Yet Another Charity Show!

Currently Playing: I Just Wanna Live by Good Charlotte

In spite of the NKF fiasco 2 weeks ago, for this sunday, there's still yet ANOTHER charity show involving celebrities singing, dancing and doing other death defying stunts. It's the President's Star Charity Show! *Canned applause and wolf-whistles*

Don't worry good folks, I'm betting that the organisations involved in this show won't be up to any (expensive) monkey business... thanx to the NKF shooting themselves in both feet. And also, the Patron (unfortunately, a dirty word nowadays) is none other than our esteemed President! Obviously, there won't be any pocketing of money coz the Istana ALREADY HAS gold taps and designer bowls. (It's meant to be a joke, Mr President Sir... please please PLEASE do not sue me; my family does not own a peanut farm. I support your running for a 2nd term wholeheartedly.)

We all also read on a local tabloid newspaper that actually the celebrities on these charity shows were TOLD to cry (of coz, they're actors) and make all those phone dialling actions and act pitiful and sympathetic while doing crazy stunts forced upon them... If my earlier posting had shone any bad light on them, i sincerely apologise - they were just unhappily and blindly following instructions.

To show my remorse, I have decided to join into the charity show fray (there were 6 last year)... Yes, next year TV audiences will have yet another forced down their throats and into their phonelines - The Rockie's Star Charity Show! It will be organised for what the name really means... yes, it's a Star Charity! No more fake crying and no more fake concern and no more fake sympathy... the money collected will go to helping the star celebrities themselves!

Dear Readers, I see your shock and concern. "Do we really want more golden toilet furnishings?" Hear me out, please. After a recent study done by an uninterested engineering student from a local university, it has been found that the majority of individuals who suffer from Unfortunate Name Syndrome (UNS) in the Asia Pacific Region are in/or are connected to the showbiz/music/entertainment* (pick one) industry! Samples range from the unpronouncable ("Fann" pronounced "fun", "Ix") to the obviously-spelt-wronngly-somewhere ("Nnadia", "Ezann") to the non-humanoid noun (Fish, Noodle, Apple)

To help these celebrity victims and sufferers of UNS, the Rockie's Star Charity Show(RSCS) will endeavour to raise S$4.2m to help 7 victims change their name. Why so much money, yet only 7 victims, you ask. Well it so happens that recently a stat board found out that it costs S$400,000 to change a name back to the same one! Therefore, the board at RSCS realised that to have an actual name change, more money would be needed - their patron casually commented that each name change would cost a peanut. So thus only 7 victims can be helped, with no peanuts going into patron and board member pockets.

Unfortunately the Asia Pacific Region has more than 7 victims of UNS, so riding on the popularity of voting reality shows on every local channel rite now, the RSCS board has decided to change the charity show format: the full name of the show would be "The Rockie's Star Charity Show: Unfortunate Name Idol"! (it was supposed to be called "Unfortunately Named Idol" but apparently local TV does not care for grammar)

So now instead of risking neck, life and limb doing stunts, those who will be benefitting from the Show would perform for the show! TV Audiences would vote via SMS who should get the funds to cure UNS. for transparency sake: each SMS would cost $1, with 20 cents going to telcos, 20 cents going to organising the show, 20 cents for marketing the show, 5 cents going to the unfortunate celebrity voted for and 15 cents going to paying auditors for making sure the rite amt of money goes to all these ppl.

The format of the show would be as follows:
The 2 possibly-retrenched hosts of the possibly-axed NKF show would intro each contestant, who would talk abt how hard it was growing up with UNS, how much he/she suffered and a short re-enactment clip would be played.

Sample Script: *Sepia tones, pitiful music, sympathetic voice-over* Fat boy sits down on old-style canteen table full of other kids carrying a bowl fishball noodles and an apple. loudly announces "You all look! I'm eating *insert name*!!" Camera shows many many kids standing in front, pointing to camera and laughing loudly. scene suddenly changes to kid giving pirated Ru Lai Shen Zhang to bigger kid, ends up being beaten, kicked and pee-ed on. a little girl offers lollipop, but kid runs off. hmmm seems familiar... *pitiful music fadeout*

TV then shows hosts and contestant drying their eyes with ever present tissue. host asks "so what will you be singing for us tonite?" reply: "i hate my childhood/name/parents/fat kids/lollipops* (pick one) which can be found in my latest CD, even though i can't sing well and should just stick to acting, which i already suck at."

Repeat umpteen times for each contestant each weekly show, kicking out one contestant every show until 7 are left. After the celebrities have all been cured of UNS, themed variations of the show can be done... like ordinary ppl suffering from UNS (Premier League Soccer Teams). Eg. Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester, Chel...

Stay tuned!

Disclaimer: the above posting is solely for entertainment purposes; it is not meant to defame, insult, or ridicule any individual or organisation, dead or alive/disbanded or functioning. the events depicted are also purely fictional and from the author's imagination, or can be found in local newspaper reports. the author sincerely hopes anyone who may be adversely affected by his work sees the humour beneath, for no malice is meant. the author does not own any designer toilet bowls, gold taps, peanuts, or company cars which can be sold for legal costs in a defamation suit.