I hv been supposedly awake for the past 20 hrs with the help of only 2 cups of coffee, not counting the exhausted micro-naps on the bus. my knees are screaming out bloody murder for making them lug 50-60kg of meat and bone all over sg. but it was all worth it.
Started with last nite at work. now i fully understand wat lady boss say by "if no one come, means no one come. but when one come, all will come". referring to guest enquires/payments/checkins/checkouts/etc of coz.
so my shift from 8pm to midnite flew by pretty fast. was kinda surprised when it was time to close up. after boss left, and came back and left again, i raided the "expired or not-for-sale food" box for munching while reading www.threekingdoms.com. suffered un-crispy seaweed, gross looking/tasting cake given by "grateful" guest, finally settled on loose bak hu and thick, thick milo. anything else repulsive which was nibbled at does not count.
tried to sleep start 230am... but hard metal bars under mattress + doorbell ringing from late returning chinaman kept me from sleeping. probably slept only 2++ hrs before alarm clock rang to check out a pair of swedes at 630am. called a cab for them. soon after, a yellow cab went past the front slowly... but didn't stop.
swede: is dat our cab?
me: i dun think so. i called the other company. their taxis are blue or green.
yellow cab reverses back into parking lot.
me: yeah... maybe it is. (probably not loud enuff for them to hear while they hurriedly grab their bags and head out the door.)
swedes: dank yew! gootbye!
a rather embarassed me: cya!! *whew*
back to sleep for another 1/2 hr. wake up for the day and open up/set up the place. slow breakfast of gone-soft cereal + 2 pkts of 3-in-1 coffee with as much soluble coffee and chocolate powder i dare to add, all in a typical ceramic mug. with hot water of coz.
i mean slow coz 1 guy checked out, 1 girl checked in and 1 guy came to get the stuff in the office safe and pay for stuff and chit chat while i was eating. so of coz stop and entertain them lah.
and when lady boss came in, so did another flurry of requests, payments, enquires, etc. left work at 10am.
decided to head to ubin to pick wild flowers for mum. illegally of coz. so was going to be a
采花贼. saw that the no.2 bus i took from tanah merah (after an illegally long wait!!) went past changi chapel & museum, so decided to add that in as well. (free entry! so i donated $1.50 out of goodwill)
at the (recreated) chapel, read abt the WW2 invasion and evil treatment of POWs, generously illustrated by the many photos and drawings and artifacts. a Jap looking young guy was there alone as well, letting out the occasional sniff, dunno whether out of remorse or out of aircon. had to resist swinging a rusty hoe at him.
i am SO glad i'll only be working on fri nite again. if i had to work now, i'd be bayoneting all the jap guests, screaming "banzai your fricking balls, man!!"
spent way too much time there... almost 2 hrs. had lunch at changi village and only managed to board an ubin ferry at 2.35pm (including waiting time for the uncle to get enuff passengers before willing to pause his chit chat session with another boat uncle)
hit ubin and went straight to usual bike rental. for $4 i got a mid-sized mountain bike with a squeaky left pedal. for my haggling i was promised $1 back if i came back before 5pm.
so i zoomed off. whoosh! squeak...squeak...squeak... reached the german girl shrine with tired thighs and ears.
*the german girl shrine is located further into one of the smaller tracks, after the markings on the map end... it is a small, unremarkable wooden hut painted wholy in bright yellow, sitting under a large tree. opening its bright yellow doors, beyond the front table of burnt-out joss sticks stands a barbie doll, flanked by lipstick, ah-ma white face powder, mirrors, combs, bottles of water. the german girl's supposed urn sits behind the doll, which is part offering, part image. on the other 2 far corners sit 2 other altars of other gods.
i offered joss sticks and mentioned that it wld be great if she could watch over my parents and brother, thanx. i'm not the religious type, but her story kinda moves me. and anyway, i was already there, so no harm trying.
after a lingering rest, i picked the requested and other interesting wild flowers, taking photos of some future victims as well, and acted normal both times the police land rover trundled by. *whistle and stroll casually....*
as i pedalled less-furiously back, it struck me. 1st i saw instances of ppl from the allied countries suffering. then i visited an actual sufferee(?) from an axis country. full circle. maybe i shdn't judge, just accept it as part of history, and learn from it... violence only causes suffering.
and strangely enuff, the left pedal had stopped squeaking before i noticed.
stopped for a while at another shrine on top of a knoll, just to check it out. after getting back my $1, i was confronted by a gaggle of abt 60 students all wanting to get off the island. one yah-yah guy, probably their npcc occifer, was calling out for one more guy to get into the boat.
so i called out in chinese: "uncle! one more person ah?" "yah yah!" came the reply. but yah-yah guy stopped me, saying "sorry, we got one more person. so-and-so!" and a sheepish malay dude came running out from behind his frens.
for the next boat, yah-yah guy asked me "you all got how many ppl?" i replied sternly "i one person." i pointed to the ang moh guy and local girl i saw on the windy ubin roads earlier. "they two ppl." amazingly, not only did yah-yah guy "let" us board the next boat, ("ok, u all can take this one") he collected the fare of $2 from us!
the other 2 gave willingly. i suspiciously held on, wondering if he wld run off with the money, and the boat uncle demanding payment when we were out at sea. i grudgingly handed over my single note, and kept my grudging eye on him until he handed the money over. who did he think he was? anyway, i wasn't going to miss my hot date on account of his gaggle of students.
on the way back to mainland, i looked at my fellow passengers, the students. all of them wore long track pants and BLACK polo tees. and on such a hot day!! they had little water with them, only some carried small pouches and at least one looked flushed with heat. wat an idiot of a leader that guy is!!
anyway. i didn't hv any more water myself, and just managed to catch the no. 2 in time. much of the journey was endeavoured in trying to keep awake, in fear of missing my stop. when it finally came, i had only enuff brain cells awake to stumble across one damn-irritated auntie, shuffle some fat teenager out of the way, and hastily fall out of the bus. i remained standing for the mrt ride home.
had a short soak in the pool to wash away some of the tiredness, sea spray and salty sweat. after a shower by the pool, of coz. but i couldn't stay long - the allied invasion came in the form of 2 ang moh boys shouting and splashing in the pool with their threatening super-soaker style water guns. they sprayed each other, other screaming kids who were "passing by", and even aimed at me - but i was too far away to be hit. but no matter... the peace was gone, and time for me to go.
on the way to my hot date with my consultant, i made the stupid mistake of taking sleep-inducing buses again. i dunno how many times i woke up with a start, followed by a 5-sec blank as my brain tried to recognise where i was.
the hot date was very pleasant... consultant and i go back a few yrs, even had a short "semi-relationship". it was fun... we went shopping for my clothes, of coz. she still has that habit of stroking my masculine chest when i try on shirts, or slapping my tight butt when i try on jeans. hmmm.... maybe it isn't a habit after all... ;-P
yup... so did 110% of wat i wanted to... work, go ubin to 采花, date with consultant. threw in a visit to changi chapel as well. nice.
now so damn tired... hope i can wake up by noon tml.
and if u got until here, thanx for staying. must hv been real hard. haahah
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Short Post
Currently Playing: Incessant Tapping on the Roof Extension Just Outside My Windows by Light Rain
Work, although can be tiring, is very fun. Never a dull moment coz even when there's no one around, there's either admin to finish or books to read. Plenty of chio ang moh girls to chat with.
I've only been to sch 3 times so far, so out of sight, out of mind. Will go regularly starting 2nd wk of march.
Going diving at Sipadan 1st to 6th March. only told parents it was "Malaysia". (i'm not lying wat)
Parents stopped nagging about the job liao. Guess they know I'll do wat i want anyway.
Cute girls popping out here and there. "Here" meaning at work and "There" meaning in hospital.
Things are picking up I guess. nothing much to gripe abt, hence this short post.
But hor, got dilemma.
Been turned off by gahmen's tactics, using GRCs and RCs to block opposition avenues, upgrading as carrots *if we don't come back, all dun hv!*, and using media as campaign tools (ST time bombs front page & News5tonite - see earlier post). but then hor, now they gimme money leh. then if i dun vote for them, i feel ungrateful leh, bite the fingers that gimme sunflower seeds. but i want more opposition in da house!! how ah?
of coz, this is in the hope that i can actually vote lah.
Work, although can be tiring, is very fun. Never a dull moment coz even when there's no one around, there's either admin to finish or books to read. Plenty of chio ang moh girls to chat with.
I've only been to sch 3 times so far, so out of sight, out of mind. Will go regularly starting 2nd wk of march.
Going diving at Sipadan 1st to 6th March. only told parents it was "Malaysia". (i'm not lying wat)
Parents stopped nagging about the job liao. Guess they know I'll do wat i want anyway.
Cute girls popping out here and there. "Here" meaning at work and "There" meaning in hospital.
Things are picking up I guess. nothing much to gripe abt, hence this short post.
But hor, got dilemma.
Been turned off by gahmen's tactics, using GRCs and RCs to block opposition avenues, upgrading as carrots *if we don't come back, all dun hv!*, and using media as campaign tools (ST time bombs front page & News5tonite - see earlier post). but then hor, now they gimme money leh. then if i dun vote for them, i feel ungrateful leh, bite the fingers that gimme sunflower seeds. but i want more opposition in da house!! how ah?
of coz, this is in the hope that i can actually vote lah.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Of Course, There Is Always An Easy Way Out
Currently Playing: Black Horse & The Cherry Tree by K.T. Tunstall
Supposed to go for supper with 4 others... but last min found out one of them didn't know abt it, probably forgot, and another cancelled. So only left squid and cyclist. and apparently, both of them weren't feeling too cheerful.
then squid started getting iffy coz he was tired. if it was only cyclist and me, a bit no point for supper coz he stays in ulu-like-sengkang sengkang.
and i was feeling a little tired too. so i could just so easily dropped everything and rotted in front of the computer.
but i didn't. coz
1) i wanted to drive.
2) i wanted to tell them abt my work.
3) i thot the supper might cheer them up.
(reasons in order of decreasing importance)
yup... i wanted to just drop it. take the easy way out. but i might not get to drive and hv prata supper in a while... so i decided to seize the chance and just do it. i'm now more tired, but i'm glad i went out and had supper, and took the chance to make the evening enjoyable for those who were there, including me. i have plenty of opportunities to rot in front of the computer. in fact i'm rotting right now.
i'm more tired and sleepy than i've ever been the whole of this year. now instead of sleeping from 4am to 1pm, i hv abt 5 hrs sleep if day shift, and 3 hrs sleep if night, and hv to take naps where i fall into really deep sleep. i gotta go school, swim, meet frens too, so time is kinda short for sleep.
but in spite of that, i'm feeling better than i did bumming and sleeping the days away. at least the days are packed, and i feel i've got things done, accomplished something. if nothing else, at least i was earning a little bit of money and having fun the whole day.
i realise i'm not the type who can sit still for long. i get restless, bored, depressed. i need to go out and make things happen.
so now my priorities are work, planning europe, my 2 subjects, getting fit for the trip, picking up the guitar and improving my photography. for the next 3.5 mths.
crap. looks like i dun hv much time.
Supposed to go for supper with 4 others... but last min found out one of them didn't know abt it, probably forgot, and another cancelled. So only left squid and cyclist. and apparently, both of them weren't feeling too cheerful.
then squid started getting iffy coz he was tired. if it was only cyclist and me, a bit no point for supper coz he stays in ulu-like-sengkang sengkang.
and i was feeling a little tired too. so i could just so easily dropped everything and rotted in front of the computer.
but i didn't. coz
1) i wanted to drive.
2) i wanted to tell them abt my work.
3) i thot the supper might cheer them up.
(reasons in order of decreasing importance)
yup... i wanted to just drop it. take the easy way out. but i might not get to drive and hv prata supper in a while... so i decided to seize the chance and just do it. i'm now more tired, but i'm glad i went out and had supper, and took the chance to make the evening enjoyable for those who were there, including me. i have plenty of opportunities to rot in front of the computer. in fact i'm rotting right now.
i'm more tired and sleepy than i've ever been the whole of this year. now instead of sleeping from 4am to 1pm, i hv abt 5 hrs sleep if day shift, and 3 hrs sleep if night, and hv to take naps where i fall into really deep sleep. i gotta go school, swim, meet frens too, so time is kinda short for sleep.
but in spite of that, i'm feeling better than i did bumming and sleeping the days away. at least the days are packed, and i feel i've got things done, accomplished something. if nothing else, at least i was earning a little bit of money and having fun the whole day.
i realise i'm not the type who can sit still for long. i get restless, bored, depressed. i need to go out and make things happen.
so now my priorities are work, planning europe, my 2 subjects, getting fit for the trip, picking up the guitar and improving my photography. for the next 3.5 mths.
crap. looks like i dun hv much time.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
The 14th
14th Feb is usually the day of a year i detest most. I detest the cashing in of restaurants, gift shops, sweet shops, and of everyone who can. prices go so high everyone forgets abt the nationwide hike of cutting hair just 2 wks ago during CNY. but surprisingly, no one really makes noise abt it. maybe the barbers are raising their fees for the wrong season. they shd try raising fees the 1st 2 wks of Feb. "u cut your fringe coz going on vanstine pak tor rite? $30."
but most of all, i detest it coz i'm never part of it. fark man. everywhere got couples holding hands. so for the past 4 yrs, i wld be holed in my room in hall on this day, playing computer game and living off chips and cereal, ignoring the world.
coz as always, i hate feeling left out. if i'm in an activity or a group and i feel left out, i'd rather leave than remain there like an idiot. similarly, if the crowd i'll be hanging out with doesn't click with me, i rather not go.
on the same note, i farking dislike going out with a couple (ie. bf/gf) also. esp if the 2 are so into each other they wldn't hv noticed if i wasn't there if the seat was the same colour as my shirt. and further more, it's disgusting behaviour if i'm closer to one and the other is a little more than a stranger. it smacks of showing off. how would u like it if i keep talking abt my condo and its 3 swimming pools, 2 jacuzzis, gym, bbq pits, miniature golf course, 24hr security and its vicinity to so many great food places when i know u stay in a shabby 20yr-old 2 room flat? but then again, it doesn't make much difference if i know the 2 of them anyway.
u think its sour grapes? so wat if it is or isn't? too bad, it's me. deal with it. and i'm glad its the 15th already.
but most of all, i detest it coz i'm never part of it. fark man. everywhere got couples holding hands. so for the past 4 yrs, i wld be holed in my room in hall on this day, playing computer game and living off chips and cereal, ignoring the world.
coz as always, i hate feeling left out. if i'm in an activity or a group and i feel left out, i'd rather leave than remain there like an idiot. similarly, if the crowd i'll be hanging out with doesn't click with me, i rather not go.
on the same note, i farking dislike going out with a couple (ie. bf/gf) also. esp if the 2 are so into each other they wldn't hv noticed if i wasn't there if the seat was the same colour as my shirt. and further more, it's disgusting behaviour if i'm closer to one and the other is a little more than a stranger. it smacks of showing off. how would u like it if i keep talking abt my condo and its 3 swimming pools, 2 jacuzzis, gym, bbq pits, miniature golf course, 24hr security and its vicinity to so many great food places when i know u stay in a shabby 20yr-old 2 room flat? but then again, it doesn't make much difference if i know the 2 of them anyway.
u think its sour grapes? so wat if it is or isn't? too bad, it's me. deal with it. and i'm glad its the 15th already.
I'm Sorry, Pa. But...
Hi Pa.
I wouldn't have been able to sleep before writing this. First of all, I'm really sorry at raising my voice at you earlier. I never should have done that, and I'm really sorry. I know you want the best for me and always mean well. I guess I got frustrated because it was the third time in as many days that you seem to be telling me to walk out on the job.
I want to give this job a chance because:
a) although it's tiring as I'm on my feet a lot, I think that it's fun meeting people from all over the world, and very beneficial for my future travels.
b) I'm learning a lot as I've never held a service-oriented job before, and the operation is meant to be one-man. As of now, I've learnt about tact in front of customers, the importance of knowing what I need to know in front of them, how the administration of such an operation is run, their business practices and some of their little business secrets.
c) it's the only place that invited me for an interview, out of the 40-50 resumes I sent in January. The insurance company doesn't count because they took my resume off an online job portal.
d) it's able to suit my school schedule.
e) it's something different on my resume. It may or may not be relevant to my future jobs, but at least it will make people sit up and notice. For interviews, it would let me give unique examples of my strengths, letting me stand out from other candidates.
About the housekeeping issue, I will take a wait-and-see approach. I WILL voice my unwillingness if I feel that it is too often, but right now it does not bother me because:
a) they have employed part-time staff to come in to do the housekeeping, and I have seen them on the 2nd and 3rd day, the same 2 people for both days.
b) I have been told that in my job scope, I only need to help out if they are sick, and have been assured that it is not common. And I accept this as part of my job, subject to its frequency. As a promise to both of us, I WILL make noise if it is more than once a month.
c) I believe the housekeeping on the first day was a work-attitude assessment; another employee has told me that everyone's first day involved housekeeping. And I believe I passed with flying colours.
About the contract and payday issue, actually I have planned to bring it up after my OJT ended, which would be tomorrow; they mentioned that $5/hr was just the starting rate and they would increase it based on performance. I planned to ask them about the contract, insurance coverage (if any) and payment mode, but asking about the payday didn't occur to me, so thanks for telling me about it. During the interview, they did tell me that CPF would be included in the pay (13% from employer) and after every day, I sign a time in/time out sheet.
If I am unhappy with the contract or the job, I will walk out without any qualms. And in any case I do not think I've wasted my time as I'm learning so much. But I also would like to give this job a proper chance and see what it has to offer fully.
And if I didn't have this job, I'd still be looking for one, either until I found a suitable one, or until 1 month before my exams. This is because I can't stand having nothing to do for the majority of my time. For the most of January I was very bored and listless, just passing day-by-day. I don't want to live like that; I want to live my life to the fullest. Having a job gives me a sense of purpose, some form of discipline to get me out of bed instead of sleeping the days away, and ironically, better time-management since it takes up part of the once-endless amount I had. Since free time is now more limited, I would put it to better use, instead of procrastinating.
And if I had the notion of being a manager straightaway after graduation, I wouldn't have taken up this job. In a way, this job enables me to see what front-line staff, admin staff and housekeeping staff have to go through, teaching me to emphatise with them, not to look down on them just because they do a "lesser" job, because it's still not easy to do. I know that to be a successful manager or boss, you need to understand what those under you go through everyday, and that is what I plan to learn for the 1st few years of my working life.
Being a manager is just my mid-term goal. In the short-term I know that only entry-level positions will be available to me, and I take this willingly because they are opportunities to learn and grow, and because this is what everyone has to go through, how the world works. The "manager" vision is a goal I want to reach, a strong driving source of motivation for the 1st few years. It is not an obsession, nor is it a destination. It is merely a checkpoint on a long journey ahead, the next one after graduation.
And as a hiring manager, what would you think of a newly hired employee if he, a young man of 25yrs, told you he wanted to quit because his father didn't approve of his job?
