well... i dun hv anything against faggots if they leave everyone else alone and quietly live out their lives and then be condemned to eternal hell... i just ridicule them behind their backs. in front of them i'm rather civil. really.
but wat i don't like is that for a minority, their voice does not match their numbers. many of these g(u/a)ys are creative ppl. they are able to use media to spread their ideas that it's alrite to hump someone else's ass, it's alrite to come out of the closet, oh btw, we're being discriminated against, so please stand up for us, even if u're straight. we'll find some way to convert u if u hv a tight ass.
so everyone's now up in arms abt gay rights, and their faggoty voices are trying to drown out other minority voices. enuff abt blacks in US, enuff of jews everywhere in the world, wat abt immigrant chinese in US or EU? wat abt innocent muslims in US and EU? wat abt those with sub-normal intelligence? disabled? how many movies/celebrities/reality shows feature those, as compared to faggots? now, every survivor, amazing race, apprentice, modern "dramedy", has a mandatory gay participant/team. Project runway has more than its fair share. at most, only Sue-ann and another chinese guy has been on survivor, and currently a half-japanese looking bruce. there has been NO chinese team on amazing race, and only one Ivana Ma on the apprentice. so are there more gays than east-asian people in the US?
so normal impressionable teenagers, not thinking too much, watch these programmes and movies and think, actually, there seems to be many gays around. it seems acceptable to be gay, even cool (notice how many guys wear PINK nowadays). let's face it. ppl dun think too much when they wanna try to fit in, or stand out. so they start thinking, hey that seems cool. let's go hump someone's ass!! and before u know it, we have a whole nation of single women all becoming SPGs coz the local teenage guys are humping each other.
and for a small nation like ours, it's bad news!! no local born babies from normal relationships means no soldiers for SAF, no workers for economy, no scholars for gahmen service. and to escape all these, the half-ang-moh kids of local SPGs will pester their angmoh dads to bring them back to their redneck hometowns, or at least pay for expensive overseas piano lessons.
we're already seeing so many "foreign talent" filling up the gaps in the lower end of society: cleaners, fast food workers, street walkers, construction workers. and currently birth rates are already dropping. if more and more locals start turning gay, 50yrs down the road we might as well give the whole country to them.
then u'll see foreign talent taking over the higher rungs or society, while locals fill up the lower ones. why? coz all the local women are now rich tai tais living off their rich expat angmoh husbands while their darling chapcheng sons and daughters are studying for degrees in US and Oz or taking piano lessons in UK, and the local men have all been sacked from their jobs. how do i know? coz i watched brokeback mountain yesterday too. leave 2 or more faggots to do a job, they'll drop everything and hump, letting the sheep run loose all over the place.
so that's y gahmen is pushing the local faggot scene down so hard. coz they know wat havoc they hv caused in the western countries. and as a small country we cannot afford that. it wld hv more of our conservative, traditional, older generation keeling over with heart attacks as well, and damage our "average lifespan" rating. i understand wat the gahmen is doing, and like it. they know they can't shut them off totally, but SM Goh warned them before - dun go too far. i think that's probably why oral and anal sex without normal copulation is an offense: if the gay community goes too far, ALL of them can be locked away.
unfair u say? unnatural sex act unfair? ISA unfair? GRCs unfair? well... when u're in power, u'll want to stay there too rite? and u HAVE the power to make sure u stay there. U want to change things? u want a gay nation with gay cabinet? with terrorists running around freely coz they can only be caught AFTER they've killed hundreds of innocents? with MPs turning up for parliament in slippers? then go ahead and stand for election on the current rules lor.
i said before that i wld like to see more opposition in parliament. i still stand by that, even though i really really like wat the gahmen is doing now, except for some minor details. for the big picture, they're doing really well. wat i wld like to see is more CREDIBLE ppl not toeing the party line and bringing up issues which might hv been swept under the carpet. more Chiam See Tongs and Low Thia Khiangs. more Steve Chias are also ok, provided they keep their clothes on.
i think i've digressed. where was I? anyway, my stand abt faggots is as long as they dun bother me, i can still be civil in front of them. but they shd not hv a louder voice just because they wear shocking pink.
Monday, February 27, 2006
So Many Words, So Little Time
Currently Playing: All Rise by Blue
No time, but so much to record and relate.
first of all, why no time? coz
1) Bad News: Tues got fluids quiz, only read thru 1/2 the notes. Tml (mon) need to finish the notes and 3 tutorials. Tall order, so shd sleep early, considering i was consecutive nite shift for 2 nites liao.
2) Good News: Wed - Next Mon (1-6 Mar) I going Diving at Sipadan!! Woohoo!! expensive lah, i spending more than my whole mth's pay on it... but i guess its a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Shh... dun tell my parents k... they'll freak out if they know i going to the 2000 Abu Sayyaf kidnapping venue... i just told them a vague "Malaysia"... when probed further a still-vague "Sabah".
So, hope u guys, my Dear Readers, dun miss me too much. will hv long entries when i'm back to counter your withdrawals!!
Let me just record a rough list of wat i shd relate before i go diving.
Next Entry: "Tales of Work & Weirdos"
- The 2 Americans Who Hate Bush
- The Filipino Family
- The Old Man Who Couldn't Sleep
- The Faggots
- The Dubious Chinawoman
- The 5.30am Phone Call
- The Friendly Old German
- The Japanese Lady With Toilet Trouble
- The Walk-Ins: What A Difference A Day Makes
- The Cute Colleague
must... resist... on the 1st nite, in entered.... the urge... to elaborate... a non-guest who wanted to use..... now.... must click.... the orange button lablerd... arghz... the internet computers, so.... labelled... "Publish Post".... *click*
No time, but so much to record and relate.
first of all, why no time? coz
1) Bad News: Tues got fluids quiz, only read thru 1/2 the notes. Tml (mon) need to finish the notes and 3 tutorials. Tall order, so shd sleep early, considering i was consecutive nite shift for 2 nites liao.
2) Good News: Wed - Next Mon (1-6 Mar) I going Diving at Sipadan!! Woohoo!! expensive lah, i spending more than my whole mth's pay on it... but i guess its a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Shh... dun tell my parents k... they'll freak out if they know i going to the 2000 Abu Sayyaf kidnapping venue... i just told them a vague "Malaysia"... when probed further a still-vague "Sabah".
So, hope u guys, my Dear Readers, dun miss me too much. will hv long entries when i'm back to counter your withdrawals!!
Let me just record a rough list of wat i shd relate before i go diving.
Next Entry: "Tales of Work & Weirdos"
- The 2 Americans Who Hate Bush
- The Filipino Family
- The Old Man Who Couldn't Sleep
- The Faggots
- The Dubious Chinawoman
- The 5.30am Phone Call
- The Friendly Old German
- The Japanese Lady With Toilet Trouble
- The Walk-Ins: What A Difference A Day Makes
- The Cute Colleague
must... resist... on the 1st nite, in entered.... the urge... to elaborate... a non-guest who wanted to use..... now.... must click.... the orange button lablerd... arghz... the internet computers, so.... labelled... "Publish Post".... *click*
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Go Ahead, Tell Me What You REALLY Think
Just for fun:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Rockie
Even more funner:
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=EvilRockie
Go ahead. I can take it. Quick, before i turn evil and hunt u down. hahahaha
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Rockie
Even more funner:
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=EvilRockie
Go ahead. I can take it. Quick, before i turn evil and hunt u down. hahahaha
Fulfilling Day (Be Warned: Long)
I hv been supposedly awake for the past 20 hrs with the help of only 2 cups of coffee, not counting the exhausted micro-naps on the bus. my knees are screaming out bloody murder for making them lug 50-60kg of meat and bone all over sg. but it was all worth it.
Started with last nite at work. now i fully understand wat lady boss say by "if no one come, means no one come. but when one come, all will come". referring to guest enquires/payments/checkins/checkouts/etc of coz.
so my shift from 8pm to midnite flew by pretty fast. was kinda surprised when it was time to close up. after boss left, and came back and left again, i raided the "expired or not-for-sale food" box for munching while reading www.threekingdoms.com. suffered un-crispy seaweed, gross looking/tasting cake given by "grateful" guest, finally settled on loose bak hu and thick, thick milo. anything else repulsive which was nibbled at does not count.
tried to sleep start 230am... but hard metal bars under mattress + doorbell ringing from late returning chinaman kept me from sleeping. probably slept only 2++ hrs before alarm clock rang to check out a pair of swedes at 630am. called a cab for them. soon after, a yellow cab went past the front slowly... but didn't stop.
swede: is dat our cab?
me: i dun think so. i called the other company. their taxis are blue or green.
yellow cab reverses back into parking lot.
me: yeah... maybe it is. (probably not loud enuff for them to hear while they hurriedly grab their bags and head out the door.)
swedes: dank yew! gootbye!
a rather embarassed me: cya!! *whew*
back to sleep for another 1/2 hr. wake up for the day and open up/set up the place. slow breakfast of gone-soft cereal + 2 pkts of 3-in-1 coffee with as much soluble coffee and chocolate powder i dare to add, all in a typical ceramic mug. with hot water of coz.
i mean slow coz 1 guy checked out, 1 girl checked in and 1 guy came to get the stuff in the office safe and pay for stuff and chit chat while i was eating. so of coz stop and entertain them lah.
and when lady boss came in, so did another flurry of requests, payments, enquires, etc. left work at 10am.
decided to head to ubin to pick wild flowers for mum. illegally of coz. so was going to be a
采花贼. saw that the no.2 bus i took from tanah merah (after an illegally long wait!!) went past changi chapel & museum, so decided to add that in as well. (free entry! so i donated $1.50 out of goodwill)
at the (recreated) chapel, read abt the WW2 invasion and evil treatment of POWs, generously illustrated by the many photos and drawings and artifacts. a Jap looking young guy was there alone as well, letting out the occasional sniff, dunno whether out of remorse or out of aircon. had to resist swinging a rusty hoe at him.
i am SO glad i'll only be working on fri nite again. if i had to work now, i'd be bayoneting all the jap guests, screaming "banzai your fricking balls, man!!"
spent way too much time there... almost 2 hrs. had lunch at changi village and only managed to board an ubin ferry at 2.35pm (including waiting time for the uncle to get enuff passengers before willing to pause his chit chat session with another boat uncle)
hit ubin and went straight to usual bike rental. for $4 i got a mid-sized mountain bike with a squeaky left pedal. for my haggling i was promised $1 back if i came back before 5pm.
so i zoomed off. whoosh! squeak...squeak...squeak... reached the german girl shrine with tired thighs and ears.
