, my fitness levels are not as high as before, i need more sleep, and i dun look like i'm in shape even though i've been exercising every week. 1/4 of a century old and i'm feeling the effects. kind of bummed... until now it was always on the up... the decline is dismaying. i'm too young to be getting old.
note to self: exercise more regularly, and enjoy the things i like to do before i'm too old to do so. i'm starting to already.
I digress... from this trek, i realise more about myself. I had a long break from trekking, Jan '04 to Feb '05, and this was my 2nd trek after revival. Even more memorable than my 1st leech in 2 yrs, instead of being the sociable leader i can be, i laid back and kept to myself a bit.
i didn't need to be a leader, ZZ was there to lead; QZ, CS, etc to assist. the party was 17 - usually i'm the odd one out. all bus rides i sat alone, but i didn't mind. i like to hv time to myself to think and let my mind wander. but that wld usually set the mood for the entire trip. i subconsciously became laid back, aloof, less willing to talk and help, and generally kept to myself and listened to others (which is rare) basically being a participant thru and thru.
but that didn't really take effort... maybe that's my true self. i CAN be sociable, i CAN be the entertainer and i CAN take up leadership; i also CAN be the supporting role and assist, but when others can and willingly take up these positions, i step back and let them handle it unless they are THAT incompetent.
So it seems i am capable of different roles, it's just whether others can fill the roles needed or i put in the effort. of coz if i'm tasked and responsible for holding that role, i slip into it effortlessly. but given a choice, i look at people dynamics 1st. good or bad? i'm not sure, but being versatile nv hurt anyone ;-)
but also... the trek made me realise i've aged... i don't recover as fast, my fitness levels are not as high as before, i need more sleep, and i dun look like i'm in shape even though i've been exercising every week. 1/4 of a century old and i'm feeling the effects. kind of bummed... until now it was always on the up... the decline is dismaying. i'm too young to be getting old.
note to self: exercise more regularly, and enjoy the things i like to do before i'm too old to do so. i'm starting to already.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
How Apt
haha.. how apt.. just realised todae is the birthday of a girl i had a major crush on in JC.. lasted 2 yrs, and she wasn't really chio anyway... she shd be working by now... wonder how she's doing.
yah rite. u think i care? hahahha i dun bother liao lah! once i decide put down something, i won't pick it up again. its a matter of pride and principle.
note to self: sleep after this post.
yah rite. u think i care? hahahha i dun bother liao lah! once i decide put down something, i won't pick it up again. its a matter of pride and principle.
note to self: sleep after this post.
Good Start to a Bad Day
supposed to be sleeping 45 mins ago... gotta wake up do fyp tml morning. but been busy packing for angsi tml and settling emails, smses and msns....
bad day? u bet. had a quiz in the morning which i knew little abt. the good start was i miraclously managed to pass by guessing MCQs. then ambitiously went to the graphics lab, but cldn't get anything done. after lunch still couldn't get my brain to start up... went back hall and crashed til 5pm. whole day gone just liddat... didn't do fyp either. at least the evening was ok... went to hall4 do m460... watched amazing race and nuah...
u know, friendster is such a useful tool... hahha just found out that yet another cute girl that's caught my eye is already attached! how sianz. looks like every girl worth getting attached already is. so wat does that leave me with? a big fat girl who wears the same dress every other day? hahahahh (some of u might know i'm referring to)
sigh... so how? try how hard also always knock head-1st into wall.
yah, sometimes i do like being alone. i like to explore alone... work alone... think alone. but when i stumble upon wonderful sights when exploring... how i wish i had someone in my arms to share them with. at least u know someone's loving u when u're away.
liverpool's motto doesn't hold true in my world. oh well, tml going angsi liao. (wee ee ee ee ee ee ee wee ummm wumm bo way.... in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonite....)
bad day? u bet. had a quiz in the morning which i knew little abt. the good start was i miraclously managed to pass by guessing MCQs. then ambitiously went to the graphics lab, but cldn't get anything done. after lunch still couldn't get my brain to start up... went back hall and crashed til 5pm. whole day gone just liddat... didn't do fyp either. at least the evening was ok... went to hall4 do m460... watched amazing race and nuah...
u know, friendster is such a useful tool... hahha just found out that yet another cute girl that's caught my eye is already attached! how sianz. looks like every girl worth getting attached already is. so wat does that leave me with? a big fat girl who wears the same dress every other day? hahahahh (some of u might know i'm referring to)
sigh... so how? try how hard also always knock head-1st into wall.
yah, sometimes i do like being alone. i like to explore alone... work alone... think alone. but when i stumble upon wonderful sights when exploring... how i wish i had someone in my arms to share them with. at least u know someone's loving u when u're away.
liverpool's motto doesn't hold true in my world. oh well, tml going angsi liao. (wee ee ee ee ee ee ee wee ummm wumm bo way.... in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonite....)
