Troubling Thoughts On Sleepless Night

Actually, even though its 3.15am and I haven't slept yet, it's not due to the thoughts. I've been marvellously entertained by blogs. Just search "NKF" on blogger and you can spend hours laughing at what singaporeans have to say abt durai and his antics.

But it's coz of all these blogs that I have troubling thoughts. And of coz the eventful days i've been having. They're still jumbled, so I hope i get them all down.

First of all, who says singaporeans are apathetic? Have u searched "NKF" under blogger like I told u to? Go. Go check it out. WOW. and some of these entries are really good. 1 guy even wrote a cover letter applying to be the CEO of the "old NKF" to Gerard Ee. Now why didn't i think of that?

And I thot I did write rather well. I admit the quality of words waxes and wanes with the tides of my moods... but at least I thot I was entertaining. But now I see that it's not "a mountain behind still got one mountain higher"(Chinese four-letter word) but there are so many high mountains above me... and i notice 2 patterns about the good blogs:

a) most of their entries are commentaries, and they satire what is going on.
b) they have many links to other blogs or news sources.

My blog is different coz (a) sounds too much like work to me, and there's nothing I like more than to talk about myself. Hence this entry, of course. (b), OTOH, sounds like too much work to me...

So... suddenly it strikes me... how mediocre I am. Now only hv i not accomplished anything much in these 25yrs... what skills or attributes I thot I had pale in comparison to others.

My writing: is nothing compared to so many others.
My photography skills: are overrated - only some are really good.
My outdoor & leadership skills: are sorely unused.
My people skills: are merely an effort in facade I need to maintain.
My relationships with others: deserve a whole entry by itself.
My self discipline: is non-existent.
My plan for the future: is always sitting around waiting for something to happen.

I'm already getting left behind. Can't afford to sit around with my head in the sand anymore... For too long I've been cursing the darkness, but not daring to light the candle. I've always been ranting about what could have been, when in actual fact I don't know for sure. Hiding behind inherent difficulties was always easier than actually finding out "what if"? Giving too many excuses.

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." -
Gandalf

So I have been given more time to develop my body and mind - to do what I need to. I hope i have the strength to to keep at it. Maybe everything does have a good reason for happening; but it is up to me so see that the reason does indeed become a good one.

note to self: a journey of a thousand miles - is not merely a single step.