Packed

Don't really hv much time nor the energy, hence this short post after a week.

Day times during weekdays taken up by work. Using Excel and a simple formula, may have found a way to either
a) lighten everyone's workload and need to calculate, or
b) effectively let the manager cut half his manpower needed.
The results are so astounding, for once even i can't believe how smart i am. but of coz, it may not be applicable.

After work I'm packing up my time, either going out with girls or jogging. if not then resting at home with family or going diving. ok, only went diving once. more abt it on roamings when i have the time and energy.

Planning to pack in more stuff by september... wasted too much time and energy in boon lay liao. now gotta do the things i shd finally do.

Also need to start thinking abt how to manage finances and abt my career path. hopefully wkend wun be too tiring.

finally, my life is heading in the direction i want it to. packed, tiring, eventful, satisfying.

a bit more "finances" to "manage" wld be good too.

Ah Girl: ?? Feb 2004 - 14 Aug 2006

Aged: 2 1/2 yrs

Thank you so much, for being my 1st pet, along with ah pui, and for being part of my life.

Thank you so much, for showing me the miracle of birth.

Thank you so much, for holding on as long as you could.

I hope that your life had been that much better being a part of mine.

I am sorry that your part had grown smaller over the years,

but I hope you know I always loved you.

So in return, I immortalise you here. As you will always be part of my life.

To the first girl who ever licked me on the nose.

Thank you, and goodbye.

Environmental Manipulation Implement vs Spade

I'm always wary of big long wordy titles, and titles where it just doesn't seem right. Coz if u can't call a spade a spade, then i believe u have something to hide.

an example.
Until a few yrs ago, we were calling insurance agents, guess what? insurance agents. now u see all sorts of weird titles in the classifieds - financial planner, wealth management, life planner, personal financial consultant, etc etc etc. come on... u don''t PLAN my finances, u don't PLAN how much i earn and spend. and i certainly don't have any wealth for u to manage. i don't want anyone else to plan my life, and i absolutely need no advice from a salesman how to spend my money.

that's wat they are anyway isn't it? just insurance salesmen. i guess we're used to calling them "agents" already, which in the legal sense isn't incorrect. after all, the insurance company is the principal, and the salesman definitely isn't going to pay out any of his commision money to you. planner? consultant? come on... at most u are an AGENT. it's the insurance company's big shots who PLAN wat investment-linked policies to con ppl with, and they CONSULT their bosses.

a nice sounding name might fool some ppl initially, but if u need to fool ppl, then what u are offering must be something undesirable in the 1st place. comprehend?

===================================================================

on another, grim note.

fear can drive one to do the unimaginable.
and i have done it.

a much younger me would have laughed evilly at the present me. a much younger me without fear.

i'm afraid.

As usual

it happens again. always always always.

am i really that detestful to begin with? one step forward and u run away?

i'm still back where i started. or rather, i nv left.

wat will it take?

why?

why me?

why never me?

why

Have You Ever...

...gazed at the fren sitting beside you, longed to put your arm around her and hold her close, to let her head rest on your shoulder? but you know you can't, coz the moment that happens, you know she wld absolutely totally freak out and nv hang out with u again?

And you have absolutely totally no clue how to get her to love u?

Yet another song, now forever associated with you.

"But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger?"

For All Working Readers:

"Are you aware that all jobs require you to do things you'd rather not do? That's why they have to pay you."

-Dilbert

Raffles Place Rat

Ok ok... not quite at raffles place... then wat do i call myself? Tanjong Pagar Tiger? hahaaha ridiculous.

so. i'm finally here, at my decided-during-uni short term goal. to be a raffles place rat. to wear a tie, long sleeved collared shirts and swanky leather shoes to work everyday. to wake up when there's already light. to rush to work flustered in the mornings, squeezing with hundreds of commuters on the mrt. to search for a place for lunch amongst huge lunchtime crowds. to work in an aircon, carpeted office, with my very own dedicated extension phone line. working 9am to 7pm, fueled by limitless amounts of coffee. where i always wanted to be.

(of coz, this is as opposed to waking up at 5+am to reach jurong before 8am, wearing polo-tee, jeans and sneakers to work, staring at machines and diagrams all day. but i'd very much rather wake up at 1pm everyday and spend the whole day at home in singlet and shorts and watch gundam seed destiny.)

or is it? everything is new and fun now, but i can't stand the thought of doing this all my life. there must be something more. own business? adventure guide? professional backpacker? i have a follow up 6yr short term goal liao... but that's it. i guess i'll figure it out as i go along.

anyway, right now there's good and bad.