*the german girl shrine is located further into one of the smaller tracks, after the markings on the map end... it is a small, unremarkable wooden hut painted wholy in bright yellow, sitting under a large tree. opening its bright yellow doors, beyond the front table of burnt-out joss sticks stands a barbie doll, flanked by lipstick, ah-ma white face powder, mirrors, combs, bottles of water. the german girl's supposed urn sits behind the doll, which is part offering, part image. on the other 2 far corners sit 2 other altars of other gods.
i offered joss sticks and mentioned that it wld be great if she could watch over my parents and brother, thanx. i'm not the religious type, but her story kinda moves me. and anyway, i was already there, so no harm trying.
after a lingering rest, i picked the requested and other interesting wild flowers, taking photos of some future victims as well, and acted normal both times the police land rover trundled by. *whistle and stroll casually....*
as i pedalled less-furiously back, it struck me. 1st i saw instances of ppl from the allied countries suffering. then i visited an actual sufferee(?) from an axis country. full circle. maybe i shdn't judge, just accept it as part of history, and learn from it... violence only causes suffering.
and strangely enuff, the left pedal had stopped squeaking before i noticed.
stopped for a while at another shrine on top of a knoll, just to check it out. after getting back my $1, i was confronted by a gaggle of abt 60 students all wanting to get off the island. one yah-yah guy, probably their npcc occifer, was calling out for one more guy to get into the boat.
so i called out in chinese: "uncle! one more person ah?" "yah yah!" came the reply. but yah-yah guy stopped me, saying "sorry, we got one more person. so-and-so!" and a sheepish malay dude came running out from behind his frens.
for the next boat, yah-yah guy asked me "you all got how many ppl?" i replied sternly "i one person." i pointed to the ang moh guy and local girl i saw on the windy ubin roads earlier. "they two ppl." amazingly, not only did yah-yah guy "let" us board the next boat, ("ok, u all can take this one") he collected the fare of $2 from us!
the other 2 gave willingly. i suspiciously held on, wondering if he wld run off with the money, and the boat uncle demanding payment when we were out at sea. i grudgingly handed over my single note, and kept my grudging eye on him until he handed the money over. who did he think he was? anyway, i wasn't going to miss my hot date on account of his gaggle of students.
on the way back to mainland, i looked at my fellow passengers, the students. all of them wore long track pants and BLACK polo tees. and on such a hot day!! they had little water with them, only some carried small pouches and at least one looked flushed with heat. wat an idiot of a leader that guy is!!
anyway. i didn't hv any more water myself, and just managed to catch the no. 2 in time. much of the journey was endeavoured in trying to keep awake, in fear of missing my stop. when it finally came, i had only enuff brain cells awake to stumble across one damn-irritated auntie, shuffle some fat teenager out of the way, and hastily fall out of the bus. i remained standing for the mrt ride home.
had a short soak in the pool to wash away some of the tiredness, sea spray and salty sweat. after a shower by the pool, of coz. but i couldn't stay long - the allied invasion came in the form of 2 ang moh boys shouting and splashing in the pool with their threatening super-soaker style water guns. they sprayed each other, other screaming kids who were "passing by", and even aimed at me - but i was too far away to be hit. but no matter... the peace was gone, and time for me to go.
on the way to my hot date with my consultant, i made the stupid mistake of taking sleep-inducing buses again. i dunno how many times i woke up with a start, followed by a 5-sec blank as my brain tried to recognise where i was.
the hot date was very pleasant... consultant and i go back a few yrs, even had a short "semi-relationship". it was fun... we went shopping for my clothes, of coz. she still has that habit of stroking my masculine chest when i try on shirts, or slapping my tight butt when i try on jeans. hmmm.... maybe it isn't a habit after all... ;-P
yup... so did 110% of wat i wanted to... work, go ubin to 采花, date with consultant. threw in a visit to changi chapel as well. nice.
now so damn tired... hope i can wake up by noon tml.
and if u got until here, thanx for staying. must hv been real hard. haahah
Started with last nite at work. now i fully understand wat lady boss say by "if no one come, means no one come. but when one come, all will come". referring to guest enquires/payments/checkins/checkouts/etc of coz.
so my shift from 8pm to midnite flew by pretty fast. was kinda surprised when it was time to close up. after boss left, and came back and left again, i raided the "expired or not-for-sale food" box for munching while reading www.threekingdoms.com. suffered un-crispy seaweed, gross looking/tasting cake given by "grateful" guest, finally settled on loose bak hu and thick, thick milo. anything else repulsive which was nibbled at does not count.
tried to sleep start 230am... but hard metal bars under mattress + doorbell ringing from late returning chinaman kept me from sleeping. probably slept only 2++ hrs before alarm clock rang to check out a pair of swedes at 630am. called a cab for them. soon after, a yellow cab went past the front slowly... but didn't stop.
swede: is dat our cab?
me: i dun think so. i called the other company. their taxis are blue or green.
yellow cab reverses back into parking lot.
me: yeah... maybe it is. (probably not loud enuff for them to hear while they hurriedly grab their bags and head out the door.)
swedes: dank yew! gootbye!
a rather embarassed me: cya!! *whew*
back to sleep for another 1/2 hr. wake up for the day and open up/set up the place. slow breakfast of gone-soft cereal + 2 pkts of 3-in-1 coffee with as much soluble coffee and chocolate powder i dare to add, all in a typical ceramic mug. with hot water of coz.
i mean slow coz 1 guy checked out, 1 girl checked in and 1 guy came to get the stuff in the office safe and pay for stuff and chit chat while i was eating. so of coz stop and entertain them lah.
and when lady boss came in, so did another flurry of requests, payments, enquires, etc. left work at 10am.
decided to head to ubin to pick wild flowers for mum. illegally of coz. so was going to be a
采花贼. saw that the no.2 bus i took from tanah merah (after an illegally long wait!!) went past changi chapel & museum, so decided to add that in as well. (free entry! so i donated $1.50 out of goodwill)
at the (recreated) chapel, read abt the WW2 invasion and evil treatment of POWs, generously illustrated by the many photos and drawings and artifacts. a Jap looking young guy was there alone as well, letting out the occasional sniff, dunno whether out of remorse or out of aircon. had to resist swinging a rusty hoe at him.
i am SO glad i'll only be working on fri nite again. if i had to work now, i'd be bayoneting all the jap guests, screaming "banzai your fricking balls, man!!"
spent way too much time there... almost 2 hrs. had lunch at changi village and only managed to board an ubin ferry at 2.35pm (including waiting time for the uncle to get enuff passengers before willing to pause his chit chat session with another boat uncle)
hit ubin and went straight to usual bike rental. for $4 i got a mid-sized mountain bike with a squeaky left pedal. for my haggling i was promised $1 back if i came back before 5pm.
so i zoomed off. whoosh! squeak...squeak...squeak... reached the german girl shrine with tired thighs and ears.
*the german girl shrine is located further into one of the smaller tracks, after the markings on the map end... it is a small, unremarkable wooden hut painted wholy in bright yellow, sitting under a large tree. opening its bright yellow doors, beyond the front table of burnt-out joss sticks stands a barbie doll, flanked by lipstick, ah-ma white face powder, mirrors, combs, bottles of water. the german girl's supposed urn sits behind the doll, which is part offering, part image. on the other 2 far corners sit 2 other altars of other gods.
i offered joss sticks and mentioned that it wld be great if she could watch over my parents and brother, thanx. i'm not the religious type, but her story kinda moves me. and anyway, i was already there, so no harm trying.
after a lingering rest, i picked the requested and other interesting wild flowers, taking photos of some future victims as well, and acted normal both times the police land rover trundled by. *whistle and stroll casually....*
as i pedalled less-furiously back, it struck me. 1st i saw instances of ppl from the allied countries suffering. then i visited an actual sufferee(?) from an axis country. full circle. maybe i shdn't judge, just accept it as part of history, and learn from it... violence only causes suffering.
and strangely enuff, the left pedal had stopped squeaking before i noticed.
stopped for a while at another shrine on top of a knoll, just to check it out. after getting back my $1, i was confronted by a gaggle of abt 60 students all wanting to get off the island. one yah-yah guy, probably their npcc occifer, was calling out for one more guy to get into the boat.
so i called out in chinese: "uncle! one more person ah?" "yah yah!" came the reply. but yah-yah guy stopped me, saying "sorry, we got one more person. so-and-so!" and a sheepish malay dude came running out from behind his frens.
for the next boat, yah-yah guy asked me "you all got how many ppl?" i replied sternly "i one person." i pointed to the ang moh guy and local girl i saw on the windy ubin roads earlier. "they two ppl." amazingly, not only did yah-yah guy "let" us board the next boat, ("ok, u all can take this one") he collected the fare of $2 from us!
the other 2 gave willingly. i suspiciously held on, wondering if he wld run off with the money, and the boat uncle demanding payment when we were out at sea. i grudgingly handed over my single note, and kept my grudging eye on him until he handed the money over. who did he think he was? anyway, i wasn't going to miss my hot date on account of his gaggle of students.
on the way back to mainland, i looked at my fellow passengers, the students. all of them wore long track pants and BLACK polo tees. and on such a hot day!! they had little water with them, only some carried small pouches and at least one looked flushed with heat. wat an idiot of a leader that guy is!!
anyway. i didn't hv any more water myself, and just managed to catch the no. 2 in time. much of the journey was endeavoured in trying to keep awake, in fear of missing my stop. when it finally came, i had only enuff brain cells awake to stumble across one damn-irritated auntie, shuffle some fat teenager out of the way, and hastily fall out of the bus. i remained standing for the mrt ride home.
had a short soak in the pool to wash away some of the tiredness, sea spray and salty sweat. after a shower by the pool, of coz. but i couldn't stay long - the allied invasion came in the form of 2 ang moh boys shouting and splashing in the pool with their threatening super-soaker style water guns. they sprayed each other, other screaming kids who were "passing by", and even aimed at me - but i was too far away to be hit. but no matter... the peace was gone, and time for me to go.
on the way to my hot date with my consultant, i made the stupid mistake of taking sleep-inducing buses again. i dunno how many times i woke up with a start, followed by a 5-sec blank as my brain tried to recognise where i was.
the hot date was very pleasant... consultant and i go back a few yrs, even had a short "semi-relationship". it was fun... we went shopping for my clothes, of coz. she still has that habit of stroking my masculine chest when i try on shirts, or slapping my tight butt when i try on jeans. hmmm.... maybe it isn't a habit after all... ;-P
yup... so did 110% of wat i wanted to... work, go ubin to 采花, date with consultant. threw in a visit to changi chapel as well. nice.
now so damn tired... hope i can wake up by noon tml.
and if u got until here, thanx for staying. must hv been real hard. haahah
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Short Post
Currently Playing: Incessant Tapping on the Roof Extension Just Outside My Windows by Light Rain
Work, although can be tiring, is very fun. Never a dull moment coz even when there's no one around, there's either admin to finish or books to read. Plenty of chio ang moh girls to chat with.
I've only been to sch 3 times so far, so out of sight, out of mind. Will go regularly starting 2nd wk of march.
Going diving at Sipadan 1st to 6th March. only told parents it was "Malaysia". (i'm not lying wat)
Parents stopped nagging about the job liao. Guess they know I'll do wat i want anyway.