Pa, I know you are looking out for me and want to make sure I'm alright. And I will be. I know it's a big scary world out there, so all the more I need that personal experience in dealing with it. How would I be able to advise my kids on the life lessons I learnt if I was sheltered from them? (But if they're anything like me, they probably wouldn't listen either.)
If some experiences turn out to be bad ones, it's ok, because I will learn from them and know what (not) to do next time, because I learnt them myself. And from whatever bad experiences, I will always, always bounce back. I've already suffered so many setbacks in NS and NTU, grown so much as a person because/in spite of them. A close fren told me that the present me and the one he first knew in NTU 2001 are very different, in a good way.
The road ahead is still long, and I might stumble and fall, or I might lose my way. But it's ok because I will get up again, I will find my way again, one way or another. And it's ok because when that happens, I will learn life lessons, and I will learn them truly well, because I learnt them myself.
I know you care for me more than I will ever understand until I become a father myself, but I feel that it's time for me to explore the big, bad world, try out new horizons and lose sight of shores. And I will come back and tell you all about it.
Your loving son,
XX
I wouldn't have been able to sleep before writing this. First of all, I'm really sorry at raising my voice at you earlier. I never should have done that, and I'm really sorry. I know you want the best for me and always mean well. I guess I got frustrated because it was the third time in as many days that you seem to be telling me to walk out on the job.
I want to give this job a chance because:
a) although it's tiring as I'm on my feet a lot, I think that it's fun meeting people from all over the world, and very beneficial for my future travels.
b) I'm learning a lot as I've never held a service-oriented job before, and the operation is meant to be one-man. As of now, I've learnt about tact in front of customers, the importance of knowing what I need to know in front of them, how the administration of such an operation is run, their business practices and some of their little business secrets.
c) it's the only place that invited me for an interview, out of the 40-50 resumes I sent in January. The insurance company doesn't count because they took my resume off an online job portal.
d) it's able to suit my school schedule.
e) it's something different on my resume. It may or may not be relevant to my future jobs, but at least it will make people sit up and notice. For interviews, it would let me give unique examples of my strengths, letting me stand out from other candidates.
About the housekeeping issue, I will take a wait-and-see approach. I WILL voice my unwillingness if I feel that it is too often, but right now it does not bother me because:
a) they have employed part-time staff to come in to do the housekeeping, and I have seen them on the 2nd and 3rd day, the same 2 people for both days.
b) I have been told that in my job scope, I only need to help out if they are sick, and have been assured that it is not common. And I accept this as part of my job, subject to its frequency. As a promise to both of us, I WILL make noise if it is more than once a month.
c) I believe the housekeeping on the first day was a work-attitude assessment; another employee has told me that everyone's first day involved housekeeping. And I believe I passed with flying colours.
About the contract and payday issue, actually I have planned to bring it up after my OJT ended, which would be tomorrow; they mentioned that $5/hr was just the starting rate and they would increase it based on performance. I planned to ask them about the contract, insurance coverage (if any) and payment mode, but asking about the payday didn't occur to me, so thanks for telling me about it. During the interview, they did tell me that CPF would be included in the pay (13% from employer) and after every day, I sign a time in/time out sheet.
If I am unhappy with the contract or the job, I will walk out without any qualms. And in any case I do not think I've wasted my time as I'm learning so much. But I also would like to give this job a proper chance and see what it has to offer fully.
And if I didn't have this job, I'd still be looking for one, either until I found a suitable one, or until 1 month before my exams. This is because I can't stand having nothing to do for the majority of my time. For the most of January I was very bored and listless, just passing day-by-day. I don't want to live like that; I want to live my life to the fullest. Having a job gives me a sense of purpose, some form of discipline to get me out of bed instead of sleeping the days away, and ironically, better time-management since it takes up part of the once-endless amount I had. Since free time is now more limited, I would put it to better use, instead of procrastinating.
And if I had the notion of being a manager straightaway after graduation, I wouldn't have taken up this job. In a way, this job enables me to see what front-line staff, admin staff and housekeeping staff have to go through, teaching me to emphatise with them, not to look down on them just because they do a "lesser" job, because it's still not easy to do. I know that to be a successful manager or boss, you need to understand what those under you go through everyday, and that is what I plan to learn for the 1st few years of my working life.
Being a manager is just my mid-term goal. In the short-term I know that only entry-level positions will be available to me, and I take this willingly because they are opportunities to learn and grow, and because this is what everyone has to go through, how the world works. The "manager" vision is a goal I want to reach, a strong driving source of motivation for the 1st few years. It is not an obsession, nor is it a destination. It is merely a checkpoint on a long journey ahead, the next one after graduation.
And as a hiring manager, what would you think of a newly hired employee if he, a young man of 25yrs, told you he wanted to quit because his father didn't approve of his job?
Pa, I know you are looking out for me and want to make sure I'm alright. And I will be. I know it's a big scary world out there, so all the more I need that personal experience in dealing with it. How would I be able to advise my kids on the life lessons I learnt if I was sheltered from them? (But if they're anything like me, they probably wouldn't listen either.)
If some experiences turn out to be bad ones, it's ok, because I will learn from them and know what (not) to do next time, because I learnt them myself. And from whatever bad experiences, I will always, always bounce back. I've already suffered so many setbacks in NS and NTU, grown so much as a person because/in spite of them. A close fren told me that the present me and the one he first knew in NTU 2001 are very different, in a good way.
The road ahead is still long, and I might stumble and fall, or I might lose my way. But it's ok because I will get up again, I will find my way again, one way or another. And it's ok because when that happens, I will learn life lessons, and I will learn them truly well, because I learnt them myself.
I know you care for me more than I will ever understand until I become a father myself, but I feel that it's time for me to explore the big, bad world, try out new horizons and lose sight of shores. And I will come back and tell you all about it.
Your loving son,
XX
Monday, February 13, 2006
One Last Ramble. I Need To Sleep!
Re-stumbled upon a close fren's blog. Mainly coz she provided the opportunity.
I've always enjoyed meeting up with her, coz she always made for intelligent conversation. I wish I could've returned the favour. She has wisely chosen to keep herself busy to escape my inane remarks and cheesy attempts at being humourous.
Her blog is POWER. I felt as though I was reading a column from a newspaper.
The different aspects articulately weaved together.
The emergence of the main question and it's recap.
The guilty remembering, the accompanying relevelations.
The descriptions that brought me into her mind.
The final moving punchline.
And i look at my pathetic attempts at writing here, to entertain, to record, to ramble and rant. to practice.
It seems futile. When so many are leagues ahead of me.
You write wonderfully. So much better, than so many other people. If you intend to change jobs, I hope u return. preferably in a different, more familiar (to me) language.
But i don't think u insult ur own intelligence by reading this. haha.
I console myself by thinking maybe it's just coz our styles are different.
I've always enjoyed meeting up with her, coz she always made for intelligent conversation. I wish I could've returned the favour. She has wisely chosen to keep herself busy to escape my inane remarks and cheesy attempts at being humourous.
Her blog is POWER. I felt as though I was reading a column from a newspaper.
The different aspects articulately weaved together.
The emergence of the main question and it's recap.
The guilty remembering, the accompanying relevelations.
The descriptions that brought me into her mind.
The final moving punchline.
And i look at my pathetic attempts at writing here, to entertain, to record, to ramble and rant. to practice.
It seems futile. When so many are leagues ahead of me.
You write wonderfully. So much better, than so many other people. If you intend to change jobs, I hope u return. preferably in a different, more familiar (to me) language.
But i don't think u insult ur own intelligence by reading this. haha.
I console myself by thinking maybe it's just coz our styles are different.
I See News5Tonite No Up
About 4 hours earlier, I was watching News5Tonite before Apprentice.
Ms Newscaster just finished talking abt Jayakumar raring to go for the next election, saying he hoped that got opposition fight in his East Coast GRC ward.
Then she started with something like, "There is hope in opposition ward Hougang." and went on to talk abt chiku trees bearing fruit. Confusing.
Actually, the trees were planned by PAP's Eric Low last GE. Which now starting to bear fruit, just like his efforts in the ward, doing blah blah blah blah blah blah........
*TV shows him smiling and mingling with residents, being a guest at functions*
Then when facing the camera, he talks abt wat he has done and complains that the Town Council, run by WP's Mr. Low Thia Khiang, has "not been cooperative" and cites instances.
This takes up almost 3-5 mins on the 20-25 min programme. Looks to me like an election advertisement. solely giving credit and good exposure to one candidate, and letting him complain abt his opponent.
First ST's "TIME-BOMB!! POSION!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" coverage, now this. tsk tsk. how to trust local media, mediacock and the like liddat?
I hope News5Tonite redeems itself by letting Mr. Low Thia Khiang talk next. for the same amt of face-camera-time, and same amt of "showing-grassroots-work" time.
Also starting to get turned off by gahmen liao. They so strong, still use this kind of tactics to influence young minds like mine once was. Why must stoop so low? Why so scared to lose? Must hv a reason rite? Pls change ur tack... before more ppl like me, getting smarter, getting more turned off. Else it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
better stop here. dun wanna kena sedited.
Ms Newscaster just finished talking abt Jayakumar raring to go for the next election, saying he hoped that got opposition fight in his East Coast GRC ward.
Then she started with something like, "There is hope in opposition ward Hougang." and went on to talk abt chiku trees bearing fruit. Confusing.
Actually, the trees were planned by PAP's Eric Low last GE. Which now starting to bear fruit, just like his efforts in the ward, doing blah blah blah blah blah blah........
*TV shows him smiling and mingling with residents, being a guest at functions*
Then when facing the camera, he talks abt wat he has done and complains that the Town Council, run by WP's Mr. Low Thia Khiang, has "not been cooperative" and cites instances.
This takes up almost 3-5 mins on the 20-25 min programme. Looks to me like an election advertisement. solely giving credit and good exposure to one candidate, and letting him complain abt his opponent.
First ST's "TIME-BOMB!! POSION!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" coverage, now this. tsk tsk. how to trust local media, mediacock and the like liddat?
I hope News5Tonite redeems itself by letting Mr. Low Thia Khiang talk next. for the same amt of face-camera-time, and same amt of "showing-grassroots-work" time.
Also starting to get turned off by gahmen liao. They so strong, still use this kind of tactics to influence young minds like mine once was. Why must stoop so low? Why so scared to lose? Must hv a reason rite? Pls change ur tack... before more ppl like me, getting smarter, getting more turned off. Else it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
better stop here. dun wanna kena sedited.
First Day At Work
Currently Playing: Destiny by Zero7
Gotta write this quick. there's lots, and i gotta wake up in less than 7 hrs.
Today started pretty well enuff. had "traditional" breakfast of kopi, lorti and (1) egg at a kopitiam beside my new workplace. kopi nice and strong, and the lorti can beat yakun's anytime! bcoz
1) they are generous with butter
2) they not so chao kuan! they dun slice the bread thin thin!
So fast digress liao. anyway started very slowly. only lady boss there, the boss (her husband and OIC) didn't reach until 10+am. so relak lor - tok cock with, and observe lady boss at work.
11am. housekeeping. after a demo, boss sent me to clean 3 dorms and 5 rooms. Over 3 floors. Fark.
Sidenote:
Clean room usually means the room is vacant. So gotta give toilet a good spray, re-do the bed with fresh sheets, clear rubbish and sweep the floor.
Clean dorm usually means dorm still got ppl's stuff. So gotta give toilet a good spray, clear rubbish, sweep the floor, avoiding scattered belongings.
Damn tiring. and got ppl do this kinda crap full time lor! Respect. I dun think i've even cleaned my own room so many times before!!
Finished this one task at 5pm, after abt an hr break for lunch at 3pm. My legs are still aching, my nose is still stifled. Tml I'm going to confirm with boss that this isn't the main part of the job. And stop imagining me in a french maid uniform!! blardy pervert!!
But it wasn't all menial labour though. In the evening I was given a more thorough briefing about operating the front desk, which will continue for another 1 or 2 days. Even some hands-on when the boss cldn't cope with overwhelming numbers of angmohs and an indon couple coming at him at the same time.
So front desk can be hectic, but it's really fun doing a service-oriented job, and interacting with the guests. Got some diving travel tips from a spanish bloke who's travelling round the world for a yr, and did Advanced and Rescue in 15 days in Thailand. Got a few smiles from a damn chio french chio bu for everytime she caught me bio-ing her.
Plus, I think they made a mistake in making the 3-in-1 coffee FOC for staff. well, it wasn't until they hired me.
Things I've Learnt:
a) Angmohs are bo chap abt dirt, are smelly and hairy. evidence from the rubbish, odour and stray hairs they leave behind on the floor, in the room, and in the toilet respectively, respectively.
b) Asians make better guests, bcoz of the opposite of the above reason.
c) Next time you see the cleaner who will clean your room, say a thank you in respect for all he/she has to put up with. Only the first day and I've encountered condoms (unused, thankfully), pads (used, CCB!! Literally!!) and endless amounts of women's underwear.
d) Next time you see the cleaner who will clean your room, say a thank you coz if you don't, he/she might just use someone else's USED sheets for ur bed, and use ur toothbrush to clean the toilet sink/floor/bowl. Or "assume" your favourite shirt/underwear is a rag.
Yay. Another 11+hr-day at work tml!!
Gotta write this quick. there's lots, and i gotta wake up in less than 7 hrs.
Today started pretty well enuff. had "traditional" breakfast of kopi, lorti and (1) egg at a kopitiam beside my new workplace. kopi nice and strong, and the lorti can beat yakun's anytime! bcoz
1) they are generous with butter
2) they not so chao kuan! they dun slice the bread thin thin!
So fast digress liao. anyway started very slowly. only lady boss there, the boss (her husband and OIC) didn't reach until 10+am. so relak lor - tok cock with, and observe lady boss at work.
11am. housekeeping. after a demo, boss sent me to clean 3 dorms and 5 rooms. Over 3 floors. Fark.
Sidenote:
Clean room usually means the room is vacant. So gotta give toilet a good spray, re-do the bed with fresh sheets, clear rubbish and sweep the floor.
Clean dorm usually means dorm still got ppl's stuff. So gotta give toilet a good spray, clear rubbish, sweep the floor, avoiding scattered belongings.
Damn tiring. and got ppl do this kinda crap full time lor! Respect. I dun think i've even cleaned my own room so many times before!!
Finished this one task at 5pm, after abt an hr break for lunch at 3pm. My legs are still aching, my nose is still stifled. Tml I'm going to confirm with boss that this isn't the main part of the job. And stop imagining me in a french maid uniform!! blardy pervert!!
But it wasn't all menial labour though. In the evening I was given a more thorough briefing about operating the front desk, which will continue for another 1 or 2 days. Even some hands-on when the boss cldn't cope with overwhelming numbers of angmohs and an indon couple coming at him at the same time.
So front desk can be hectic, but it's really fun doing a service-oriented job, and interacting with the guests. Got some diving travel tips from a spanish bloke who's travelling round the world for a yr, and did Advanced and Rescue in 15 days in Thailand. Got a few smiles from a damn chio french chio bu for everytime she caught me bio-ing her.
Plus, I think they made a mistake in making the 3-in-1 coffee FOC for staff. well, it wasn't until they hired me.
Things I've Learnt:
a) Angmohs are bo chap abt dirt, are smelly and hairy. evidence from the rubbish, odour and stray hairs they leave behind on the floor, in the room, and in the toilet respectively, respectively.
b) Asians make better guests, bcoz of the opposite of the above reason.
c) Next time you see the cleaner who will clean your room, say a thank you in respect for all he/she has to put up with. Only the first day and I've encountered condoms (unused, thankfully), pads (used, CCB!! Literally!!) and endless amounts of women's underwear.
d) Next time you see the cleaner who will clean your room, say a thank you coz if you don't, he/she might just use someone else's USED sheets for ur bed, and use ur toothbrush to clean the toilet sink/floor/bowl. Or "assume" your favourite shirt/underwear is a rag.
Yay. Another 11+hr-day at work tml!!
Saturday, February 11, 2006
An Eventfully Boring 24 Hrs
Currently Playing: Nothing. Coz i'm so sian.
There were 3 possibilities for the day. Attempting to blade, First steps to making music, or mahjong. None materialised.
I was asked of my plans for the day. My reply was to sleep until 1pm, then decide further. I did just that.
I don't remember what I did before lunch. Surf net probably. After lunch and an online book, I went to sleep again.
I woke up and went online again. Not that there were many ppl online to talk to. Flipped thru the newspaper. Ate a bit. Spent 2 hrs cleaning out hamster cages.
By this time the whole family went out for dinner appts except me. How strange. But then again, maybe not anymore.
Didn't feel like going out... and have started hating the food in my immediate neighbourhood. so i fell in with the CNY goodies and bak kwa. Had a bowl of banana nut crunch in front of the computer. And here i am now.
Hahaha... has this blog become so mediocre that such an entry even earns a place here? nay... this is just a reflection of my reality. Well... my only consolation is that there are some ppl who want to be this slack.
We can only guess wat goes on in others' minds... and their lives. I knew something was wrong, so i extended wat i thot was a helping, or at least comforting, hand - and it was slapped away. I offered it coz urs was offered before, and i thot i shd return the generosity, and maybe take another step back towards the close frenship we once had. now i realise y it crumbled. coz u're always so unpredictable, i dun know when i shd approach. so i guess i shdn't.
an unrelated musing.
is it better to suffer the bad with the good?
or nv experiencing neither bad nor good?
shd we protect ourselves from wat we know is harmful?
or embrace it coz we know it brings its joys as well?
is being torn between choices so horrible?
or is being unable to choose worse?
quiet nights are torture on my roaming mind.
There were 3 possibilities for the day. Attempting to blade, First steps to making music, or mahjong. None materialised.
I was asked of my plans for the day. My reply was to sleep until 1pm, then decide further. I did just that.
I don't remember what I did before lunch. Surf net probably. After lunch and an online book, I went to sleep again.
I woke up and went online again. Not that there were many ppl online to talk to. Flipped thru the newspaper. Ate a bit. Spent 2 hrs cleaning out hamster cages.
By this time the whole family went out for dinner appts except me. How strange. But then again, maybe not anymore.
Didn't feel like going out... and have started hating the food in my immediate neighbourhood. so i fell in with the CNY goodies and bak kwa. Had a bowl of banana nut crunch in front of the computer. And here i am now.
Hahaha... has this blog become so mediocre that such an entry even earns a place here? nay... this is just a reflection of my reality. Well... my only consolation is that there are some ppl who want to be this slack.
We can only guess wat goes on in others' minds... and their lives. I knew something was wrong, so i extended wat i thot was a helping, or at least comforting, hand - and it was slapped away. I offered it coz urs was offered before, and i thot i shd return the generosity, and maybe take another step back towards the close frenship we once had. now i realise y it crumbled. coz u're always so unpredictable, i dun know when i shd approach. so i guess i shdn't.
an unrelated musing.
is it better to suffer the bad with the good?
or nv experiencing neither bad nor good?
shd we protect ourselves from wat we know is harmful?
or embrace it coz we know it brings its joys as well?
is being torn between choices so horrible?
or is being unable to choose worse?
quiet nights are torture on my roaming mind.