BAD:
- senior colleague who thinks he's damn smart. well, maybe he isn't a bad person... but i think his bark is 10 times louder than his bite. but being new, i may be wrong...
- falling asleep during classroom sessions (wat's new?)
- reaching office sweaty everyday
- limitless amounts of coffee

GOOD:
- my current seat has a view of the sea!
- my current job situation as a whole
- very nice (current) manager
- lunch buddies with all the newbies
- cute girl among the newbies
- rotated for 6 mths (at least i won't get bored so soon)
- (hopefully) being selected for bigger things
-limitless amounts of coffee

frankly, everything is still fluid, coz i'm part of a new hazy programme to rotate noobs throughout my department functions for us to get a better view of things, i dunno wat i'll be doing eventually. i dun think anyone knows. maybe the director's making it up as he goes along, coz my (current) manager's as clueless as me. bad thing is liddat ppl dunno how to deploy me also, and i end up doing sai kang. but at least i learn a lot and hopefully hv chance for bigger things.

yup... i like wat i see so far... but i hvn't seen much yet. the enthu fresh grad vs the perpetual cynic.

Convocation

Didn't want to go really. but went for parents. And they, especially dad, were much happier than i was. i was just plain bored by the hassle, irritated by the crowd, and pressed for time most of the day.

started off well enuff, albeit the initial confusion. dun blame me, i nv grad before. dunno where to go, dunno where to send parents. i found my own seat easily enuff, and much too soon i think. was so bored i started thumbing the PR material they gave me, among the empty seats.

then the guy on my left starts talking. surprised and welcoming the change, we chatted about part time studying (him), first jobs (me), third jobs (him), overseas jobs (him), prize-winning classmates (him), pregnant classmates (him), the indian graduates wearing short sleeves (me).

meanwhile the pomp and ceremony begins. the catchy academically-inclined tune starts up and is still playing in my head right now. the old men and women in their gaudy gowns start flowing down the stairs in their black, red, blue, orange. i even saw a purple and a green/red, like a x'mas tree. fitting that an ang moh was wearing it... hahah

everytime someone came up to speak, he wld bow to the old guy in the centre on the biggest chair and he wld bow back. great job he has. best view in the audi and he only has to say 2 lines: declare ceremony open, and declare ceremony closed. he did stand and give out empty folders, but someone else took over by the time i was up there.

i nearly fell asleep twice. zow's thick warm comfy dress made the seat very cushy. the old man droning on and on brought back LT memories. of me being lulled to sleep. didn't really help that i only knew 1 or 2 other ppl collecting their empty folders today.

i had to get up and walk around. so i went to the toilet, disrupting the monotony of the ushers as they tried to direct me to where the others, after coming down from stage, were heading to their seats. hope i didn't attract too much attention in the violent scuffle to pee. hahah! just kidding. they made way for me once i whispered my destination.

nice ppl, really. i'm sure they have regular day jobs and kena arrowed to wear magenta monk robes for the whole week. kinky. i was thinking they shd wear a matching hood as well, which covers their faces in darkness, and not speak at all, but only point to the direction we must head to. and as an interlude they could hv went on stage and performed the gregorian chant version of "Graduation"
(originally that (too) sweet sweet sweet song overplayed at every kindy / pri / sec / jc / poly / ite / uni / line dancing course / etc graduation)

finally it was my turn - i was seated at the 2nd last row. everyone either ignored the video camera projected on the big screen behind, or the earnest *koffnerdykoff* ones wld stand stiffly and display the folder to the world, even if they held it upside down by mistake while the lensmen recorded that ghastly scene for posterity. so i decided to give a nice big smile when i passed it.

ceremony done, we took photos in my gown (only me in the gown) with the help of a long time fren; surprised to see him coz he was very early for the next session. went to reception but all there was left was stale beehoon, so intro mum and dad to cant a jap food... nice and cheap! and cant a kopi... shiok. if i wld miss anything from ntu, it wld be cant a kopi.

and that was it. the rest of the day was spent going to new company to sign contract, medical check up, pushing insurance claim, chatting at the dentist's, running errands. then at home dad hits upon the idea to go to grandma's and take photos with the gown. onz.

grandma was very glad, very proud, and couldn't stop laughing with joy at me in the gown, and the photos we took. she was so happy getting her to sit still for a un-blur picture took coaxing from dad twice. aiming to make her happy again by year's end, and dad too. mum already knows how.

special mention: thanx zow, for lending me the gown. my parents and grandma loved it. i owe u a meal.

