Almost a Year

I knew you were the one long before I dared to believe it. There were times when I was afraid that I would wake up the next morning and find out that it was all a perfect dream.

How we began, and how well we fit together, has made me realise that there might be a higher being after all.

You are the one - no one else will do.

My Contribution to the Petition on CSE

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/parents_sex_ed_appeal/index.html

We must not allow young, malleable minds to think that homosexuality is normal, because:

1) no human is a product of homosexuality. this means homosexuality is not genetic, not a borne trait. Thus homosexuality is deviant.

2) as a small country, with natural population growth levels of concern, on a nationalistic level we should not encourage homosexuality, even if we do not penalise those who do so.

3) with a heterosexual majority, homosexuals will of course stand out. This may be perceived as being "cool" to confused children with low self-esteem and they may relate being homosexual with being different, outstanding, and thus popular - which might influence a child with no such tendencies turn gay just to get attention.

Warning: you need to pay minimum USD 2 to publish your signature.

Empathy

With the saga that's going on with AWARE, not that i'm anti-anti-gay, but i empathise with the 'old guard' who got unceremoniously booted from their own organisation.
http://sgblogs.com/entry/update-aware-exco-remains-silent/334122

Let's just say I know exactly how it feels. 'Traumatising' is one way to describe it. You feel betrayed, maybe a little like being dumped. The angry indignation that comes with injustice. The massive let-down that your hard work wasn't appreciated. The blindside that came just because you weren't chummy with the right people. And the silly arguments they used to justify them brushing you away. Most of all, the helplessness you feel when you can't do anything about it.

You feel hurt and angry - and walk out, wanting nothing to do with what you once loved so much. But over time you learn that the others too, are human. They make mistakes, and you learn to forgive. Of course it helps if they manage to show everyone else what idiots they are.

But you never forget.

Soulmates

When anything can be said, yet everything need not be spoken.

=)

6 Months

6 wonderful, estatic months full of you. Driving home from your place, I couldn't help but imagine how lonely and miserable I must have been without you - yet it seems so long ago that I can't even remember the person I was then. (I hope my frens can't too.)

The days without you are slow and monotonous. I become more productive and upbeat on workdays when I will see you in the evenings. yet time slips away so quickly while you are by my side.

Those 3 little words hold so much meaning - too many positive emotions course thru me that I can only condense my thoughts into these 3 little words, for fear my heart will burst with the intensity I feel, the intensity it all encompasses. And so, so grateful that you feel the same way.

Thank you, my love.

Sprint Aquathlon (750m Swim, 5km Run)

I think I may have overstrained my right calf ligament just behind my knee... have problems walking. other than that, I don't feel too tired.

I thought of a quote during the running leg, as I thought of overtaking the guy in front, and hearing heavy running steps from the guy behind.

"It's not against the guy in front or the guy behind. It's against the fat lazy arse inside screaming at you to get back into bed."

I heard him loud and clear at 6.30am that morning... really wanted to go back to bed. But what would my darling think of me then? Cannot disappoint her. So I had my breakfast and hopped into a cab. Was late but pleaded my way in.

During the warm up, saw that quite a few quite rookies like me. So that was good. The 1st part of the swimming had arms and legs everywhere. didn't help that the water was so murky, you wouldnt see the other guy until it was too late to avoid his elbows/feet/shoulders/hands. I just kept going and tried not to think too much about the distance / possibility-of-faggots-joining-this-for-a-feel. 22m 34s

Swam/ran out of the water to the transition area. I hate sand in my socks, so took me a while. In my rush, did not tie my shoelaces together as suggested by chel.

Soon after I started the run, kena calf cramp. took a while to go to the side and stretch + drink isotonic drinks... was fine but knee started to hurt, so went at a slightly lower pace. plus i was tired from the swim. the water and isotonics helped along the way. the heat didn't. 31m 35s

Not a good competitive result: 97th in my category, 421st male and 538th overall. but then my aim was to finish. I did, and got a cheapo 'bronze medal' for my efforts.

The Signs of Ageing

Contrary to what old Hong Kong actresses yakking endlessly tell you in commercials, SK-II Miracle Water can't stop all the signs of ageing.

Nope, no amount of glorified rice water could have made the Old Folks' BBQ go on after 10pm.

My 1st BBQ which ended before Prime-time TV. A sign of things to come? I remember a time when BBQs ended long after midnight, when less hallmates would see me walking back to my room, bathed in oil/smoke/sauces/soft drinks and charcoal/food stains on my singlet. That's why i always wore a lousy old singlet to BBQs.