Cute girls popping out here and there. "Here" meaning at work and "There" meaning in hospital.
Things are picking up I guess. nothing much to gripe abt, hence this short post.
But hor, got dilemma.
Been turned off by gahmen's tactics, using GRCs and RCs to block opposition avenues, upgrading as carrots *if we don't come back, all dun hv!*, and using media as campaign tools (ST time bombs front page & News5tonite - see earlier post). but then hor, now they gimme money leh. then if i dun vote for them, i feel ungrateful leh, bite the fingers that gimme sunflower seeds. but i want more opposition in da house!! how ah?
of coz, this is in the hope that i can actually vote lah.
Work, although can be tiring, is very fun. Never a dull moment coz even when there's no one around, there's either admin to finish or books to read. Plenty of chio ang moh girls to chat with.
I've only been to sch 3 times so far, so out of sight, out of mind. Will go regularly starting 2nd wk of march.
Going diving at Sipadan 1st to 6th March. only told parents it was "Malaysia". (i'm not lying wat)
Parents stopped nagging about the job liao. Guess they know I'll do wat i want anyway.
Cute girls popping out here and there. "Here" meaning at work and "There" meaning in hospital.
Things are picking up I guess. nothing much to gripe abt, hence this short post.
But hor, got dilemma.
Been turned off by gahmen's tactics, using GRCs and RCs to block opposition avenues, upgrading as carrots *if we don't come back, all dun hv!*, and using media as campaign tools (ST time bombs front page & News5tonite - see earlier post). but then hor, now they gimme money leh. then if i dun vote for them, i feel ungrateful leh, bite the fingers that gimme sunflower seeds. but i want more opposition in da house!! how ah?
of coz, this is in the hope that i can actually vote lah.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Of Course, There Is Always An Easy Way Out
Currently Playing: Black Horse & The Cherry Tree by K.T. Tunstall
Supposed to go for supper with 4 others... but last min found out one of them didn't know abt it, probably forgot, and another cancelled. So only left squid and cyclist. and apparently, both of them weren't feeling too cheerful.
then squid started getting iffy coz he was tired. if it was only cyclist and me, a bit no point for supper coz he stays in ulu-like-sengkang sengkang.
and i was feeling a little tired too. so i could just so easily dropped everything and rotted in front of the computer.
but i didn't. coz
1) i wanted to drive.
2) i wanted to tell them abt my work.
3) i thot the supper might cheer them up.
(reasons in order of decreasing importance)
yup... i wanted to just drop it. take the easy way out. but i might not get to drive and hv prata supper in a while... so i decided to seize the chance and just do it. i'm now more tired, but i'm glad i went out and had supper, and took the chance to make the evening enjoyable for those who were there, including me. i have plenty of opportunities to rot in front of the computer. in fact i'm rotting right now.
i'm more tired and sleepy than i've ever been the whole of this year. now instead of sleeping from 4am to 1pm, i hv abt 5 hrs sleep if day shift, and 3 hrs sleep if night, and hv to take naps where i fall into really deep sleep. i gotta go school, swim, meet frens too, so time is kinda short for sleep.
but in spite of that, i'm feeling better than i did bumming and sleeping the days away. at least the days are packed, and i feel i've got things done, accomplished something. if nothing else, at least i was earning a little bit of money and having fun the whole day.
i realise i'm not the type who can sit still for long. i get restless, bored, depressed. i need to go out and make things happen.
so now my priorities are work, planning europe, my 2 subjects, getting fit for the trip, picking up the guitar and improving my photography. for the next 3.5 mths.
crap. looks like i dun hv much time.
Supposed to go for supper with 4 others... but last min found out one of them didn't know abt it, probably forgot, and another cancelled. So only left squid and cyclist. and apparently, both of them weren't feeling too cheerful.
then squid started getting iffy coz he was tired. if it was only cyclist and me, a bit no point for supper coz he stays in ulu-like-sengkang sengkang.
and i was feeling a little tired too. so i could just so easily dropped everything and rotted in front of the computer.
but i didn't. coz
1) i wanted to drive.
2) i wanted to tell them abt my work.
3) i thot the supper might cheer them up.
(reasons in order of decreasing importance)
yup... i wanted to just drop it. take the easy way out. but i might not get to drive and hv prata supper in a while... so i decided to seize the chance and just do it. i'm now more tired, but i'm glad i went out and had supper, and took the chance to make the evening enjoyable for those who were there, including me. i have plenty of opportunities to rot in front of the computer. in fact i'm rotting right now.
i'm more tired and sleepy than i've ever been the whole of this year. now instead of sleeping from 4am to 1pm, i hv abt 5 hrs sleep if day shift, and 3 hrs sleep if night, and hv to take naps where i fall into really deep sleep. i gotta go school, swim, meet frens too, so time is kinda short for sleep.
but in spite of that, i'm feeling better than i did bumming and sleeping the days away. at least the days are packed, and i feel i've got things done, accomplished something. if nothing else, at least i was earning a little bit of money and having fun the whole day.
i realise i'm not the type who can sit still for long. i get restless, bored, depressed. i need to go out and make things happen.
so now my priorities are work, planning europe, my 2 subjects, getting fit for the trip, picking up the guitar and improving my photography. for the next 3.5 mths.
crap. looks like i dun hv much time.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
The 14th
14th Feb is usually the day of a year i detest most. I detest the cashing in of restaurants, gift shops, sweet shops, and of everyone who can. prices go so high everyone forgets abt the nationwide hike of cutting hair just 2 wks ago during CNY. but surprisingly, no one really makes noise abt it. maybe the barbers are raising their fees for the wrong season. they shd try raising fees the 1st 2 wks of Feb. "u cut your fringe coz going on vanstine pak tor rite? $30."
but most of all, i detest it coz i'm never part of it. fark man. everywhere got couples holding hands. so for the past 4 yrs, i wld be holed in my room in hall on this day, playing computer game and living off chips and cereal, ignoring the world.
coz as always, i hate feeling left out. if i'm in an activity or a group and i feel left out, i'd rather leave than remain there like an idiot. similarly, if the crowd i'll be hanging out with doesn't click with me, i rather not go.
on the same note, i farking dislike going out with a couple (ie. bf/gf) also. esp if the 2 are so into each other they wldn't hv noticed if i wasn't there if the seat was the same colour as my shirt. and further more, it's disgusting behaviour if i'm closer to one and the other is a little more than a stranger. it smacks of showing off. how would u like it if i keep talking abt my condo and its 3 swimming pools, 2 jacuzzis, gym, bbq pits, miniature golf course, 24hr security and its vicinity to so many great food places when i know u stay in a shabby 20yr-old 2 room flat? but then again, it doesn't make much difference if i know the 2 of them anyway.
u think its sour grapes? so wat if it is or isn't? too bad, it's me. deal with it. and i'm glad its the 15th already.
but most of all, i detest it coz i'm never part of it. fark man. everywhere got couples holding hands. so for the past 4 yrs, i wld be holed in my room in hall on this day, playing computer game and living off chips and cereal, ignoring the world.
coz as always, i hate feeling left out. if i'm in an activity or a group and i feel left out, i'd rather leave than remain there like an idiot. similarly, if the crowd i'll be hanging out with doesn't click with me, i rather not go.
on the same note, i farking dislike going out with a couple (ie. bf/gf) also. esp if the 2 are so into each other they wldn't hv noticed if i wasn't there if the seat was the same colour as my shirt. and further more, it's disgusting behaviour if i'm closer to one and the other is a little more than a stranger. it smacks of showing off. how would u like it if i keep talking abt my condo and its 3 swimming pools, 2 jacuzzis, gym, bbq pits, miniature golf course, 24hr security and its vicinity to so many great food places when i know u stay in a shabby 20yr-old 2 room flat? but then again, it doesn't make much difference if i know the 2 of them anyway.
u think its sour grapes? so wat if it is or isn't? too bad, it's me. deal with it. and i'm glad its the 15th already.
I'm Sorry, Pa. But...
Hi Pa.
I wouldn't have been able to sleep before writing this. First of all, I'm really sorry at raising my voice at you earlier. I never should have done that, and I'm really sorry. I know you want the best for me and always mean well. I guess I got frustrated because it was the third time in as many days that you seem to be telling me to walk out on the job.
I want to give this job a chance because:
a) although it's tiring as I'm on my feet a lot, I think that it's fun meeting people from all over the world, and very beneficial for my future travels.
b) I'm learning a lot as I've never held a service-oriented job before, and the operation is meant to be one-man. As of now, I've learnt about tact in front of customers, the importance of knowing what I need to know in front of them, how the administration of such an operation is run, their business practices and some of their little business secrets.
c) it's the only place that invited me for an interview, out of the 40-50 resumes I sent in January. The insurance company doesn't count because they took my resume off an online job portal.
d) it's able to suit my school schedule.
e) it's something different on my resume. It may or may not be relevant to my future jobs, but at least it will make people sit up and notice. For interviews, it would let me give unique examples of my strengths, letting me stand out from other candidates.
About the housekeeping issue, I will take a wait-and-see approach. I WILL voice my unwillingness if I feel that it is too often, but right now it does not bother me because:
a) they have employed part-time staff to come in to do the housekeeping, and I have seen them on the 2nd and 3rd day, the same 2 people for both days.
b) I have been told that in my job scope, I only need to help out if they are sick, and have been assured that it is not common. And I accept this as part of my job, subject to its frequency. As a promise to both of us, I WILL make noise if it is more than once a month.
c) I believe the housekeeping on the first day was a work-attitude assessment; another employee has told me that everyone's first day involved housekeeping. And I believe I passed with flying colours.
About the contract and payday issue, actually I have planned to bring it up after my OJT ended, which would be tomorrow; they mentioned that $5/hr was just the starting rate and they would increase it based on performance. I planned to ask them about the contract, insurance coverage (if any) and payment mode, but asking about the payday didn't occur to me, so thanks for telling me about it. During the interview, they did tell me that CPF would be included in the pay (13% from employer) and after every day, I sign a time in/time out sheet.
If I am unhappy with the contract or the job, I will walk out without any qualms. And in any case I do not think I've wasted my time as I'm learning so much. But I also would like to give this job a proper chance and see what it has to offer fully.
And if I didn't have this job, I'd still be looking for one, either until I found a suitable one, or until 1 month before my exams. This is because I can't stand having nothing to do for the majority of my time. For the most of January I was very bored and listless, just passing day-by-day. I don't want to live like that; I want to live my life to the fullest. Having a job gives me a sense of purpose, some form of discipline to get me out of bed instead of sleeping the days away, and ironically, better time-management since it takes up part of the once-endless amount I had. Since free time is now more limited, I would put it to better use, instead of procrastinating.