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Churches
ok ok last blog of the day. getting tired. yes, me too. just lemme write this down coz i feel inspired. hopefully this won't be my last post for a long time....... hopefully i'll come back. haha.
churches! well not really churches but christian grps. my best buddy VJ just came back from a mission trip to laos or vietnam a few wks ago. he took some nice pics with my camera... and he told me abt the trip, saying he and his mission frens cldn't preach coz the commie police were watching them all the time... so they cld only give pencils and balloons and etc to the village kids.
WOAH! hold the phone! u're preaching christianity to improvished, culturally drained communities?? WTF are u doing?!?!? these ppls have oready lost some of their cultural heritage due to communist oppression, and u wanna impose a new culture on them erasing wat little they hv?? WTF is wrong with u ppl???? if u wanna help u shd help restore their own culture!
if these idiots had their way... everyone wld be the same, hv the same culture, sing the same hymns, praise the same god, say the same churchy stuff... another form of globalisation! the mcdonald's of religon! come to think of it... a bit like communism also... want everyone to be homogeneous and believe the same things. oppressing other beliefs, other cultures. that's wat pisses me off abt christians. always wanna impose their beliefs on others. true, there are many who aren't liddat. many respect others. but i've met too many idiots trying to tell me abt bible and stuff against my own will, and lets face it... no other religion imposes itself on non-believers. well... radical islam does kill innocent ppl, but let's talk abt mainstream here. u dun see buddhist monks telling sikhs to shave their heads do u? or vice versa?
u know wat's best? VJ's church is sending another mission team to NEPAL! the fricking seat of buddhism, and u wanna talk abt jesus?? that's PLAIN RUDE. buddha oughta give u guys a slap using Ru Lai Shen Zhang man!! heng VJ is smart enuff not to join them. how wld the isrealis feel if dalai lama sends a team to try to convert them to buddhism...
so STOP ur evanglist activities!! stop being oppressive and plain annoying. (sorry bro... but it's something i feel strongly abt)
note to self: next time someone tries to convert me to christianity, i'll try to convert him to taoism and tell him all abt monkey god
churches! well not really churches but christian grps. my best buddy VJ just came back from a mission trip to laos or vietnam a few wks ago. he took some nice pics with my camera... and he told me abt the trip, saying he and his mission frens cldn't preach coz the commie police were watching them all the time... so they cld only give pencils and balloons and etc to the village kids.
WOAH! hold the phone! u're preaching christianity to improvished, culturally drained communities?? WTF are u doing?!?!? these ppls have oready lost some of their cultural heritage due to communist oppression, and u wanna impose a new culture on them erasing wat little they hv?? WTF is wrong with u ppl???? if u wanna help u shd help restore their own culture!
if these idiots had their way... everyone wld be the same, hv the same culture, sing the same hymns, praise the same god, say the same churchy stuff... another form of globalisation! the mcdonald's of religon! come to think of it... a bit like communism also... want everyone to be homogeneous and believe the same things. oppressing other beliefs, other cultures. that's wat pisses me off abt christians. always wanna impose their beliefs on others. true, there are many who aren't liddat. many respect others. but i've met too many idiots trying to tell me abt bible and stuff against my own will, and lets face it... no other religion imposes itself on non-believers. well... radical islam does kill innocent ppl, but let's talk abt mainstream here. u dun see buddhist monks telling sikhs to shave their heads do u? or vice versa?
u know wat's best? VJ's church is sending another mission team to NEPAL! the fricking seat of buddhism, and u wanna talk abt jesus?? that's PLAIN RUDE. buddha oughta give u guys a slap using Ru Lai Shen Zhang man!! heng VJ is smart enuff not to join them. how wld the isrealis feel if dalai lama sends a team to try to convert them to buddhism...
so STOP ur evanglist activities!! stop being oppressive and plain annoying. (sorry bro... but it's something i feel strongly abt)
note to self: next time someone tries to convert me to christianity, i'll try to convert him to taoism and tell him all abt monkey god
Getting a Tattoo?
was watching "killer waves" on channel 5. to think that if i hadn't pushed my phuket holiday forward exactly 1 mth to nov'04, i'd be caught right smack at the tsunami. 3 possible, terrible outcomes:
1) i'm alright but my family is worried to death
2) i'm alright but i break my heart for a lost fren who i treated more than just a fren
3) i get killed because i was on holiday with a fren who i treated more than just a fren but to whom i'm just a fren (ie. for no good reason)
and knowing i'm prone to do crazy things like go on solo overseas trips, eat fried larvae and not tell most people, i think i better take precautions. one of them might be getting a tattoo. yup... i've always been against vandalising my body with drawings or piercings... but was thinking of just writing chinese character "xun" on my left back shoulder... so at least if i get killed and my body is found bloated and decomposing somewhere... ppl can identify me, by my name no less. at least my family can hv closure and i hv a decent sending off. more on the sending off next time.
so why left back shoulder? i guess if my head get lopped off and seperated, it can be identified by my distinct dental records... i hv a ceramic tooth(heh heh) and my right side of the body has 2 screws (wow am i cool or wat? metal and ceramic implants!!)... so that leaves left side, somewhere not so often seen. butt is out. so... it's a thot.
