The Signs of Ageing

Contrary to what old Hong Kong actresses yakking endlessly tell you in commercials, SK-II Miracle Water can't stop all the signs of ageing.

Nope, no amount of glorified rice water could have made the Old Folks' BBQ go on after 10pm.

My 1st BBQ which ended before Prime-time TV. A sign of things to come? I remember a time when BBQs ended long after midnight, when less hallmates would see me walking back to my room, bathed in oil/smoke/sauces/soft drinks and charcoal/food stains on my singlet. That's why i always wore a lousy old singlet to BBQs.

Come to think of it, the last BBQ where we played with edibles was in 2004. 4 years. (yes, i know i know, this is where i type 'time flies.')

Other Signs of Ageing observed:
- Instead of asking where to find lecturers, ppl were asking where to find Justices of Peace.
- No more $50 trips to Belumut with tents and messtins for this bunch! Lots of expensive plans to go to Taiwan, Japan, Australia, Russia and Africa.
- No need to pool taxis to go home or the nearest MRT station - everyone drove or was driven off.

Such was our shared history, and if we were all drawn to the gathering to re-live that little slice of history again, we did. Things change. Lives change. We all have more stories to be lived through, with some ODAC ones to be re-told again and again.

Nice to see everyone again. Really. =)

29th August 2008

remember this date. significantly random.

Should I go Central Vietnam?

at the brink of deciding on whether to spend my 1 week break from work in Vietnam. Hue & Hoi An to be exact.

Against:
- Cities. With historical buildings, but still cities. I do prefer more natural settings.
- Prices. Air fare quite expensive. Total calculated need to spend abt $830 for 7 days, compared to $710 for 8 days last year.
- Company. or the lack of. The prospect of being lonely in a foreign city is a little intimidating.

For:
- Adventure. Being alone pushes me out of my comfort zone, which is good. I am forced to open my mouth to complete strangers, and not just those who are trying to sell me stuff.
- Freedom. no need me to wait for anyone, no need anyone to wait for me.
- I deserve a vacation.

Care to give me some advice?

Just 1 More

I think I finally have a clear idea of how I want my just 1 more blessing to be like.

Coz I finally have a clear idea of who I want to be.

I would like someone who:
- I have to reserve every friday evening for
- goes with me to nature / outdoor spots on saturdays
- runs with me at ecp on sundays
- is my dive buddy from now on
- backpacks with me
- laughs at my bo liao jokes
- cracks some herself
- understands my love for coffee
- makes me want to pick up guitar again
- watches the stars with me on clear nights
- mesmerises me in some way
- loves only me

is that too much to ask?

============================================================

Just 1 more km to run
Just 1 more lap to swim
Just 1 more email to clear
Just 1 more task to complete
Just 1 more tier to reach
Just 1 more grade to obtain
Just 1 more piece to find
Just 1 more blessing to count

Post #301

Currently Playing: Pinch Me by Barenaked Ladies (Bathroom Sessions)


It's Post #301. And after 1.5 mths of not coming in, i've almost forgotten my password.

I hvn't come in coz
a) no time, no energy due to work
b) nothing really, really interesting to write about.

Tonite I finally have some inspiration to write - just returned home from ktv + dinner + card game + anti-climax failed surprise birthday with adsports2 ppl. we had lots of laughs during ktv, poor planning on my part caused us to miss the birthday girl, and she didnt pick up her phone after we went all the way to below her block. lots more laughs when playing cards. and squeezing in the car was part of the fun.

But it's not the events of the evening I want to talk about. It's about how far we've come. We got together, what - 6 years ago? and when we come together, 3 times a year? everything comes back - the jokes, the chemistry, the friendship, all the good stuff. I guess maybe it's best to keep expectations away, and enjoy what you have already.

How far we've come. or to be more precise, how far i've come. in terms of material-wise, from a poor student who had a poor sense of money, to earning a comfortable amount and very aware of that difference betw kopitiam and starbucks is a whopping $4.50. maybe compared to certain groups of frens, i'm not earning as much. but i've happened to meet others who are seriously stuck in a career rut and faring poorly. so i'll consider myself doing ok.

That said, how far I've come in terms of outlook as well. Maybe it due to the comings and goings at work, i realised i've become a bit more zen in my thinking. I'm no longer that reckless, that callous anymore. Now I simply do what I think should be done, treat everyone nicely and help as much as I can without compromising myself. Coz I now know what goes around comes around. If shit happens, no worries - just brush it away and it flows off, like water off a duck's back. Take care of yourself, and the people around you, and the universe will find an equilibrium.

So I think I've grown up a bit more. just a little. And I want to thank all of those who have been around - coz that's where influence comes from. Of course major credit would be due to my parents and my mentor, but everyone chipped in as well.

