... although it might just be temporary. As usual, thanx to my closest group of frens.
So before the effects wear off... apologies if my previous post was kinda depressing, harsh, etc. like i said, it's my outlet. and i do feel slightly better.
Maybe more outbursts to come. Maybe not.
But these outbursts are temporary. It is my ability to change things that is permanent. That is, until I expire lah, which i hope will be a very long time more.
try to see the world beyond your front door
try to figure out what all this is for
Monday, January 23, 2006
Saturday, January 21, 2006
No One Here But Me
Day and night don't matter anymore.
I sleep when i'm tired.
I wake when i'm not.
I eat when i'm hungry.
I stop when i'm not.
I do things when they amuse me.
I do nothing when they don't.
except for my meagre attempts at getting things done, i laze thru out the day.
When i was afloat, i did nothing in particular
but let ppl cling on.
coz i felt i shd help, or at least, attempt to.
i probably didn't help much.
Coz now i see all around me are only sail boats and sinking rocks.
the sail boats sail back and forth on favourable winds
the rocks only make me sink further.
Don't try to help when u only bring harm
i know u mean well but u need to fix ur own backyard 1st.
so i am in no position to help anyone either
so dun come to me for any.
I can't be bothered with lunch anymore
I only go out for newspapers
and ice cream if it takes my fancy
and coffee is essential.
Now everything needs twice the effort than before
Or is it coz I hv half the strength?
I like my room more and more
It's even clean now.
occupied > 20hrs a day.
my refuge.
my escape is a farcry
i got bored of starcraft after 3 days.
this place is no escape.
it is an outlet.
which i hv nothing nice to offer.
so if u dun feel good, too bad.
i rather you stand aside and watch
than u push me down when i'm trying to get up
and don't come here for a float
they've all been taken liao
i was dumb enuff to give them away so freely
i've nothing left to offer
get lost.
sinking to new highs
there's no one here but me
I sleep when i'm tired.
I wake when i'm not.
I eat when i'm hungry.
I stop when i'm not.
I do things when they amuse me.
I do nothing when they don't.
except for my meagre attempts at getting things done, i laze thru out the day.
When i was afloat, i did nothing in particular
but let ppl cling on.
coz i felt i shd help, or at least, attempt to.
i probably didn't help much.
Coz now i see all around me are only sail boats and sinking rocks.
the sail boats sail back and forth on favourable winds
the rocks only make me sink further.
Don't try to help when u only bring harm
i know u mean well but u need to fix ur own backyard 1st.
so i am in no position to help anyone either
so dun come to me for any.
I can't be bothered with lunch anymore
I only go out for newspapers
and ice cream if it takes my fancy
and coffee is essential.
Now everything needs twice the effort than before
Or is it coz I hv half the strength?
I like my room more and more
It's even clean now.
occupied > 20hrs a day.
my refuge.
my escape is a farcry
i got bored of starcraft after 3 days.
this place is no escape.
it is an outlet.
which i hv nothing nice to offer.
so if u dun feel good, too bad.
i rather you stand aside and watch
than u push me down when i'm trying to get up
and don't come here for a float
they've all been taken liao
i was dumb enuff to give them away so freely
i've nothing left to offer
get lost.
sinking to new highs
there's no one here but me
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Pinch Me by Barenaked Ladies
(Rockie's Song Of The Year 2005)
It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough I guess
Considering everything's a mess
There's a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk but I'll just drive
It's colder than it looks outside
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
It's the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on
Take a drink right from the hose
And change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
Sleep away the afternoon
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me, pinch me,
cause I'm still asleep
Please God tell me
that I'm still asleep
On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
Pack the car and leave this town
You'll notice that I'm not around
I could hide out under there
I just made you say "underwear"
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to see the world beyond your front door
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough I guess
Considering everything's a mess
There's a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk but I'll just drive
It's colder than it looks outside
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
It's the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on
Take a drink right from the hose
And change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
Sleep away the afternoon
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me, pinch me,
cause I'm still asleep
Please God tell me
that I'm still asleep
On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
Pack the car and leave this town
You'll notice that I'm not around
I could hide out under there
I just made you say "underwear"
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway
Like a dream you try to remember but its gone
Then you
try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
When you
try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time
is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you
realise that a guy my size might take a while
Just to
try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to see the world beyond your front door
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
Friday, January 06, 2006
Good Peepur Got Good Things Happen? No Lor...