1) i'm alright but my family is worried to death
2) i'm alright but i break my heart for a lost fren who i treated more than just a fren
3) i get killed because i was on holiday with a fren who i treated more than just a fren but to whom i'm just a fren (ie. for no good reason)
and knowing i'm prone to do crazy things like go on solo overseas trips, eat fried larvae and not tell most people, i think i better take precautions. one of them might be getting a tattoo. yup... i've always been against vandalising my body with drawings or piercings... but was thinking of just writing chinese character "xun" on my left back shoulder... so at least if i get killed and my body is found bloated and decomposing somewhere... ppl can identify me, by my name no less. at least my family can hv closure and i hv a decent sending off. more on the sending off next time.
so why left back shoulder? i guess if my head get lopped off and seperated, it can be identified by my distinct dental records... i hv a ceramic tooth(heh heh) and my right side of the body has 2 screws (wow am i cool or wat? metal and ceramic implants!!)... so that leaves left side, somewhere not so often seen. butt is out. so... it's a thot.
Staying Behind
I'll be staying back in sch 1 more semester than the rest of my cohort.
it'll be politically correct to say i wasn't focused on my studies; brutally frank to say i didn't study; analytically observant to say i just wasn't interested in studying engineering. part of the turn-off comes from media: engineers are always potrayed as uncool, boring, technical geeks... and some ppl i meet in this course match their future role to a T. i don't want to be uncool boring and technical. never fails that i ask myself every exam "why am i studying this? will this affect me in any, any way?" that question was the cause of one of the issues in my 1st posting.
anyway, that's that. I'll be staying 1 sem (only, hopefully) with hopefully 5 subjects (if i manage to clear all this sem) and FYP. at 1st i thot wat the heck, no big deal. i'll just hang out with juniors. but i look ard me and realise most of those i'm closest to are leaving! even those who came in earlier for 3 yr courses. now i feel i'm getting left behind. in another 6 mths, they'll be looking for a job or working and earning... i'll still stuck be in here studying. ppl will be moving on.
well.... i'm not particularly upset. disheartened probably. but there's not much i can do is there? LL and clear this ASAP.
note to self: study lah! dun blog so much.... hahah
it'll be politically correct to say i wasn't focused on my studies; brutally frank to say i didn't study; analytically observant to say i just wasn't interested in studying engineering. part of the turn-off comes from media: engineers are always potrayed as uncool, boring, technical geeks... and some ppl i meet in this course match their future role to a T. i don't want to be uncool boring and technical. never fails that i ask myself every exam "why am i studying this? will this affect me in any, any way?" that question was the cause of one of the issues in my 1st posting.
anyway, that's that. I'll be staying 1 sem (only, hopefully) with hopefully 5 subjects (if i manage to clear all this sem) and FYP. at 1st i thot wat the heck, no big deal. i'll just hang out with juniors. but i look ard me and realise most of those i'm closest to are leaving! even those who came in earlier for 3 yr courses. now i feel i'm getting left behind. in another 6 mths, they'll be looking for a job or working and earning... i'll still stuck be in here studying. ppl will be moving on.
well.... i'm not particularly upset. disheartened probably. but there's not much i can do is there? LL and clear this ASAP.
note to self: study lah! dun blog so much.... hahah
Coming Back
Wow. it's been almost 5 mths i hvn't touched this blog. well i guess that's coz i had other things to do and didn't hv the patience for this. but rite now i feel the need to ramble again. guess it's coz nowadays got so many weird thots coming out of my head, better write them somewhere b4 they fade into oblivion, just like the so many other thots before.
well... i dunno if i hv an audience at this pt in time, probably not. so i guess this is just for me. hahahah let's treat this as a fresh start shall we.......
well... i dunno if i hv an audience at this pt in time, probably not. so i guess this is just for me. hahahah let's treat this as a fresh start shall we.......
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Cycling
My study buddies are avid cyclists... just now they decided to cycle to cant a to study at 11+pm... and i stupidly agreed to cycle with them using a fren's heavy, dusty and deflated bike left in my room for 1 1/2 yrs.
i was a little shacked out after carrying down 1 1/2 stories to the car park, following which i realised how hard it is to cycle with flat tyres.