And if I had the notion of being a manager straightaway after graduation, I wouldn't have taken up this job. In a way, this job enables me to see what front-line staff, admin staff and housekeeping staff have to go through, teaching me to emphatise with them, not to look down on them just because they do a "lesser" job, because it's still not easy to do. I know that to be a successful manager or boss, you need to understand what those under you go through everyday, and that is what I plan to learn for the 1st few years of my working life.
Being a manager is just my mid-term goal. In the short-term I know that only entry-level positions will be available to me, and I take this willingly because they are opportunities to learn and grow, and because this is what everyone has to go through, how the world works. The "manager" vision is a goal I want to reach, a strong driving source of motivation for the 1st few years. It is not an obsession, nor is it a destination. It is merely a checkpoint on a long journey ahead, the next one after graduation.
And as a hiring manager, what would you think of a newly hired employee if he, a young man of 25yrs, told you he wanted to quit because his father didn't approve of his job?
Pa, I know you are looking out for me and want to make sure I'm alright. And I will be. I know it's a big scary world out there, so all the more I need that personal experience in dealing with it. How would I be able to advise my kids on the life lessons I learnt if I was sheltered from them? (But if they're anything like me, they probably wouldn't listen either.)
If some experiences turn out to be bad ones, it's ok, because I will learn from them and know what (not) to do next time, because I learnt them myself. And from whatever bad experiences, I will always, always bounce back. I've already suffered so many setbacks in NS and NTU, grown so much as a person because/in spite of them. A close fren told me that the present me and the one he first knew in NTU 2001 are very different, in a good way.
The road ahead is still long, and I might stumble and fall, or I might lose my way. But it's ok because I will get up again, I will find my way again, one way or another. And it's ok because when that happens, I will learn life lessons, and I will learn them truly well, because I learnt them myself.
I know you care for me more than I will ever understand until I become a father myself, but I feel that it's time for me to explore the big, bad world, try out new horizons and lose sight of shores. And I will come back and tell you all about it.
Your loving son,
XX
I wouldn't have been able to sleep before writing this. First of all, I'm really sorry at raising my voice at you earlier. I never should have done that, and I'm really sorry. I know you want the best for me and always mean well. I guess I got frustrated because it was the third time in as many days that you seem to be telling me to walk out on the job.
I want to give this job a chance because:
a) although it's tiring as I'm on my feet a lot, I think that it's fun meeting people from all over the world, and very beneficial for my future travels.
b) I'm learning a lot as I've never held a service-oriented job before, and the operation is meant to be one-man. As of now, I've learnt about tact in front of customers, the importance of knowing what I need to know in front of them, how the administration of such an operation is run, their business practices and some of their little business secrets.
c) it's the only place that invited me for an interview, out of the 40-50 resumes I sent in January. The insurance company doesn't count because they took my resume off an online job portal.
d) it's able to suit my school schedule.
e) it's something different on my resume. It may or may not be relevant to my future jobs, but at least it will make people sit up and notice. For interviews, it would let me give unique examples of my strengths, letting me stand out from other candidates.
About the housekeeping issue, I will take a wait-and-see approach. I WILL voice my unwillingness if I feel that it is too often, but right now it does not bother me because:
a) they have employed part-time staff to come in to do the housekeeping, and I have seen them on the 2nd and 3rd day, the same 2 people for both days.
b) I have been told that in my job scope, I only need to help out if they are sick, and have been assured that it is not common. And I accept this as part of my job, subject to its frequency. As a promise to both of us, I WILL make noise if it is more than once a month.
c) I believe the housekeeping on the first day was a work-attitude assessment; another employee has told me that everyone's first day involved housekeeping. And I believe I passed with flying colours.
About the contract and payday issue, actually I have planned to bring it up after my OJT ended, which would be tomorrow; they mentioned that $5/hr was just the starting rate and they would increase it based on performance. I planned to ask them about the contract, insurance coverage (if any) and payment mode, but asking about the payday didn't occur to me, so thanks for telling me about it. During the interview, they did tell me that CPF would be included in the pay (13% from employer) and after every day, I sign a time in/time out sheet.
If I am unhappy with the contract or the job, I will walk out without any qualms. And in any case I do not think I've wasted my time as I'm learning so much. But I also would like to give this job a proper chance and see what it has to offer fully.
And if I didn't have this job, I'd still be looking for one, either until I found a suitable one, or until 1 month before my exams. This is because I can't stand having nothing to do for the majority of my time. For the most of January I was very bored and listless, just passing day-by-day. I don't want to live like that; I want to live my life to the fullest. Having a job gives me a sense of purpose, some form of discipline to get me out of bed instead of sleeping the days away, and ironically, better time-management since it takes up part of the once-endless amount I had. Since free time is now more limited, I would put it to better use, instead of procrastinating.
And if I had the notion of being a manager straightaway after graduation, I wouldn't have taken up this job. In a way, this job enables me to see what front-line staff, admin staff and housekeeping staff have to go through, teaching me to emphatise with them, not to look down on them just because they do a "lesser" job, because it's still not easy to do. I know that to be a successful manager or boss, you need to understand what those under you go through everyday, and that is what I plan to learn for the 1st few years of my working life.
Being a manager is just my mid-term goal. In the short-term I know that only entry-level positions will be available to me, and I take this willingly because they are opportunities to learn and grow, and because this is what everyone has to go through, how the world works. The "manager" vision is a goal I want to reach, a strong driving source of motivation for the 1st few years. It is not an obsession, nor is it a destination. It is merely a checkpoint on a long journey ahead, the next one after graduation.
And as a hiring manager, what would you think of a newly hired employee if he, a young man of 25yrs, told you he wanted to quit because his father didn't approve of his job?
Pa, I know you are looking out for me and want to make sure I'm alright. And I will be. I know it's a big scary world out there, so all the more I need that personal experience in dealing with it. How would I be able to advise my kids on the life lessons I learnt if I was sheltered from them? (But if they're anything like me, they probably wouldn't listen either.)
If some experiences turn out to be bad ones, it's ok, because I will learn from them and know what (not) to do next time, because I learnt them myself. And from whatever bad experiences, I will always, always bounce back. I've already suffered so many setbacks in NS and NTU, grown so much as a person because/in spite of them. A close fren told me that the present me and the one he first knew in NTU 2001 are very different, in a good way.
The road ahead is still long, and I might stumble and fall, or I might lose my way. But it's ok because I will get up again, I will find my way again, one way or another. And it's ok because when that happens, I will learn life lessons, and I will learn them truly well, because I learnt them myself.
I know you care for me more than I will ever understand until I become a father myself, but I feel that it's time for me to explore the big, bad world, try out new horizons and lose sight of shores. And I will come back and tell you all about it.
Your loving son,
XX
Monday, February 13, 2006
One Last Ramble. I Need To Sleep!
Re-stumbled upon a close fren's blog. Mainly coz she provided the opportunity.
I've always enjoyed meeting up with her, coz she always made for intelligent conversation. I wish I could've returned the favour. She has wisely chosen to keep herself busy to escape my inane remarks and cheesy attempts at being humourous.
Her blog is POWER. I felt as though I was reading a column from a newspaper.
The different aspects articulately weaved together.
The emergence of the main question and it's recap.
The guilty remembering, the accompanying relevelations.
The descriptions that brought me into her mind.
The final moving punchline.
And i look at my pathetic attempts at writing here, to entertain, to record, to ramble and rant. to practice.
It seems futile. When so many are leagues ahead of me.
You write wonderfully. So much better, than so many other people. If you intend to change jobs, I hope u return. preferably in a different, more familiar (to me) language.
But i don't think u insult ur own intelligence by reading this. haha.
I console myself by thinking maybe it's just coz our styles are different.
I've always enjoyed meeting up with her, coz she always made for intelligent conversation. I wish I could've returned the favour. She has wisely chosen to keep herself busy to escape my inane remarks and cheesy attempts at being humourous.
Her blog is POWER. I felt as though I was reading a column from a newspaper.
The different aspects articulately weaved together.
The emergence of the main question and it's recap.
The guilty remembering, the accompanying relevelations.
The descriptions that brought me into her mind.
The final moving punchline.
And i look at my pathetic attempts at writing here, to entertain, to record, to ramble and rant. to practice.
It seems futile. When so many are leagues ahead of me.
You write wonderfully. So much better, than so many other people. If you intend to change jobs, I hope u return. preferably in a different, more familiar (to me) language.
But i don't think u insult ur own intelligence by reading this. haha.
I console myself by thinking maybe it's just coz our styles are different.
I See News5Tonite No Up
About 4 hours earlier, I was watching News5Tonite before Apprentice.
Ms Newscaster just finished talking abt Jayakumar raring to go for the next election, saying he hoped that got opposition fight in his East Coast GRC ward.
Then she started with something like, "There is hope in opposition ward Hougang." and went on to talk abt chiku trees bearing fruit. Confusing.
Actually, the trees were planned by PAP's Eric Low last GE. Which now starting to bear fruit, just like his efforts in the ward, doing blah blah blah blah blah blah........
*TV shows him smiling and mingling with residents, being a guest at functions*
Then when facing the camera, he talks abt wat he has done and complains that the Town Council, run by WP's Mr. Low Thia Khiang, has "not been cooperative" and cites instances.
This takes up almost 3-5 mins on the 20-25 min programme. Looks to me like an election advertisement. solely giving credit and good exposure to one candidate, and letting him complain abt his opponent.
First ST's "TIME-BOMB!! POSION!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" coverage, now this. tsk tsk. how to trust local media, mediacock and the like liddat?
I hope News5Tonite redeems itself by letting Mr. Low Thia Khiang talk next. for the same amt of face-camera-time, and same amt of "showing-grassroots-work" time.
Also starting to get turned off by gahmen liao. They so strong, still use this kind of tactics to influence young minds like mine once was. Why must stoop so low? Why so scared to lose? Must hv a reason rite? Pls change ur tack... before more ppl like me, getting smarter, getting more turned off. Else it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
better stop here. dun wanna kena sedited.
Ms Newscaster just finished talking abt Jayakumar raring to go for the next election, saying he hoped that got opposition fight in his East Coast GRC ward.
Then she started with something like, "There is hope in opposition ward Hougang." and went on to talk abt chiku trees bearing fruit. Confusing.
Actually, the trees were planned by PAP's Eric Low last GE. Which now starting to bear fruit, just like his efforts in the ward, doing blah blah blah blah blah blah........
*TV shows him smiling and mingling with residents, being a guest at functions*
Then when facing the camera, he talks abt wat he has done and complains that the Town Council, run by WP's Mr. Low Thia Khiang, has "not been cooperative" and cites instances.
This takes up almost 3-5 mins on the 20-25 min programme. Looks to me like an election advertisement. solely giving credit and good exposure to one candidate, and letting him complain abt his opponent.
First ST's "TIME-BOMB!! POSION!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" coverage, now this. tsk tsk. how to trust local media, mediacock and the like liddat?