Been wanting to blog abt resolutions. But since one of mine is "To Be Less Procrastinating", I think the year's got to a pretty lousy start already.
Another one is "Help Those In Need". helped out a newly orphaned kitten, so i guess that takes care of that resolution. There, I'm done. can strike it off the list liao.
If you must know the details, 2 days ago, I came across it bawling and being bullied by bigger cats. So I took it to a (hopefully) safer place - the school outside my place and tried to let it loose (he kept following me). This evening it came back to my compound, bawling again, maybe for me. So I went down and gave him some milk and kept the neighbourhood bullies away so he could drink in peace. And spent $7.00 on a cab coz misa screamed into the phone "DON'T TELL ME YOU'LL BE LATE AH!!!" (so i didn't tell her lor)
so shd hv good karma rite? WRONG. coming back to my room after my bath, i heard plastic-bag rustling from my bedside, coming from my plastic tissue bag. something struggled inside there, a fleeting glance looked like a lizard to me... thot i'd just leave it alone. then still in the transparent bag, it came out from under a tissue. KNN!! it was a FARKING big ka chuak lor!!!
I hv a confession to make... I am terrified of ka chuaks. yah i know i know... a big boy like me... I can explain. when i was VERY VERY young i kena stung VERY VERY badly by this GIGANTIC flying insect... so registered in my unconscious, which turned into a irrational phobia for large flying insects. Freud would agree with my reason. And some more, ka chuaks DISGUST me... esp the underside... looks farking pukably nasty.
and Farking Hell... this farking one is as big as my hamster lor!!! so i grabbed my bro's large insecticide can and emptied quarter can into the plastic bag, and when it crawled out, at the table, under my bed, behind my bed, beside my bed, beside the table, under the bed again, behind my bed again, behind the table, under my bed under my bed under my bed.
after that i threw up my blanket and pillows to check... nothing. under the bed... nothing. except a box i left under there last week. and lots of dust settling down. of coz i dun dare to check the box lah.
you laugh wat? a lesser person wld hv screamed lor. or at least yelled out cuss words. whole family sleep liao, so i controlled myself so i wun disturb them. although liddat no one will come to my rescue...
now i can only hope that the farker's lifeless body is somewhere below... and he's not waiting til the lights go out and he can crawl around again.
how to sleep liddat? help.
===================================================================
Editor's Note:
After expressing his fears in this entry, Rockie felt he needed to conquer his fears (coz he sleepy liao.) so he got the broom and dustpan from the furthest corner of the kitchen and bravely shifted the Box Under The Bed (with the broom of coz). Poking around nervously, he saw a dark ovoid lump in the semi darkness. Gingerly, using the broom he carefully dragged the lump out: it was the still-struggling vermin. With shaking hands, he missed the dustpan and only got the vermin in on the second try. Holding the dustpan-with-vermin at arm's length, he quickly dumped it into the toilet bowl and slammed "full flush".
The ordeal over, Rockie returned to the room and swept the stray dust back under his bed, and used the broom to shift the box back into original position. He then returned his anti-vermin weapons and rewarded his own bravery with a comforting glass of cold milk.
He will throw away the plastic tissue bag one day, when he finally gets the courage to touch the damn thing.
Another one is "Help Those In Need". helped out a newly orphaned kitten, so i guess that takes care of that resolution. There, I'm done. can strike it off the list liao.