CS intended to cycle with me from hall 7, but had to wait for me instead. i had to call QZ to bring a pump from ZZ's place. he was surprisingly fast on getting here, but had to help me adjust an unaligned rear tyre before air could go in.
Once done, 3 of us cycled to cant A, tackling 2 long gentle upslopes. My body now had its revenge on me for feeding it junk food, too much food and depriving it of much needed exercise. 1/2 way up the 1st slope i was panting; 1/2 way up the 2nd slope i was walking.
we rested below the steps leading up to the canteen for 5-10mins: i was out of breath and sweating. after that couldn't really settle down to study. all 3 of us agreed that it wld've been faster if i walked.
lesson learnt: 1) i need to cut down on food and increase exercise. 2) I shdn't cycle.
note to self: say "no thanx", and walk. (applicable for cycling invites and insurance agents.)
i was a little shacked out after carrying down 1 1/2 stories to the car park, following which i realised how hard it is to cycle with flat tyres.
CS intended to cycle with me from hall 7, but had to wait for me instead. i had to call QZ to bring a pump from ZZ's place. he was surprisingly fast on getting here, but had to help me adjust an unaligned rear tyre before air could go in.
Once done, 3 of us cycled to cant A, tackling 2 long gentle upslopes. My body now had its revenge on me for feeding it junk food, too much food and depriving it of much needed exercise. 1/2 way up the 1st slope i was panting; 1/2 way up the 2nd slope i was walking.
we rested below the steps leading up to the canteen for 5-10mins: i was out of breath and sweating. after that couldn't really settle down to study. all 3 of us agreed that it wld've been faster if i walked.
lesson learnt: 1) i need to cut down on food and increase exercise. 2) I shdn't cycle.
note to self: say "no thanx", and walk. (applicable for cycling invites and insurance agents.)
Getting Started
Why am I blogging? I used to think it was kinda dumb... who's going to stumble on ur crappy diary and actually take the time to read something totally irrelevant to their own lives? and the ppl who blog just seem to want some club or venue to vent their relationship angst and complain abt how crappy their life is and blah blah blah...
I think I've just been made a new member.
Anwyay. I'm blogging coz todae i realised just how effective blogging is to communicate really true feelings. I had the privilege of reading a study buddy's blog todae... and realised that she's sometimes upset about ppl ribbing her abt she being like a guy. she didn't explicitly mention me, but I'm guilty of that, although i honestly didn't know she'd get upset over it. she seems to take it so well in her stride. kinda sorry... i wld never want to hurt a fren on purpose. therefore from now on i shall cut down on the "guy ribbing". seriously, she's ok... 100% girl. even wears skirts on a regular basis! just that she likes to cut her hair short like butch liddat.... ;-P
I also was told of a close fren's blog by another of our group... i was lamenting to her over a certain life situation i'm struggling with (more on that next time) and just wanted a listening ear, but she was kinda telling me (nicely of coz) that there's nothing i cld do but just LL and suck thumb... it wasn't helping, so i just said straight up that she wasn't helping, lets talk abt something else. didn't know that had hurt her and earned a place in her blog.
see? blogging so effective. so from now on i shall ramble abt my feelings so i dun need to confront anyone when they hurt me... just give them this website address. hahahha
but didn't know i cld still piss ppl off... guess they're just too nice to tell me.
thought of the day: "If I wasn't me, I'd piss myself off"
note to self: be a nicer, more sensitive person.
I think I've just been made a new member.
Anwyay. I'm blogging coz todae i realised just how effective blogging is to communicate really true feelings. I had the privilege of reading a study buddy's blog todae... and realised that she's sometimes upset about ppl ribbing her abt she being like a guy. she didn't explicitly mention me, but I'm guilty of that, although i honestly didn't know she'd get upset over it. she seems to take it so well in her stride. kinda sorry... i wld never want to hurt a fren on purpose. therefore from now on i shall cut down on the "guy ribbing". seriously, she's ok... 100% girl. even wears skirts on a regular basis! just that she likes to cut her hair short like butch liddat.... ;-P
I also was told of a close fren's blog by another of our group... i was lamenting to her over a certain life situation i'm struggling with (more on that next time) and just wanted a listening ear, but she was kinda telling me (nicely of coz) that there's nothing i cld do but just LL and suck thumb... it wasn't helping, so i just said straight up that she wasn't helping, lets talk abt something else. didn't know that had hurt her and earned a place in her blog.
see? blogging so effective. so from now on i shall ramble abt my feelings so i dun need to confront anyone when they hurt me... just give them this website address. hahahha
but didn't know i cld still piss ppl off... guess they're just too nice to tell me.
thought of the day: "If I wasn't me, I'd piss myself off"
note to self: be a nicer, more sensitive person.