I hope News5Tonite redeems itself by letting Mr. Low Thia Khiang talk next. for the same amt of face-camera-time, and same amt of "showing-grassroots-work" time.
Also starting to get turned off by gahmen liao. They so strong, still use this kind of tactics to influence young minds like mine once was. Why must stoop so low? Why so scared to lose? Must hv a reason rite? Pls change ur tack... before more ppl like me, getting smarter, getting more turned off. Else it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
better stop here. dun wanna kena sedited.
First Day At Work
Currently Playing: Destiny by Zero7
Gotta write this quick. there's lots, and i gotta wake up in less than 7 hrs.
Today started pretty well enuff. had "traditional" breakfast of kopi, lorti and (1) egg at a kopitiam beside my new workplace. kopi nice and strong, and the lorti can beat yakun's anytime! bcoz
1) they are generous with butter
2) they not so chao kuan! they dun slice the bread thin thin!
So fast digress liao. anyway started very slowly. only lady boss there, the boss (her husband and OIC) didn't reach until 10+am. so relak lor - tok cock with, and observe lady boss at work.
11am. housekeeping. after a demo, boss sent me to clean 3 dorms and 5 rooms. Over 3 floors. Fark.
Sidenote:
Clean room usually means the room is vacant. So gotta give toilet a good spray, re-do the bed with fresh sheets, clear rubbish and sweep the floor.
Clean dorm usually means dorm still got ppl's stuff. So gotta give toilet a good spray, clear rubbish, sweep the floor, avoiding scattered belongings.
Damn tiring. and got ppl do this kinda crap full time lor! Respect. I dun think i've even cleaned my own room so many times before!!
Finished this one task at 5pm, after abt an hr break for lunch at 3pm. My legs are still aching, my nose is still stifled. Tml I'm going to confirm with boss that this isn't the main part of the job. And stop imagining me in a french maid uniform!! blardy pervert!!
But it wasn't all menial labour though. In the evening I was given a more thorough briefing about operating the front desk, which will continue for another 1 or 2 days. Even some hands-on when the boss cldn't cope with overwhelming numbers of angmohs and an indon couple coming at him at the same time.
So front desk can be hectic, but it's really fun doing a service-oriented job, and interacting with the guests. Got some diving travel tips from a spanish bloke who's travelling round the world for a yr, and did Advanced and Rescue in 15 days in Thailand. Got a few smiles from a damn chio french chio bu for everytime she caught me bio-ing her.
Plus, I think they made a mistake in making the 3-in-1 coffee FOC for staff. well, it wasn't until they hired me.
Things I've Learnt:
a) Angmohs are bo chap abt dirt, are smelly and hairy. evidence from the rubbish, odour and stray hairs they leave behind on the floor, in the room, and in the toilet respectively, respectively.
b) Asians make better guests, bcoz of the opposite of the above reason.
c) Next time you see the cleaner who will clean your room, say a thank you in respect for all he/she has to put up with. Only the first day and I've encountered condoms (unused, thankfully), pads (used, CCB!! Literally!!) and endless amounts of women's underwear.
d) Next time you see the cleaner who will clean your room, say a thank you coz if you don't, he/she might just use someone else's USED sheets for ur bed, and use ur toothbrush to clean the toilet sink/floor/bowl. Or "assume" your favourite shirt/underwear is a rag.
Yay. Another 11+hr-day at work tml!!
Gotta write this quick. there's lots, and i gotta wake up in less than 7 hrs.
Today started pretty well enuff. had "traditional" breakfast of kopi, lorti and (1) egg at a kopitiam beside my new workplace. kopi nice and strong, and the lorti can beat yakun's anytime! bcoz
1) they are generous with butter
2) they not so chao kuan! they dun slice the bread thin thin!
So fast digress liao. anyway started very slowly. only lady boss there, the boss (her husband and OIC) didn't reach until 10+am. so relak lor - tok cock with, and observe lady boss at work.
11am. housekeeping. after a demo, boss sent me to clean 3 dorms and 5 rooms. Over 3 floors. Fark.
Sidenote:
Clean room usually means the room is vacant. So gotta give toilet a good spray, re-do the bed with fresh sheets, clear rubbish and sweep the floor.
Clean dorm usually means dorm still got ppl's stuff. So gotta give toilet a good spray, clear rubbish, sweep the floor, avoiding scattered belongings.
Damn tiring. and got ppl do this kinda crap full time lor! Respect. I dun think i've even cleaned my own room so many times before!!
Finished this one task at 5pm, after abt an hr break for lunch at 3pm. My legs are still aching, my nose is still stifled. Tml I'm going to confirm with boss that this isn't the main part of the job. And stop imagining me in a french maid uniform!! blardy pervert!!
But it wasn't all menial labour though. In the evening I was given a more thorough briefing about operating the front desk, which will continue for another 1 or 2 days. Even some hands-on when the boss cldn't cope with overwhelming numbers of angmohs and an indon couple coming at him at the same time.
So front desk can be hectic, but it's really fun doing a service-oriented job, and interacting with the guests. Got some diving travel tips from a spanish bloke who's travelling round the world for a yr, and did Advanced and Rescue in 15 days in Thailand. Got a few smiles from a damn chio french chio bu for everytime she caught me bio-ing her.
Plus, I think they made a mistake in making the 3-in-1 coffee FOC for staff. well, it wasn't until they hired me.
Things I've Learnt:
a) Angmohs are bo chap abt dirt, are smelly and hairy. evidence from the rubbish, odour and stray hairs they leave behind on the floor, in the room, and in the toilet respectively, respectively.
b) Asians make better guests, bcoz of the opposite of the above reason.
c) Next time you see the cleaner who will clean your room, say a thank you in respect for all he/she has to put up with. Only the first day and I've encountered condoms (unused, thankfully), pads (used, CCB!! Literally!!) and endless amounts of women's underwear.
d) Next time you see the cleaner who will clean your room, say a thank you coz if you don't, he/she might just use someone else's USED sheets for ur bed, and use ur toothbrush to clean the toilet sink/floor/bowl. Or "assume" your favourite shirt/underwear is a rag.
Yay. Another 11+hr-day at work tml!!
Saturday, February 11, 2006
An Eventfully Boring 24 Hrs
Currently Playing: Nothing. Coz i'm so sian.
There were 3 possibilities for the day. Attempting to blade, First steps to making music, or mahjong. None materialised.
I was asked of my plans for the day. My reply was to sleep until 1pm, then decide further. I did just that.
I don't remember what I did before lunch. Surf net probably. After lunch and an online book, I went to sleep again.
I woke up and went online again. Not that there were many ppl online to talk to. Flipped thru the newspaper. Ate a bit. Spent 2 hrs cleaning out hamster cages.
By this time the whole family went out for dinner appts except me. How strange. But then again, maybe not anymore.
Didn't feel like going out... and have started hating the food in my immediate neighbourhood. so i fell in with the CNY goodies and bak kwa. Had a bowl of banana nut crunch in front of the computer. And here i am now.
Hahaha... has this blog become so mediocre that such an entry even earns a place here? nay... this is just a reflection of my reality. Well... my only consolation is that there are some ppl who want to be this slack.
We can only guess wat goes on in others' minds... and their lives. I knew something was wrong, so i extended wat i thot was a helping, or at least comforting, hand - and it was slapped away. I offered it coz urs was offered before, and i thot i shd return the generosity, and maybe take another step back towards the close frenship we once had. now i realise y it crumbled. coz u're always so unpredictable, i dun know when i shd approach. so i guess i shdn't.
an unrelated musing.
is it better to suffer the bad with the good?
or nv experiencing neither bad nor good?
shd we protect ourselves from wat we know is harmful?
or embrace it coz we know it brings its joys as well?
is being torn between choices so horrible?
or is being unable to choose worse?
quiet nights are torture on my roaming mind.
There were 3 possibilities for the day. Attempting to blade, First steps to making music, or mahjong. None materialised.
I was asked of my plans for the day. My reply was to sleep until 1pm, then decide further. I did just that.
I don't remember what I did before lunch. Surf net probably. After lunch and an online book, I went to sleep again.
I woke up and went online again. Not that there were many ppl online to talk to. Flipped thru the newspaper. Ate a bit. Spent 2 hrs cleaning out hamster cages.
By this time the whole family went out for dinner appts except me. How strange. But then again, maybe not anymore.
Didn't feel like going out... and have started hating the food in my immediate neighbourhood. so i fell in with the CNY goodies and bak kwa. Had a bowl of banana nut crunch in front of the computer. And here i am now.
Hahaha... has this blog become so mediocre that such an entry even earns a place here? nay... this is just a reflection of my reality. Well... my only consolation is that there are some ppl who want to be this slack.
We can only guess wat goes on in others' minds... and their lives. I knew something was wrong, so i extended wat i thot was a helping, or at least comforting, hand - and it was slapped away. I offered it coz urs was offered before, and i thot i shd return the generosity, and maybe take another step back towards the close frenship we once had. now i realise y it crumbled. coz u're always so unpredictable, i dun know when i shd approach. so i guess i shdn't.
an unrelated musing.
is it better to suffer the bad with the good?
or nv experiencing neither bad nor good?
shd we protect ourselves from wat we know is harmful?
or embrace it coz we know it brings its joys as well?
is being torn between choices so horrible?
or is being unable to choose worse?
quiet nights are torture on my roaming mind.
Friday, February 10, 2006
This Is Sanity In The World After All
Bravo! Some Arab and Muslim youth have spoken out against the idiotic violent reactions to blasphemous caricatures in http://www.sorrynorwaydenmark.com/
As well as our own locals in http://www.todayonline.com/articles/99986.asp
I don't condone publishing the caricatures, although they may be trying to bring across a valid point that violent acts are getting more and more associated with a religion.
But I also condemn the violent acts and threats of cutting off heads in response to these cartoons... over-reaction by extremist idiots.
I don't know how to solve the complex problems involved. I don't have many answers. but I do know that firstly everyone gotta stop cutting off other peepur's heads. Shd sit down and talk it out 1st. and for that, everyone needs to hv their heads on.
Except for those blardy terrorists like those JI farkers and Osama and his biatches, who anyhow blow ppl up for their stupid religious reasoning. Someone pls go cut off their heads.
As well as our own locals in http://www.todayonline.com/articles/99986.asp
I don't condone publishing the caricatures, although they may be trying to bring across a valid point that violent acts are getting more and more associated with a religion.
But I also condemn the violent acts and threats of cutting off heads in response to these cartoons... over-reaction by extremist idiots.
I don't know how to solve the complex problems involved. I don't have many answers. but I do know that firstly everyone gotta stop cutting off other peepur's heads. Shd sit down and talk it out 1st. and for that, everyone needs to hv their heads on.
Except for those blardy terrorists like those JI farkers and Osama and his biatches, who anyhow blow ppl up for their stupid religious reasoning. Someone pls go cut off their heads.
First Day Of School. Again.
