Wet Thoughts

Currently Playing: Spinning by Zero 7 (weird song for a hot afternoon. hahah. more suited for a cool nite. love their music...)

Wow. 100 posts oready... actually was saving that number for a "reviewing" kinda entry... but i guess i'll do that later. got stuff to write abt before i forget.

i'm very fortunate to have a pool downstairs... went for a swim earlier. and when i say swim, i don't mean tearing around the pool touching walls. well i do, but with breaks in between. breaks which i use to soak in the water and collect my thots. or in todae's case, unleash my thots free.

i look at my arms, suspended in the water at a natural 60 degree angle, and everytime it reminds me of a photo of a 26Dec2004 tsunami victim. He seems to be a portly middle aged gentleman, was probably floating around for sometime before they found him. even when placed on his back, his stiff cold arms are at that very same angle as mine was... to think i could have been there and got caught in the tsunami... if we didn't change our travel plans.

with the 2-3 near death experiences i can "boast" of... and reading newspapers abt fatal car accidents, suicides, murders... i realise i nv want myself or my loved ones to experience that kind of loss... prematurely anyway. all i want is a simple life... no need high gripping emotional drama, i just want everyone to be safe and sound and happy.

but then... maybe this thinking is kinda holding me back though. i seldom take big risks... and thus nv get any high returns either. i hold back when i think there's a chance i cld get hurt, physically or otherwise. so i dun experience wat others do, wat i cld hv. i take calculated risks... but maybe i shd adjust my calculations a little the next time i'm offered a chance to do cliff jumping or take a high cable ski-ride...

back to the thing abt death... i'm a living organism... but wats makes me up is millions of cells, all living as well. when i die, do all of them die immediately as well? i realise that the other parts of me will die coz the heart stops beating and supplying them oxygen via blood. then all of me will start rotting and getting eaten by bacteria together. hahah...

but do limbs, a stomach, a heart, 2 lungs, 2 kidneys and a brain make a nervous schoolboy? no... the whole is larger than the sum of its parts. and wat makes that true is our memory... without such a great memory, every morning we'd need to learn how to walk and talk again, and who we are, who the ppl ard us are. it is our memory that makes us who we are. so when someone kena alzheimers or amnesia, they lose who they are. that is fricking sad man...

well, enuff of flying thots. i start swimming again, soaking the water as the water soaks me. it is a thick, cold blanket; surrounding me everywhere and resisting my every movement. it cloaks me fully, wrapping my limbs, coolly brushing in between my fingers and toes, sticking its cold fingers into my ears and filling them up. and it feels great.

if not for the necessity to breathe, i wld hv let it encompass me fully for a longer time. in it, i feel insulated, wrapped in an impregnable case, away from studies, away from life, away from everything. no floor, no walls, no chairs, no computer, no books, nothing, no one. i am all alone in space and time, and loving it.

i change position, putting my feet on the edge of the pool and lying in the water on my back, arms stretched out. i'm only kept afloat by the air in my lungs. when i breathe out, i start sinking. when i breathe in, my head and body float up again. i go up and down, the water's at my ears, then covering my eyes, then receding again. but i stop soon enuff. i hope no one thot i was dead.

that's another reason y i love water so much. in water, i can float and twist and turn without needing a floor. unconstrained by gravity and ground, i feel free... more free than land allows. i can levitate, suspend myself, hover, swerve, glide, spin, and do anything u can think of. i guess that's the thrill of diving to me. the fishes and corals are wonderful, but the main draw for me is the freedom of movement it provides, and the adventurous risk that comes with it.

i reluctantly decide its time to get out. ironically, i wanted to give myself an excuse to soak in the sun rays, but it being behind clouds mostly, i ended soaking something else more mysterious, more encompassing. i'm going back tml.