Friday, February 10, 2006
This Is Sanity In The World After All
Bravo! Some Arab and Muslim youth have spoken out against the idiotic violent reactions to blasphemous caricatures in http://www.sorrynorwaydenmark.com/
As well as our own locals in http://www.todayonline.com/articles/99986.asp
I don't condone publishing the caricatures, although they may be trying to bring across a valid point that violent acts are getting more and more associated with a religion.
But I also condemn the violent acts and threats of cutting off heads in response to these cartoons... over-reaction by extremist idiots.
I don't know how to solve the complex problems involved. I don't have many answers. but I do know that firstly everyone gotta stop cutting off other peepur's heads. Shd sit down and talk it out 1st. and for that, everyone needs to hv their heads on.
Except for those blardy terrorists like those JI farkers and Osama and his biatches, who anyhow blow ppl up for their stupid religious reasoning. Someone pls go cut off their heads.
As well as our own locals in http://www.todayonline.com/articles/99986.asp
I don't condone publishing the caricatures, although they may be trying to bring across a valid point that violent acts are getting more and more associated with a religion.
But I also condemn the violent acts and threats of cutting off heads in response to these cartoons... over-reaction by extremist idiots.
I don't know how to solve the complex problems involved. I don't have many answers. but I do know that firstly everyone gotta stop cutting off other peepur's heads. Shd sit down and talk it out 1st. and for that, everyone needs to hv their heads on.
Except for those blardy terrorists like those JI farkers and Osama and his biatches, who anyhow blow ppl up for their stupid religious reasoning. Someone pls go cut off their heads.
First Day Of School. Again.
OK. so school started 4-5 wks ago. i didn't feel like going can? fark man. give a guy a break!
i originally only wanted to blog this down. but the other 2 earlier posts got in the way. had to bang them out.
So there I was. sitting on a bench (no more seats in cant a during lunch hr) with my face in the newspaper (i wasn't looking fwd to meeting any "frens") and a cup of coffee beside me (gawd i love cant a kopi) waiting for lecture to start. which is a rarity. usually i enter LTs 10 mins into the lecture. that is, if i even attend.
why so early? coz i had lunch with kitty at the time when i was supposed to have a tutorial. hey if not for her, 3 hrs before that i wld've just snapped off the fricking alarm instead of pressing "snooze" for 20 mins ok? then i wld've stayed in bed til 1pm and miss BOTH of tutorial and lecture. one is better than none.
the lecture was horrendous. reminded me why i stopped going lectures 3 yrs ago. hong kee old man cannot speak intelligible english. the boring impractical subject shd be renamed "turbulent fluid momentum and continuity equations in canto-engrish".
the 1st 15 mins were spent trying to follow the lecture. serious. ok maybe the 1st 5. i get bored quite easily, especially when the environment is that boring. i started reviewing my schedule, picking up discarded flyers, popping sweets. resisted the temptation of taking out my newspaper.
i have no idea how i got thru the 2nd 15 mins. i smsed vj abt a dinner appt. flipped thru the notes. checked my hp for smses. checked again. flipped thru my schedule. tried to follow the lecture. that was the final nail in the coffin.
the next 20 mins were spent blissfully asleep. i think i was even dreaming. i only got jolted awake when i leaned too much on the table causing the table to almost flip and my pen to roll off.
sian. still got 10 mins. i resisted the urge to just walk out. i MUST stay thru this. coz tml got 3 hrs non stop. if can't sit for 1 hr, wat more 3 hrs?
finally, the hong kee old man ended his monologue. i threw my notes into my bag, climbed over the row of chairs and fell out of the doors into the sun-lit plaza, bleary eyed and sleepy. i stumbled across to the library to print the next day's notes.
the horrible sch day lasted an unbearable total of 3 hrs. ltr i gotta wake up at 6.30am for a 3hr 8.30am lesson. i think i better go sleep.
i originally only wanted to blog this down. but the other 2 earlier posts got in the way. had to bang them out.
So there I was. sitting on a bench (no more seats in cant a during lunch hr) with my face in the newspaper (i wasn't looking fwd to meeting any "frens") and a cup of coffee beside me (gawd i love cant a kopi) waiting for lecture to start. which is a rarity. usually i enter LTs 10 mins into the lecture. that is, if i even attend.
why so early? coz i had lunch with kitty at the time when i was supposed to have a tutorial. hey if not for her, 3 hrs before that i wld've just snapped off the fricking alarm instead of pressing "snooze" for 20 mins ok? then i wld've stayed in bed til 1pm and miss BOTH of tutorial and lecture. one is better than none.
the lecture was horrendous. reminded me why i stopped going lectures 3 yrs ago. hong kee old man cannot speak intelligible english. the boring impractical subject shd be renamed "turbulent fluid momentum and continuity equations in canto-engrish".
the 1st 15 mins were spent trying to follow the lecture. serious. ok maybe the 1st 5. i get bored quite easily, especially when the environment is that boring. i started reviewing my schedule, picking up discarded flyers, popping sweets. resisted the temptation of taking out my newspaper.
i have no idea how i got thru the 2nd 15 mins. i smsed vj abt a dinner appt. flipped thru the notes. checked my hp for smses. checked again. flipped thru my schedule. tried to follow the lecture. that was the final nail in the coffin.
the next 20 mins were spent blissfully asleep. i think i was even dreaming. i only got jolted awake when i leaned too much on the table causing the table to almost flip and my pen to roll off.
sian. still got 10 mins. i resisted the urge to just walk out. i MUST stay thru this. coz tml got 3 hrs non stop. if can't sit for 1 hr, wat more 3 hrs?
finally, the hong kee old man ended his monologue. i threw my notes into my bag, climbed over the row of chairs and fell out of the doors into the sun-lit plaza, bleary eyed and sleepy. i stumbled across to the library to print the next day's notes.
the horrible sch day lasted an unbearable total of 3 hrs. ltr i gotta wake up at 6.30am for a 3hr 8.30am lesson. i think i better go sleep.
My Mum Won't Let Me Grow Up
arghz.
I'm starting work at a chinatown backpacker hostel on sunday. shifts are 9am to 8pm, 8pm to 9am.
I mentioned to Mum abt it before, she didn't seem too eager. but i usually dun care what anyone thinks anyway.
So JUST NOW, when i told her it was confirmed, she was adamant in wanting to know where exactly it was. how to tell her it is 2 roads away from yangtze?
She also mentioned that my dad might not like me doing the job. Irritated, i flared up "so what kind of job he want?" immediately after, a thot flashed in my mind. it might be her who's disapproving. in Dad's defence, she said he wld probably want me to concentrate on studies.
so i went internet and got the exact address. Teck lim road off keong saik road.
Alarm bells went off. "There used to be prostitute street."
Silently, in my mind: "scared wat? last time only mah. aren't we staying damn near a present prostitute street right now?"
More alarm bells: "There hor, now got a lot of ang mohs."
silently: "isn't that why i'm working at a backpacker hostel there?"
Super Alarm Bells: "you must be careful of those... gays leh. wait they molest you."
out loud: "WAT?? aiyah, i'll beat them up lah!"
i was then subjected to a tirade of how she got so worried when i stayed over at frens' places when i was in sec sch (i dun even remember anything lor) coz she read newspaper report abt how kids complained that they were molested by their fren's fathers, and how i might be a victim coz i always look so young, and how my uncles (her brothers) are still asking whether i'm in sec sch or jc or NS.
i didn't respond. i didn't trust myself to. so i continued banging away on msn.
sigh. does showing affection to her makes her think i'm a wimp? do i really need to beat up some ang moh faggot to show that i can take care of myself? (i wld love to... hahhaha)
Mum, Dad, I love you very very much. You 2 are, in many ways, my guiding lights. but could u please let me grow up? it's hard enuff without u preventing me already. You've shone for me many, many areas, but there are plenty more i need to explore for myself.
I'm starting work at a chinatown backpacker hostel on sunday. shifts are 9am to 8pm, 8pm to 9am.
I mentioned to Mum abt it before, she didn't seem too eager. but i usually dun care what anyone thinks anyway.
So JUST NOW, when i told her it was confirmed, she was adamant in wanting to know where exactly it was. how to tell her it is 2 roads away from yangtze?
She also mentioned that my dad might not like me doing the job. Irritated, i flared up "so what kind of job he want?" immediately after, a thot flashed in my mind. it might be her who's disapproving. in Dad's defence, she said he wld probably want me to concentrate on studies.
so i went internet and got the exact address. Teck lim road off keong saik road.
Alarm bells went off. "There used to be prostitute street."
Silently, in my mind: "scared wat? last time only mah. aren't we staying damn near a present prostitute street right now?"
More alarm bells: "There hor, now got a lot of ang mohs."
silently: "isn't that why i'm working at a backpacker hostel there?"
Super Alarm Bells: "you must be careful of those... gays leh. wait they molest you."
out loud: "WAT?? aiyah, i'll beat them up lah!"
i was then subjected to a tirade of how she got so worried when i stayed over at frens' places when i was in sec sch (i dun even remember anything lor) coz she read newspaper report abt how kids complained that they were molested by their fren's fathers, and how i might be a victim coz i always look so young, and how my uncles (her brothers) are still asking whether i'm in sec sch or jc or NS.
i didn't respond. i didn't trust myself to. so i continued banging away on msn.
sigh. does showing affection to her makes her think i'm a wimp? do i really need to beat up some ang moh faggot to show that i can take care of myself? (i wld love to... hahhaha)
Mum, Dad, I love you very very much. You 2 are, in many ways, my guiding lights. but could u please let me grow up? it's hard enuff without u preventing me already. You've shone for me many, many areas, but there are plenty more i need to explore for myself.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Disturbing, Disturbing
Currently Playing: A Life Less Ordinary by Ash
Read a very disturbing article in TNP today. Titled "Lift Upgrade - New Park - If PAP loses in my GRC WILL I STILL GET THEM?" (not featured in their very unfriendly website)
ok those words weren't in CAPS. but they were in a much larger font than the other words.
the most important point in that article was that if u dun vote PAP, and ur GRC fall into oppositions' time-bomb stained hands, BOOM!!! no more major upgrading!! the bomb will collapse all the argly scaffolding and leave ur carparks half filled with sand!! at most they finish putting the nice nice floor tiles which no one cares abt on the lift landing floor... then they lock away whatever town council funds they accumulated over the years into a "sinking fund", presumably named as it can only be taken out and used in dire emergencies, eg. when the whole block sink until 5th floor become 1st floor liao.
so maybe the only good thing that will come out of a opposition-won GRC is that if u're a minority, ur 10-member family can finally move out of ur 2-room flat which u long ago could afford to move out of, but couldn't because of some irritating gahmen policy called "racial quota"
so what was it about GRCs and upgrading not being election ploys? (retort: so? when u become gahmen, u also can do the same thing wat. when u sit on top, of coz must make things difficult for unqualified peepur who try to push u off and take credit mah. think andy kuan.)
the other disturbing article i read in yesterday's Today, can fortunately be found online: http://www.todayonline.com/articles/99813.asp
the wise mr.miyagi warns abt blogging abt elections. so, i scareded liao. wait kena charged with sediting or sumthing liddat. sigh. liddat how to share info and ramble out my thots after attending all the opposition rallies? keep the funny rubbish they say inside will kena internal injury one leh!!
anyway... i'm thinking. all this while i've been supporting the gahmen silently, but wholeheartedly. Wat was i thinking???? now then i start to see so many shortcomings and election tactics and possible coverups and possible conspiracies (might not be true lah, just thinking there MIGHT BE). was i blind? was i plain stupid? did i just didn't want to see? or is it now then information is getting freer on internet, so i can read more than wat ST chooses to print?
dun get me wrong. i not saying gahmen not good. considered one of the best liao. i imagine in other countries like US (champion of democracy!!) and China... things are more chialat, even more stuff unknown to many many peepur, probably some EVIL stuff even. sure damn chao kuan one. i really, really like our gahmen. maybe i'm being a bit too idealistic. gahmen also made up of peepur mah. peepur also may do stupid things like nv check how much certain charity figures actually earning until he stupid stupid go sue gahmen info vehicle, oops i mean national best-selling newspaper.
so wat will happen during election?? stayed tuned!! but if possible, not this blog. i scareded lah.
Read a very disturbing article in TNP today. Titled "Lift Upgrade - New Park - If PAP loses in my GRC WILL I STILL GET THEM?" (not featured in their very unfriendly website)
ok those words weren't in CAPS. but they were in a much larger font than the other words.
the most important point in that article was that if u dun vote PAP, and ur GRC fall into oppositions' time-bomb stained hands, BOOM!!! no more major upgrading!! the bomb will collapse all the argly scaffolding and leave ur carparks half filled with sand!! at most they finish putting the nice nice floor tiles which no one cares abt on the lift landing floor... then they lock away whatever town council funds they accumulated over the years into a "sinking fund", presumably named as it can only be taken out and used in dire emergencies, eg. when the whole block sink until 5th floor become 1st floor liao.
so maybe the only good thing that will come out of a opposition-won GRC is that if u're a minority, ur 10-member family can finally move out of ur 2-room flat which u long ago could afford to move out of, but couldn't because of some irritating gahmen policy called "racial quota"
so what was it about GRCs and upgrading not being election ploys? (retort: so? when u become gahmen, u also can do the same thing wat. when u sit on top, of coz must make things difficult for unqualified peepur who try to push u off and take credit mah. think andy kuan.)
the other disturbing article i read in yesterday's Today, can fortunately be found online: http://www.todayonline.com/articles/99813.asp
the wise mr.miyagi warns abt blogging abt elections. so, i scareded liao. wait kena charged with sediting or sumthing liddat. sigh. liddat how to share info and ramble out my thots after attending all the opposition rallies? keep the funny rubbish they say inside will kena internal injury one leh!!
anyway... i'm thinking. all this while i've been supporting the gahmen silently, but wholeheartedly. Wat was i thinking???? now then i start to see so many shortcomings and election tactics and possible coverups and possible conspiracies (might not be true lah, just thinking there MIGHT BE). was i blind? was i plain stupid? did i just didn't want to see? or is it now then information is getting freer on internet, so i can read more than wat ST chooses to print?
dun get me wrong. i not saying gahmen not good. considered one of the best liao. i imagine in other countries like US (champion of democracy!!) and China... things are more chialat, even more stuff unknown to many many peepur, probably some EVIL stuff even. sure damn chao kuan one. i really, really like our gahmen. maybe i'm being a bit too idealistic. gahmen also made up of peepur mah. peepur also may do stupid things like nv check how much certain charity figures actually earning until he stupid stupid go sue gahmen info vehicle, oops i mean national best-selling newspaper.
so wat will happen during election?? stayed tuned!! but if possible, not this blog. i scareded lah.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Random Fishy Ramblings
Currently Playing: 1985 by Bowling For Soup
Had a very nice dinner of 2 whole fish stuffed with chilli... plus rice and all the other stuff that Mum cooked. the fish was the highlight of the meal... which incidentally, was bought from outside.
I like to eat fish... probably as much as seeing them swim around me when i'm diving... I remember seeing a LARGE humphead (about same size as me) for the first time and wondering how it would taste. hahahha
I guess it's so fun coz the the bone structure... nothing big sticking out... easy to peel off the bones... but the best part is the head!! the part above the forehead and the cheeks hv nice texture... and once you get that out of the way, can remove the jaw portion and go for the eyes!! seriously, once u get over the gross factor, the eyes are quite nice. they dun really hv much taste themselves, but if cooked well they wld hv absorbed some juices... nice!!
but the best part, IMHO, is the part that needs most work and most gross-ness overcoming: the brain!! (common question at this point: fish have brains??? of course. except for certain ppl i know, most vertebrates have brains)
the fish brain is located in the skull, directly behind the eyes. you know, the part which most ppl usually throw away (tsk tsk how wasteful). but coz it's totally encased, the skull must be cracked open. literally. so first u gotta remove all the unnecessary periphery, like eye sockets (delicious as well!) any remaining spinal bones (fish got no neck) and empty (assuming eaten) cheek flaps. that done, either using hands or teeth, gently pry the skull (now diamond-shaped from the back) open.
NB: don't use too much force! if u crush the skull, it'll cave in and squeeze the brain into ooze. then more difficult to eat liao. sianz...
so if u pried it open properly, u shd now see the pinkish rounded irregularly shaped brain with blood vessels(?) running ard it... its very fragile and watery, so u must faster SSLLUURRPPP!!! it out!! nice!!! tastes a little nutty. SHIOK!
note: usually fried fish like ikan kuning wun hv any more brains, coz the skulls are already deep fried. but crunchy skulls are nice too! like fish crackers. but really well fried ones will still hv the brain intact and moist. that will prove the the fish wasn't too dry (assuming that by the time u reach the skull, the rest of the fish has already been eaten.)
with this, i end this part of the post with the following apology and disclaimer:
apologies to veggieyx... if u read this meaterian's entry. hahahahah
disclaimer: rockie does not hold himself responsible if any of his readers getting turned off eating marine life. in fact, rockie wld like to take this opportunity to discourage all his readers from eating sharks' fin coz he wants his offspring (and their descendants) to be able to see sharks while diving! if any of his readers hold rockie responsible, it is their problem.
on a totally seperate but no less fishy note... i've been visiting the following sites:
http://sgtvratings.blogspot.com/
http://www.mrbrown.com/
coz i've been bored outta my skull (haha)
sgtvratings gives accurate local tv ratings accompanied by commentaries which are a tad too honest for mediacock's liking. that's y its so farnie!!
everyone knows mrbrown. i wld like to recommend his and mr.miyagi's latest podcast... "browncast: the valentine's day special"! damn farnie too!!
that's it for now then. I shall talk abt valentine's day when it comes nearer. keep dropping in!
note to self: fish are friends AND food!! and sharks aren't either!!
Had a very nice dinner of 2 whole fish stuffed with chilli... plus rice and all the other stuff that Mum cooked. the fish was the highlight of the meal... which incidentally, was bought from outside.
I like to eat fish... probably as much as seeing them swim around me when i'm diving... I remember seeing a LARGE humphead (about same size as me) for the first time and wondering how it would taste. hahahha
I guess it's so fun coz the the bone structure... nothing big sticking out... easy to peel off the bones... but the best part is the head!! the part above the forehead and the cheeks hv nice texture... and once you get that out of the way, can remove the jaw portion and go for the eyes!! seriously, once u get over the gross factor, the eyes are quite nice. they dun really hv much taste themselves, but if cooked well they wld hv absorbed some juices... nice!!
but the best part, IMHO, is the part that needs most work and most gross-ness overcoming: the brain!! (common question at this point: fish have brains??? of course. except for certain ppl i know, most vertebrates have brains)
the fish brain is located in the skull, directly behind the eyes. you know, the part which most ppl usually throw away (tsk tsk how wasteful). but coz it's totally encased, the skull must be cracked open. literally. so first u gotta remove all the unnecessary periphery, like eye sockets (delicious as well!) any remaining spinal bones (fish got no neck) and empty (assuming eaten) cheek flaps. that done, either using hands or teeth, gently pry the skull (now diamond-shaped from the back) open.
