"How Do You Climb Onto The Shoulders Of Giants?"

was what a good fren asked. probably metaphorically, but not that i care. here is my answer:


1st, u have to find one. Written accounts have placed the residences of giants on the top end of magic beanstalks, so u might wanna try looking there. although climbing rock walls and bean stalks might be different, the fundamental techniques are the same, so i'm sure u shd hv no problems there.

next, although u r not an englishman, so the giant will not grind ur bones to make his bread, he might grind them to make his noodles, since u r oriental. as such, u might want to wait until he is asleep, like a certain "Jack" did.

Written accounts have mentioned that giants fall asleep on their great dining tables after heavy meals, so after that happens, you will be able to carry out ur plan. do note that climbing bean stalks and rock walls are different from climbing giant table legs, as they tend to be smoother. you might want to try other methods, like climbing up an ajacent giant cupboard before lowering urself with a very very long rope.

next, when u're on the giant table, take care not to upset any giant cutlery or glasses of water, in case you wake the giant up or get washed away by the ensuing flash flood. if the giant stirs during this time, do not hide in giant loaves of bread, in case u get eaten unknowingly. instead, hide in giant pieces of swiss cheese, so u can look out of holes to see if the giant takes a fancy to your cheese. if so, scamper out of a hole at the other side to avoid detection.

another good place to hide would be in the fruit bowl, but behind any fruit except red apples, as that is always the 1st (and only) fruit to be taken in any situation.

in the unfortunate event of detection, jump behind a FULL glass of water. the magnification of the curved surface and refraction of the water will make u appear (hopefully) as big as the glass. snarl at the giant, and hopefully the distorted image would startle the giant long enuff to make ur escape.

if the giant fails to get startled, tip the glass over in his direction. this would not hurt him very much, but get the front of his pants all wet. hopefully this would make him scramble to find paper towels long enuff to make ur escape.

note: do NOT use the same tactic with a hot beverage. not only would it hurt ur hands, it would make the giant VERY, VERY angry. u do NOT want that to happen.

once going up on the shoulder, take care not to make any noise, as the giant's ear is situated very close to the shoulder, and is BIG - probably able to pick up the most minute sound, as mentioned in writing about one giant, known only by his initials "BFG".

when your task is completed, quickly make ur escape, hopefully undetected. once you reach the beanstalk, you are safe, as written accounts have mentioned that giants are clumsy while climbing down beanstalks.

Although chopping down magic beanstalks to avoid the wrath of giants, as written before, is effective, the consequences are devasting, and thus chopping should be avoided, if possible. The written account of a certain "Jack" ends at the happy ending of him chopping down the magic beanstalk and getting rich, presumably living happily ever after. but it does not mention how "Jack" eventually lost all his riches and ended up even poorer, due to the lawsuits that came from the property losses after the giant fell to the ground.

Good Giant Hunting!