Inertia? Or Plain Laziness?

Currently Playing: Drone of the Oscillating Fan Which Irritates Misa Everytime We Tok on the Phone

Apologies, this isn't an upbeat entry. May be one of the reasons i'm so sian lately.

Didn't go to school yesterday, due to migraine.

Still had a slight headache 7am this morning, decided to sleep more, and leave for sch at 1030 for 1230 lecture.

Guess wat? it's 1035 now. And i don't wanna leave. Lately I only go to school when forced to take the car with brother and father.

Wat's the pt of going lectures? the old men don't hold my attention; the only things that keep me awake when they read the notes out loud are SMSes and daydreaming. Even if i wanna follow them, once i start seriously thinking abt some part of the notes, i look up and i realise i've lost them. i cover the notes faster and clearer by myself, i don't need an old man reading them to me like a bedtime story.

Wat's the pt of going tutorials? i only go coz gotta sign attendance, and now dun need liao. nowadays i can buy the tut answers at the library, or borrow from frens. detest furiously copying tiny equations blindly, so wat for when i can get the same outcome by other means?

The problem is, i hvn't been reading my notes or doing my tutorials, even though i planned to start last week. and dread going to school. so fricking far... and doesn't hv anything interesting for me there.

Used to think my FYP was interesting, fun, practical. Lately i've just been sitting at a computer trying to figure out how to programme parameters on components on simulation software. so interesting, fun and practical that i fall asleep at the desk everyday (that i'm there). Feel like an idiot standing at the junction furiously jotting down traffic details too.

I know i gotta read my notes, do my tutorials, programme my simulation and record my data, all by 2 mths time. but sometimes it seems so much that i dunno where to start. and the thot that 2 mths is a long time isn't helping.

I'm procrastinating ending my procrastination. Ultimate.

At least i know that there is a problem. So i shall humble myself... this is a cry for help. Pls encourage me to work on my studies, this final round.
Tell me this is the last time, the last chance, and i shall never touch engineering again.
Tell me time is running short... My draft report is due End Sept, final report due End Oct, Exams in Nov. I will be able to let go of everything and play in Dec.
Tell me you want me to do well and clear this sem, and that i cannot let u down. Let me know you care, coz i rather to do difficult things for others more than for myself.

Just pls don't nag or use negative, sarcastic, scolding tones... coz if so i'll do the exact opposite of wat u ask.

I wanna clear everything, but knowing that i'm fighting this alone is demoralising, more than ever before. Help me out, guys.