NB: don't use too much force! if u crush the skull, it'll cave in and squeeze the brain into ooze. then more difficult to eat liao. sianz...
so if u pried it open properly, u shd now see the pinkish rounded irregularly shaped brain with blood vessels(?) running ard it... its very fragile and watery, so u must faster SSLLUURRPPP!!! it out!! nice!!! tastes a little nutty. SHIOK!
note: usually fried fish like ikan kuning wun hv any more brains, coz the skulls are already deep fried. but crunchy skulls are nice too! like fish crackers. but really well fried ones will still hv the brain intact and moist. that will prove the the fish wasn't too dry (assuming that by the time u reach the skull, the rest of the fish has already been eaten.)
with this, i end this part of the post with the following apology and disclaimer:
apologies to veggieyx... if u read this meaterian's entry. hahahahah
disclaimer: rockie does not hold himself responsible if any of his readers getting turned off eating marine life. in fact, rockie wld like to take this opportunity to discourage all his readers from eating sharks' fin coz he wants his offspring (and their descendants) to be able to see sharks while diving! if any of his readers hold rockie responsible, it is their problem.
on a totally seperate but no less fishy note... i've been visiting the following sites:
http://sgtvratings.blogspot.com/
http://www.mrbrown.com/
coz i've been bored outta my skull (haha)
sgtvratings gives accurate local tv ratings accompanied by commentaries which are a tad too honest for mediacock's liking. that's y its so farnie!!
everyone knows mrbrown. i wld like to recommend his and mr.miyagi's latest podcast... "browncast: the valentine's day special"! damn farnie too!!
that's it for now then. I shall talk abt valentine's day when it comes nearer. keep dropping in!
note to self: fish are friends AND food!! and sharks aren't either!!
Monday, February 06, 2006
Thought Of The Night
there is plenty of information everywhere, some of which may be conflicting. the key to knowing which to take in, after reading them, lies in knowing who the author is and wat agendas he might possibly have.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Late Night Troubles
Currently Playing: Give It Away by Zero7
Or early morning troubles... depending on how u look at it.
It's bad enuff to know that a crappy instituition wasted 5 yrs of ur life trying to teach u useless crap.
It's worse to be constantly reminded you owe them lots of money for your troubles as well.
And it's much worse when you owe more than others.
Of coz, the money owed can easily be written off. but it's not nice... and it's just not a nice feeling. like owe-ing your enemy money.
So one more driving force: I wanna have my revenge. One Day. I will make them pay me back.
How? i'm not very sure at the moment; i hvn't got the details worked out. first thing i gotta do is get some leverage. so i gotta be damn successful at wat i do. no worries - revenge is a dish best served cold. and i want/hv to prove myself too.
So... what are my options now? POSSIBLE freelance outdoor photographer AND backpacker hostel operations exec. 2 half-past-six jobs = 1 full job. I'll only know for sure on monday...
Of coz pay isn't the main factor. I want it to be interesting, so it's a start. So right now part of my plan consists of the hope that potential employers will find them interesting too.
I know it won't be easy. but the legwork doesn't scare me. in fact, i like going out and meeting ppl and talking. but it's the mental work i'm worried abt. not sure i hv the discipline to do self-learning. I have to return my "finance for dummies" library book on tues and I hvn't finished 1/3 after 6 wks. I just hope settling into a routine will give me more discipline, which shd start this coming week.
I wanna do so many other things as well. I WILL juggle them. coz i want to. I've wasted too much time.
===================================================================
next troubling topic.
Wat does it mean to "like" someone?
Does it mean I find her physically attractive? That's shallow. The whole "love" thing is supposed to go deeper than that, right?
Does it mean I think she's suitable for sharing a future? So do i really know she is? Or do i just hope that?
Does it mean I see that she's available and I'm willing? So I like her because she's there? Still shallow.
Does it mean I feel that I want a relationship with her? I may, but is it just for my own emotional gratification? That's selfish.
I don't think I understand wat these things mean anymore. Someone help me out here. Leave a comment.
There was a time I thot I did. I guess after so many botched attempts, my once-strong romantism has waned and faded.
I think the word here is "jaded".
That sense of futility that just makes you tired.
Do I really like you because you're you? Or do I feel this way just because you're here?
===================================================================
I guess it doesn't really matter at the moment anyway. gotta focus on myself first. maybe that's wat I shd've done all along.
note to self: Do wat ya gotta do! Start juggling!
Or early morning troubles... depending on how u look at it.
It's bad enuff to know that a crappy instituition wasted 5 yrs of ur life trying to teach u useless crap.
It's worse to be constantly reminded you owe them lots of money for your troubles as well.
And it's much worse when you owe more than others.
Of coz, the money owed can easily be written off. but it's not nice... and it's just not a nice feeling. like owe-ing your enemy money.
So one more driving force: I wanna have my revenge. One Day. I will make them pay me back.
How? i'm not very sure at the moment; i hvn't got the details worked out. first thing i gotta do is get some leverage. so i gotta be damn successful at wat i do. no worries - revenge is a dish best served cold. and i want/hv to prove myself too.
So... what are my options now? POSSIBLE freelance outdoor photographer AND backpacker hostel operations exec. 2 half-past-six jobs = 1 full job. I'll only know for sure on monday...
Of coz pay isn't the main factor. I want it to be interesting, so it's a start. So right now part of my plan consists of the hope that potential employers will find them interesting too.
I know it won't be easy. but the legwork doesn't scare me. in fact, i like going out and meeting ppl and talking. but it's the mental work i'm worried abt. not sure i hv the discipline to do self-learning. I have to return my "finance for dummies" library book on tues and I hvn't finished 1/3 after 6 wks. I just hope settling into a routine will give me more discipline, which shd start this coming week.
I wanna do so many other things as well. I WILL juggle them. coz i want to. I've wasted too much time.
===================================================================
next troubling topic.
Wat does it mean to "like" someone?
Does it mean I find her physically attractive? That's shallow. The whole "love" thing is supposed to go deeper than that, right?
Does it mean I think she's suitable for sharing a future? So do i really know she is? Or do i just hope that?
Does it mean I see that she's available and I'm willing? So I like her because she's there? Still shallow.
Does it mean I feel that I want a relationship with her? I may, but is it just for my own emotional gratification? That's selfish.
I don't think I understand wat these things mean anymore. Someone help me out here. Leave a comment.
There was a time I thot I did. I guess after so many botched attempts, my once-strong romantism has waned and faded.
I think the word here is "jaded".
That sense of futility that just makes you tired.
Do I really like you because you're you? Or do I feel this way just because you're here?
===================================================================
I guess it doesn't really matter at the moment anyway. gotta focus on myself first. maybe that's wat I shd've done all along.
note to self: Do wat ya gotta do! Start juggling!
Thursday, February 02, 2006
A Miserable CNY
Currently Playing: I'll Stop The World and Melt With You by The Cure
Just got discharged from hospital for dengue this afternoon, after 5 days of sick boredom.
Well.. it only wasn't that bad coz my bro was with me... both of us kena abt the same time, but he didn't hv it as bad as me so he got out a day before.
so for 4 days both of us stayed within 5m of each other in a small room with attached toilet, eating the same inedible/tough/tasteless food, flipping thru the same boring channels and enduring a blood draw every morning at 8am. as an added bonus, my bro witnessed my "unreasonable" refusal to be put on a drip. (i was eating and drinking more than him, and i HATE needles. 1 every morning was quite enuff.) part of the exchange went like this:
Nurse: "just a needle prick only, like yesterday morning i do for u, not pain rite?"
Me: "No lor, where got not pain? I was shouting away in pain remember?"
Nurse: "...but... of coz mah, the needle sharp, else how to take blood?"
hahahha. rather badly behaved. later with parents intervention, i relented and agreed to the drip, but the senior nurse decided to wait and see the next day. and thankfully, my blood showed some improvement, so no drip at all. the doctor did seem a little amused abt the incident.
so every morning after the nurse gave the 6am medicine or check vital signs, i wld be jumpy and awake, waiting dreadfully for the blood letting. it got better as the days went by though. dunno whether i gotten used to it or the nurses started to send the better of their colleagues to curb my screams. but the 1st 2 nights were dreadful. could hardly sleep with the rashes and anxiety. as night fell i would be counting down to 8am.
the food was definitely nothing to look fwd to. breakfast was either bland cereal, bright, bright yellow scrambled eggs which looked genetically colourifically-modified, wholemeal bread with plastic-looking saltless margerine and sugarless fruit juice. lunch and dinner was either hard white rice with bitter veges or too tough/soggy western food. to let my body heal, i had to force myself to eat.
there wasn't much on tv, except the usual gong xi gong xi shows on the normal tv channels, hbo and espn. hbo wasn't showing that many good shows too, so after reading the paper in the afternoons, there wasn't much to do except sleep. on a heat-trapping rubber mattress and it's complementing pillows of coz. the combination of uncomfortable pillows, hot and itchy body, and needle anxiety, i didn't get much good sleep really. developed an un-ending headache the last 2 days, which miraculously disappeared after a nap on my own bed this afternoon.
the ordeal ended after spending a nite alone in the hospital, and a surprisingly "ok" blood letting (no sound from me). the senior nurse called to tell me the good news: my platelets jumped 3 times within the last 24 hrs and i could go home todae. but my headache got worse - screwing up my body temp and stomach with it. had no appetite, felt either too cold or too hot and all i wanted to do was to go home. so bro drove me home and dad waited in the ward for medicine and official discharge and took a bus home.
the nite before that, dad and bro came to visit, some 6hrs after he himself got discharged. mum wasn't feeling well. so we 3 sat there and watched tv. it was like that with bro in the ward also. we wouldn't talk much, but the silent presence of each other is always so strangely comforting. yet, we're so familiar with each other we dun even realise that.
at times like these i'm so very grateful for having such a loving family. we live very simply, really. if everyone's at home we just do our own thing... mum either in the kitchen or watching tv, dad on his guitars or doing chores, bro playing computer or sleeping, etc. and sometimes being so familiar i dun bother to talk much, esp last few wks. but if someone (ie. me) needs support, everyone's there.
and i guess this dengue thing is just the thing i need to kick me out of my recent slump. stuck in a cold, old hospital room unable to go anywhere, i looked outside to see ppl walking around on the road, and thot to myself how lucky they were. i once could go outside and walk around too, but was too busy moping at home to do so until i fell sick. i was wondering when i'd see my home again. in physical source vs mental source of depression, i think mental is easier to overcome.
so once again, i only know how to treasure when things are taken away. once i recover my strength, i wun stay at home do nothing... i will pursue wat i set out to do earlier this year. coz i hv a choice.
And on a related note... u know how i'm always going on and on abt how boring and annoying CNY is to me? i've changed my mind. nothing is more depressing than getting stuck in hospital and stuck with needles when u know the rest of the world is eating goodies and talking cock and all the tv is showing tv celebrities lip synching happie happie CNY songs and the 10 superstar contestants bouncing around sentosa reminding u how lovely the outside world looks like.
so... i will be more appreciative of my family, and my health, and my freedom to choose.
Just got discharged from hospital for dengue this afternoon, after 5 days of sick boredom.
Well.. it only wasn't that bad coz my bro was with me... both of us kena abt the same time, but he didn't hv it as bad as me so he got out a day before.
so for 4 days both of us stayed within 5m of each other in a small room with attached toilet, eating the same inedible/tough/tasteless food, flipping thru the same boring channels and enduring a blood draw every morning at 8am. as an added bonus, my bro witnessed my "unreasonable" refusal to be put on a drip. (i was eating and drinking more than him, and i HATE needles. 1 every morning was quite enuff.) part of the exchange went like this:
Nurse: "just a needle prick only, like yesterday morning i do for u, not pain rite?"
Me: "No lor, where got not pain? I was shouting away in pain remember?"
Nurse: "...but... of coz mah, the needle sharp, else how to take blood?"
hahahha. rather badly behaved. later with parents intervention, i relented and agreed to the drip, but the senior nurse decided to wait and see the next day. and thankfully, my blood showed some improvement, so no drip at all. the doctor did seem a little amused abt the incident.
so every morning after the nurse gave the 6am medicine or check vital signs, i wld be jumpy and awake, waiting dreadfully for the blood letting. it got better as the days went by though. dunno whether i gotten used to it or the nurses started to send the better of their colleagues to curb my screams. but the 1st 2 nights were dreadful. could hardly sleep with the rashes and anxiety. as night fell i would be counting down to 8am.
the food was definitely nothing to look fwd to. breakfast was either bland cereal, bright, bright yellow scrambled eggs which looked genetically colourifically-modified, wholemeal bread with plastic-looking saltless margerine and sugarless fruit juice. lunch and dinner was either hard white rice with bitter veges or too tough/soggy western food. to let my body heal, i had to force myself to eat.
there wasn't much on tv, except the usual gong xi gong xi shows on the normal tv channels, hbo and espn. hbo wasn't showing that many good shows too, so after reading the paper in the afternoons, there wasn't much to do except sleep. on a heat-trapping rubber mattress and it's complementing pillows of coz. the combination of uncomfortable pillows, hot and itchy body, and needle anxiety, i didn't get much good sleep really. developed an un-ending headache the last 2 days, which miraculously disappeared after a nap on my own bed this afternoon.
the ordeal ended after spending a nite alone in the hospital, and a surprisingly "ok" blood letting (no sound from me). the senior nurse called to tell me the good news: my platelets jumped 3 times within the last 24 hrs and i could go home todae. but my headache got worse - screwing up my body temp and stomach with it. had no appetite, felt either too cold or too hot and all i wanted to do was to go home. so bro drove me home and dad waited in the ward for medicine and official discharge and took a bus home.
the nite before that, dad and bro came to visit, some 6hrs after he himself got discharged. mum wasn't feeling well. so we 3 sat there and watched tv. it was like that with bro in the ward also. we wouldn't talk much, but the silent presence of each other is always so strangely comforting. yet, we're so familiar with each other we dun even realise that.
at times like these i'm so very grateful for having such a loving family. we live very simply, really. if everyone's at home we just do our own thing... mum either in the kitchen or watching tv, dad on his guitars or doing chores, bro playing computer or sleeping, etc. and sometimes being so familiar i dun bother to talk much, esp last few wks. but if someone (ie. me) needs support, everyone's there.
and i guess this dengue thing is just the thing i need to kick me out of my recent slump. stuck in a cold, old hospital room unable to go anywhere, i looked outside to see ppl walking around on the road, and thot to myself how lucky they were. i once could go outside and walk around too, but was too busy moping at home to do so until i fell sick. i was wondering when i'd see my home again. in physical source vs mental source of depression, i think mental is easier to overcome.
so once again, i only know how to treasure when things are taken away. once i recover my strength, i wun stay at home do nothing... i will pursue wat i set out to do earlier this year. coz i hv a choice.
"Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide."
-Napolean Bonaparte
so... i will be more appreciative of my family, and my health, and my freedom to choose.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Feeling A Bit Better
... although it might just be temporary. As usual, thanx to my closest group of frens.
So before the effects wear off... apologies if my previous post was kinda depressing, harsh, etc. like i said, it's my outlet. and i do feel slightly better.
Maybe more outbursts to come. Maybe not.
But these outbursts are temporary. It is my ability to change things that is permanent. That is, until I expire lah, which i hope will be a very long time more.
try to see the world beyond your front door
try to figure out what all this is for
So before the effects wear off... apologies if my previous post was kinda depressing, harsh, etc. like i said, it's my outlet. and i do feel slightly better.
Maybe more outbursts to come. Maybe not.
But these outbursts are temporary. It is my ability to change things that is permanent. That is, until I expire lah, which i hope will be a very long time more.
try to see the world beyond your front door
try to figure out what all this is for
Saturday, January 21, 2006
No One Here But Me
Day and night don't matter anymore.
I sleep when i'm tired.
I wake when i'm not.
I eat when i'm hungry.
I stop when i'm not.
I do things when they amuse me.
I do nothing when they don't.
except for my meagre attempts at getting things done, i laze thru out the day.
When i was afloat, i did nothing in particular
but let ppl cling on.
coz i felt i shd help, or at least, attempt to.
i probably didn't help much.
Coz now i see all around me are only sail boats and sinking rocks.
the sail boats sail back and forth on favourable winds
the rocks only make me sink further.
Don't try to help when u only bring harm
i know u mean well but u need to fix ur own backyard 1st.
so i am in no position to help anyone either
so dun come to me for any.
I can't be bothered with lunch anymore
I only go out for newspapers
and ice cream if it takes my fancy
and coffee is essential.
Now everything needs twice the effort than before
Or is it coz I hv half the strength?
I like my room more and more
It's even clean now.
occupied > 20hrs a day.
my refuge.
my escape is a farcry
i got bored of starcraft after 3 days.
this place is no escape.
it is an outlet.
which i hv nothing nice to offer.
so if u dun feel good, too bad.
i rather you stand aside and watch
than u push me down when i'm trying to get up
and don't come here for a float
they've all been taken liao
i was dumb enuff to give them away so freely
i've nothing left to offer
get lost.
sinking to new highs
there's no one here but me
I sleep when i'm tired.
I wake when i'm not.
I eat when i'm hungry.
I stop when i'm not.
I do things when they amuse me.
I do nothing when they don't.
except for my meagre attempts at getting things done, i laze thru out the day.
When i was afloat, i did nothing in particular
but let ppl cling on.
coz i felt i shd help, or at least, attempt to.
i probably didn't help much.
Coz now i see all around me are only sail boats and sinking rocks.
the sail boats sail back and forth on favourable winds
the rocks only make me sink further.
Don't try to help when u only bring harm
i know u mean well but u need to fix ur own backyard 1st.
so i am in no position to help anyone either
so dun come to me for any.
I can't be bothered with lunch anymore
I only go out for newspapers
and ice cream if it takes my fancy
and coffee is essential.
Now everything needs twice the effort than before
Or is it coz I hv half the strength?
I like my room more and more
It's even clean now.
occupied > 20hrs a day.
my refuge.
my escape is a farcry
i got bored of starcraft after 3 days.
this place is no escape.
it is an outlet.
which i hv nothing nice to offer.
so if u dun feel good, too bad.
i rather you stand aside and watch
than u push me down when i'm trying to get up
and don't come here for a float
they've all been taken liao
i was dumb enuff to give them away so freely
i've nothing left to offer
get lost.
sinking to new highs
there's no one here but me
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Pinch Me by Barenaked Ladies
(Rockie's Song Of The Year 2005)
It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough I guess
Considering everything's a mess
There's a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk but I'll just drive
It's colder than it looks outside
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
It's the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on
Take a drink right from the hose
And change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
Sleep away the afternoon
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me, pinch me,
cause I'm still asleep
Please God tell me
that I'm still asleep
On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
Pack the car and leave this town
You'll notice that I'm not around
I could hide out under there
I just made you say "underwear"
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to see the world beyond your front door
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough I guess
Considering everything's a mess
There's a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk but I'll just drive
It's colder than it looks outside
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
It's the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on
Take a drink right from the hose
And change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
Sleep away the afternoon
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me, pinch me,
cause I'm still asleep
Please God tell me
that I'm still asleep
On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
Pack the car and leave this town
You'll notice that I'm not around
I could hide out under there
I just made you say "underwear"
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to see the world beyond your front door
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
Friday, January 06, 2006
Good Peepur Got Good Things Happen? No Lor...