So, thank you. Now i'm in a better position than in uni (of course), and everything seems ok. healthy finances, good jobs, family healthy and quite content, generally in good health, quite a few close frens, quite a number of frens i can get along and play with, and still wide open spaces ahead of me. considering some of the ppl ard me, I can say that I am blessed. just 1 more blessing and I would be happy, content - someone to love.

just 1 more.

The Square Root of Three

by David Feinberg
(as featured in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay)


I’m fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
The love, for me, has been renewed

What a Difference 6 Months make

Currently Playing: Stop and Stare by OneRepublic

If someone told me 6 months ago that I'll be looking for another job now, I'd say it was impossible. Heng no one said that then. haha.

Let's see... what was it that all added up?

- Departure of mentor manager
- Cutting down of department activity scope (part 1)
- Cutting down of department established strength
- Cutting down of department activity scope (part 2)
- Departure of knowledgable, approachable, motivating director
- Arrival of fresh, demanding, stubborn and unmotivating senior director
- Significantly reduced chance of getting additional work-related training
- Reduced chance of getting promoted
- Realisation that this position would not be able to give me a greater challenge once all this nonsense is over

in chronological order, but each subsequent step became yet a bigger push factor than the previous one.

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere

Anyone But Me

I do so much and yet I don't get what I deserve.

I'm tired and don't want to fight on anymore but I cannot bring myself to stop. I cannot let myself down.

Building bridges, fighting fires.

For either outcome there is the natural reaction, so no need to think so much.

And got to remind myself the words of Morpheus.

"Everything that has a beginning, has an end."

Chow Ang Moh Scores an Own Goal

The Players:
Director: Quiet, humourous, experienced, approachable. Everyone loves and respects him.
GM: Sarcastic, takes credit, knows of to make use of ppl, or use their words against them. Everyone avoids him.
CAM: Chao Ang Moh. Pet of the GM, so rose from AM to AGM in 1.5 yrs. Regularly talks down to ppl, like to chee hong local girls. Everyone detests him.
Me: Last one left in my team since Jan. So have to handle day-to-day requests, long term projects, organise meetings, talk to suppliers, everything. 1 man doing 3 person's work.
K: Director requested GM to temporarily loan someone out of his 20+ strong team (including CAM's) to assist my team. K was the 1st person approached by GM, and he emailed everyone saying that K would stay until we get more ppl in my team.

The Background:
K has been loaned from CAM's team for over 2.5 months. with 5 ppl in the team left and a major project coming up, GM and CAM seek to get K back. What their narrow-mindedness fails to see is I'm involved in the project too, and if she moves back, they increase CAM's team by 20%, but reduce mine by 50%. We are now in the midst of changing all our email addresses to suit the new company structure, effective next Monday.

The Saga:
Morning - I see the new email address linked to my ID, but K does not. I email CAM (co-ordinator in this) asking if he is the right person to extend the email address to K, if not, pls let me know who it is.
CAM's reply: K does not need the new email as she is moving back to our team.
My reply: Was not aware of any such arrangement, and anyway it was agreed that she stay until new ppl arrive. pls give her accesss.

No reply, until late afternoon - CAM comes over and says that K is going back, and Director is aware.
Me: Really? I wasn't aware of anything like that. OK, I'll speak to Director then.
CAM: W-w-why do you want to speak with him?
Me: Because I don't agree.
CAM: OK, well it's up to you. But Director's not in his office right now, maybe we'll go talk to him later.
Me: OK. (I can see CAM's desk and into Director's office from my seat.)

5 mins later, Director returns. Catch CAM and 2 of his team members going into a meeting room. I stop the door from closing.

Me: Director is in now. Shall we go see him?
CAM: I'm busy with this thing that I have at the moment.
Me: OK i'll go see him 1st then.

I go into the office and relate to the Director what had exchanged, asking if K was really going back on Monday.
Director smiles and says that he is aware that they want her back, but he hasn't agreed yet. We chat a bit more about what K is doing and how long I need her for.
Me: I thought the premise was she stay until new ppl come in.
Director: Haha of course you'll want that. Well we'll see. (This can read as he's not going to do anything) ;)
Me: OK, thanks Director. (I don't really call him that. The episode is real but names have been changed)

I walk back to my desk, passing CAM in the meeting room along the way. Thru the glass he sees me and I use my thumb to point to the director's office, meaning to say I've spoken to Director already. Maybe he thinks I mean director wants to see him. I don't care. Later ground reports from his side say his face was really red when he returned to his seat.

If he didn't attempt to get K back and trick me into agreeing, he wldn't have shown the Director what a liar he is. In all fairness, probably the GM got him to do it, then he shd've attempted a smarter scheme. He was counting on me to obediently relent coz he's a manager and the Director was mentioned. But I went straight to the Director instead coz
a) everyone knows he's an asshole and I know I can't trust him.
b) Director is approachable and he'll see the big picture.