Siti! Awak Kenapa Mengahwini Orang Tua!?!?*

My favourite Malay pop star, Siti Nurhaliza, is getting married to a guy who has more of everything than her.

She's probably really rich, as a singer, but this guy, Datuk** K, confirm more money. Coz he's a datuk. He also got 1 moustache more than Siti. oh yah, he also got 4 kids, a previous marriage, and TWENTY YEARS more than her.

Well ok, i admit, i've not exactly listened to her songs before, but i can never, never turn the page without looking at her photo at least twice. Thanx to a local lunchtime tabloid, which features malay celebrities on english print. (THANK YOU, TNP)

for those of u who still dun get it, here's her picture.



SANGAT MANIS***!!!! everytime i look at her, i just feel like pinching those cute cute chubby cheeks of hers and play masak-masak**** with her.

For those of u who dunno her, she's the sweet innocent pop princess of Malaysia. Always sweet and smiling, always singing innocent songs abt innocent love, always modestly covered (see above photo). Never any songs abt sex, angst, and all that crap the US churns out. Always, only female fans can go up to stage and get close to her during her shows. 100% no khalwat, no scandal. until now.

But she's not the extremist muslim type either. no burkas. else how to see her cute cute chubby cheeks? can only see her eyes. anyway she looks GREAT in sarong kebayas.

WHY? Siti, WHY?

what madness drove her to marry someone old enuff to be her father??? i wun mind if she marries some young dude abt her age; i'd even be happy for her. but an old man? a divorced old man? a divorced old man with 4 kids abt her age?!?!?

guys, how would u feel if ur wife and ur kids were abt the same age? how abt ur wife and ur daughter sharing the same clothes? ok. maybe for some aunties who refuse to admit their age, that's normal. how abt ur wife getting along much better with ur kids? ok. maybe that is normal for most families. argh. you know wat i mean.

ok. another angle. girls, wld u marry an old man whose daughters are ur age? wat? then u can share clothes without feeling weird?

sigh. ok ok. wat IF, ur dad married someone ur age, say... a classmate. wldn't that be GROSS?!??!?

so u see, this rich old man not only does not care abt Siti's pristine reputation, he doesn't care abt his kids' psychological well-being.

I can see the tabloid headlines now. from Malaysia, the Star: SITI MARRIES RICH OLD MAN. from UK, the Sun: SITI MARRIES RICH OLD MAN. from China, the Moon: SITI MARRIES RICH OLD MAN.

ok, i made the last one up. but it looks like got world-wide coverage rite?

SITI, WHY?

sigh.


i know wat "english name" i shd get liao. nowsaday got so many weird names, dun sound like english at all. like... like... it's late, i can't remember any. anyway i shall join in the fray: my first name will be DATUK.

now to look for a future pop princess 20yrs younger than me. hmmm... that PSC an pei na bei always got kids talentime on tv hor? ok, will try there 1st. hopefully they have a lot of 6 yr olds to choose from. dun worry, i wun do anything now... i can wait 20yrs, when she gives her 1st solo concert, then i pounce. just like that datuk.

now, where do i find 4 kids?


* Why You Marry Old Man!?!?
** an honorary title given to distinguished citizens by the M'sian gahmen. either that, or u're rich enuff to buy it from them. with it might come ur own M'sian road as well. see http://www.kennysia.com/archives/2006/03/datuk_applicati.php
*** VERY SWEET!!!!
**** literally means "play-play", refers to the play cooking with little plastic utensils that i... i mean WE enjoyed with our girl cousins when young. or last month.
***** aiyah go get ur own english-malay dictionary can?

Endings

don't you just hate it when things end? and just when you feel attachment?

you feel a sense of emptiness... a sense of loss. you feel sorry that it ended.

nights aren't the same anymore. all you can do is sit in front of the computer and stone. and think abt the good times you had. and that even a second time round won't be the same.

it wldn't be full of delightful surprises, full of unexpected twists and turns.

sigh.




cyclist, thanx for ur Samurai 7 series. now i need a new set of anime.

Should or Want?

Finally, finally, finally; at the end, with a dozen roads to choose from, and he wants, no, insists, that I go straight ahead.

That i should do something i am trained for.

That i should not dabble in other chapalang, half past six, anyone can do jobs.

That i should not end up like my good-for-nothing MLM relations. (this one i agree)

So how? Am i going to do wat i SHOULD do? or WANT to do? although i still do not know wat i WANT, I know wat i DON'T WANT, which incidentally happens to be wat i SHOULD do.

so how so how so how?