Been wanting to blog abt resolutions. But since one of mine is "To Be Less Procrastinating", I think the year's got to a pretty lousy start already.
Another one is "Help Those In Need". helped out a newly orphaned kitten, so i guess that takes care of that resolution. There, I'm done. can strike it off the list liao.
If you must know the details, 2 days ago, I came across it bawling and being bullied by bigger cats. So I took it to a (hopefully) safer place - the school outside my place and tried to let it loose (he kept following me). This evening it came back to my compound, bawling again, maybe for me. So I went down and gave him some milk and kept the neighbourhood bullies away so he could drink in peace. And spent $7.00 on a cab coz misa screamed into the phone "DON'T TELL ME YOU'LL BE LATE AH!!!" (so i didn't tell her lor)
so shd hv good karma rite? WRONG. coming back to my room after my bath, i heard plastic-bag rustling from my bedside, coming from my plastic tissue bag. something struggled inside there, a fleeting glance looked like a lizard to me... thot i'd just leave it alone. then still in the transparent bag, it came out from under a tissue. KNN!! it was a FARKING big ka chuak lor!!!
I hv a confession to make... I am terrified of ka chuaks. yah i know i know... a big boy like me... I can explain. when i was VERY VERY young i kena stung VERY VERY badly by this GIGANTIC flying insect... so registered in my unconscious, which turned into a irrational phobia for large flying insects. Freud would agree with my reason. And some more, ka chuaks DISGUST me... esp the underside... looks farking pukably nasty.
and Farking Hell... this farking one is as big as my hamster lor!!! so i grabbed my bro's large insecticide can and emptied quarter can into the plastic bag, and when it crawled out, at the table, under my bed, behind my bed, beside my bed, beside the table, under the bed again, behind my bed again, behind the table, under my bed under my bed under my bed.
after that i threw up my blanket and pillows to check... nothing. under the bed... nothing. except a box i left under there last week. and lots of dust settling down. of coz i dun dare to check the box lah.
you laugh wat? a lesser person wld hv screamed lor. or at least yelled out cuss words. whole family sleep liao, so i controlled myself so i wun disturb them. although liddat no one will come to my rescue...
now i can only hope that the farker's lifeless body is somewhere below... and he's not waiting til the lights go out and he can crawl around again.
how to sleep liddat? help.
===================================================================
Editor's Note:
After expressing his fears in this entry, Rockie felt he needed to conquer his fears (coz he sleepy liao.) so he got the broom and dustpan from the furthest corner of the kitchen and bravely shifted the Box Under The Bed (with the broom of coz). Poking around nervously, he saw a dark ovoid lump in the semi darkness. Gingerly, using the broom he carefully dragged the lump out: it was the still-struggling vermin. With shaking hands, he missed the dustpan and only got the vermin in on the second try. Holding the dustpan-with-vermin at arm's length, he quickly dumped it into the toilet bowl and slammed "full flush".
The ordeal over, Rockie returned to the room and swept the stray dust back under his bed, and used the broom to shift the box back into original position. He then returned his anti-vermin weapons and rewarded his own bravery with a comforting glass of cold milk.
He will throw away the plastic tissue bag one day, when he finally gets the courage to touch the damn thing.
Another one is "Help Those In Need". helped out a newly orphaned kitten, so i guess that takes care of that resolution. There, I'm done. can strike it off the list liao.
If you must know the details, 2 days ago, I came across it bawling and being bullied by bigger cats. So I took it to a (hopefully) safer place - the school outside my place and tried to let it loose (he kept following me). This evening it came back to my compound, bawling again, maybe for me. So I went down and gave him some milk and kept the neighbourhood bullies away so he could drink in peace. And spent $7.00 on a cab coz misa screamed into the phone "DON'T TELL ME YOU'LL BE LATE AH!!!" (so i didn't tell her lor)
so shd hv good karma rite? WRONG. coming back to my room after my bath, i heard plastic-bag rustling from my bedside, coming from my plastic tissue bag. something struggled inside there, a fleeting glance looked like a lizard to me... thot i'd just leave it alone. then still in the transparent bag, it came out from under a tissue. KNN!! it was a FARKING big ka chuak lor!!!
I hv a confession to make... I am terrified of ka chuaks. yah i know i know... a big boy like me... I can explain. when i was VERY VERY young i kena stung VERY VERY badly by this GIGANTIC flying insect... so registered in my unconscious, which turned into a irrational phobia for large flying insects. Freud would agree with my reason. And some more, ka chuaks DISGUST me... esp the underside... looks farking pukably nasty.
and Farking Hell... this farking one is as big as my hamster lor!!! so i grabbed my bro's large insecticide can and emptied quarter can into the plastic bag, and when it crawled out, at the table, under my bed, behind my bed, beside my bed, beside the table, under the bed again, behind my bed again, behind the table, under my bed under my bed under my bed.
after that i threw up my blanket and pillows to check... nothing. under the bed... nothing. except a box i left under there last week. and lots of dust settling down. of coz i dun dare to check the box lah.
you laugh wat? a lesser person wld hv screamed lor. or at least yelled out cuss words. whole family sleep liao, so i controlled myself so i wun disturb them. although liddat no one will come to my rescue...
now i can only hope that the farker's lifeless body is somewhere below... and he's not waiting til the lights go out and he can crawl around again.
how to sleep liddat? help.
===================================================================
Editor's Note:
After expressing his fears in this entry, Rockie felt he needed to conquer his fears (coz he sleepy liao.) so he got the broom and dustpan from the furthest corner of the kitchen and bravely shifted the Box Under The Bed (with the broom of coz). Poking around nervously, he saw a dark ovoid lump in the semi darkness. Gingerly, using the broom he carefully dragged the lump out: it was the still-struggling vermin. With shaking hands, he missed the dustpan and only got the vermin in on the second try. Holding the dustpan-with-vermin at arm's length, he quickly dumped it into the toilet bowl and slammed "full flush".
The ordeal over, Rockie returned to the room and swept the stray dust back under his bed, and used the broom to shift the box back into original position. He then returned his anti-vermin weapons and rewarded his own bravery with a comforting glass of cold milk.
He will throw away the plastic tissue bag one day, when he finally gets the courage to touch the damn thing.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Future Famous Quotes by Rockie
(remember, u saw it 1st on The New Rockie's Ramblings!)
If you know what must be done, do it!
There will always be some things you can't change. But there will also be those within your control. So work around what you can't change, work at what you can.
Filter what comes in. Absorb what is useful, reject what is just noise.
Of all the voices you hear, your own must be the loudest.
If you must sting, use a blunt barb.
Hope, but don't expect.
The only person who can change your dreams, is you.
If you know what must be done, do it!
There will always be some things you can't change. But there will also be those within your control. So work around what you can't change, work at what you can.
Filter what comes in. Absorb what is useful, reject what is just noise.
Of all the voices you hear, your own must be the loudest.
If you must sting, use a blunt barb.
Hope, but don't expect.
The only person who can change your dreams, is you.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
New Year's Eve
One of the few more "exciting" NYEs i've had so far. usually i spend it at home or some "quiet" (ie. no alcohol and loud music) gathering of frens. usually uneventful. but well, not to say that this one was particularly eventful anyway.
started out mildly enuff. met kitty, cyclist n meng for dinner. the place we aimed for was fully booked, so ate some famous chicken rice at purvis st instead. not bad, and the decor is malaysia-style (ie. unchanged since 1950s). after that, wandered ard to esplanade, settled down with coffee/tea/etc. and played citadel again! and i won again! hahha
girl came by and gave me a very nice new year's day present. thanx girl.
got chased out of the place at the start of the 2nd round... after waiter verified that we finished our drinks and foot the bill. damn. so they left for home and i joined girl and others at insomnia.
so it was kinda "exciting" coz it's not every day i, alone, get to club with 5 girls. besides girl, 2 of them i know but hardly meet except for chance encounters, and 2 of them only intro-ed there and then. but then again, me in a club is already a rarity to begin with.
started out nice enuff. 2 live bands taking turns, with a DJ playing music in betw. had a bottle of carlsberg, (is that y i'm getting itchy now? or it is coz of the gunk the ppl behind were spraying at everyone?) which is another rarity.
so here i am. a specky guy with not-too-funky hair in an orange t-shirt (my brightest leh) not moving much unless it's a 70s disco number (my dad's fault... i grew up listening to those!) or 80s retro number (my childhood mah!); and not making a move anyway unless initiated by one of the girls. i must hv gave quite a geeky impression. hahahah!
well... i guess i'm out of my element in these clubs... maybe coz i hardly go? and i do feel kinda shy ard new ppl. it was an opportunity to meet new ppl and get to know some ppl better, but somehow i just didn't feel much like socialising. and beer doesn't help.
maybe of all the things going on rite now, i dun feel as confident as last time also. heh. in jc i wld chat up girls at the sch bus stop! (well it nv got far though. haha!) hopefully as times change, things change as well.
then when it became 2006, it started going downhill. the band played exactly the same songs the previous band played. and the DJ started playing grease, hawaii-five-o and those mambo songs. if u closed ur eyes u wld hv thot it was zouk on wed. very boring.
so we left the place. and i took a long bus ride home.
ho hum. happie new year.
started out mildly enuff. met kitty, cyclist n meng for dinner. the place we aimed for was fully booked, so ate some famous chicken rice at purvis st instead. not bad, and the decor is malaysia-style (ie. unchanged since 1950s). after that, wandered ard to esplanade, settled down with coffee/tea/etc. and played citadel again! and i won again! hahha
girl came by and gave me a very nice new year's day present. thanx girl.
got chased out of the place at the start of the 2nd round... after waiter verified that we finished our drinks and foot the bill. damn. so they left for home and i joined girl and others at insomnia.
so it was kinda "exciting" coz it's not every day i, alone, get to club with 5 girls. besides girl, 2 of them i know but hardly meet except for chance encounters, and 2 of them only intro-ed there and then. but then again, me in a club is already a rarity to begin with.
started out nice enuff. 2 live bands taking turns, with a DJ playing music in betw. had a bottle of carlsberg, (is that y i'm getting itchy now? or it is coz of the gunk the ppl behind were spraying at everyone?) which is another rarity.
so here i am. a specky guy with not-too-funky hair in an orange t-shirt (my brightest leh) not moving much unless it's a 70s disco number (my dad's fault... i grew up listening to those!) or 80s retro number (my childhood mah!); and not making a move anyway unless initiated by one of the girls. i must hv gave quite a geeky impression. hahahah!
well... i guess i'm out of my element in these clubs... maybe coz i hardly go? and i do feel kinda shy ard new ppl. it was an opportunity to meet new ppl and get to know some ppl better, but somehow i just didn't feel much like socialising. and beer doesn't help.
maybe of all the things going on rite now, i dun feel as confident as last time also. heh. in jc i wld chat up girls at the sch bus stop! (well it nv got far though. haha!) hopefully as times change, things change as well.
then when it became 2006, it started going downhill. the band played exactly the same songs the previous band played. and the DJ started playing grease, hawaii-five-o and those mambo songs. if u closed ur eyes u wld hv thot it was zouk on wed. very boring.
so we left the place. and i took a long bus ride home.
ho hum. happie new year.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Made In China!
My dad bought an amplifier from somewhere in bugis... some unknown brand. Here, word-for-word, are excerpts of the "Usage manual"
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High class family movie theatre figures stereo set series
AV-series voice frequcncy powcr chlarger
Usage manual
Use to bchind collect as treasure, then have to check
(Page 1)
To customer:
Thank yoked very much to buy our company's product, for make this product can bring the most satisfied sound effect to young, at usage before, please detailed read this usage the manual, for the purpose of understanding main theme of various functions and various operations of this products.
These machine characteristics:
-Forerunner's exceed is low to lose the true function to enlarge the circuit
-The profession class is efficiently low to leak the magnetism wreath type the transformer
-Forerunner's figures karaoke system
-Double the road microphone input the electric outlet
-Special front-panel that process of high technique
Safe suggestion:
Usage this product before invite the whole a reading book the safety suggestion, then insure this product and Human body the safety.
-Please not to try to fix or refit this machine, and not dismantle the outer shell, contact the safety of scathing breakdown for will for dangerously, may causing this machine and your Human body of internal piece.
-Avoid to placed the following situation:
1. machine from cold of the environment inside were taken the sufficient to divide in the heading's environment, and the machine inside may coagulate the humidity to cause can't normal work, therefore in the confirmation this machine the inner part have no at the back of the humidity and can use.
2. close to the headwaters such as wash rinse pond, damp ground floor... etc. the place.
3. long hours expose in the vertical to shoot the room inside of the sunlight bottom, and close to the strong light source or hot fountainhead.
4. there is high dust, steam or temperature, have the soot's place.
(Page 6)
Break down the phenomenon
-The karaoke have no the voice ........
-Have no the voice ........
-The loudhailer have no the voices .......
(Page 7)
-our company maintains to entrust the responsible for contact of dealer to contact.
-this product continuously improve, design the specification to may have the alteration, forgive with the function not another line circular.
-this manual the contents is already careful checkup, such as appear mistake to leak because of the printing or other reason, and cause the question to please contact with our company to this, and our company is your service the enthusiasm.
(Page 8)
The guarantee to keep sth. in good repair byelaw
My company inside (from purchase the day that invoice open out the calculation) of product at a year, such as the occurence not artificial facter breakdown that cause, was checked by company to belong to solid, free fix and replace spare parts.
But below the circumstance does not belong to the guarantee to keep sth. in good repair the scope:
1, inaccuracy the operation results in the product damage.
2, by onself the disassembly to change any part (such as circuit, spare parts) and artificial damage of product inner part.
3, the artificial damage of product external appearance transforms.
This card pleases appropriate take care of, if product quantity is take placed with operate the problem, and please with my company after-sales service department contact.
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Chairman Mao, he say, what the fark toking you??? hahahhahahah you have NO IDEA how hard it was to type this out... with the struggle to type in horrigible engrish!! who in the world wld understand it? prob his fellow chinamen also wun lor!!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
5 Questions for... TT Durai
Today's TNP had an article saying that ppl have been calling in after rare sightings of the elusive T. T. Durai. They actually caught up with the guy at some fren's office, and once he knew they were reporters, he scampered off into the wilderness again, with the fren blocking reporters.
TNP also asked what ppl wanted to hear from the weasel-ly guy himself. some 18 yr old actually wanted to know how he and his family were coping with the fiasco! Talk about being naively noble. Look kid, if my name was splashed in newspapers for days and i had no less than S$13million stashed away somewhere, i'd be like a rock star lor! wat an idiot... hahahah with so much money, i'm such he has no trouble coping at all... save for knowing that he wldn't hv gotten much more if he didn't get caught so soon....
Anyway, in response to TNP's Top 5 Questions the Ppl wanna ask TT, I got my own 5 questions:
1) So where's the money? Swiss Bank? Bank of Mumbai? (apparently he goes there often with Mathilda) Under your mattress? It IS your mattress??
2) Since now you, Richard, Alwyn, Mathilda, Su Ying and the rest of your whole merry gang can no longer get employment in Singapore but can't leave, who's the one most likely to get an Extreme Makeover first? (might i suggest mathilda needs one anyway)
3) How much are your assets worth in total? (ie. How much can the people of Singapore expect you to return to them, willingly or not?)
4) Presently there are plenty of bloggers slamming you and your frens, ranging from wanting to know answers, to insulting language, to pathetic attempts at satire like this blog. But after all that's happened, do you still have the balls to sue anyone now?
5) Last question. So where do you get ur spiffy long sleeved shirts? always see you in them during press conferences and court hearings... never any creases!! must be real good material!! 1 how much??
TNP also asked what ppl wanted to hear from the weasel-ly guy himself. some 18 yr old actually wanted to know how he and his family were coping with the fiasco! Talk about being naively noble. Look kid, if my name was splashed in newspapers for days and i had no less than S$13million stashed away somewhere, i'd be like a rock star lor! wat an idiot... hahahah with so much money, i'm such he has no trouble coping at all... save for knowing that he wldn't hv gotten much more if he didn't get caught so soon....
Anyway, in response to TNP's Top 5 Questions the Ppl wanna ask TT, I got my own 5 questions:
1) So where's the money? Swiss Bank? Bank of Mumbai? (apparently he goes there often with Mathilda) Under your mattress? It IS your mattress??
2) Since now you, Richard, Alwyn, Mathilda, Su Ying and the rest of your whole merry gang can no longer get employment in Singapore but can't leave, who's the one most likely to get an Extreme Makeover first? (might i suggest mathilda needs one anyway)
3) How much are your assets worth in total? (ie. How much can the people of Singapore expect you to return to them, willingly or not?)
4) Presently there are plenty of bloggers slamming you and your frens, ranging from wanting to know answers, to insulting language, to pathetic attempts at satire like this blog. But after all that's happened, do you still have the balls to sue anyone now?
5) Last question. So where do you get ur spiffy long sleeved shirts? always see you in them during press conferences and court hearings... never any creases!! must be real good material!! 1 how much??
Monday, December 26, 2005
A Merry Christmas Afterall
Dearest Ally, Bowl, Cyclist, Kok, Meng, Piak, Puss and Qi (although not all of u know of this place)
Thanx for making my x'mas merry. Thanx for the cards, cakes, games, cap, coffee, and the use of house + huggable penguin. And most of all thanx for the company.
:)
Thanx for making my x'mas merry. Thanx for the cards, cakes, games, cap, coffee, and the use of house + huggable penguin. And most of all thanx for the company.
:)
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Rockie's Tales - Waiting For Santa In Singapore
“Don’t worry darling… I’m sure he’ll come next year.” Mum said to the forlorn little girl staring downcast at the warm milk and soft cookies on the table.
A week later on the 1st day of school, the little girl couldn’t help but overhear school mates here and there gushing about Christmas night:
“… and Santa gave me this Hello Kitty backpack! Just what I want for Primary 2!”
“… almost as big as my baby brother! And then hor, when you hug the soft tummy, got music one leh…”
“… she ALWAYS gets more presents than me. Not fair!”
Of course, she was smart enough to know that not all presents came from him, no matter what they insisted. It wasn’t their fault though; it was just their parents lying to them about the origin of the presents. She would know. She caught her Dad 3 years ago.