If I am wrong, I will admit my mistake and will apologise. But if I am right, I will stand firm, and you will back down.

So Many Thots, So Little Time

World:
1) Free Tibet - not necessarily independence, but at least autonomomy to keep their unique culture and language, and not being forced out by fricking chinamen from their own homelands

2) Maths Whiz turns Hooker: Clients are turned on by intellect - Yeah rite. unless ur clients are dirty China maths professors from NTU who steal students' underwear. At such high rates, maybe you could throw in marking a few tutorials for free as well?

Home:
1) MRT squeeze situation - getting slightly better. Now can take out handphone from pocket without jabbing someone with my elbow. But then again I've been going to work late almost everyday for the past week. Long term solution: Get a car. to hell with the environment, I'll make it up in terms of saving water and electricity and reducing waste.

2) ERP gantries - why not just install 2 outside every carpark? one collects $$$ for entry and parking, the other collects $$$ for usage. then you can control opposition wards by charging higher rates until they submit. stop punishing the stauch heartland supporters at toa payoh.

3) Escaped Terrorist - who? oh that guy. old news. everyone's forgotten about him liao, until he comes back and blows something up and kills ppl. (if he is still alive). Gahmen searches are now intelligence based and more focused. (read: relying on tip-offs) Every week still has super-interesting news like "I thot i saw mas alamak" or "how mas alamak can survive in the forest". how about something really newsworthy like "mas alamak found dead, bloated and maggot-ridden in dengue infested swamp"

4) Rich Sports Indon wants his money back from China Sports Woman - doesn't this story sound familiar? dude! how gullible could you get! she's a china woman, of coz she'll take ur money and run! and snap back saying how nice she was and how calculative you are. Let this be a lesson to you and all rich indons and hum sup singaporean men.

Work:
1) Colleagues - lots of nonsensical promos going on. Obnoxious tyrannical sarcastic GM getting on my nerves and oppressing my frens. Buddy at work leaving for greener pastures. Still no manager in sight. Director who everyone loves getting replaced by (anal?) chosen race from HQ. Too many aggressive-want-their-way ppl in the company. This place cannot stay long.

2) Work - after 5 non-5-day work weeks and 2 slacking and fire-fighting weeks, finally see what i should be doing. intensive work week coming up. and will have to cut out unnecessary fire-fighting.

Life:
1) After Work - not much. Last week:
Monday - treated malaysian colleague to insanely expensive and not-worth-it dinner.
Tuesday - stayed back late with supplier to understand contract together.
Wednesay - heng heng managed to get a fren for dinner.
Thursday - work late.
Friday - dinner with work-buddy.
4 / 5 work related evenings. but friday still can be considered as with a fren lah.

2) Hobbies - Been trying to exercise regularly. but weekday evenings always occupied.
Average camera activity is once a month or less. Haven't touched guitar in months.

Sleep is a necessary waste of time. The life I want needs more than 24hrs a day.

Status Quo

Am i supposed to feel good that things didnt change for the worse? For me anyway. But its not just about me. Its also about how the others are treated, what happens to them. Coz they are the ppl i interact directly with.

Now the only difference is knowing that some things aren't changing. at least for now. next time will be on my terms.

On Leave

I'm on leave last friday and this monday. Of course, that means 2 less days of work -projects/reports get delayed, emails go unanswered and reviews do not continue. So like any sad sack whose never ending job fits his compulsive nature, I save raw data in my thumbdrive to convert into reports while i'm on leave and over the weekend.

But 3 days later, it's still raw. i'm playing tomb raider, i'm playing men of valor, i'm following malaysian general elections, i'm reading the kite runner, i'm reading newspapers, i'm watching the news, i'm watching youtube, i'm playing facebook, i'm surfing blogs, i'm thinking what a beautiful day it is outside - if only i could drag my lazyass out and run.

something's missing.

Two Dogs

Dog B: "...two things have to happen. The mouse has to come into the room, THEN you run after it. No point running around with nothing to catch. If you don't run after it, you won't catch anything."

Dog A: "Right. From now on, I'll run down any mouse that comes into the room."

(pause)

Dog B: "Haven't you been doing that already?"

Human

by The Pretenders

I play a good game,
but not good as you
I can be a little cold,
but you can be so cruel
I'm not made of brick,
I'm not made of stone
But I had you fooled enough
to take me on
If love was a war, it's you who has won
While I was confessing it, you held your tongue
Now the damage is done...

Well there's blood in these veins
And I cry when in pain
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks can deceive
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside

=================
i like this song.

I Realise...

...that i'm biting my nails. more specifically, my left thumbnail. after i stopped myself, i noticed one side of the nail was already gone.