OK. so school started 4-5 wks ago. i didn't feel like going can? fark man. give a guy a break!
i originally only wanted to blog this down. but the other 2 earlier posts got in the way. had to bang them out.
So there I was. sitting on a bench (no more seats in cant a during lunch hr) with my face in the newspaper (i wasn't looking fwd to meeting any "frens") and a cup of coffee beside me (gawd i love cant a kopi) waiting for lecture to start. which is a rarity. usually i enter LTs 10 mins into the lecture. that is, if i even attend.
why so early? coz i had lunch with kitty at the time when i was supposed to have a tutorial. hey if not for her, 3 hrs before that i wld've just snapped off the fricking alarm instead of pressing "snooze" for 20 mins ok? then i wld've stayed in bed til 1pm and miss BOTH of tutorial and lecture. one is better than none.
the lecture was horrendous. reminded me why i stopped going lectures 3 yrs ago. hong kee old man cannot speak intelligible english. the boring impractical subject shd be renamed "turbulent fluid momentum and continuity equations in canto-engrish".
the 1st 15 mins were spent trying to follow the lecture. serious. ok maybe the 1st 5. i get bored quite easily, especially when the environment is that boring. i started reviewing my schedule, picking up discarded flyers, popping sweets. resisted the temptation of taking out my newspaper.
i have no idea how i got thru the 2nd 15 mins. i smsed vj abt a dinner appt. flipped thru the notes. checked my hp for smses. checked again. flipped thru my schedule. tried to follow the lecture. that was the final nail in the coffin.
the next 20 mins were spent blissfully asleep. i think i was even dreaming. i only got jolted awake when i leaned too much on the table causing the table to almost flip and my pen to roll off.
sian. still got 10 mins. i resisted the urge to just walk out. i MUST stay thru this. coz tml got 3 hrs non stop. if can't sit for 1 hr, wat more 3 hrs?
finally, the hong kee old man ended his monologue. i threw my notes into my bag, climbed over the row of chairs and fell out of the doors into the sun-lit plaza, bleary eyed and sleepy. i stumbled across to the library to print the next day's notes.
the horrible sch day lasted an unbearable total of 3 hrs. ltr i gotta wake up at 6.30am for a 3hr 8.30am lesson. i think i better go sleep.
i originally only wanted to blog this down. but the other 2 earlier posts got in the way. had to bang them out.
So there I was. sitting on a bench (no more seats in cant a during lunch hr) with my face in the newspaper (i wasn't looking fwd to meeting any "frens") and a cup of coffee beside me (gawd i love cant a kopi) waiting for lecture to start. which is a rarity. usually i enter LTs 10 mins into the lecture. that is, if i even attend.
why so early? coz i had lunch with kitty at the time when i was supposed to have a tutorial. hey if not for her, 3 hrs before that i wld've just snapped off the fricking alarm instead of pressing "snooze" for 20 mins ok? then i wld've stayed in bed til 1pm and miss BOTH of tutorial and lecture. one is better than none.
the lecture was horrendous. reminded me why i stopped going lectures 3 yrs ago. hong kee old man cannot speak intelligible english. the boring impractical subject shd be renamed "turbulent fluid momentum and continuity equations in canto-engrish".
the 1st 15 mins were spent trying to follow the lecture. serious. ok maybe the 1st 5. i get bored quite easily, especially when the environment is that boring. i started reviewing my schedule, picking up discarded flyers, popping sweets. resisted the temptation of taking out my newspaper.
i have no idea how i got thru the 2nd 15 mins. i smsed vj abt a dinner appt. flipped thru the notes. checked my hp for smses. checked again. flipped thru my schedule. tried to follow the lecture. that was the final nail in the coffin.
the next 20 mins were spent blissfully asleep. i think i was even dreaming. i only got jolted awake when i leaned too much on the table causing the table to almost flip and my pen to roll off.
sian. still got 10 mins. i resisted the urge to just walk out. i MUST stay thru this. coz tml got 3 hrs non stop. if can't sit for 1 hr, wat more 3 hrs?
finally, the hong kee old man ended his monologue. i threw my notes into my bag, climbed over the row of chairs and fell out of the doors into the sun-lit plaza, bleary eyed and sleepy. i stumbled across to the library to print the next day's notes.
the horrible sch day lasted an unbearable total of 3 hrs. ltr i gotta wake up at 6.30am for a 3hr 8.30am lesson. i think i better go sleep.
My Mum Won't Let Me Grow Up
arghz.
I'm starting work at a chinatown backpacker hostel on sunday. shifts are 9am to 8pm, 8pm to 9am.
I mentioned to Mum abt it before, she didn't seem too eager. but i usually dun care what anyone thinks anyway.
So JUST NOW, when i told her it was confirmed, she was adamant in wanting to know where exactly it was. how to tell her it is 2 roads away from yangtze?
She also mentioned that my dad might not like me doing the job. Irritated, i flared up "so what kind of job he want?" immediately after, a thot flashed in my mind. it might be her who's disapproving. in Dad's defence, she said he wld probably want me to concentrate on studies.
so i went internet and got the exact address. Teck lim road off keong saik road.
Alarm bells went off. "There used to be prostitute street."
Silently, in my mind: "scared wat? last time only mah. aren't we staying damn near a present prostitute street right now?"
More alarm bells: "There hor, now got a lot of ang mohs."
silently: "isn't that why i'm working at a backpacker hostel there?"
Super Alarm Bells: "you must be careful of those... gays leh. wait they molest you."
out loud: "WAT?? aiyah, i'll beat them up lah!"
i was then subjected to a tirade of how she got so worried when i stayed over at frens' places when i was in sec sch (i dun even remember anything lor) coz she read newspaper report abt how kids complained that they were molested by their fren's fathers, and how i might be a victim coz i always look so young, and how my uncles (her brothers) are still asking whether i'm in sec sch or jc or NS.
i didn't respond. i didn't trust myself to. so i continued banging away on msn.
sigh. does showing affection to her makes her think i'm a wimp? do i really need to beat up some ang moh faggot to show that i can take care of myself? (i wld love to... hahhaha)
Mum, Dad, I love you very very much. You 2 are, in many ways, my guiding lights. but could u please let me grow up? it's hard enuff without u preventing me already. You've shone for me many, many areas, but there are plenty more i need to explore for myself.
I'm starting work at a chinatown backpacker hostel on sunday. shifts are 9am to 8pm, 8pm to 9am.
I mentioned to Mum abt it before, she didn't seem too eager. but i usually dun care what anyone thinks anyway.
So JUST NOW, when i told her it was confirmed, she was adamant in wanting to know where exactly it was. how to tell her it is 2 roads away from yangtze?
She also mentioned that my dad might not like me doing the job. Irritated, i flared up "so what kind of job he want?" immediately after, a thot flashed in my mind. it might be her who's disapproving. in Dad's defence, she said he wld probably want me to concentrate on studies.
so i went internet and got the exact address. Teck lim road off keong saik road.
Alarm bells went off. "There used to be prostitute street."
Silently, in my mind: "scared wat? last time only mah. aren't we staying damn near a present prostitute street right now?"
More alarm bells: "There hor, now got a lot of ang mohs."
silently: "isn't that why i'm working at a backpacker hostel there?"
Super Alarm Bells: "you must be careful of those... gays leh. wait they molest you."
out loud: "WAT?? aiyah, i'll beat them up lah!"
i was then subjected to a tirade of how she got so worried when i stayed over at frens' places when i was in sec sch (i dun even remember anything lor) coz she read newspaper report abt how kids complained that they were molested by their fren's fathers, and how i might be a victim coz i always look so young, and how my uncles (her brothers) are still asking whether i'm in sec sch or jc or NS.
i didn't respond. i didn't trust myself to. so i continued banging away on msn.
sigh. does showing affection to her makes her think i'm a wimp? do i really need to beat up some ang moh faggot to show that i can take care of myself? (i wld love to... hahhaha)
Mum, Dad, I love you very very much. You 2 are, in many ways, my guiding lights. but could u please let me grow up? it's hard enuff without u preventing me already. You've shone for me many, many areas, but there are plenty more i need to explore for myself.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Disturbing, Disturbing
Currently Playing: A Life Less Ordinary by Ash
Read a very disturbing article in TNP today. Titled "Lift Upgrade - New Park - If PAP loses in my GRC WILL I STILL GET THEM?" (not featured in their very unfriendly website)
ok those words weren't in CAPS. but they were in a much larger font than the other words.
the most important point in that article was that if u dun vote PAP, and ur GRC fall into oppositions' time-bomb stained hands, BOOM!!! no more major upgrading!! the bomb will collapse all the argly scaffolding and leave ur carparks half filled with sand!! at most they finish putting the nice nice floor tiles which no one cares abt on the lift landing floor... then they lock away whatever town council funds they accumulated over the years into a "sinking fund", presumably named as it can only be taken out and used in dire emergencies, eg. when the whole block sink until 5th floor become 1st floor liao.
so maybe the only good thing that will come out of a opposition-won GRC is that if u're a minority, ur 10-member family can finally move out of ur 2-room flat which u long ago could afford to move out of, but couldn't because of some irritating gahmen policy called "racial quota"
so what was it about GRCs and upgrading not being election ploys? (retort: so? when u become gahmen, u also can do the same thing wat. when u sit on top, of coz must make things difficult for unqualified peepur who try to push u off and take credit mah. think andy kuan.)
the other disturbing article i read in yesterday's Today, can fortunately be found online: http://www.todayonline.com/articles/99813.asp
the wise mr.miyagi warns abt blogging abt elections. so, i scareded liao. wait kena charged with sediting or sumthing liddat. sigh. liddat how to share info and ramble out my thots after attending all the opposition rallies? keep the funny rubbish they say inside will kena internal injury one leh!!
anyway... i'm thinking. all this while i've been supporting the gahmen silently, but wholeheartedly. Wat was i thinking???? now then i start to see so many shortcomings and election tactics and possible coverups and possible conspiracies (might not be true lah, just thinking there MIGHT BE). was i blind? was i plain stupid? did i just didn't want to see? or is it now then information is getting freer on internet, so i can read more than wat ST chooses to print?
dun get me wrong. i not saying gahmen not good. considered one of the best liao. i imagine in other countries like US (champion of democracy!!) and China... things are more chialat, even more stuff unknown to many many peepur, probably some EVIL stuff even. sure damn chao kuan one. i really, really like our gahmen. maybe i'm being a bit too idealistic. gahmen also made up of peepur mah. peepur also may do stupid things like nv check how much certain charity figures actually earning until he stupid stupid go sue gahmen info vehicle, oops i mean national best-selling newspaper.
so wat will happen during election?? stayed tuned!! but if possible, not this blog. i scareded lah.