One loud voice caught her attention. It was one of the more popular girls in school, the one with long, straight, slightly brown hair, always tied in two ribbons. But it wasn’t the volume, but what was spoken and the whining tone that stood out:
“… why must Santa always come at meenite? Then I want to watch the 10.30 movie on TV also cannot, my mummy say must close door and go to sleep else Santa wun come… Don’t come don’t come lah! Every year come very troublesome leh!”
She felt hurt for him. Knowing how popular this particular girl was, she was sure Santa DID drop by her place every year. She knew that if only he came to her place, just for once, she would welcome him warmly and treat him with affection and respect. But against her heart, she knew she shouldn’t try to make him stay – he would have many, many more children to visit and presents to deliver. This popular girl clearly didn’t know how lucky she was.
She knew he was real. Mum told her that she herself had a visit from Santa, when she was six years old. Only that one time, and never again. Mum reasoned that since Santa was an ang moh, he probably only came to Singapore occasionally. More often, he would be in those ang moh countries where they would get presents from him personally every year, or else those ang moh parents would get angry, and they probably knew where he lived.
She knew there were plenty of fake ones as well. Especially those at places like Toys R’us or those shopping centres with big water fountains. Santa wouldn’t have the time to sit around and pose for photos or ring bells and shout out “HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS”. During this period he would have so many toys to make and so many deliveries to plan, he would be as busy and cranky as Mum was during her peak periods at work.
Then she realized it might be the HDB flats that confused him! After all, he’s used to those nice ang moh houses with chimneys and gardens… maybe he got confused by the endless corridors with similar doors and windows. She never ever went to the far end of the corridor herself – she had been warned of a fierce dog living there. Maybe Santa could never get past that dog as well.
So this time round, she decided to help him find her house. With Mum’s help, they strung up twinkling lights on their windows and front door, in addition to the sparkling Christmas tree they kept on every night. On evenings, coming back from the shopping centres, she could clearly see her spruced up, twinkling and flashing windows, high up on her block, all the way from the playground. He wouldn’t be able to miss her house this year.
Of course, since they didn’t have a chimney, he would be coming in by the front door. She once did think that he would come in from the rubbish chute, and tried to leave the door to that open. But she dropped that silly idea since what Mum said was true – surely he didn’t want to come into people’s houses so stinky. And what if someone happened to throw a whole big bag of durian husks down? Surely he was too smart for that. No, he would still land on the roof of the HDB flat with his sleigh and reindeer… climb down the ladder from the roof to the staircase landing and visit each door one by one. She hoped that seeing the guiding lights on her front door would make him brave enough to quickly dart past the house with the fierce dog.
But still, they couldn’t leave the door unlocked for him. It wasn’t safe. Only Mum would be allowed to stay up and open the door for him. She wasn’t allowed to open the door for anyone at night anymore, ever since that year she happily dashed and opened the door to a drunk neighbour who mistakenly thought he was home. Her terrified scream woke up everyone in the block, and definitely sobered up the newly-oriented, unkempt and apologetic drunkard.
Even with plenty of earlier mistaken identities at shopping centres, that really bad scare, and with every Christmas morning being disappointing so far, she still hoped that one year, he would come. She wasn’t getting any younger… had a grand old age of 8, all she needed was 4 more years before she would have enough allowance to buy herself presents, and maybe then Santa would see no point in delivering to her anymore.
So she helped Mum place the usual tall glass of cold milk (they only used the tall glasses for rare, important guests) and a plate of eight Chipsmore chocolate chip cookies (her favourite, and signifying her age) on the table, with a note to help himself to more in the fridge, if the milk wasn’t cold enough or the Tupperware, if the cookies had gone soft.
That night, she couldn’t sleep, of course. But she knew she couldn’t let a soul know she was still awake as well, or else he wouldn’t come in. She hid under her comforter, alert for any and every creak, squeak or bump. Motionless and silent, she lay there until… until…
Her eyes shot open wide and stared momentarily, taking in the daylight. She fell asleep! She threw off the comforter and ran out of her room.
“Don’t worry darling… I’m sure he’ll come next year.” Mum said to the forlorn little girl, staring downcast at the warm milk and soft cookies on the table.
A week later on the 1st day of school, the little girl couldn’t help but overhear school mates here and there gushing about Christmas night:
“… and Santa gave me this Hello Kitty backpack! Just what I want for Primary 2!”
“… almost as big as my baby brother! And then hor, when you hug the soft tummy, got music one leh…”
“… she ALWAYS gets more presents than me. Not fair!”
Of course, she was smart enough to know that not all presents came from him, no matter what they insisted. It wasn’t their fault though; it was just their parents lying to them about the origin of the presents. She would know. She caught her Dad 3 years ago.
One loud voice caught her attention. It was one of the more popular girls in school, the one with long, straight, slightly brown hair, always tied in two ribbons. But it wasn’t the volume, but what was spoken and the whining tone that stood out:
“… why must Santa always come at meenite? Then I want to watch the 10.30 movie on TV also cannot, my mummy say must close door and go to sleep else Santa wun come… Don’t come don’t come lah! Every year come very troublesome leh!”
She felt hurt for him. Knowing how popular this particular girl was, she was sure Santa DID drop by her place every year. She knew that if only he came to her place, just for once, she would welcome him warmly and treat him with affection and respect. But against her heart, she knew she shouldn’t try to make him stay – he would have many, many more children to visit and presents to deliver. This popular girl clearly didn’t know how lucky she was.
She knew he was real. Mum told her that she herself had a visit from Santa, when she was six years old. Only that one time, and never again. Mum reasoned that since Santa was an ang moh, he probably only came to Singapore occasionally. More often, he would be in those ang moh countries where they would get presents from him personally every year, or else those ang moh parents would get angry, and they probably knew where he lived.
She knew there were plenty of fake ones as well. Especially those at places like Toys R’us or those shopping centres with big water fountains. Santa wouldn’t have the time to sit around and pose for photos or ring bells and shout out “HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS”. During this period he would have so many toys to make and so many deliveries to plan, he would be as busy and cranky as Mum was during her peak periods at work.
Then she realized it might be the HDB flats that confused him! After all, he’s used to those nice ang moh houses with chimneys and gardens… maybe he got confused by the endless corridors with similar doors and windows. She never ever went to the far end of the corridor herself – she had been warned of a fierce dog living there. Maybe Santa could never get past that dog as well.
So this time round, she decided to help him find her house. With Mum’s help, they strung up twinkling lights on their windows and front door, in addition to the sparkling Christmas tree they kept on every night. On evenings, coming back from the shopping centres, she could clearly see her spruced up, twinkling and flashing windows, high up on her block, all the way from the playground. He wouldn’t be able to miss her house this year.
Of course, since they didn’t have a chimney, he would be coming in by the front door. She once did think that he would come in from the rubbish chute, and tried to leave the door to that open. But she dropped that silly idea since what Mum said was true – surely he didn’t want to come into people’s houses so stinky. And what if someone happened to throw a whole big bag of durian husks down? Surely he was too smart for that. No, he would still land on the roof of the HDB flat with his sleigh and reindeer… climb down the ladder from the roof to the staircase landing and visit each door one by one. She hoped that seeing the guiding lights on her front door would make him brave enough to quickly dart past the house with the fierce dog.
But still, they couldn’t leave the door unlocked for him. It wasn’t safe. Only Mum would be allowed to stay up and open the door for him. She wasn’t allowed to open the door for anyone at night anymore, ever since that year she happily dashed and opened the door to a drunk neighbour who mistakenly thought he was home. Her terrified scream woke up everyone in the block, and definitely sobered up the newly-oriented, unkempt and apologetic drunkard.
Even with plenty of earlier mistaken identities at shopping centres, that really bad scare, and with every Christmas morning being disappointing so far, she still hoped that one year, he would come. She wasn’t getting any younger… had a grand old age of 8, all she needed was 4 more years before she would have enough allowance to buy herself presents, and maybe then Santa would see no point in delivering to her anymore.
So she helped Mum place the usual tall glass of cold milk (they only used the tall glasses for rare, important guests) and a plate of eight Chipsmore chocolate chip cookies (her favourite, and signifying her age) on the table, with a note to help himself to more in the fridge, if the milk wasn’t cold enough or the Tupperware, if the cookies had gone soft.
That night, she couldn’t sleep, of course. But she knew she couldn’t let a soul know she was still awake as well, or else he wouldn’t come in. She hid under her comforter, alert for any and every creak, squeak or bump. Motionless and silent, she lay there until… until…
Her eyes shot open wide and stared momentarily, taking in the daylight. She fell asleep! She threw off the comforter and ran out of her room.
“Don’t worry darling… I’m sure he’ll come next year.” Mum said to the forlorn little girl, staring downcast at the warm milk and soft cookies on the table.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Giving Answers
I've turned down 2 x'mas appts (a rarity, i might add (turning appts down, not x'mas appts.)) for todae and tml.
i'm not "mourning" in a sense that my depressive period is over... a short 2 days, partly thanx to a day spent outside with kitty. being home alone helps, but only for the inital stage. when its time to get over it, fresh air(con) is good.
i've turned them down coz within these gatherings, there are ppl who i do not owe answers to, esp to one particular question i know will pop out. these ppl were frens of a tainted past, now casual acquaintances at most. or those who have always been nothing more than acquaintances.
a few frens have already asked me that question over msn - the close frens out of goodwill, and hopefully the not-so-close ones too. But it is the wrong question to ask, so i do not give any answers.
but face-to-face is different. questions asked face-to-face are more difficult to leave hanging without answers, especially when repeatedly asked. so one of two outcomes wld happen:
a) i still do not give answers - leading to the question repeated, making everyone curious and getting me irritated.
b) i snap the answer out - leading to the atmosphere being tense and everyone uneasy.
so i choose to not make them happen.
so why is it the wrong question? coz i will get irritated and pissed. and on hearing the answer, ppl will start offering meaningless statements meant to comfort - which i do not need. or worse, attempt to make the situation humourous - which i do not think it is so. especially from ppl who are not impt to me.
so don't take offense if i don't go to your gathering. it's just that the combination of some ppl and some questions wld ruin the evening for everyone. (i quite power hor? can ruin it for everyone. haha) and don't worry. if u read this, u're not likely to be unimportant to me. but still, the wrong questions will not get u answers.
someone did ask me the right question. but i volunteered the answer without the question first because she went thru the exact same thing before. that's probably how she knew wat the right question was.
anyway, i'm still going for a x'mas gathering on sundae with a grp of close frens. not bcoz all of them are close enuff to ask the wrong question, but coz they're close enuff to not ask it.
i'm not "mourning" in a sense that my depressive period is over... a short 2 days, partly thanx to a day spent outside with kitty. being home alone helps, but only for the inital stage. when its time to get over it, fresh air(con) is good.
i've turned them down coz within these gatherings, there are ppl who i do not owe answers to, esp to one particular question i know will pop out. these ppl were frens of a tainted past, now casual acquaintances at most. or those who have always been nothing more than acquaintances.
a few frens have already asked me that question over msn - the close frens out of goodwill, and hopefully the not-so-close ones too. But it is the wrong question to ask, so i do not give any answers.
but face-to-face is different. questions asked face-to-face are more difficult to leave hanging without answers, especially when repeatedly asked. so one of two outcomes wld happen:
a) i still do not give answers - leading to the question repeated, making everyone curious and getting me irritated.
b) i snap the answer out - leading to the atmosphere being tense and everyone uneasy.
so i choose to not make them happen.
so why is it the wrong question? coz i will get irritated and pissed. and on hearing the answer, ppl will start offering meaningless statements meant to comfort - which i do not need. or worse, attempt to make the situation humourous - which i do not think it is so. especially from ppl who are not impt to me.
so don't take offense if i don't go to your gathering. it's just that the combination of some ppl and some questions wld ruin the evening for everyone. (i quite power hor? can ruin it for everyone. haha) and don't worry. if u read this, u're not likely to be unimportant to me. but still, the wrong questions will not get u answers.
someone did ask me the right question. but i volunteered the answer without the question first because she went thru the exact same thing before. that's probably how she knew wat the right question was.
anyway, i'm still going for a x'mas gathering on sundae with a grp of close frens. not bcoz all of them are close enuff to ask the wrong question, but coz they're close enuff to not ask it.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Troubling Thoughts On Sleepless Night
Actually, even though its 3.15am and I haven't slept yet, it's not due to the thoughts. I've been marvellously entertained by blogs. Just search "NKF" on blogger and you can spend hours laughing at what singaporeans have to say abt durai and his antics.
But it's coz of all these blogs that I have troubling thoughts. And of coz the eventful days i've been having. They're still jumbled, so I hope i get them all down.
First of all, who says singaporeans are apathetic? Have u searched "NKF" under blogger like I told u to? Go. Go check it out. WOW. and some of these entries are really good. 1 guy even wrote a cover letter applying to be the CEO of the "old NKF" to Gerard Ee. Now why didn't i think of that?
And I thot I did write rather well. I admit the quality of words waxes and wanes with the tides of my moods... but at least I thot I was entertaining. But now I see that it's not "a mountain behind still got one mountain higher"(Chinese four-letter word) but there are so many high mountains above me... and i notice 2 patterns about the good blogs:
a) most of their entries are commentaries, and they satire what is going on.
b) they have many links to other blogs or news sources.
My blog is different coz (a) sounds too much like work to me, and there's nothing I like more than to talk about myself. Hence this entry, of course. (b), OTOH, sounds like too much work to me...
So... suddenly it strikes me... how mediocre I am. Now only hv i not accomplished anything much in these 25yrs... what skills or attributes I thot I had pale in comparison to others.
My writing: is nothing compared to so many others.
My photography skills: are overrated - only some are really good.
My outdoor & leadership skills: are sorely unused.
My people skills: are merely an effort in facade I need to maintain.
My relationships with others: deserve a whole entry by itself.
My self discipline: is non-existent.
My plan for the future: is always sitting around waiting for something to happen.
I'm already getting left behind. Can't afford to sit around with my head in the sand anymore... For too long I've been cursing the darkness, but not daring to light the candle. I've always been ranting about what could have been, when in actual fact I don't know for sure. Hiding behind inherent difficulties was always easier than actually finding out "what if"? Giving too many excuses.
So I have been given more time to develop my body and mind - to do what I need to. I hope i have the strength to to keep at it. Maybe everything does have a good reason for happening; but it is up to me so see that the reason does indeed become a good one.
note to self: a journey of a thousand miles - is not merely a single step.
But it's coz of all these blogs that I have troubling thoughts. And of coz the eventful days i've been having. They're still jumbled, so I hope i get them all down.
First of all, who says singaporeans are apathetic? Have u searched "NKF" under blogger like I told u to? Go. Go check it out. WOW. and some of these entries are really good. 1 guy even wrote a cover letter applying to be the CEO of the "old NKF" to Gerard Ee. Now why didn't i think of that?
And I thot I did write rather well. I admit the quality of words waxes and wanes with the tides of my moods... but at least I thot I was entertaining. But now I see that it's not "a mountain behind still got one mountain higher"(Chinese four-letter word) but there are so many high mountains above me... and i notice 2 patterns about the good blogs:
a) most of their entries are commentaries, and they satire what is going on.
b) they have many links to other blogs or news sources.
My blog is different coz (a) sounds too much like work to me, and there's nothing I like more than to talk about myself. Hence this entry, of course. (b), OTOH, sounds like too much work to me...
So... suddenly it strikes me... how mediocre I am. Now only hv i not accomplished anything much in these 25yrs... what skills or attributes I thot I had pale in comparison to others.
My writing: is nothing compared to so many others.
My photography skills: are overrated - only some are really good.
My outdoor & leadership skills: are sorely unused.
My people skills: are merely an effort in facade I need to maintain.
My relationships with others: deserve a whole entry by itself.
My self discipline: is non-existent.
My plan for the future: is always sitting around waiting for something to happen.
I'm already getting left behind. Can't afford to sit around with my head in the sand anymore... For too long I've been cursing the darkness, but not daring to light the candle. I've always been ranting about what could have been, when in actual fact I don't know for sure. Hiding behind inherent difficulties was always easier than actually finding out "what if"? Giving too many excuses.
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." -
Gandalf
So I have been given more time to develop my body and mind - to do what I need to. I hope i have the strength to to keep at it. Maybe everything does have a good reason for happening; but it is up to me so see that the reason does indeed become a good one.
note to self: a journey of a thousand miles - is not merely a single step.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Suggested Penalties for Public Enemy No.1 - Durai
I am in a rather foul predictament, but I have to speak up on this.
For one, I really really hope that Durai, that evil bitch, gets convicted for criminal offences and gets thrown into jail and butt farked by unclean toilet brushes wielded by disgruntled hardcore criminals who were moved by the countless NKF charity shows to make a $10, $20, or $50 donation to a 1900-number, of which plenty went to high flying trips around the world. I hope they make him fly so high he sees stars.
Barring which, here's a suggestion on how he can pay a fine instead. Based on a few assumptions:
a) Every donor asking for refunds from "the new" NKF will only hurt patients and their measly million-dollar reserves.
b) We do not know for sure exactly how much he got direct from donations and how much he got from possible kickbacks from other director's entreprises.
so we use calculation.
Since durai likes to calculate back payments so much, let's calculate the amount he got since 1992 when he became CEO:
in the ST case, it was revealed that in the last 3 yrs he got a take home pay of $1.8million.
which leads to $600,000/- a year.
CPF contribution is about 33%, so it's 798,000/- a year.
have a back payment since 1992, that's 13 years, he needs to pay back to the public $10,374,000/-
This does not include his benefits of insurance, car(s), air tickets, cashcard top ups, credit card bills, "unused" leave, "OT" pay, etc. from ST yesterday:
"OT" Pay: $187,000 from Sept 97 to Oct 03
"unused" Leave which he extended himself: $423,000 from May 95 to Nov 03
Credit Card Bills paid for by NKF: $290,447
Car payments, including insurance, tax, repairs, wife's cashcard: $6885.86 for THIS YEAR ALONE not including his own cashcard
(NB: his wife cashcard topup is $423.61. imagine his shd be about same amount. I don't even use that much a year on my debit card!)
Bonuses: not known exactly yet, betw 4 to 12mths. average of 8mths then.
Air tickets and insurance amounted not stated in ST.
So, we extrapolate some of these figures. Stated "OT" Pay claimed is about half is tenure. So he possibly got $374,000 in total.
Car payments extrapolated for 12.5yrs, based on the figure above only being for 1/2 a year: $172,146.50
So amount, which is still less than total, stands at $10,374,000 + $374,000 + $172,146.50 + $423,000 + $290,447 = $11,633,593.50
of coz, still got interest rate. i don't have exact figures, so let's estimate it to be 12%, including possible investments he made with that money, which comes up to $13,029,624.72/- which he owes donors. still not including other numbers yet to be released by newspapers. This penalty should be extended to the whole board of evil directors he was in cahoots with as well.
So this is how much singaporeans have been blindly giving him. An estimated $1million a year straight into his pocket and perks. So what he would need to do is hire KPMG, since his old frens at PwC seem so incompetent, so dig the records and find out which singaporeans donated how much in proportion to the total population and give back accordingly based on the $13million figure. Then all would be forgiven and he would be allowed to take back his passport and run back to his hometown in india (hopefully) penniless and never be heard of again.
