Thank u

What do you do with something that killed you? says:
watever i gog to say now wun please u anyway
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
juz keep blogging!
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
yah i know. i dun mean to be mean.
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i hv no clue wat to do.
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
u are lost and u want attention but u dun want attention
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
yup.
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
u want to do somthing but u dunnoe what
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
u feel alone but u are not
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i want to be alone but i dun want to be
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
u want to hurt pple but u dunno hw
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
u want to hurt urself but dun want to
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
u want to do alot of things but u dun want to
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
no i dun want to hurt myself. others have done enuff
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
hurt as in physically exhaust
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
not tt too.
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
well i guess i dunno what i shd be saying to u too
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i love myself to hurt myself physically. besides, i scared pain
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
u have already said the correct things
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
u've showed me u;ve been here, and u understand
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
thank you.
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
u need time dude
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
time heals
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
so in the meantime, feel watever u need to feel.
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
love hurts, time heals
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
then move on by distraction
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
after awhile it wun hurt as mucgh
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
that works for me
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
so maybe it will for u.
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
it works for me too. i';ve been thru enuff to know
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
then at the end of the day, u will be fine. u know that right
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
thank u. i wish i could hug u rite now
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
yes i know.
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
it will always be ok
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
*hugsx*
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
take care dude
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
everything will be back the way it always has.
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
dun rush into that. juz be angry and hurt
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
thank u. i shall paste this on my blog so i can read if i need to
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
be angry n hurt>
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
?
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
yea. juz feel wat u need to feel
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
be angry and hurt and watever. juz feel it and react to it.
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
send some nasty sms-es, scream at her
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
write a nasty blog entry
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
u can't. if i react, it will be bad
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
write a book
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i can;t
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
u are u
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
who cares
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
juz be angry lo
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
let it out
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
but i dun want to hurt her
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
else u could cry too.
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i love her
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
u are too nice
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i loved her
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i feel like it but nothing will come out
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
then u are better than me
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
then do what u deemed neccessary and correct
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
it doesn't work that way
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i'm not better than u
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i want to scream but i dun know how
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
scream lo
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
go somewhere
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
or when no one's hme
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i want to scold her bitch but i can't bring myself to
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
i know what u mean
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
bitch bitch bitch
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
she reads ur blog?
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
no
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
scold on the blog then
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
haha
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
wat's the point when she dun read?
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
haha
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
so it wun look bad on u
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
ahahha
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
mayb one day she will read it
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
or refer to her next time
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
like i did with eugene on my odac entries
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
btw, heroes 19 is out
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
damn nice
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
ahhaha
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i hope one day she gets hurt n tinks of me, how i'm hurt
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
ok.
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
she will
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
dun worry
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
ok
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i will feel wat i need to feel
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i will do wat i need to do
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i will be who i need to be
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
u think its too nasty to tell her "i hope one day she gets hurt n tinks of me"?
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
ha
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
haha
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
whatever u feel like
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
haha
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
cos its u
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
u need to make urself feel better
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
haha
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
yah lor. watthefuck. our frenship is in shambles now anyway
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
wat friendship?
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
whether she is really attached a not
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
annul it
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i can't sever it totally
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
coz it is interconnected
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i can only suspend it
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
so i will.
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
suspend it
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
and let it be normal again after she serves her time.
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
hjahaha
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
ahem.. detention
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
haha
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
is it v childish? hahahhaa to send an sms like tt
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
hahha
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
hahahha
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
its funnie
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
to me
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
yah lor
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
i also think so
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
dun have that impact
What do you do with something that killed you? says:
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
needs some impact... like "u BITCH!"
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
hahhah
ster~ work is rest in betw trips says:
or just "bitch."

I hope

I hope one day your heart gets broken too.

I hope one day you find the love and care you gave fell into bottomless pits.

I hope one day you feel so alone you hole up in your room and blog.

I hope one day you feel so much hurt from someone else's joy.

I hope one day you feel so lost you don't know wat to do except sleep.

I hope one day you feel so angry you want to throw your handphone into the wall and smash it to bits.

I hope one day you feel so little abt yourself you want to curl up and disappear.

And when you do, i hope you think of me.


==========
it's not easy
to be
me

There & Back Again

i tried to make it a point to pack light this time round, determined to clear the summit carrying all of my own stuff.

wat i didn't count on was the emotional baggage that came with the trip.

I wish I knew how to quit you.

