Europe: 26 May - 14 July

For updates, go to http://rockies-roamings.blogspot.com

Busy Planning Invasion

Taking advantage at a lull at work and the planning of a city finished to blog.

Things are looking up since my last, depressing entry. At least my parents hvn't kicked me out of the house, and I'm trying to hang out with them as much as I can. Later we going for lunch to celebrate brother's birthday. Yay.

Been too busy to sleep, much less blog. Although work is 4 out of every 6 days, the 3rd & 4th shifts, like now, is actually a night shift which lasts until the next day morning, so technically this is my 5th day at work out of 6 days. After every shift I'm so tired I just want to bathe and sleep, after watching 1-2 episodes of desperate housewives. 6 hrs a night is considered good. Needless to say, I'm not performing very well at work. hahah

Whatever waking time I have left goes to planning my itinerary, buying stuff I need, making errands. going to hospital and bank. And still trying to run at least once a week, which i just barely manage to fulfil.

Besides work, keeping fit, packing and planning (only planned 2 out of 5 cities assigned to me so far. I don't think I can finish before we leave.), there's campus interviews this coming tuesday and thursday. I need time to prepare and research the companies, etc. but also, I won't be around for any follow up interviews and may not be able to work for another 5 mths... so it's low priority. But still, after my disasterous last interview, I wanna redeem myself. May go still...

So, fuck everything else. It's time for another adventure. and maybe a few interviews.

Feeling

DespairGuiltDefianceDisappointmentDisdainPainFutilityAngerLoathingDisgustHatredMurderousRegretDoubtUndeserving

why

do i go

how can i go

how can i leave

when will it ever come

how long how far how come

it all

Loop

"The road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the road has gone,

And I must follow if I can..."

- Gandalf the Grey

Only I didn't forsee that the road I'm taking is actually a loop.

Now I'm right back where I started. Everything's still as I remember it, albeit a little older.

I know I went somewhere. But I don't know what good it did me.

The more things change, the more they remain the same.

"I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in
my heart. I feel... thin... sort of stretched, like... butter, scraped over
too much bread. I need a holiday... a very long holiday..."

-Bilbo Baggins

Holiday

The internet is truly wonderful; so much info. without it, i wldn't hv realised to what extent the media is controlled.

Is it me, or have the pappies become more arrogant, more tactless, and less mindful? and the hatchet is unsheathed, the knuckle duster is out once again, just waiting to meet in the cul-de-sac.

Maybe because now, there is more potential in a contender, and they're peeing in their pants. So in their panic, they fumble.

If they pull no punches, everyone will suffer from it. Pappies will hv an even worse image problem, contender will attract less candidates, and public only gets to choose lesser of 2 evils.

I do not expect the well-off, the content and the awe-struck to want to change the status-quo. it is up to the disgruntled, the oppressed and the idealists to wake up. and the not-so-apathetic will watch, while the truly-apathetic live their lives as usual.

You only see what you want to see.

"Can I get another amen? (amen)

There's a flag wrapped around a score of men.

A gag, a plastic bag on monument...

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies

This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

On holiday"

- Green Day, "Holiday" from the album American Idiot

PS. yup. I saw what i wanted to see. that's y my GE prediction so off. hahah

Elections 2006

I can't help it. I wanted to refrain but I just have to. Anyway, how many ppl are going to read this before polling?

Been surfing a bit. Many, many blogs speaking out against ruling party. BUT. this may be bcoz their supporters are heeding balaji's warnings, or although we are an advanced nation, the majority do not have much to do with the internet, much less blogs. so the wave of support for opposition might not be as big as it seems.

Same for rallies. Many, many people go turn up to watch. but how many are there for the show? how many are like me, a non-voter, just there to see for themselves? knowing singaporeans, most wld hv a good laugh and play on the safe side, vote ruling party as usual.

My stand? ruling party has done a VERY good job thus far, but the way they do some things is unpalatable. like:

- HUGE, HUGE GRCs sheltering homogenous bureaucrats. shd be limited to 4 member GRCs
- tagging upgrading to votes. flats shd be upgraded according to age, not wards.
- putting down opposing contenders arrogantly. must be gentleman mah, like low thia khiang
- controlling the media so obviously that it sickens me. at least be more discreet, can?

My hope? ruling party in power with 1/3-1/4 of good opposition members. i believe a similar number in the ruling party are kinda redundant anyway. backbenchers sleeping on the back benches. at least liddat, on their toes, no time to sleep.

my guess? 2 SMCs, 1 GRC in opposition. hopefully even 3 SMCs.

today will be an exciting day. I wish all candidates all the best, esp those brave souls on the WP and SDA slates.

I Tried.

didn't u see? can't u understand that different people have different capabilities? woe is me, my strengths are heavily unrecgonised, and all everyone can see are what i can't do.

I tried. i really did. the key difference is i had confidence this time round, until i saw what those academic bastards put there. i guess understanding is not enuff. need tips. need to regurgitate what is readily available.

i cannot just sit on my hands for 6 mths just to wait for one paper. i needed to add value to myself. i wanted to feel useful. i wanted to remain sane. i guess i hv to sit for 6mths after all.

how to live with myself rotting in my room all day for months? how to stay sane with just one fucking paper in mind?

i don't want to lose myself. i don't want to lose who i am. but this system doesn't hv a place for me.

those academic bastards. i want to stab them. and again. and again. and again. think they so fucking smart? i'm take a hammer and smash their brains out, to see what they're really made of.

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to finally have a real life. i want to be free. i want to be me.