Of coz some might think, with all that trouble and all that money, it wld be easier to go to jail. but durai should note that only a select few has the option of exchanging money for jail time. Just ask melvyn "boo hoo hoo i'm cancelling my few-hundred-dollar-per-ticket shows and running home to jolly old england" tan.
in fact, the courts would probably cite that case as an example, since both of them share many similarities: durai is also now a famous household name, and is a great musician! just ask all those employees, donors and gahmen ppl who've been listening to his music like the children in the "Pied Piper of Hamelin"
Added: We cannot thank them enough. They cannot compensate us enough.
Note to self: I'm not giving to charities anymore! Unless I'm the CEO of one... hahahhha
Further note to self: Dream job - CEO and all-encompassing despot of HUGE charitable organisation with standing policies of non-disclosure and being in good books of reporters.
For one, I really really hope that Durai, that evil bitch, gets convicted for criminal offences and gets thrown into jail and butt farked by unclean toilet brushes wielded by disgruntled hardcore criminals who were moved by the countless NKF charity shows to make a $10, $20, or $50 donation to a 1900-number, of which plenty went to high flying trips around the world. I hope they make him fly so high he sees stars.
Barring which, here's a suggestion on how he can pay a fine instead. Based on a few assumptions:
a) Every donor asking for refunds from "the new" NKF will only hurt patients and their measly million-dollar reserves.
b) We do not know for sure exactly how much he got direct from donations and how much he got from possible kickbacks from other director's entreprises.
so we use calculation.
Since durai likes to calculate back payments so much, let's calculate the amount he got since 1992 when he became CEO:
in the ST case, it was revealed that in the last 3 yrs he got a take home pay of $1.8million.
which leads to $600,000/- a year.
CPF contribution is about 33%, so it's 798,000/- a year.
have a back payment since 1992, that's 13 years, he needs to pay back to the public $10,374,000/-
This does not include his benefits of insurance, car(s), air tickets, cashcard top ups, credit card bills, "unused" leave, "OT" pay, etc. from ST yesterday:
"OT" Pay: $187,000 from Sept 97 to Oct 03
"unused" Leave which he extended himself: $423,000 from May 95 to Nov 03
Credit Card Bills paid for by NKF: $290,447
Car payments, including insurance, tax, repairs, wife's cashcard: $6885.86 for THIS YEAR ALONE not including his own cashcard
(NB: his wife cashcard topup is $423.61. imagine his shd be about same amount. I don't even use that much a year on my debit card!)
Bonuses: not known exactly yet, betw 4 to 12mths. average of 8mths then.
Air tickets and insurance amounted not stated in ST.
So, we extrapolate some of these figures. Stated "OT" Pay claimed is about half is tenure. So he possibly got $374,000 in total.
Car payments extrapolated for 12.5yrs, based on the figure above only being for 1/2 a year: $172,146.50
So amount, which is still less than total, stands at $10,374,000 + $374,000 + $172,146.50 + $423,000 + $290,447 = $11,633,593.50
of coz, still got interest rate. i don't have exact figures, so let's estimate it to be 12%, including possible investments he made with that money, which comes up to $13,029,624.72/- which he owes donors. still not including other numbers yet to be released by newspapers. This penalty should be extended to the whole board of evil directors he was in cahoots with as well.
So this is how much singaporeans have been blindly giving him. An estimated $1million a year straight into his pocket and perks. So what he would need to do is hire KPMG, since his old frens at PwC seem so incompetent, so dig the records and find out which singaporeans donated how much in proportion to the total population and give back accordingly based on the $13million figure. Then all would be forgiven and he would be allowed to take back his passport and run back to his hometown in india (hopefully) penniless and never be heard of again.
Of coz some might think, with all that trouble and all that money, it wld be easier to go to jail. but durai should note that only a select few has the option of exchanging money for jail time. Just ask melvyn "boo hoo hoo i'm cancelling my few-hundred-dollar-per-ticket shows and running home to jolly old england" tan.
in fact, the courts would probably cite that case as an example, since both of them share many similarities: durai is also now a famous household name, and is a great musician! just ask all those employees, donors and gahmen ppl who've been listening to his music like the children in the "Pied Piper of Hamelin"
Added: We cannot thank them enough. They cannot compensate us enough.
Note to self: I'm not giving to charities anymore! Unless I'm the CEO of one... hahahhha
Further note to self: Dream job - CEO and all-encompassing despot of HUGE charitable organisation with standing policies of non-disclosure and being in good books of reporters.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
World Class
I have no frigging idea why NTU always claims it is one of the top universities in the world when
a) employers dun hv a good impression of its graduates, as reported in newspapers recently
b) students hv many gripes, be it about campus transport, ECAs and accommodation administration, academic administration, teaching and non-teaching staff, and food. hey, isn't that almost everything?
so, wat's my gripe todae? SAO (or whoever's in charge of exams) has so kindly put "3rd week of december" for everyone's fricking release of results. probably to give leeway to the poor academic staff who mark so fricking hard every may and nov and do nothing much but speak to OHPs for the large part of the yr.
so it's nerve wracking for ppl like me who's anxious to graduate. i nv was bothered by results before, coz i knew no matter wat, i'd still be studying the next sem. now's different. now i either am free, or shackled for another sem. nerve wracking.
so which WEEK do they consider 3rd wk? if they consider the half that was nov and the half that was dec the 1st wk, this wld be 4th wk liao. so whole of last wk i checked, and apparently this wk is the 3rd wk.
so which DAY are they going to release it? it can be any day, coz they didn't specify. i checked over the wkend, and today got some ppl get their results liao, but i still hvn't. so i gotta come online and check EVERYDAY.
i just hope that they'll delaying my results so that they can push everything up to a pass. haha.
assholes. causing me to lose sleep and get anxiety attacks. I hope they get only between 1 wk to 1mth of bonus, not revealed exactly until their payday, which exact date will be revealed later.
i hope i hv nothing to do with NTU from this mth on....
a) employers dun hv a good impression of its graduates, as reported in newspapers recently
b) students hv many gripes, be it about campus transport, ECAs and accommodation administration, academic administration, teaching and non-teaching staff, and food. hey, isn't that almost everything?
so, wat's my gripe todae? SAO (or whoever's in charge of exams) has so kindly put "3rd week of december" for everyone's fricking release of results. probably to give leeway to the poor academic staff who mark so fricking hard every may and nov and do nothing much but speak to OHPs for the large part of the yr.
so it's nerve wracking for ppl like me who's anxious to graduate. i nv was bothered by results before, coz i knew no matter wat, i'd still be studying the next sem. now's different. now i either am free, or shackled for another sem. nerve wracking.
so which WEEK do they consider 3rd wk? if they consider the half that was nov and the half that was dec the 1st wk, this wld be 4th wk liao. so whole of last wk i checked, and apparently this wk is the 3rd wk.
so which DAY are they going to release it? it can be any day, coz they didn't specify. i checked over the wkend, and today got some ppl get their results liao, but i still hvn't. so i gotta come online and check EVERYDAY.
i just hope that they'll delaying my results so that they can push everything up to a pass. haha.
assholes. causing me to lose sleep and get anxiety attacks. I hope they get only between 1 wk to 1mth of bonus, not revealed exactly until their payday, which exact date will be revealed later.
i hope i hv nothing to do with NTU from this mth on....
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Uncontrollable
I tried to prevent it, but it still comes back. But of coz, these times nv last.
I used to believe there's no such thing as fate. Maybe there is after all. Perhaps this is my purposeless fate...
Oh well. purposeless doesn't mean not fun...
Tired after driving 4 dead bodies home. 7am and still up. time to sleep....
I used to believe there's no such thing as fate. Maybe there is after all. Perhaps this is my purposeless fate...
Oh well. purposeless doesn't mean not fun...
Tired after driving 4 dead bodies home. 7am and still up. time to sleep....
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Something's Missing
Thot wld hv plans on thurs, but nothing materialised.
Thot wld hv plans on fri, but was cancelled the day before.
Heng chel replied positively. so had coffee with chel, zz and girl. then went late nite KTV after.
I just took a step back and let the others decide wat next. i tend to do that when i'm with them... dunno why. i guess since i hv no violent objections to their plentiful ideas... so anything lor. as long as the company's there, everything's cool.
Didn't sing much though, dunno why also. Didn't feel like, there wasn't a song in my head. Just simply, no mood. Others requested many songs, and inserted them in front of mine as well. strangely, i didn't mind at all. none of my requested songs made it to the TV, but i didn't give a crap anyway.
Why?
Something's missing somewhere... Purpose maybe.
Of coz going KTV dun need purpose... but the whole picture in general. Since sch ended i've just been bumming around, meeting frens, having fun. sure, i did run stanchart... but it's over liao.
Ppl around me mostly now have busy, miserable jobs... but as they always say, at least they're earning. The more miserable the job, the higher the pay. IF i grad i'll look for a job and will be like them too... working and earning.
But there's a nagging feeling tt tells me i'll be doing tt mainly coz I shd, coz tt's expected of me. It is some kind of responsibility to my family and to myself too, and of coz i shall find a job which i like and will hv fun in. So it isn't too bad.
But still... something's missing. There's got to be more than this.
But what?
Thot wld hv plans on fri, but was cancelled the day before.
Heng chel replied positively. so had coffee with chel, zz and girl. then went late nite KTV after.
I just took a step back and let the others decide wat next. i tend to do that when i'm with them... dunno why. i guess since i hv no violent objections to their plentiful ideas... so anything lor. as long as the company's there, everything's cool.
Didn't sing much though, dunno why also. Didn't feel like, there wasn't a song in my head. Just simply, no mood. Others requested many songs, and inserted them in front of mine as well. strangely, i didn't mind at all. none of my requested songs made it to the TV, but i didn't give a crap anyway.
Why?
Something's missing somewhere... Purpose maybe.
Of coz going KTV dun need purpose... but the whole picture in general. Since sch ended i've just been bumming around, meeting frens, having fun. sure, i did run stanchart... but it's over liao.
Ppl around me mostly now have busy, miserable jobs... but as they always say, at least they're earning. The more miserable the job, the higher the pay. IF i grad i'll look for a job and will be like them too... working and earning.
But there's a nagging feeling tt tells me i'll be doing tt mainly coz I shd, coz tt's expected of me. It is some kind of responsibility to my family and to myself too, and of coz i shall find a job which i like and will hv fun in. So it isn't too bad.
But still... something's missing. There's got to be more than this.
But what?
Stand Up or Stand Down?
Over dinner, Dad suddenly said that I shd learn to take things easier, not to let the small things bother me and get me upset.
????
Had no idea wat brought it on. Wat he actually meant was I shdn't keep picking on ppl and finding fault and getting everyone upset. Even if ppl were unreasonable, there are so many of them around, so no pt getting worked up all the time. Let things pass, it's all small stuff. He cited the chinamen incidents and the LJS 30 cents incident as examples.
My defence was i wasn't really upset over those incidents, but i needed to do wat i felt was right, to do the right thing for myself anyway. He didn't really buy it, so in order not to argue i reluctantly said ok.
Dear Dad... i know he means well. He's afraid tt i'll either die early from a heart attack or a parang one if i carry on "picking on ppl". but he worries needlessly coz I don't take these things to heart... in fact if i've been trampled on and don't do anything abt it, to stand up for myself, i'll regret over wat i could hv done and get the heart attack anyway. as for parang attacks... i choose my battles. usually in a controlled environment, ie. sch lib or fast food restaurant, and i only, only fight when i know i'm right.
So how do I convince him that i'm only standing up to bullies? I've been bullied before... 2 real bad incidents were once, in pri sch by 2 classmates, and once in sec sch by a teacher (yup, tt's rite. if u want more details let me know.) Dad helped resolve both incidents: by telling me to report it to the teacher in pri sch, and coming with me to see the principal in sec sch.
So along the way I decided I've had enuff... I will no longer be a silent victim of bullying, be it unreasonable reserving of seats or the cheating of my money, no matter how small an amt. I know there're plenty of silent victims out there, either choosing to lay low and skulk away or choosing to ignore and forget. But every time a victim stays silent, the bully is just emboldened to inflict his unreasonable behaviour on someone else.
Idealistic, yes. but i stand up to bullies in hope that my behaviour wld put a stop to, or at least discourage, their's. that others will be spared of being bullied or cheated. And also I stand up for myself so i will nv ask myself y i took that lying down.
note to self: Support CASE!
????
Had no idea wat brought it on. Wat he actually meant was I shdn't keep picking on ppl and finding fault and getting everyone upset. Even if ppl were unreasonable, there are so many of them around, so no pt getting worked up all the time. Let things pass, it's all small stuff. He cited the chinamen incidents and the LJS 30 cents incident as examples.
My defence was i wasn't really upset over those incidents, but i needed to do wat i felt was right, to do the right thing for myself anyway. He didn't really buy it, so in order not to argue i reluctantly said ok.
Dear Dad... i know he means well. He's afraid tt i'll either die early from a heart attack or a parang one if i carry on "picking on ppl". but he worries needlessly coz I don't take these things to heart... in fact if i've been trampled on and don't do anything abt it, to stand up for myself, i'll regret over wat i could hv done and get the heart attack anyway. as for parang attacks... i choose my battles. usually in a controlled environment, ie. sch lib or fast food restaurant, and i only, only fight when i know i'm right.
So how do I convince him that i'm only standing up to bullies? I've been bullied before... 2 real bad incidents were once, in pri sch by 2 classmates, and once in sec sch by a teacher (yup, tt's rite. if u want more details let me know.) Dad helped resolve both incidents: by telling me to report it to the teacher in pri sch, and coming with me to see the principal in sec sch.
So along the way I decided I've had enuff... I will no longer be a silent victim of bullying, be it unreasonable reserving of seats or the cheating of my money, no matter how small an amt. I know there're plenty of silent victims out there, either choosing to lay low and skulk away or choosing to ignore and forget. But every time a victim stays silent, the bully is just emboldened to inflict his unreasonable behaviour on someone else.
Idealistic, yes. but i stand up to bullies in hope that my behaviour wld put a stop to, or at least discourage, their's. that others will be spared of being bullied or cheated. And also I stand up for myself so i will nv ask myself y i took that lying down.
note to self: Support CASE!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Day of Darkness...
Currently Playing: Old Chines Song whose title I have no idea but the lyrics are super tacky by My uncle
Bad day. Woken up late, by a nightmare, and started wondering abt my solo trip. Had my first coffee only at 4.45pm, therefore cranky and uncoordinated. Met my mum after work and got closed on by a lift door operated by some damn cock aunty. Took a nap, woken up by sparodically by:
Dad comes home from work and whistles, Mum opens the door for him.
Dad speaking loudly thru the intercom: "YAH YAH THAT'S MY BROTHER"
Uncle's voice.
Dad's voice.
Suddenly, in my dream about multi storied MRT stations with unending flights of escalators and rumbling trains on every floor, a whiny, nasal voice starts singing a tacky chinese song which sounds very, very old.
I wake up in blurness... the song still being played... and after a long while, i realise it's my uncle! first thot was: did he write that song? u know the kind where only the song writer thinks it's brilliant and oblivious to the agonised faces all around when the song is played? it went something like (translation):
I sent you present... did you get it...
Some presents cannot be seen by eyes
blah blah blah
Presents must treasure....
Else someone else will take it...
blah blah blah
In all honesty, my uncle's a very nice guy. but his nasal singing voice just makes the tacky chinese song worse. needless to say, cannot sleep liao. so here i am recording this day of darkness. everything seems to go wrong somewhere. i hope this is the end of it liao....
Bad day. Woken up late, by a nightmare, and started wondering abt my solo trip. Had my first coffee only at 4.45pm, therefore cranky and uncoordinated. Met my mum after work and got closed on by a lift door operated by some damn cock aunty. Took a nap, woken up by sparodically by:
Dad comes home from work and whistles, Mum opens the door for him.
Dad speaking loudly thru the intercom: "YAH YAH THAT'S MY BROTHER"
Uncle's voice.
Dad's voice.
Suddenly, in my dream about multi storied MRT stations with unending flights of escalators and rumbling trains on every floor, a whiny, nasal voice starts singing a tacky chinese song which sounds very, very old.
I wake up in blurness... the song still being played... and after a long while, i realise it's my uncle! first thot was: did he write that song? u know the kind where only the song writer thinks it's brilliant and oblivious to the agonised faces all around when the song is played? it went something like (translation):
I sent you present... did you get it...
Some presents cannot be seen by eyes
blah blah blah
Presents must treasure....
Else someone else will take it...
blah blah blah
In all honesty, my uncle's a very nice guy. but his nasal singing voice just makes the tacky chinese song worse. needless to say, cannot sleep liao. so here i am recording this day of darkness. everything seems to go wrong somewhere. i hope this is the end of it liao....
Having Doubts.
I might be having second thoughts.
"Why you want to go alone? One person not boring meh?"
"So I can discover myself once again. Just Purple Monster and me."
Really? Do I really want to be in a faraway strange foreign land with strangers all around?
All by myself?
Eating bread for meals?
Sleeping in small huts all alone in the middle of nowhere?
Forced to seek the company of strangers?
Forced to talk to sheep to ease boredom?
Spending money doing ridiculous things?
Like kayaking in rough open sea?
Like being spun round in a washing machine?
Like walking all alone for days in wilderness?
Like taking long, long bus rides?
All by myself?
Yup. Coz then there'll be no one else around to learn about.
"Why you want to go alone? One person not boring meh?"
"So I can discover myself once again. Just Purple Monster and me."
Really? Do I really want to be in a faraway strange foreign land with strangers all around?
All by myself?
Eating bread for meals?
Sleeping in small huts all alone in the middle of nowhere?
Forced to seek the company of strangers?
Forced to talk to sheep to ease boredom?
Spending money doing ridiculous things?
Like kayaking in rough open sea?
Like being spun round in a washing machine?
Like walking all alone for days in wilderness?
Like taking long, long bus rides?
All by myself?
Yup. Coz then there'll be no one else around to learn about.
Hauntings
Even though it was all over so long ago, some things just won't let u go.
Even though you don't talk or even think about it, their names, their faces still haunt you.
You wake up with a jolt, almost in a cold sweat.
I've had 2 nightmares this week liao. Back, surrounded by them.
Even as I'm being released from one nightmare, another old one is reclaiming me.
One I have no control over.
I hope it doesn't come back to reclaim me for real. At least now, they are still dreams.
Just twisted, altered memories from my tortured mind.
Even though you don't talk or even think about it, their names, their faces still haunt you.
You wake up with a jolt, almost in a cold sweat.
I've had 2 nightmares this week liao. Back, surrounded by them.
Even as I'm being released from one nightmare, another old one is reclaiming me.
One I have no control over.
I hope it doesn't come back to reclaim me for real. At least now, they are still dreams.
