A Sianzed Nite Cycling - My Thots

In reference to "A Sianzed Nite Cycling - Wat Happened"

On the surface, i felt... unwaited for. i always had to search for them, chase them and catch up to perform my protective role, only to lose them to the pavement. i know i shdn't hinder them, but it felt as though there was no need for me to be there. not much acknowledgement from them except the last man anyway, that my vehicle was there.

So i started thinking: shd i have even turned up with my car? they seemed to be having so much fun on bicycles, hardly giving a damn abt me, no serious accidents happened, and i didn't prevent any. and the one who didn't think a safety veh was necessary wasn't talking to me much. if not for CS chatting with me the whole nite and the bags deposited in the backseat, i wld hv just gone home.

so why did i turn up with my car? a lovely fren had told me i was paranoid a few occasions. maybe i am... like wat they say in chinese, "not scared ten thousand, just scared in case". i even brought my 1st aid kit with me... i'm that kind of guy: if i see something that needs to be done and i hv the ability, i'll do it. and if anything happened to these close frens of mine, i dunno how i'll react.

maybe coz we are close frens... so they didn't think was i did was anything out of the ordinary, or maybe i placed too much expectation on them. but simply put, all i wld've liked is some form of appreciation, just a "thanx for being behind" or even "having fun in the car?". was that too much? felt like my role was largely ignored.

or maybe i had gotten to used to YEP, where i was always thanked for just simply doing my job, which i felt there was no need (coz it's my job mah). here i took on the risk of my car getting rammed by a drunk speeding driver but petrol costs... when i cld hv just thot abt having fun and cycled for $8. maybe only from my pt of view its different. or maybe the same and i expected same gratitude.

probably it has to do with my expectations that there wld be appreciation from them for sitting in an air con car while they are pedalling like crazy. expectation is such a perception shifter... i will get disappointed with close frens who i hv expectations of, and will get pleasantly surprised when frens, who i do not dare to hv expectations of, overdeliver in their concern and appreciation of me.

as yet, i might hv too high expectations of long time close frens, or none at all. i'm sorry, i'm currently trying to revise them into just appreciating when i do something for u guys. so to help me along... when u feel appreciative of me, pls do let me know. i promise i'll take it as graciously as i can. if u know my expectations of u are too high or are getting higher, let me know too; i like frankness, and will adjust accordingly.

so, to end off, a note to...
CS: thank you for being a wonderful fren last nite. staying up the whole nite toking cock with me even though u felt sleepy and had to go ur bf's place the next morning... thank you so much.
the last man: thank you for showing appreciation and acknowledging my prescence as a safety veh... even though i wasn't there most of the time. and apologies in the repeated calls abt location; i kept calling u was coz i felt u appreciated.
the one who didn't show up: no worries... i know u're tired from work. sianzed but dun blame u at all.
the one who didn't think a safety vehicle was necessary: yup, i'm the idiot who brought all this trouble to myself... no useful contribution watsoever. fine... i know wat to do next time.
the rest: sorry if my lousy mood affected u guys or the general mood.
self: stop giving frens unreasonable expectations. and stop doing unnecessary things. no one appreciates nothing contributed but trouble.