Read a very disturbing article in TNP today. Titled "Lift Upgrade - New Park - If PAP loses in my GRC WILL I STILL GET THEM?" (not featured in their very unfriendly website)
ok those words weren't in CAPS. but they were in a much larger font than the other words.
the most important point in that article was that if u dun vote PAP, and ur GRC fall into oppositions' time-bomb stained hands, BOOM!!! no more major upgrading!! the bomb will collapse all the argly scaffolding and leave ur carparks half filled with sand!! at most they finish putting the nice nice floor tiles which no one cares abt on the lift landing floor... then they lock away whatever town council funds they accumulated over the years into a "sinking fund", presumably named as it can only be taken out and used in dire emergencies, eg. when the whole block sink until 5th floor become 1st floor liao.
so maybe the only good thing that will come out of a opposition-won GRC is that if u're a minority, ur 10-member family can finally move out of ur 2-room flat which u long ago could afford to move out of, but couldn't because of some irritating gahmen policy called "racial quota"
so what was it about GRCs and upgrading not being election ploys? (retort: so? when u become gahmen, u also can do the same thing wat. when u sit on top, of coz must make things difficult for unqualified peepur who try to push u off and take credit mah. think andy kuan.)
the other disturbing article i read in yesterday's Today, can fortunately be found online: http://www.todayonline.com/articles/99813.asp
the wise mr.miyagi warns abt blogging abt elections. so, i scareded liao. wait kena charged with sediting or sumthing liddat. sigh. liddat how to share info and ramble out my thots after attending all the opposition rallies? keep the funny rubbish they say inside will kena internal injury one leh!!
anyway... i'm thinking. all this while i've been supporting the gahmen silently, but wholeheartedly. Wat was i thinking???? now then i start to see so many shortcomings and election tactics and possible coverups and possible conspiracies (might not be true lah, just thinking there MIGHT BE). was i blind? was i plain stupid? did i just didn't want to see? or is it now then information is getting freer on internet, so i can read more than wat ST chooses to print?
dun get me wrong. i not saying gahmen not good. considered one of the best liao. i imagine in other countries like US (champion of democracy!!) and China... things are more chialat, even more stuff unknown to many many peepur, probably some EVIL stuff even. sure damn chao kuan one. i really, really like our gahmen. maybe i'm being a bit too idealistic. gahmen also made up of peepur mah. peepur also may do stupid things like nv check how much certain charity figures actually earning until he stupid stupid go sue gahmen info vehicle, oops i mean national best-selling newspaper.
so wat will happen during election?? stayed tuned!! but if possible, not this blog. i scareded lah.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Random Fishy Ramblings
Currently Playing: 1985 by Bowling For Soup
Had a very nice dinner of 2 whole fish stuffed with chilli... plus rice and all the other stuff that Mum cooked. the fish was the highlight of the meal... which incidentally, was bought from outside.
I like to eat fish... probably as much as seeing them swim around me when i'm diving... I remember seeing a LARGE humphead (about same size as me) for the first time and wondering how it would taste. hahahha
I guess it's so fun coz the the bone structure... nothing big sticking out... easy to peel off the bones... but the best part is the head!! the part above the forehead and the cheeks hv nice texture... and once you get that out of the way, can remove the jaw portion and go for the eyes!! seriously, once u get over the gross factor, the eyes are quite nice. they dun really hv much taste themselves, but if cooked well they wld hv absorbed some juices... nice!!
but the best part, IMHO, is the part that needs most work and most gross-ness overcoming: the brain!! (common question at this point: fish have brains??? of course. except for certain ppl i know, most vertebrates have brains)
the fish brain is located in the skull, directly behind the eyes. you know, the part which most ppl usually throw away (tsk tsk how wasteful). but coz it's totally encased, the skull must be cracked open. literally. so first u gotta remove all the unnecessary periphery, like eye sockets (delicious as well!) any remaining spinal bones (fish got no neck) and empty (assuming eaten) cheek flaps. that done, either using hands or teeth, gently pry the skull (now diamond-shaped from the back) open.
NB: don't use too much force! if u crush the skull, it'll cave in and squeeze the brain into ooze. then more difficult to eat liao. sianz...
so if u pried it open properly, u shd now see the pinkish rounded irregularly shaped brain with blood vessels(?) running ard it... its very fragile and watery, so u must faster SSLLUURRPPP!!! it out!! nice!!! tastes a little nutty. SHIOK!
note: usually fried fish like ikan kuning wun hv any more brains, coz the skulls are already deep fried. but crunchy skulls are nice too! like fish crackers. but really well fried ones will still hv the brain intact and moist. that will prove the the fish wasn't too dry (assuming that by the time u reach the skull, the rest of the fish has already been eaten.)
with this, i end this part of the post with the following apology and disclaimer:
apologies to veggieyx... if u read this meaterian's entry. hahahahah
disclaimer: rockie does not hold himself responsible if any of his readers getting turned off eating marine life. in fact, rockie wld like to take this opportunity to discourage all his readers from eating sharks' fin coz he wants his offspring (and their descendants) to be able to see sharks while diving! if any of his readers hold rockie responsible, it is their problem.
on a totally seperate but no less fishy note... i've been visiting the following sites:
http://sgtvratings.blogspot.com/
http://www.mrbrown.com/
coz i've been bored outta my skull (haha)
sgtvratings gives accurate local tv ratings accompanied by commentaries which are a tad too honest for mediacock's liking. that's y its so farnie!!
everyone knows mrbrown. i wld like to recommend his and mr.miyagi's latest podcast... "browncast: the valentine's day special"! damn farnie too!!
that's it for now then. I shall talk abt valentine's day when it comes nearer. keep dropping in!
note to self: fish are friends AND food!! and sharks aren't either!!
Had a very nice dinner of 2 whole fish stuffed with chilli... plus rice and all the other stuff that Mum cooked. the fish was the highlight of the meal... which incidentally, was bought from outside.
I like to eat fish... probably as much as seeing them swim around me when i'm diving... I remember seeing a LARGE humphead (about same size as me) for the first time and wondering how it would taste. hahahha
I guess it's so fun coz the the bone structure... nothing big sticking out... easy to peel off the bones... but the best part is the head!! the part above the forehead and the cheeks hv nice texture... and once you get that out of the way, can remove the jaw portion and go for the eyes!! seriously, once u get over the gross factor, the eyes are quite nice. they dun really hv much taste themselves, but if cooked well they wld hv absorbed some juices... nice!!
but the best part, IMHO, is the part that needs most work and most gross-ness overcoming: the brain!! (common question at this point: fish have brains??? of course. except for certain ppl i know, most vertebrates have brains)
the fish brain is located in the skull, directly behind the eyes. you know, the part which most ppl usually throw away (tsk tsk how wasteful). but coz it's totally encased, the skull must be cracked open. literally. so first u gotta remove all the unnecessary periphery, like eye sockets (delicious as well!) any remaining spinal bones (fish got no neck) and empty (assuming eaten) cheek flaps. that done, either using hands or teeth, gently pry the skull (now diamond-shaped from the back) open.
NB: don't use too much force! if u crush the skull, it'll cave in and squeeze the brain into ooze. then more difficult to eat liao. sianz...
so if u pried it open properly, u shd now see the pinkish rounded irregularly shaped brain with blood vessels(?) running ard it... its very fragile and watery, so u must faster SSLLUURRPPP!!! it out!! nice!!! tastes a little nutty. SHIOK!
note: usually fried fish like ikan kuning wun hv any more brains, coz the skulls are already deep fried. but crunchy skulls are nice too! like fish crackers. but really well fried ones will still hv the brain intact and moist. that will prove the the fish wasn't too dry (assuming that by the time u reach the skull, the rest of the fish has already been eaten.)
with this, i end this part of the post with the following apology and disclaimer:
apologies to veggieyx... if u read this meaterian's entry. hahahahah
disclaimer: rockie does not hold himself responsible if any of his readers getting turned off eating marine life. in fact, rockie wld like to take this opportunity to discourage all his readers from eating sharks' fin coz he wants his offspring (and their descendants) to be able to see sharks while diving! if any of his readers hold rockie responsible, it is their problem.
on a totally seperate but no less fishy note... i've been visiting the following sites:
http://sgtvratings.blogspot.com/
http://www.mrbrown.com/
coz i've been bored outta my skull (haha)
sgtvratings gives accurate local tv ratings accompanied by commentaries which are a tad too honest for mediacock's liking. that's y its so farnie!!
everyone knows mrbrown. i wld like to recommend his and mr.miyagi's latest podcast... "browncast: the valentine's day special"! damn farnie too!!
that's it for now then. I shall talk abt valentine's day when it comes nearer. keep dropping in!
note to self: fish are friends AND food!! and sharks aren't either!!
Monday, February 06, 2006
Thought Of The Night
there is plenty of information everywhere, some of which may be conflicting. the key to knowing which to take in, after reading them, lies in knowing who the author is and wat agendas he might possibly have.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Late Night Troubles
Currently Playing: Give It Away by Zero7
Or early morning troubles... depending on how u look at it.
It's bad enuff to know that a crappy instituition wasted 5 yrs of ur life trying to teach u useless crap.
It's worse to be constantly reminded you owe them lots of money for your troubles as well.
And it's much worse when you owe more than others.
Of coz, the money owed can easily be written off. but it's not nice... and it's just not a nice feeling. like owe-ing your enemy money.
So one more driving force: I wanna have my revenge. One Day. I will make them pay me back.
How? i'm not very sure at the moment; i hvn't got the details worked out. first thing i gotta do is get some leverage. so i gotta be damn successful at wat i do. no worries - revenge is a dish best served cold. and i want/hv to prove myself too.
So... what are my options now? POSSIBLE freelance outdoor photographer AND backpacker hostel operations exec. 2 half-past-six jobs = 1 full job. I'll only know for sure on monday...
Of coz pay isn't the main factor. I want it to be interesting, so it's a start. So right now part of my plan consists of the hope that potential employers will find them interesting too.
I know it won't be easy. but the legwork doesn't scare me. in fact, i like going out and meeting ppl and talking. but it's the mental work i'm worried abt. not sure i hv the discipline to do self-learning. I have to return my "finance for dummies" library book on tues and I hvn't finished 1/3 after 6 wks. I just hope settling into a routine will give me more discipline, which shd start this coming week.
I wanna do so many other things as well. I WILL juggle them. coz i want to. I've wasted too much time.
===================================================================
next troubling topic.
Wat does it mean to "like" someone?
Does it mean I find her physically attractive? That's shallow. The whole "love" thing is supposed to go deeper than that, right?
Does it mean I think she's suitable for sharing a future? So do i really know she is? Or do i just hope that?
Does it mean I see that she's available and I'm willing? So I like her because she's there? Still shallow.
Does it mean I feel that I want a relationship with her? I may, but is it just for my own emotional gratification? That's selfish.
I don't think I understand wat these things mean anymore. Someone help me out here. Leave a comment.
There was a time I thot I did. I guess after so many botched attempts, my once-strong romantism has waned and faded.
I think the word here is "jaded".
That sense of futility that just makes you tired.
