Freedom

Currently Playing: Joy Zipper - Christine Bonilla by Zero7

In reference to the previous entry.

Well... i dun blame anyone... squid is always harping on expectations... although he seems to take it a little bit more to heart than is healthy, i do learn from his lessons, and after a very bad one on myself, i've decided that "expectations" is a bad word when it comes to others... hahha i try not to expect much from anyone liao. haha... wld that make me more cynical than i already am?

i guess everyone has their own busy lives and busy work schedules and busy work-life balances and busy accompanying their busy bfs/gfs and busy this and busy that, of which i'm mostly not part of. in fact, that i got any birthdae smses is great liao, coz these ppl did rem that it's my birthdae, even though i dun really "celebrate" it. shd really thank the ppl who actually spend 5 cents to make me feel good.

chope. just a thot. seems that my bdae isn't a big deal until someone forgets it. hahah.

so it's ok. i know now this may seem like a ploy to make them feel guilty or attract attention or watever... but its not. they read this too, but i dun care. this is my outlet, i write wat i want.

besides, it's when i hv an issue in my head that i write well. rite?

so... no matter. no big deal.

and u know... i've been spending the longest time waiting and waiting... waiting for that someone who will come along and magically change everything: suddenly my world wld be full of colour, full of fun and adventures, full of companionship and love. so much so that now my schedule's rather empty, but i dun bother with it until the week before or even that same week, where i realise my fricking schedule's so empty i look like a total loser and will be fricking bored.

and just 3-4 yrs ago my schedule wld be so packed u wld need to book 2 wks in advance to get me out on a wkend, and that wld be if u were lucky.

basically, kind of like on standby so i can spend all my available free time with that angel whenever she chose to descend from the heavens. so i start calling up ppl (sometimes rather last minute) and make plans to meet up for movie, dinner, supper, anything.

ok enuff. i'm not going to wait ard anymore... enuff of moaning and groaning and wondering y it's impossible to get some ppl out and empty promises and endless waiting and standby and whatnot.

once the papers are over, i shall set off to do the things i like, with or without companions, just like old times. i shall get my own busy, busy schedule and busy fulfilled lifestyle and finally do the things i wanna do and not watch time slip by. can take a (wet) feather from squid's cap... look at him. regular weekly guitar, climbing, whatnot... (hey, i'm not saying this just coz u were 1st to sms me that nite... hahah)

That is, of coz, still dependent on wat happens next. recently i came across two quotes:

You are only as free as your choices.

and

Freedom: Another word for Nothing To Lose.

So i'm rather free... but depending on your definition of freedom. hahah.

So do i hv enuff freedom to run off solo to NZ and do crazy stunts and put myself at risk of physical harm as well as open myself to mugging, getting lost, cheating, kidnapping, (receiving end, of coz) etc. opportunities?

To answer that question, let me share another quote.

To discover new lands, one must lose sight of the shore.

note to self: 25 yrs liao. how many more u wanna waste?