Come to think of it, the last BBQ where we played with edibles was in 2004. 4 years. (yes, i know i know, this is where i type 'time flies.')

Other Signs of Ageing observed:
- Instead of asking where to find lecturers, ppl were asking where to find Justices of Peace.
- No more $50 trips to Belumut with tents and messtins for this bunch! Lots of expensive plans to go to Taiwan, Japan, Australia, Russia and Africa.
- No need to pool taxis to go home or the nearest MRT station - everyone drove or was driven off.

Such was our shared history, and if we were all drawn to the gathering to re-live that little slice of history again, we did. Things change. Lives change. We all have more stories to be lived through, with some ODAC ones to be re-told again and again.

Nice to see everyone again. Really. =)

29th August 2008

remember this date. significantly random.

Should I go Central Vietnam?

at the brink of deciding on whether to spend my 1 week break from work in Vietnam. Hue & Hoi An to be exact.

Against:
- Cities. With historical buildings, but still cities. I do prefer more natural settings.
- Prices. Air fare quite expensive. Total calculated need to spend abt $830 for 7 days, compared to $710 for 8 days last year.
- Company. or the lack of. The prospect of being lonely in a foreign city is a little intimidating.

For:
- Adventure. Being alone pushes me out of my comfort zone, which is good. I am forced to open my mouth to complete strangers, and not just those who are trying to sell me stuff.
- Freedom. no need me to wait for anyone, no need anyone to wait for me.
- I deserve a vacation.

Care to give me some advice?

Just 1 More

I think I finally have a clear idea of how I want my just 1 more blessing to be like.

Coz I finally have a clear idea of who I want to be.

I would like someone who:
- I have to reserve every friday evening for
- goes with me to nature / outdoor spots on saturdays
- runs with me at ecp on sundays
- is my dive buddy from now on
- backpacks with me
- laughs at my bo liao jokes
- cracks some herself
- understands my love for coffee
- makes me want to pick up guitar again
- watches the stars with me on clear nights
- mesmerises me in some way
- loves only me

is that too much to ask?

============================================================

Just 1 more km to run
Just 1 more lap to swim
Just 1 more email to clear
Just 1 more task to complete
Just 1 more tier to reach
Just 1 more grade to obtain
Just 1 more piece to find
Just 1 more blessing to count

Post #301

Currently Playing: Pinch Me by Barenaked Ladies (Bathroom Sessions)


It's Post #301. And after 1.5 mths of not coming in, i've almost forgotten my password.

I hvn't come in coz
a) no time, no energy due to work
b) nothing really, really interesting to write about.

Tonite I finally have some inspiration to write - just returned home from ktv + dinner + card game + anti-climax failed surprise birthday with adsports2 ppl. we had lots of laughs during ktv, poor planning on my part caused us to miss the birthday girl, and she didnt pick up her phone after we went all the way to below her block. lots more laughs when playing cards. and squeezing in the car was part of the fun.

But it's not the events of the evening I want to talk about. It's about how far we've come. We got together, what - 6 years ago? and when we come together, 3 times a year? everything comes back - the jokes, the chemistry, the friendship, all the good stuff. I guess maybe it's best to keep expectations away, and enjoy what you have already.

How far we've come. or to be more precise, how far i've come. in terms of material-wise, from a poor student who had a poor sense of money, to earning a comfortable amount and very aware of that difference betw kopitiam and starbucks is a whopping $4.50. maybe compared to certain groups of frens, i'm not earning as much. but i've happened to meet others who are seriously stuck in a career rut and faring poorly. so i'll consider myself doing ok.

That said, how far I've come in terms of outlook as well. Maybe it due to the comings and goings at work, i realised i've become a bit more zen in my thinking. I'm no longer that reckless, that callous anymore. Now I simply do what I think should be done, treat everyone nicely and help as much as I can without compromising myself. Coz I now know what goes around comes around. If shit happens, no worries - just brush it away and it flows off, like water off a duck's back. Take care of yourself, and the people around you, and the universe will find an equilibrium.

So I think I've grown up a bit more. just a little. And I want to thank all of those who have been around - coz that's where influence comes from. Of course major credit would be due to my parents and my mentor, but everyone chipped in as well.

So, thank you. Now i'm in a better position than in uni (of course), and everything seems ok. healthy finances, good jobs, family healthy and quite content, generally in good health, quite a few close frens, quite a number of frens i can get along and play with, and still wide open spaces ahead of me. considering some of the ppl ard me, I can say that I am blessed. just 1 more blessing and I would be happy, content - someone to love.

just 1 more.