What's Your Travel Personality?

Your Travel Personality Is: The Adventurer

For you, travel is how you learn about the world. And you like to learn the stuff that's not in guidebooks.You truly have wanderlust. When you're not traveling, you're dreaming about where you'll go next.And your travels are truly legendary - they leave you with stories you'll be telling for the rest of your life!

What's" Your Travel Personality?

What's Your Personality Type?

You Are An ENTJ

The Executive You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others.Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise.Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow.You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

What's" Your Personality Type?

Been a While

realise hvn't blogged in a while, so better put in an entry to show i'm still alive.

2 possibilities to y i hvn't blogged for so long:

a) i'm finally busy enjoying life and can't be bothered to blog, or
b) my life is total crap and i got nothing to blog.

actually it's
c) i'm so busy doing stuff i dun have the brains to blog.

work is hectic... now i'm taking 2 roles. but the work is still interesting, the boss is good and the colleague is chio. so although hectic i've no complaints. in fact i like being kept on my toes, and tight deadlines... makes things more exciting

just an update on the previous entry - i did take 1 day MC. felt a bit guilty, but the rest was good...

yup... most of waking hours involve work now... with fun colleagues, thankfully. wkends a bit of activity here and there, nothing to shout abt though.

going to kinabalu this tuesday... i think it hasn't sunk in yet, coz i just came back from a traumatising bali trip last mth... i think it'll only sink in when i'm at senai for the flight. did train a bit though... and thanx to agung will be more prepared.

tt's it... sleepy from waking up early everyday, including today and tml, plus the bailey's coffee i had earlier at villa bali w odackies. nice to meet up with them again.

Should I go to work tml?

As much as i enjoy work... i do feel a bit overwhelmed of late. and i have a runny nose, slight cough and slight body aches. perfect excuse for MC. plus boss already knows i'm sick - i was flooding my cubicle with nose snot when he came over to arrow me.

"this project, blah blah blah, and... are you ok?"

"no." obviously.

hahahha ok, i mean he IS a nice guy - a good boss as well. but i was getting really really cranky from getting dehydrated thru my nose.

shall assess the situation when i wake up tml. if got aches anyway, it is my social responsibility to stay at home and not infect my colleagues with my virus.

A Little Bit Sick

As if having a ticklish throat, runny nose and not being able to swim or jog is bad enuff - there has to be nagging thrown in too.

makes me kinda miss hall life.

but there are good things here too... so i'll just block out the not-so-nice parts.

Thanx

Once again, as usual, lack sleep. i shd really turn in after this post but got shows streaming in. gotta watch. darn.

Over the week, a new fren said something really, really nice. Thank you, but u probably don't know me well enuff, that's why. i'm starting to see how being an ass works now. Thank you very much for thinking tt way.

IT Fair

Quick post. Never knew Singapore was so full of geeks, and they were all at the IT fair same time as me. Wanted to recce dSLRs but the jostling and pushing made me feel slightly claustraphobic. held both nikon n canon ones a while, then got the hell out, avoiding the hapless little kids and trolleys of new printers along the way, getting pushed from left, right back. Had. To. Get. Out.

And to think they want to cram this little island with more ppl. so where u going to put the extra heads? half of singapore already takes the same MRT train to work as me liao. if they bring in more population (read: chinamen) or foreign talent (read: ppl other than from china) i am not giving a fuck to the environment anymore and will get a car. then at least i have my own personal space and not have some stinking talent lean against me all the way to tanjong pagar.

anyway. ally didn't answer my calls, reply my smses nor call back. well... watever too then. had to get out. have to go back. tml still gotta work, tonite still gotta blog.

After Bali 2 - Work is Rest in Between Trips

It's been almost a week since returning - my 2nd toenail on left foot is still black, and the tip of the toe is numb. that long cut on my right shin is now a peeling strip bak kwa, and i've been shedding dead skin for 7 days. and i almost died. again.

well maybe it wasn't as close a shave as last time. but even though i could hardly keep awake on monday and tuesday, i've nv been more thankful to go back to work. to be in a safe, airconditioned office in a comfortable swivel chair messing abt with excel sheets. but i was so floozy from lack of sleep i totally didn't feel the tremors that whole of CBD panicked over - even laughed at girl colleagues felt it. twice. at my desk i was falling asleep after lunch, and too spaced out to tok cock to my lunch buddies - they said i was really quiet those few days.