If you must know the details, 2 days ago, I came across it bawling and being bullied by bigger cats. So I took it to a (hopefully) safer place - the school outside my place and tried to let it loose (he kept following me). This evening it came back to my compound, bawling again, maybe for me. So I went down and gave him some milk and kept the neighbourhood bullies away so he could drink in peace. And spent $7.00 on a cab coz misa screamed into the phone "DON'T TELL ME YOU'LL BE LATE AH!!!" (so i didn't tell her lor)
so shd hv good karma rite? WRONG. coming back to my room after my bath, i heard plastic-bag rustling from my bedside, coming from my plastic tissue bag. something struggled inside there, a fleeting glance looked like a lizard to me... thot i'd just leave it alone. then still in the transparent bag, it came out from under a tissue. KNN!! it was a FARKING big ka chuak lor!!!
I hv a confession to make... I am terrified of ka chuaks. yah i know i know... a big boy like me... I can explain. when i was VERY VERY young i kena stung VERY VERY badly by this GIGANTIC flying insect... so registered in my unconscious, which turned into a irrational phobia for large flying insects. Freud would agree with my reason. And some more, ka chuaks DISGUST me... esp the underside... looks farking pukably nasty.
and Farking Hell... this farking one is as big as my hamster lor!!! so i grabbed my bro's large insecticide can and emptied quarter can into the plastic bag, and when it crawled out, at the table, under my bed, behind my bed, beside my bed, beside the table, under the bed again, behind my bed again, behind the table, under my bed under my bed under my bed.
after that i threw up my blanket and pillows to check... nothing. under the bed... nothing. except a box i left under there last week. and lots of dust settling down. of coz i dun dare to check the box lah.
you laugh wat? a lesser person wld hv screamed lor. or at least yelled out cuss words. whole family sleep liao, so i controlled myself so i wun disturb them. although liddat no one will come to my rescue...
now i can only hope that the farker's lifeless body is somewhere below... and he's not waiting til the lights go out and he can crawl around again.
how to sleep liddat? help.
===================================================================
Editor's Note:
After expressing his fears in this entry, Rockie felt he needed to conquer his fears (coz he sleepy liao.) so he got the broom and dustpan from the furthest corner of the kitchen and bravely shifted the Box Under The Bed (with the broom of coz). Poking around nervously, he saw a dark ovoid lump in the semi darkness. Gingerly, using the broom he carefully dragged the lump out: it was the still-struggling vermin. With shaking hands, he missed the dustpan and only got the vermin in on the second try. Holding the dustpan-with-vermin at arm's length, he quickly dumped it into the toilet bowl and slammed "full flush".
The ordeal over, Rockie returned to the room and swept the stray dust back under his bed, and used the broom to shift the box back into original position. He then returned his anti-vermin weapons and rewarded his own bravery with a comforting glass of cold milk.
He will throw away the plastic tissue bag one day, when he finally gets the courage to touch the damn thing.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Future Famous Quotes by Rockie
(remember, u saw it 1st on The New Rockie's Ramblings!)
If you know what must be done, do it!
There will always be some things you can't change. But there will also be those within your control. So work around what you can't change, work at what you can.
Filter what comes in. Absorb what is useful, reject what is just noise.
Of all the voices you hear, your own must be the loudest.
If you must sting, use a blunt barb.
Hope, but don't expect.
The only person who can change your dreams, is you.
If you know what must be done, do it!
There will always be some things you can't change. But there will also be those within your control. So work around what you can't change, work at what you can.
Filter what comes in. Absorb what is useful, reject what is just noise.
Of all the voices you hear, your own must be the loudest.
If you must sting, use a blunt barb.
Hope, but don't expect.
