Visting Grandparents

Went to visit Ah Ma, Ah Kong, Lao Ma and Lao Kong with Mum earlier this afternoon.

Felt really weird not bringing anything, it seemed customary. ended up with 6 small cupcakes for Ah Ma, and didn't see any plates around so Mum just opened up the plastic bag and placed them on the table. Hope Ah Ma don't mind... but she always knew i was different.

Back then, i was the only little idiot who couldn't communicate or understand a single word of Teochew. All the other grandkids, as well as uncles and aunties, could at least conjure a decent sentence. Even my father and brother could respond when spoken to. I would hesitantly ask my Mum for a translation. Soon, some of the uncles and cousins and esp aunties was generously translating, even if i could understand. Teochew -> Chinese -> English. If i need a translation, i'll ask. Getting too many translations when i can understand is plain irritating, and smacks of seeing me no up.

But Ah Ma didn't mind... somehow she had a soft spot for me. Not that she scolded often, but she NEVER scolded me. Always patient, even when i seldom understood wat she said. Always caring, even when i didn't care much for the old 2 room flat with weathered furniture and cutlery. I remember once, i dropped a bowl into a pot of hot(!) soup coz i got a little burnt by runaway soup. as i stood there wondering if anyone would miss the bowl, Ah Ma, without warning, just dipped her bare hand in and scooped up the bowl. *stunned* WOW.

during those times, i wld be spending wkdays at her place. there was one sch holidays, i went to market with her every morning, and i wld follow her around, watch her and 1st uncle sell pork, carry the day's shopping for her around the mkt, and squat by the tap with her, peeling prawns and scaling fish. somehow, i found it fun.

in younger days still, after dinner Ah Ma wld take her usual perch against the wall by the kitchen and start smoking, while i wld be jumping ard trying to catch the smoke that floated up in all directions. but it is incense smoke that i remember most... the house was always full of it. my mind now categorises of the smell as "sweet".

but there are moments i'm now embarassed abt too. like the time when i, being the little brat i was, insisted i wanna to watch a cartoon and preventing her from watching her usual drama serial. or the time when i saw her no up, thinking she didn't know wat was a pizza. still, she only had quiet affection for this non-communicative, spoilt grandson with specs.

then one day Ah Ma fell down the mkt stairs, and subsequently we found out it was a stroke. she became bedridden, and was warded 1st in TTSH, after that in a hospice next to it. I remember going to the hospice everyday after JC to see her, since my parents wld be there too. I became so used to it that i even went without my parents anyway... whether out of habit or concern, i still dunno. it was one of those nights of me going alone, when Ah Ma wasn't saying too much. Yet, she weakly whispered to an uncle nearby to ask me to go home, probably coz she thot it was late. wow. being so sick, she still cared abt this grandson who never could understand wat she said.

another wkend, i remember visiting Ah Ma with Mum in the afternoon, when Mum was massaging Ah Ma's head. she asked me to massage Ah Ma's calves... which felt weird coz i had nv dared to touch Ah Ma before... it was her who did all the physical contact. it was a respect thing. at least seemed like the massage wasn't too sub-standard.

after a few mths, Ah Ma got better and returned home. although bedridden still, she was capable of responding. we resumed our wkend family gatherings, only difference being that Ah Ma was in the bedroom. Now that i think about it, i hope she didn't feel left out; that there was always someone with her. The non-communicative grandson didn't dare to go in alone coz he wldn't hv understood wat she said.

then a day before CNY eve at abt 2am, we got a call telling us the worst. I remember holding Mum tightly as she wailed loudly... never heard her like that before. remember thinking that she had become an orphan. remember blasting loud music to numb watever i was feeling.

We still talk abt Ah Ma regularly... and now and then, like today, i miss her alot, and think that if i had made the effort to pick up Teochew earlier, maybe i wld hv got to know her more, be closer to her. It is this guilt that made me speak Teochew nowadays. Her passing, in part, taught me the fraility of life; the stuff some earlier entries are about.

Ah Ma made the most wonderful ou chut (or hei nuo mi) i've ever eaten... thick, just sweet enuff. For some time now, I've embarked on a (never-ending) quest to find that kind of ou chut again... i cannot resist ordering a bowl everytime i come across a dessert stall. but no matter how close to it they come... something always seems to be missing.