But at the same time, I'm strangely happy/grateful that i went for this trip. nothing like a life threatening journey to make u realise how lucky u r, and how much u've left behind getting lost on mountains.

I had quite a few hallucinations along the trek, the funniest being the Taxi Stand, and the worst being of me slipping very badly on a wet boulder on a river bed, and cracking my head open. my brain wld be splattered all over the rocks, and my companions too tired and too far from end point to drag my remains down. i wld then be left there for days and half eaten by animals before being returned to my understandably upset family.

I guess it stemmed from
a) see QZ slip and slide down a wet boulder on a river bed earlier during the trek rite in front of me and realising i couldn't do anything to help him, and
b) wanting to read "Lord of the Flies" again but a fren is still holding on to the book after 2 yrs.

And i've come to realise that yes, as i grow older i am more and more kiasee, but it is not death that scares me as much as wat my loved ones will have to go thru. so stumbling down the dormant volcano really made me realise wat was really impt.

so here's my dilemma - stopping all these dangerous activities and start to take things for granted? or continue and risk making my loved ones worried?

i think i'll let both sides balance each other out. take things for granted and go for trips, then come back home freaked out and go for trips again when the fear has been forgotten. then wonder why i wanted to climb the mountain 2 hrs into the trek. sorta vicious cycle.

Traveller's Tales, as usual, at http://rockies-roamings.blogspot.com/

Before Bali 2

It's almost 2am - its late and i gotta sleep tml. but i can't before the last 6 mins of Heroes episode 6 are done streaming and i'm done watching. so i come here.

been really busy and rattled these past few days - 1st the sianness of going back to work after a long CNY break, the multitude and amount of stuff i needed to do. then that so many ppl to meet with over the wkend, as opposed to the lack of during the 1st 2 wkends of the mth. really stretched my time.

this, coupled with that excitement, that anxiety which characterises the looming of every adventure - anxiety that i may hv forgotten abt something or left something undone. and the excitement which makes me forget abt these somethings. that restlessness which gives me an unproductive buzz in my head and my heart.

ok heroes ep 6 is done. gdnite.

Nothing but Sleep

i think sleep is a waste of time. and not only that, i can't seem to tell how much i need.

if i don't sleep enuff, i'll be falling asleep at work if it's too boring. or i'll be taking naps and wasting time in the afternoon. if i dun get enuff sleep, i can't think. i'm sure its the same for everyone.

if i sleep too much until next morning/afternoon, i get a migraine, and will have to spend the rest of the day sleeping it off. whole wkend gone. (there's no such thing as too much sleep on a working day)

like today. i slept too late, at 4am watching vcds (wat else is there to do during CNY?). woke up 12nn, still feeling ok. took a badly needed nap at 4pm. woke up 5.30pm with stabbing pain in my eye. or eye socket. cold sweat. shivering - too cold for the fan but too hot without it. pain pain pain in the head. room wobbly. no, didn't eat magic mushrooms. too pain to continue sleeping. took painkiller, took coffee.

and slowly, slowly, things got back to almost normal in half hr.

i hate sleep. it's a complete waste of time when i can be doing other stuff. but sleep is essential, else i can't think. right now 6hrs is survival, 7hrs is total rest. anything more on a wkday night is downright unnatural. wkends if i wake up later than 12.30 pm, welcome to migraine metropolis.

and frankly, i want a reason to get up early on wkends - so that i dun waste them.

i just might be getting my wish soon. of my own doing, of coz. since when do things simply happen by accident?

Nothing on CNY

I want to write - but i dunno wat to say.

maybe coz its 5am and i'm tired.

maybe coz there's nothing to say.

there's nothing happening anyway.

i'm still at work - things are hectic but its nothing i can't handle. and i already spend most of my waking hours at it, i dun wanna talk abt it here too.

and on the other end, "nothing happened" too.

and i don't want to tok abt it either, coz there's nothing to tok abt.

frens-wise, some of them read this, so i shdn't say anything either. anyway wat's the point, they'll get pissed or upset and either way there's nothing i can do abt it.

just got a reply from my german friend, in response to my chinese new year greeting: "thanks a lot brother, we are wishing you a happy and healthy new year as well! gonna write ya soon my friend.:)"

now there's something to write abt. "brother". this is a guy who i knew for barely 5 days in singapore and opened up his house to me 1 day after he checked his email and realised i was in europe. he even left me his house key. he and his mum and sis made me wish i didn't cut short my trip and could impose on them more. this guy is definitely more than a friend to me.

back to nothing: nothing progresses - still slacking off exercise.

i guess that's it. i wanna sleep. happy chinese new year.