There are 5 options.

a) Do what I SHOULD do, suffer for another 13 years to make up an even 20, shrivel up, and die.

b) Do what I SHOULD do, suffer for another 3 years, leave with wat's left of my sanity to find another job, get rejected countless times coz of totally irrelevant experience, shrivel up, and die.

c) Do what I WANT to do, and suffer for it every evening when I get home.

d) Do what I WANT to do, and run away from home, sleep in a rarely-used closet/janitor room and live on colleagues' biscuits until I rise to manager and get an office - then i can sleep in there.

e) Do what I WANT to do, and let on that I'm doing what I SHOULD do, until I get found out.

Any suggestions?

===================================================================
Added, 24 hrs later:

you guys can't think of a solution eh? no worries. I know what to do liao.

As usual, the answer came from me. Not becoz i'm insightful, but becoz i'm too stubborn to listen to anyone else.

must be humble. at first. later then exhalt also can, as long as i get there.

What?

What keeps you awake at night?

a) The question of whether to compromise?

b) Or whether you can make that choice?

Chicken & Egg.

If you choose not to compromise, you don't need worry if you can make a choice anyway.

If you don't have that choice, whether to compromise or not is irrelevant.

mrbrown, I Support You!

Hence I am reproducing his "questionable" piece of work here. If you hvn't read it yet, enjoy.

S'poreans are fed, up with progress! by Mr Brown.

THINGS are certainly looking up for Singapore again. Up, up, and
away.

Household incomes are up, I read. Sure, the bottom third of our country is
actually seeing their incomes (or as one newspaper called it, "wages") shrink,
but the rest of us purportedly are making more money.

Okay, if you say so.

As sure as Superman Returns, our cost of living is also on the up. Except
we are not able to leap over high costs in a single bound.

Cost of watching World Cup is up. Price of electricity is up. Comfort's
taxi fares are going up. Oh, sorry, it was called "being revised". Even the
prata man at my coffeeshop just raised the price of his prata by 10 cents. He
was also revising his prata prices.

So Singaporeans need to try to "up" their incomes, I am sure, in the light
of our rising costs. Have you upped yours?

We are very thankful for the timing of all this good news, of course. Just
after the elections, for instance. By that I mean that getting the important
event out of the way means we can now concentrate on trying to pay our bills.

It would have been too taxing on the brain if those price increases were
announced during the election period, thereby affecting our ability to choose
wisely.

The other reason I am glad with the timing of the cost of living increases
and wages going down, is that we can now deploy our Progress Package to pay for
some of these bills.

Wait, what? You spent it all on that fancy pair of shoes on the day you saw
your money in your account? Too bad for you then.

As I break into my Progress Package reserves to see if it is enough to pay
the bills, I feel an overwhelming sense of progress. I feel like I am really
staying together with my fellow Singaporeans and moving forward.

There is even talk of future roads like underground expressways being
outsourced to private sector companies to build, so that they, in turn, levy a
toll on those of us who use these roads.

I understand the cost of building these roads is high, and the Government
is relooking the financing of these big road projects.

Silly me, I thought my road tax and COE was enough to pay for public
roads.

Maybe we can start financing all kinds of expensive projects this way in
future. We could build upgraded lifts for older HDB blocks, and charge tolls on
a per use basis.

You walk into your new lift on the first floor, and the scanner reads the
contactless cashcard chip embedded in your forehead. This chip would be part of
the recently-announced Intelligent Nation 2015 plan, you know, that initiative
to make us a smart nation?

So you, the smart contactless-cashcard-chip-enhanced Singaporean would go
into your lift, and when you get off at your floor, the lift would deduct the
toll from your chip, and you would hear a beep.

The higher you live, the more expensive the lift toll.

Now you know why I started climbing stairs for exercise, as I mentioned in
my last column. I plan to prepare for that day when I have to pay to use my
lift. God help you if some kid presses all the lift buttons in the lift, as kids
are wont to do. You will be beeping all the way to your
flat.

The same chip could be used to pay for supermarket items. You just carry
your bags of rice and groceries past the cashierless cashier counter, and the
total will be deducted from your contactless cashcard automatically.

You will not even know you just got poorer. And if your contactless
cashcard runs out of funds (making it a contactless CASHLESS cashcard), you just
cannot use paid services. The door of the lift won't close, the bus won't stop
for you, taxis will automatically display "On Call" when their chip scanners
detect you're broke.

Sure, paying bills that only seem to go up is painful, but by Jove, we are
going to make sure it is at least convenient.

No more opening your wallet and fiddling with dirty notes and coins. Just
stand there and hear your income beeped away. No fuss, no muss! I cannot wait to
be a Smart e-Singaporean.