Do I really like you because you're you? Or do I feel this way just because you're here?
===================================================================
I guess it doesn't really matter at the moment anyway. gotta focus on myself first. maybe that's wat I shd've done all along.
note to self: Do wat ya gotta do! Start juggling!
Or early morning troubles... depending on how u look at it.
It's bad enuff to know that a crappy instituition wasted 5 yrs of ur life trying to teach u useless crap.
It's worse to be constantly reminded you owe them lots of money for your troubles as well.
And it's much worse when you owe more than others.
Of coz, the money owed can easily be written off. but it's not nice... and it's just not a nice feeling. like owe-ing your enemy money.
So one more driving force: I wanna have my revenge. One Day. I will make them pay me back.
How? i'm not very sure at the moment; i hvn't got the details worked out. first thing i gotta do is get some leverage. so i gotta be damn successful at wat i do. no worries - revenge is a dish best served cold. and i want/hv to prove myself too.
So... what are my options now? POSSIBLE freelance outdoor photographer AND backpacker hostel operations exec. 2 half-past-six jobs = 1 full job. I'll only know for sure on monday...
Of coz pay isn't the main factor. I want it to be interesting, so it's a start. So right now part of my plan consists of the hope that potential employers will find them interesting too.
I know it won't be easy. but the legwork doesn't scare me. in fact, i like going out and meeting ppl and talking. but it's the mental work i'm worried abt. not sure i hv the discipline to do self-learning. I have to return my "finance for dummies" library book on tues and I hvn't finished 1/3 after 6 wks. I just hope settling into a routine will give me more discipline, which shd start this coming week.
I wanna do so many other things as well. I WILL juggle them. coz i want to. I've wasted too much time.
===================================================================
next troubling topic.
Wat does it mean to "like" someone?
Does it mean I find her physically attractive? That's shallow. The whole "love" thing is supposed to go deeper than that, right?
Does it mean I think she's suitable for sharing a future? So do i really know she is? Or do i just hope that?
Does it mean I see that she's available and I'm willing? So I like her because she's there? Still shallow.
Does it mean I feel that I want a relationship with her? I may, but is it just for my own emotional gratification? That's selfish.
I don't think I understand wat these things mean anymore. Someone help me out here. Leave a comment.
There was a time I thot I did. I guess after so many botched attempts, my once-strong romantism has waned and faded.
I think the word here is "jaded".
That sense of futility that just makes you tired.
Do I really like you because you're you? Or do I feel this way just because you're here?
===================================================================
I guess it doesn't really matter at the moment anyway. gotta focus on myself first. maybe that's wat I shd've done all along.
note to self: Do wat ya gotta do! Start juggling!
Thursday, February 02, 2006
A Miserable CNY
Currently Playing: I'll Stop The World and Melt With You by The Cure
Just got discharged from hospital for dengue this afternoon, after 5 days of sick boredom.
Well.. it only wasn't that bad coz my bro was with me... both of us kena abt the same time, but he didn't hv it as bad as me so he got out a day before.
so for 4 days both of us stayed within 5m of each other in a small room with attached toilet, eating the same inedible/tough/tasteless food, flipping thru the same boring channels and enduring a blood draw every morning at 8am. as an added bonus, my bro witnessed my "unreasonable" refusal to be put on a drip. (i was eating and drinking more than him, and i HATE needles. 1 every morning was quite enuff.) part of the exchange went like this:
Nurse: "just a needle prick only, like yesterday morning i do for u, not pain rite?"
Me: "No lor, where got not pain? I was shouting away in pain remember?"
Nurse: "...but... of coz mah, the needle sharp, else how to take blood?"
hahahha. rather badly behaved. later with parents intervention, i relented and agreed to the drip, but the senior nurse decided to wait and see the next day. and thankfully, my blood showed some improvement, so no drip at all. the doctor did seem a little amused abt the incident.
so every morning after the nurse gave the 6am medicine or check vital signs, i wld be jumpy and awake, waiting dreadfully for the blood letting. it got better as the days went by though. dunno whether i gotten used to it or the nurses started to send the better of their colleagues to curb my screams. but the 1st 2 nights were dreadful. could hardly sleep with the rashes and anxiety. as night fell i would be counting down to 8am.
the food was definitely nothing to look fwd to. breakfast was either bland cereal, bright, bright yellow scrambled eggs which looked genetically colourifically-modified, wholemeal bread with plastic-looking saltless margerine and sugarless fruit juice. lunch and dinner was either hard white rice with bitter veges or too tough/soggy western food. to let my body heal, i had to force myself to eat.
there wasn't much on tv, except the usual gong xi gong xi shows on the normal tv channels, hbo and espn. hbo wasn't showing that many good shows too, so after reading the paper in the afternoons, there wasn't much to do except sleep. on a heat-trapping rubber mattress and it's complementing pillows of coz. the combination of uncomfortable pillows, hot and itchy body, and needle anxiety, i didn't get much good sleep really. developed an un-ending headache the last 2 days, which miraculously disappeared after a nap on my own bed this afternoon.
the ordeal ended after spending a nite alone in the hospital, and a surprisingly "ok" blood letting (no sound from me). the senior nurse called to tell me the good news: my platelets jumped 3 times within the last 24 hrs and i could go home todae. but my headache got worse - screwing up my body temp and stomach with it. had no appetite, felt either too cold or too hot and all i wanted to do was to go home. so bro drove me home and dad waited in the ward for medicine and official discharge and took a bus home.
the nite before that, dad and bro came to visit, some 6hrs after he himself got discharged. mum wasn't feeling well. so we 3 sat there and watched tv. it was like that with bro in the ward also. we wouldn't talk much, but the silent presence of each other is always so strangely comforting. yet, we're so familiar with each other we dun even realise that.
at times like these i'm so very grateful for having such a loving family. we live very simply, really. if everyone's at home we just do our own thing... mum either in the kitchen or watching tv, dad on his guitars or doing chores, bro playing computer or sleeping, etc. and sometimes being so familiar i dun bother to talk much, esp last few wks. but if someone (ie. me) needs support, everyone's there.
and i guess this dengue thing is just the thing i need to kick me out of my recent slump. stuck in a cold, old hospital room unable to go anywhere, i looked outside to see ppl walking around on the road, and thot to myself how lucky they were. i once could go outside and walk around too, but was too busy moping at home to do so until i fell sick. i was wondering when i'd see my home again. in physical source vs mental source of depression, i think mental is easier to overcome.
so once again, i only know how to treasure when things are taken away. once i recover my strength, i wun stay at home do nothing... i will pursue wat i set out to do earlier this year. coz i hv a choice.
And on a related note... u know how i'm always going on and on abt how boring and annoying CNY is to me? i've changed my mind. nothing is more depressing than getting stuck in hospital and stuck with needles when u know the rest of the world is eating goodies and talking cock and all the tv is showing tv celebrities lip synching happie happie CNY songs and the 10 superstar contestants bouncing around sentosa reminding u how lovely the outside world looks like.
so... i will be more appreciative of my family, and my health, and my freedom to choose.
Just got discharged from hospital for dengue this afternoon, after 5 days of sick boredom.
Well.. it only wasn't that bad coz my bro was with me... both of us kena abt the same time, but he didn't hv it as bad as me so he got out a day before.
so for 4 days both of us stayed within 5m of each other in a small room with attached toilet, eating the same inedible/tough/tasteless food, flipping thru the same boring channels and enduring a blood draw every morning at 8am. as an added bonus, my bro witnessed my "unreasonable" refusal to be put on a drip. (i was eating and drinking more than him, and i HATE needles. 1 every morning was quite enuff.) part of the exchange went like this:
Nurse: "just a needle prick only, like yesterday morning i do for u, not pain rite?"
Me: "No lor, where got not pain? I was shouting away in pain remember?"
Nurse: "...but... of coz mah, the needle sharp, else how to take blood?"
hahahha. rather badly behaved. later with parents intervention, i relented and agreed to the drip, but the senior nurse decided to wait and see the next day. and thankfully, my blood showed some improvement, so no drip at all. the doctor did seem a little amused abt the incident.
so every morning after the nurse gave the 6am medicine or check vital signs, i wld be jumpy and awake, waiting dreadfully for the blood letting. it got better as the days went by though. dunno whether i gotten used to it or the nurses started to send the better of their colleagues to curb my screams. but the 1st 2 nights were dreadful. could hardly sleep with the rashes and anxiety. as night fell i would be counting down to 8am.
the food was definitely nothing to look fwd to. breakfast was either bland cereal, bright, bright yellow scrambled eggs which looked genetically colourifically-modified, wholemeal bread with plastic-looking saltless margerine and sugarless fruit juice. lunch and dinner was either hard white rice with bitter veges or too tough/soggy western food. to let my body heal, i had to force myself to eat.
there wasn't much on tv, except the usual gong xi gong xi shows on the normal tv channels, hbo and espn. hbo wasn't showing that many good shows too, so after reading the paper in the afternoons, there wasn't much to do except sleep. on a heat-trapping rubber mattress and it's complementing pillows of coz. the combination of uncomfortable pillows, hot and itchy body, and needle anxiety, i didn't get much good sleep really. developed an un-ending headache the last 2 days, which miraculously disappeared after a nap on my own bed this afternoon.
the ordeal ended after spending a nite alone in the hospital, and a surprisingly "ok" blood letting (no sound from me). the senior nurse called to tell me the good news: my platelets jumped 3 times within the last 24 hrs and i could go home todae. but my headache got worse - screwing up my body temp and stomach with it. had no appetite, felt either too cold or too hot and all i wanted to do was to go home. so bro drove me home and dad waited in the ward for medicine and official discharge and took a bus home.
the nite before that, dad and bro came to visit, some 6hrs after he himself got discharged. mum wasn't feeling well. so we 3 sat there and watched tv. it was like that with bro in the ward also. we wouldn't talk much, but the silent presence of each other is always so strangely comforting. yet, we're so familiar with each other we dun even realise that.
at times like these i'm so very grateful for having such a loving family. we live very simply, really. if everyone's at home we just do our own thing... mum either in the kitchen or watching tv, dad on his guitars or doing chores, bro playing computer or sleeping, etc. and sometimes being so familiar i dun bother to talk much, esp last few wks. but if someone (ie. me) needs support, everyone's there.
and i guess this dengue thing is just the thing i need to kick me out of my recent slump. stuck in a cold, old hospital room unable to go anywhere, i looked outside to see ppl walking around on the road, and thot to myself how lucky they were. i once could go outside and walk around too, but was too busy moping at home to do so until i fell sick. i was wondering when i'd see my home again. in physical source vs mental source of depression, i think mental is easier to overcome.
so once again, i only know how to treasure when things are taken away. once i recover my strength, i wun stay at home do nothing... i will pursue wat i set out to do earlier this year. coz i hv a choice.
"Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide."
-Napolean Bonaparte
so... i will be more appreciative of my family, and my health, and my freedom to choose.