The only person who can change your dreams, is you.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
New Year's Eve
One of the few more "exciting" NYEs i've had so far. usually i spend it at home or some "quiet" (ie. no alcohol and loud music) gathering of frens. usually uneventful. but well, not to say that this one was particularly eventful anyway.
started out mildly enuff. met kitty, cyclist n meng for dinner. the place we aimed for was fully booked, so ate some famous chicken rice at purvis st instead. not bad, and the decor is malaysia-style (ie. unchanged since 1950s). after that, wandered ard to esplanade, settled down with coffee/tea/etc. and played citadel again! and i won again! hahha
girl came by and gave me a very nice new year's day present. thanx girl.
got chased out of the place at the start of the 2nd round... after waiter verified that we finished our drinks and foot the bill. damn. so they left for home and i joined girl and others at insomnia.
so it was kinda "exciting" coz it's not every day i, alone, get to club with 5 girls. besides girl, 2 of them i know but hardly meet except for chance encounters, and 2 of them only intro-ed there and then. but then again, me in a club is already a rarity to begin with.
started out nice enuff. 2 live bands taking turns, with a DJ playing music in betw. had a bottle of carlsberg, (is that y i'm getting itchy now? or it is coz of the gunk the ppl behind were spraying at everyone?) which is another rarity.
so here i am. a specky guy with not-too-funky hair in an orange t-shirt (my brightest leh) not moving much unless it's a 70s disco number (my dad's fault... i grew up listening to those!) or 80s retro number (my childhood mah!); and not making a move anyway unless initiated by one of the girls. i must hv gave quite a geeky impression. hahahah!
well... i guess i'm out of my element in these clubs... maybe coz i hardly go? and i do feel kinda shy ard new ppl. it was an opportunity to meet new ppl and get to know some ppl better, but somehow i just didn't feel much like socialising. and beer doesn't help.
maybe of all the things going on rite now, i dun feel as confident as last time also. heh. in jc i wld chat up girls at the sch bus stop! (well it nv got far though. haha!) hopefully as times change, things change as well.
then when it became 2006, it started going downhill. the band played exactly the same songs the previous band played. and the DJ started playing grease, hawaii-five-o and those mambo songs. if u closed ur eyes u wld hv thot it was zouk on wed. very boring.
so we left the place. and i took a long bus ride home.
ho hum. happie new year.
started out mildly enuff. met kitty, cyclist n meng for dinner. the place we aimed for was fully booked, so ate some famous chicken rice at purvis st instead. not bad, and the decor is malaysia-style (ie. unchanged since 1950s). after that, wandered ard to esplanade, settled down with coffee/tea/etc. and played citadel again! and i won again! hahha
girl came by and gave me a very nice new year's day present. thanx girl.
got chased out of the place at the start of the 2nd round... after waiter verified that we finished our drinks and foot the bill. damn. so they left for home and i joined girl and others at insomnia.
so it was kinda "exciting" coz it's not every day i, alone, get to club with 5 girls. besides girl, 2 of them i know but hardly meet except for chance encounters, and 2 of them only intro-ed there and then. but then again, me in a club is already a rarity to begin with.
started out nice enuff. 2 live bands taking turns, with a DJ playing music in betw. had a bottle of carlsberg, (is that y i'm getting itchy now? or it is coz of the gunk the ppl behind were spraying at everyone?) which is another rarity.
so here i am. a specky guy with not-too-funky hair in an orange t-shirt (my brightest leh) not moving much unless it's a 70s disco number (my dad's fault... i grew up listening to those!) or 80s retro number (my childhood mah!); and not making a move anyway unless initiated by one of the girls. i must hv gave quite a geeky impression. hahahah!
well... i guess i'm out of my element in these clubs... maybe coz i hardly go? and i do feel kinda shy ard new ppl. it was an opportunity to meet new ppl and get to know some ppl better, but somehow i just didn't feel much like socialising. and beer doesn't help.
maybe of all the things going on rite now, i dun feel as confident as last time also. heh. in jc i wld chat up girls at the sch bus stop! (well it nv got far though. haha!) hopefully as times change, things change as well.
then when it became 2006, it started going downhill. the band played exactly the same songs the previous band played. and the DJ started playing grease, hawaii-five-o and those mambo songs. if u closed ur eyes u wld hv thot it was zouk on wed. very boring.
so we left the place. and i took a long bus ride home.
ho hum. happie new year.