Nothing Much

Nothing's been happening, so nothing to write about here. Everything's still the same... still procrastinating.

Work is getting funner... more hectic too. At least its more thrilling than wkends. So used to work I miss wearing a shirt and pants + leather shoes on wkends... almost went back this wkend, but procrastinated that as well.

Will take up proper blading lessons soon, so there shd be more to write abt here. prob after my Bali trip.

CNY coming. boring. Office toilets and lifts playing endless irritating CNY music. made the mistake of telling lunch buddies that I hate CNY music. now they remind me to listen when we take the lift.

Been given additional tasks at work besides from section i'm in... have to do write up on related business articles to the project mgr, and i'm grateful for it - else i won't read the business news at all. It's also a good sign they're putting this on me.

Going for a run tml... hope I'm fit enuff for agung end of the mth... and hope i'll write all abt it in ramblings. can't rem much abt frasers liao. hahahah

Other than that, nothing. much.

www.procrastinus.com

I need to:
- blog abt fraser's hill and stuff that's bothering me
- do research on bali
- do research on KK
- do research on insurance
- exercise
- practice guitar

and i went to www.procrastinus.com, which told me a lot of what I already know.

===================================================================
Your score is
66 out of a possible 100

Above Average Procrastinator

You rank between the top 25% and 10% in terms of procrastination. That is, when it comes to putting things off, you often do so even though you know you shouldn’t. Likely, you are more free-spirited and spontaneous than most. Probably, your work doesn’t engage you as much as you would like or perhaps you are surrounded by easily available and more pleasant temptations. These temptations may initially seem rewarding, but in the longer-term, you see many of them as time-wasters. Though you likely often still get your work done, there is probably a lot of last minute panicking and unwanted stress. You may want to reduce what procrastination you do commit. If so, here are three tips that have been shown to work:

Goal Setting
This is one of the most established ways of moving forward on your plans. Take any project you are presently procrastinating and break it down into individual steps. Each of these steps should have the following three aspects. First, they should be somewhat challenging though achievable for you. It is more satisfying to accomplish a challenge. Second, they should be proximal, that is you can achieve them fairly soon, preferable today or over the next few days. Third, they should be specific, that is you know exactly when you have accomplished them. If you can visualize in your mind what you should do, even better.

Stimulus Control
This method has also been well tested and is very successful. What you need is a single place that you do your work and nothing else. Essentially, you need an office, though many students have a favorite desk at a library. For stimulus control to work best, the office or desk should be free of any signs of temptation or easily available distractions that might pull you away (e.g., no games, no chit-chat, no web-surfing). If you need a break, that is fine, but make sure you have it someplace at least a few minutes distant, preferably outside of the building itself. If you are unwilling to take the time to get there, acknowledge that you likely don’t need the break.

Routines
Routines are difficult to get into but in the end, this is often our aim. Things are much easier to do when we get into a habit of them, whether it is work, exercise, or errands. If you schedule some of those tasks you are presently procrastinating upon so that they occur on a regular schedule, they become easier. Start your routine slowly, something to which you can easily commit. Eventually, like brushing your teeth, it will likely become something you just do, not taking much effort at all. At this point, you might add to your routine, again always keeping your overall level of effort at a moderate to low level. Importantly, when you fall off your routine, inevitable with sickness or the unexpected, get back on it as soon as possible. Your routine gets stronger every time your follow it. It also gets weaker every time you don’t.
===================================================================
OK, copied and pasted, now back to insurance research.

Right after a round of FarCry.

Promise.

Exciting Life

Haven't posted anything for 2 wks coz my life is oh-so-exciting. decided to post something so u guys wld not come here in vain everyday.

Last week was lagi exciting. went out everyday after work. running to Parkway Parade and back is considered going out. So is guitar lessons. So is trying to confusedly explain Citadels to 3 sleepy frens.

So to compensate, stayed at home whole of Saturday. don't remember wat i did but i probably slept thru the day. On Sunday learnt wat to do if my car gets hit in the back by an old man who refused to admit he was the driver. guess squid wun hv to fork out a cent (?)

Only went out w a fren once the whole of this past week. nice to know tt we can always pick up where we left off. but also nice to know tt we no longer argue who's turn it is to buy bread. and nice of veggie to be so reassuring.