Just twisted, altered memories from my tortured mind.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Some Wedding
Currently Playing: Mais, Que Na by Astrude Gilberto
Just attended my Dad's cousin's son's wedding. some guy i've never met before. Minutes after taking my seat i realised why i shdn't hv come... always get so bored at these family gatherings. the adults make small talk and i can only talk to my bro and make small talk back to adults. oh yah, i'm an adult too... hahahah but u know wat i mean. most of the time i'm so bored i constantly fiddle with my hp and hope someone smses me out of my misery.
at least the hyatt hotel played nice bossa nova. been so obsessed with zero7 i forgot how nice bossa can be. esp in that kinda setting... cool dark evening dinner. with plenty of chatter to contend with.
the opening of the dinner was rather funny though. they played some kinda house-style music and the unrehearsed-enuff waiters and waitress for the 53 tables came out in batches of 5-6 at a time... all nervously taking their places and frantically waiting for the next cue. with no one guiding their positions, the front few tables, which were supposed to be most impt, were missing waiters.
then the cue came for them to serve the tables. with no order to speak of, the waiters dumped the cold dish plates on the nearest table they could find. the waiter nearest to me hurriedly looked from table to table, which 3 out of 4 were empty, and placed his plate on one of them (not mine); all around waiters in black were rushing abt to their "usual" positions of serving, almost knoocking into each other. kinda like giant ants. hahahh
anyway. i sympathise with my bro's position more than my own really... not only is he bored, now being the eldest unmarried grandson, he's constantly badgered to get married. can't blame my grandma... 92yrs old liao. and so far only 1 grandchild married.
so i'm in a large ballroom filled with ppl i'm supposed to know, watching slide shows of ppl i dunno, and supposed to share in their wedded bliss and all that. but when they play the games and show the slides and all that, i'm just wondering when the next dish is coming, i'm starving.
there was a point to all this, but i've forgotten wat. maybe something abt how i dun really like extended family gatherings. and CNY is coming up.
well anyway i've had enuff of this bliss bliss bliss crap. anyone whos getting married, let me know beforehand. i'll need to check my schedule to see if i dun hv a plane ride to cambodia or somewhere that day....
Just attended my Dad's cousin's son's wedding. some guy i've never met before. Minutes after taking my seat i realised why i shdn't hv come... always get so bored at these family gatherings. the adults make small talk and i can only talk to my bro and make small talk back to adults. oh yah, i'm an adult too... hahahah but u know wat i mean. most of the time i'm so bored i constantly fiddle with my hp and hope someone smses me out of my misery.
at least the hyatt hotel played nice bossa nova. been so obsessed with zero7 i forgot how nice bossa can be. esp in that kinda setting... cool dark evening dinner. with plenty of chatter to contend with.
the opening of the dinner was rather funny though. they played some kinda house-style music and the unrehearsed-enuff waiters and waitress for the 53 tables came out in batches of 5-6 at a time... all nervously taking their places and frantically waiting for the next cue. with no one guiding their positions, the front few tables, which were supposed to be most impt, were missing waiters.
then the cue came for them to serve the tables. with no order to speak of, the waiters dumped the cold dish plates on the nearest table they could find. the waiter nearest to me hurriedly looked from table to table, which 3 out of 4 were empty, and placed his plate on one of them (not mine); all around waiters in black were rushing abt to their "usual" positions of serving, almost knoocking into each other. kinda like giant ants. hahahh
anyway. i sympathise with my bro's position more than my own really... not only is he bored, now being the eldest unmarried grandson, he's constantly badgered to get married. can't blame my grandma... 92yrs old liao. and so far only 1 grandchild married.
so i'm in a large ballroom filled with ppl i'm supposed to know, watching slide shows of ppl i dunno, and supposed to share in their wedded bliss and all that. but when they play the games and show the slides and all that, i'm just wondering when the next dish is coming, i'm starving.
there was a point to all this, but i've forgotten wat. maybe something abt how i dun really like extended family gatherings. and CNY is coming up.
well anyway i've had enuff of this bliss bliss bliss crap. anyone whos getting married, let me know beforehand. i'll need to check my schedule to see if i dun hv a plane ride to cambodia or somewhere that day....
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Saturday, December 10, 2005
The Perils of Looking Unboring
Currently Playing: In The Waiting Line by Zero7
"Your hair all black, look kind of boring... but at least you look less beng."
That was just one of the oxymorons and nonsensical sentences that characterised the dinner I had with misa. other examples include: "You look like you've shrunk." etc.
so taking her advice to look less boring and more uncouth, I had my hair hairlighted todae.
was a little hesitant... and i came to realise why when the hairdresser aunty (an ex-lian) started to trying to pull a gigantic condom ridden with holes to fit over my head.
after much painful tugging she suggested i pull myself, which might be less hurting. then she proceeded to forcefully gouge out tufts of hair thru the holes of the "condom", using some kind of metal stick. ouch. ouch. ouch.
she left to answer the phone. and i see a ridiculous image in the mirror: a balding guy with tufts of long hair sticking out at right angles and a huge condom on his head. aunty ahlian must hv been wondering y i had a silly grin.
then, using some kind of brush, she slathered my stray tufts of hair and the gigantic condom with foul smelling hair dye. and left to do other stuff.
all the while, her husband had been cleaning up the floor and windows and mirrors and nagging at their boisterous 7-yr old girl to pick up all her toys: they were going JB tml, so any toy left behind wldn't go with them. although their first language is hokkien, second language chinese, the couple nv failed to speak to their daughter in english, however broken. it showed: her english was rather ok.
so as the family milled abt the place, i sat there motionless, staring into space, with a gigantic condom on my head stinking to high heaven. just bored until the tv start blaring that terrible chicken little + cockroach song in chinese. now i was bored senseless.
finally it was time for the condom to come off. the rest of the hair cut was ok enuff, i usually let the barbers do wat they want... hair gel is the antidote to all haircut disasters. but for some reason aunty ahlian was just obsessed with getting rid of tiny little hairs at the back of my neck. by the 4th time she ran that little electric razor up and down my neck i was thinking "aiyah ok oready lah..."
and so it was done. but i didn't bring enuff money!! short of $9. she and husband said nvm, next time pass by then give her the rest lor.
very heartland feeling... kids at the shop, hokkien speaking owners, dun mind u paying next time. anyway i'll be going there often coz it's the nearest one i know... the next one is prob few hundred metres away...
"Your hair all black, look kind of boring... but at least you look less beng."
That was just one of the oxymorons and nonsensical sentences that characterised the dinner I had with misa. other examples include: "You look like you've shrunk." etc.
so taking her advice to look less boring and more uncouth, I had my hair hairlighted todae.
was a little hesitant... and i came to realise why when the hairdresser aunty (an ex-lian) started to trying to pull a gigantic condom ridden with holes to fit over my head.
after much painful tugging she suggested i pull myself, which might be less hurting. then she proceeded to forcefully gouge out tufts of hair thru the holes of the "condom", using some kind of metal stick. ouch. ouch. ouch.
she left to answer the phone. and i see a ridiculous image in the mirror: a balding guy with tufts of long hair sticking out at right angles and a huge condom on his head. aunty ahlian must hv been wondering y i had a silly grin.
then, using some kind of brush, she slathered my stray tufts of hair and the gigantic condom with foul smelling hair dye. and left to do other stuff.
all the while, her husband had been cleaning up the floor and windows and mirrors and nagging at their boisterous 7-yr old girl to pick up all her toys: they were going JB tml, so any toy left behind wldn't go with them. although their first language is hokkien, second language chinese, the couple nv failed to speak to their daughter in english, however broken. it showed: her english was rather ok.
so as the family milled abt the place, i sat there motionless, staring into space, with a gigantic condom on my head stinking to high heaven. just bored until the tv start blaring that terrible chicken little + cockroach song in chinese. now i was bored senseless.
finally it was time for the condom to come off. the rest of the hair cut was ok enuff, i usually let the barbers do wat they want... hair gel is the antidote to all haircut disasters. but for some reason aunty ahlian was just obsessed with getting rid of tiny little hairs at the back of my neck. by the 4th time she ran that little electric razor up and down my neck i was thinking "aiyah ok oready lah..."
and so it was done. but i didn't bring enuff money!! short of $9. she and husband said nvm, next time pass by then give her the rest lor.
very heartland feeling... kids at the shop, hokkien speaking owners, dun mind u paying next time. anyway i'll be going there often coz it's the nearest one i know... the next one is prob few hundred metres away...
Friday, December 09, 2005
New Desktop PC
Currently Playing: The Space Between by Zero7
Got my new computer up and running yesterday! thanx to Alwyn!
Advertisement: Wanna get a new computer fixed up in place of an old one? just look for Alwyn! In return for old dusty RAMs and Graphics Cards, he'll do a customised quotation of components, go with u to sim lim and buy, go to ur place and fix up + install all the necessary software, even wash ur plates after dinner and give free t-shirt from chiang mai some more!! where else can get this kind of service? call Alwyn todae!!
Back to blog.
Now every component is shiny black. from new superbright LCD monitor, shiny new CPU, squeaky clean keyboard, young mouse, modem, speakers, everything. before this it was all sticky and dusty black. hahahah
u notice something weird. "squeaky clean keyboard". yup... u guessed rite. i cleaned my old keyboard and plugged it into the new CPU. not just clean, SQUEAKY clean! i took old all the keys one by one, wiped them, wiped away all the dust and petrified food particles underneath. i know, coz i remember dropping them there... especially the chocolate and cookie crumbs. hahahahha
but hey i'm not the only culprit lor. last time when i was staying with those chao ang mohs in hall, they got use my computer w/o permission lor. come back over the wkend and the keyboard feels sticky. and i know they do eat and drop half their food all over the room. well i'm assuming the stickiness comes from food. i will not entertain any other thots on that.
so how did i make sure i put every key back in place? when i take them out one by one, i place them on the table in order like a "virtual keyboard" lah! u think i memorise every position ah? ahahah even took a photo of the "keyboard" with me virtually typing! hahahah but i can't upload it coz i just lent my buddy my camera....
so for now, my whole table setup is clean! from cables behind the monitor untouched for mths, to the once-dusty keys. FOR NOW lah... hahahah but one thing is for sure... no more petrified food!
note to self: no eating in the room!
Got my new computer up and running yesterday! thanx to Alwyn!
Advertisement: Wanna get a new computer fixed up in place of an old one? just look for Alwyn! In return for old dusty RAMs and Graphics Cards, he'll do a customised quotation of components, go with u to sim lim and buy, go to ur place and fix up + install all the necessary software, even wash ur plates after dinner and give free t-shirt from chiang mai some more!! where else can get this kind of service? call Alwyn todae!!
Back to blog.
Now every component is shiny black. from new superbright LCD monitor, shiny new CPU, squeaky clean keyboard, young mouse, modem, speakers, everything. before this it was all sticky and dusty black. hahahah
u notice something weird. "squeaky clean keyboard". yup... u guessed rite. i cleaned my old keyboard and plugged it into the new CPU. not just clean, SQUEAKY clean! i took old all the keys one by one, wiped them, wiped away all the dust and petrified food particles underneath. i know, coz i remember dropping them there... especially the chocolate and cookie crumbs. hahahahha
but hey i'm not the only culprit lor. last time when i was staying with those chao ang mohs in hall, they got use my computer w/o permission lor. come back over the wkend and the keyboard feels sticky. and i know they do eat and drop half their food all over the room. well i'm assuming the stickiness comes from food. i will not entertain any other thots on that.
so how did i make sure i put every key back in place? when i take them out one by one, i place them on the table in order like a "virtual keyboard" lah! u think i memorise every position ah? ahahah even took a photo of the "keyboard" with me virtually typing! hahahah but i can't upload it coz i just lent my buddy my camera....
so for now, my whole table setup is clean! from cables behind the monitor untouched for mths, to the once-dusty keys. FOR NOW lah... hahahah but one thing is for sure... no more petrified food!
note to self: no eating in the room!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
The Last of FYP?
just spent $49.20 to print and bind my FYP report.
as I carried the papers as gently as i could to the binding shop... had a funny mix of emotions.
Felt proud coz I did it all by myself, all 72 pages of it.
Felt guilty coz it was only 72 pages - i could have done more and a better job.
Felt nonchalant coz it was part of something I didn't really want to do anyway.
Felt relieved coz it was finally over.
Oh well. It's over. Now to move on the better things, things that i wanna do. Confirm will hv more motivation...
that's why i'm taking it really easy now... waking up earliest late morning, meeting frens for lunch and dinner and watching tv and bumming around. coz when I do start on a job i like, i don't think i'll get much time to do all these liao. but i don't think i'll mind. ;-)
note to self: start sending out resumes next wk!
as I carried the papers as gently as i could to the binding shop... had a funny mix of emotions.
Felt proud coz I did it all by myself, all 72 pages of it.
Felt guilty coz it was only 72 pages - i could have done more and a better job.
Felt nonchalant coz it was part of something I didn't really want to do anyway.
Felt relieved coz it was finally over.
Oh well. It's over. Now to move on the better things, things that i wanna do. Confirm will hv more motivation...
that's why i'm taking it really easy now... waking up earliest late morning, meeting frens for lunch and dinner and watching tv and bumming around. coz when I do start on a job i like, i don't think i'll get much time to do all these liao. but i don't think i'll mind. ;-)
note to self: start sending out resumes next wk!
My First Medal In 10 Years
That's the problem with not having a PC handy. By the time you can blog abt some event, it's no longer as fresh in ur mind. Oh well... let's try anyway.
Another small milestone on 4th Dec 2005, Sunday. at 25yrs and 1 mth exactly, I took part in the StanChart 10km run. Well, i didn't really run all the way... walked for 5-10mins betw the 5km to 8km marks. The non-stop running for the last 2km was my desire to complete the run; the non-stop running for the first 5km was my desire to empty my bladder.
Yup, frens can attest that I ran exceptionally fast for the first 5km. After alighting from the cab at raffles city, i blur-blur followed my frens (i'm not a morning person)... and before i realised it, we were actually on the road behind the start line! I thot we were just going to hang ard 1st and i could go look for a toilet. Then the crowd surged around me and there was no turning back. or turning around with my back to everyone to pee on the grass, coz there were ppl everywhere.
Everyone started stretching. The deejays interrupted the blaring retro music more and more with their meaningless banter. And I knew if I wanted to go, I had to go along with the crowd, until i meet a frenly cubicle along the way. I guessed the first one I'd meet would be 2km away.
Those were the longest 2km I had ever run... and still no cubicle. I kept trying to surge forward and run faster, coz I'd probably explode if i gave in and walked. All the way from esplanade to the ctr of marina bay, my motivation for running the race was a portable toilet.
It wasn't gleaming, but i didn't care. I didn't care abt the wet toilet paper all over the seat, or the dubious splatter in the bowl. But within those little plastic walls, the heat i was giving out and the heat already inside was just terrible. I was glad to be out of there.
unfortunately... now got less motivation! so my focus turned to getting water bottles at every drinks station, drinking 2 mouthfuls, then blatantly littering and wasting water. every singaporean must hv had fun doing that.
There was another form of motivation as well... I didn't know SG got so many girls for look nice from the back in tied up hair and tank tops... hahahah but i didn't bio them from the front... was getting rather tired and didn't want to be seen as rude.
the last 2km were pretty good... running past those big tall rich CBD buildings... past bhangras and other foreign workers trying to cross the road with so much oncoming human traffic... past ushers who incessantly screamed at us to keep left, keep right, etc.
Crossed the finish line at 1hr 7mins 27secs. Spent abt 20mins in a daze trying to get everything back in normal function. had a can of 100plus and collected my finisher's medal from a chiobu. ok, everyone got the medal... but look at it this way:
21000 ppl participated in the whole event.
5242 finished my event, 10km run.
I finished 1604th place.
so there were about (21000 - 5242 + 1603) = 17361 ppl in front of me
so I am 17362th in whole of singapore, population abt 3million.
so that puts me in the top 0.6% of the population!! HAHAHAHHA!
I deserve that medal. and that huge breakfast at cafe cartel I had after the run.
Thinking since i had so much fun these last 2 wkends, running outdoors... maybe i could make it a regular thing. oh well... we shall see this wkend if i really wanna do it.
note to self: Join 10 km run again next year, WITHOUT stopping. so will run extra fast all the way!
Another small milestone on 4th Dec 2005, Sunday. at 25yrs and 1 mth exactly, I took part in the StanChart 10km run. Well, i didn't really run all the way... walked for 5-10mins betw the 5km to 8km marks. The non-stop running for the last 2km was my desire to complete the run; the non-stop running for the first 5km was my desire to empty my bladder.
Yup, frens can attest that I ran exceptionally fast for the first 5km. After alighting from the cab at raffles city, i blur-blur followed my frens (i'm not a morning person)... and before i realised it, we were actually on the road behind the start line! I thot we were just going to hang ard 1st and i could go look for a toilet. Then the crowd surged around me and there was no turning back. or turning around with my back to everyone to pee on the grass, coz there were ppl everywhere.
Everyone started stretching. The deejays interrupted the blaring retro music more and more with their meaningless banter. And I knew if I wanted to go, I had to go along with the crowd, until i meet a frenly cubicle along the way. I guessed the first one I'd meet would be 2km away.
Those were the longest 2km I had ever run... and still no cubicle. I kept trying to surge forward and run faster, coz I'd probably explode if i gave in and walked. All the way from esplanade to the ctr of marina bay, my motivation for running the race was a portable toilet.
It wasn't gleaming, but i didn't care. I didn't care abt the wet toilet paper all over the seat, or the dubious splatter in the bowl. But within those little plastic walls, the heat i was giving out and the heat already inside was just terrible. I was glad to be out of there.
unfortunately... now got less motivation! so my focus turned to getting water bottles at every drinks station, drinking 2 mouthfuls, then blatantly littering and wasting water. every singaporean must hv had fun doing that.
There was another form of motivation as well... I didn't know SG got so many girls for look nice from the back in tied up hair and tank tops... hahahah but i didn't bio them from the front... was getting rather tired and didn't want to be seen as rude.
the last 2km were pretty good... running past those big tall rich CBD buildings... past bhangras and other foreign workers trying to cross the road with so much oncoming human traffic... past ushers who incessantly screamed at us to keep left, keep right, etc.
Crossed the finish line at 1hr 7mins 27secs. Spent abt 20mins in a daze trying to get everything back in normal function. had a can of 100plus and collected my finisher's medal from a chiobu. ok, everyone got the medal... but look at it this way:
21000 ppl participated in the whole event.
5242 finished my event, 10km run.
I finished 1604th place.
so there were about (21000 - 5242 + 1603) = 17361 ppl in front of me
so I am 17362th in whole of singapore, population abt 3million.
so that puts me in the top 0.6% of the population!! HAHAHAHHA!
I deserve that medal. and that huge breakfast at cafe cartel I had after the run.
Thinking since i had so much fun these last 2 wkends, running outdoors... maybe i could make it a regular thing. oh well... we shall see this wkend if i really wanna do it.
note to self: Join 10 km run again next year, WITHOUT stopping. so will run extra fast all the way!