I also found out recently that my first-born daughter's special school fees
were going up. This is because of this thing called "Means Testing", where they
test your means, then if you are not poor enough, you lose some or all of the
subsidy you've been getting for your special child's
therapy.

I think I am looking at about a $100 increase, which is a more than a 100
per cent increase, but who's counting, right? We can afford it, but we do know
many families who cannot, even those that are making more money than we are, on
paper.

But don't worry. Most of you don't have this problem. Your normal kids can
go to regular school for very low fees, and I am sure they will not introduce
means testing for your cases.

We need your gifted and talented kids to help our country do well
economically, so that our kids with special needs can get a little more therapy
to help them to walk and talk. And hey, maybe if the country does really well,
the special-needs kids will get a little more subsidy.

Like I said, progress.

High-definition televisions, a high-speed broadband wireless network,
underground expressways, and contactless cashcard system — all our signs of
progress.

I am happy for progress, of course but I would be just as happy to make
ends meet and to see my autistic first-born grow up able to talk and fend for
herself in this society when I am gone.

That is something my wife and I will pay all we can pay to see in our
lifetimes.

mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been
documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He enjoys
having yet another cashcard, in addition to his un-contactless one and the
ez-link one to add to his wallet.

taken from http://singabloodypore.blogspot.com/

Travelling Smurf

I think the best kind of travels are those that make you look forward to going home, but sad that you're leaving.

And when you come back to all that is familiar, you wonder to yourself if it was all a dream.

But it wasn't, because although it is all the same as before, things have changed. You've changed.

Maybe that's what travelling is all about.

My kind of travelling, anyway.

I know that somewhere along the way, once again, I shall leave home with a heavy heart, and return with an equally heavy one for the same reason.

Travelling Smurf & I.

I PASSED

I PASSED
I PASSED
I PASSED
I PASSED

thats all i can comprehend rite now. wanna blog on roamings but i can´t

i passed
i passed
i passed

finally i am free. damn... i shdn´t hv messed up that interview... else cutting short my trip wld be totally on my terms.

but it does not matter... i am now free. I shall be back to reality soon. but this time, its a new reality.

maybe thats wat i look for when travelling. I know the places i´m going, but exactly how it is like, I have totally no idea.

finally, time to unfurl my sails for real.

I FUCKING PASSED

I FUCKING PASSED!!! I´M A FREE MAN!!! WOOHOO!!!!

Europe: 26 May - 14 July

For updates, go to http://rockies-roamings.blogspot.com

Busy Planning Invasion

Taking advantage at a lull at work and the planning of a city finished to blog.

Things are looking up since my last, depressing entry. At least my parents hvn't kicked me out of the house, and I'm trying to hang out with them as much as I can. Later we going for lunch to celebrate brother's birthday. Yay.

Been too busy to sleep, much less blog. Although work is 4 out of every 6 days, the 3rd & 4th shifts, like now, is actually a night shift which lasts until the next day morning, so technically this is my 5th day at work out of 6 days. After every shift I'm so tired I just want to bathe and sleep, after watching 1-2 episodes of desperate housewives. 6 hrs a night is considered good. Needless to say, I'm not performing very well at work. hahah

Whatever waking time I have left goes to planning my itinerary, buying stuff I need, making errands. going to hospital and bank. And still trying to run at least once a week, which i just barely manage to fulfil.

Besides work, keeping fit, packing and planning (only planned 2 out of 5 cities assigned to me so far. I don't think I can finish before we leave.), there's campus interviews this coming tuesday and thursday. I need time to prepare and research the companies, etc. but also, I won't be around for any follow up interviews and may not be able to work for another 5 mths... so it's low priority. But still, after my disasterous last interview, I wanna redeem myself. May go still...

So, fuck everything else. It's time for another adventure. and maybe a few interviews.

Feeling

DespairGuiltDefianceDisappointmentDisdainPainFutilityAngerLoathingDisgustHatredMurderousRegretDoubtUndeserving

why

do i go

how can i go

how can i leave

when will it ever come

how long how far how come

it all

Loop

"The road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the road has gone,

And I must follow if I can..."

- Gandalf the Grey

Only I didn't forsee that the road I'm taking is actually a loop.

Now I'm right back where I started. Everything's still as I remember it, albeit a little older.

I know I went somewhere. But I don't know what good it did me.

The more things change, the more they remain the same.

"I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in
my heart. I feel... thin... sort of stretched, like... butter, scraped over
too much bread. I need a holiday... a very long holiday..."

-Bilbo Baggins