The Square Root of Three

by David Feinberg
(as featured in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay)


I’m fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
The love, for me, has been renewed

What a Difference 6 Months make

Currently Playing: Stop and Stare by OneRepublic

If someone told me 6 months ago that I'll be looking for another job now, I'd say it was impossible. Heng no one said that then. haha.

Let's see... what was it that all added up?

- Departure of mentor manager
- Cutting down of department activity scope (part 1)
- Cutting down of department established strength
- Cutting down of department activity scope (part 2)
- Departure of knowledgable, approachable, motivating director
- Arrival of fresh, demanding, stubborn and unmotivating senior director
- Significantly reduced chance of getting additional work-related training
- Reduced chance of getting promoted
- Realisation that this position would not be able to give me a greater challenge once all this nonsense is over

in chronological order, but each subsequent step became yet a bigger push factor than the previous one.

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere

Anyone But Me

I do so much and yet I don't get what I deserve.

I'm tired and don't want to fight on anymore but I cannot bring myself to stop. I cannot let myself down.

Building bridges, fighting fires.

For either outcome there is the natural reaction, so no need to think so much.

And got to remind myself the words of Morpheus.

"Everything that has a beginning, has an end."

Chow Ang Moh Scores an Own Goal

The Players:
Director: Quiet, humourous, experienced, approachable. Everyone loves and respects him.
GM: Sarcastic, takes credit, knows of to make use of ppl, or use their words against them. Everyone avoids him.
CAM: Chao Ang Moh. Pet of the GM, so rose from AM to AGM in 1.5 yrs. Regularly talks down to ppl, like to chee hong local girls. Everyone detests him.
Me: Last one left in my team since Jan. So have to handle day-to-day requests, long term projects, organise meetings, talk to suppliers, everything. 1 man doing 3 person's work.
K: Director requested GM to temporarily loan someone out of his 20+ strong team (including CAM's) to assist my team. K was the 1st person approached by GM, and he emailed everyone saying that K would stay until we get more ppl in my team.

The Background:
K has been loaned from CAM's team for over 2.5 months. with 5 ppl in the team left and a major project coming up, GM and CAM seek to get K back. What their narrow-mindedness fails to see is I'm involved in the project too, and if she moves back, they increase CAM's team by 20%, but reduce mine by 50%. We are now in the midst of changing all our email addresses to suit the new company structure, effective next Monday.

The Saga:
Morning - I see the new email address linked to my ID, but K does not. I email CAM (co-ordinator in this) asking if he is the right person to extend the email address to K, if not, pls let me know who it is.
CAM's reply: K does not need the new email as she is moving back to our team.
My reply: Was not aware of any such arrangement, and anyway it was agreed that she stay until new ppl arrive. pls give her accesss.

No reply, until late afternoon - CAM comes over and says that K is going back, and Director is aware.
Me: Really? I wasn't aware of anything like that. OK, I'll speak to Director then.
CAM: W-w-why do you want to speak with him?
Me: Because I don't agree.
CAM: OK, well it's up to you. But Director's not in his office right now, maybe we'll go talk to him later.
Me: OK. (I can see CAM's desk and into Director's office from my seat.)

5 mins later, Director returns. Catch CAM and 2 of his team members going into a meeting room. I stop the door from closing.

Me: Director is in now. Shall we go see him?
CAM: I'm busy with this thing that I have at the moment.
Me: OK i'll go see him 1st then.

I go into the office and relate to the Director what had exchanged, asking if K was really going back on Monday.
Director smiles and says that he is aware that they want her back, but he hasn't agreed yet. We chat a bit more about what K is doing and how long I need her for.
Me: I thought the premise was she stay until new ppl come in.
Director: Haha of course you'll want that. Well we'll see. (This can read as he's not going to do anything) ;)
Me: OK, thanks Director. (I don't really call him that. The episode is real but names have been changed)

I walk back to my desk, passing CAM in the meeting room along the way. Thru the glass he sees me and I use my thumb to point to the director's office, meaning to say I've spoken to Director already. Maybe he thinks I mean director wants to see him. I don't care. Later ground reports from his side say his face was really red when he returned to his seat.

If he didn't attempt to get K back and trick me into agreeing, he wldn't have shown the Director what a liar he is. In all fairness, probably the GM got him to do it, then he shd've attempted a smarter scheme. He was counting on me to obediently relent coz he's a manager and the Director was mentioned. But I went straight to the Director instead coz
a) everyone knows he's an asshole and I know I can't trust him.
b) Director is approachable and he'll see the big picture.

If I am wrong, I will admit my mistake and will apologise. But if I am right, I will stand firm, and you will back down.