Treadmill has spoilt - skiing machine is a joke. will run to ecp tml. At least yesterday was nice. hung out with a buddy with good news - which made me slightly jealous. new stages in life - but of coz i'm happy for her too. i just dun show it tt much coz i'm slightly jealous. just slightly.

Had a nice, simple supper. also got good got bad. time will tell.

meanwhile, time to spread myself again. bit of coz not as thin as butter, scraped on too much bread.

Talking Cock X'mas Carols

OK... i know a bit late for X'mas carols, but it's been a while since I went talkingcock.com and these are very good!! so share with everyone here...


SHU MIN THE ELITE SCHOLAR(sung to the tune of ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’)

Shu Min the elite scholar
Had a very atas blog
She had a real at-ti-tude
Very like a female dog

All of the average persons
She would laugh and call them names
She’d tell them to get out of
Her elite, uncaring face

Then one day she kena flamed
And Daddy had to say
“Shu Min, your thoughts are alright,
You just haven’t been polite.”

This was si beh revealing
Of the snobby PAP
Shu Min’s papa the MP
Really should be history!

Shu Min’s papa the MP
Really should be hi-sto-ry!


GST IS COMING TO TOWN (Updated)(to the tune of ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’)

You better buy now
You better now buy
You better shop now
I’m telling you why
GST is coming to town

It will increase your bills
By seven percent
Courtesy of the go-overnment
GST is coming to town

It’ll hit you when you’re shopping
Whether food or household wares
It’s just no use complaining ‘cause
Those elitists just don’t care

So! You better buy now
You better now buy
You better shop now
I’m telling you why
GST is coming to town

more X'mas carols at http://www.talkingcock.com/html/article.php?sid=2142&mode=thread&order=0

Same Old New Year

We countdown the last remaining seconds of the old year, wanting them to quickly pass so we can cross over to the new year. And when we do, we shout out joyously "Happy New Year!" and do silly things like drink alcohol and sing songs which titles aren't in english and english lyrics we don't understand (ie. auld lang syne). Why?

Because, we all want the new year to be better than the old one. It will be. And best of all, nothing is needed of us. All we have to do is count backwards from 10 to 1, and *poof!* A New Year! all the bad stuff that happened last year has been wiped off the slate! This New Year, new and clean, brings plenty to cheer about. plenty of time to set things right, to do what you want to do. hooray.

Of coz, didn't the old year start with the best of intentions as well? and what has changed? It's the old year all over again. You write down the same unfulfilled resolutions like the year before, which seem so very attainable, since there's 1 whole year to go. Will you look at them 11 months later and think to yourself "darn."?

For me, as usual, the more things change, the more they remain the same. The only difference is I'm working instead of studying, wearing shirt & tie instead of t-shirt & berms. Well ok, at least i'm happier working.

But I still need to run frequently, not only when Stanchart is coming.
I still need to work on my photography skills, hopefully more than when I go overseas.
I still need to make myself clean my room at least once a month.
I still need to be more appreciative, more thinking, more helpful, more patient.
I still need to be less late, less procrastinating.

Seeing that it's Jan 7th, I won't get full marks on that last one. Same as last year.

Happy Old Year.

Fraser's Hill - 15 Years Later

Just went to Fraser's Hill over X'mas wkend. The trip was really fun - maybe thanx to our cheerfulness. almost everyone we encountered were nice and friendly... maybe bcoz we were. and i think that was the best part - better than the muddy treks and cool air, or the endless bus rides. after 7 -8hrs on 5 buses, i'll nv think i spend too much time on a bus again.

but the trip's real "value" became evident to me only as i spent more time on the hills... i was visiting the same places i had been 15 yrs ago - when i was young, memories were fuzzy, and when my parents were young too. they also were there with my brother, before i came along, 28 yrs ago.

as i walked the same roads i had walked before, and the same roads my parents did as a young married couple, i realised that once passed, things will nv be the same again. 15 yrs had flown by so fast, and I would nv again be that young spoilt brat who didn't like our run down bungalow and wanted to ride horses round and round the paddock every day. and i don't know if my parents still have that energy to explore down every road in Fraser's Hill like they did 28 yrs ago.

We will nv be that young family again, that I know. But there are still more things to look forward to - hopefully, new additions to the family. new milestones, new excitements. and always that same affection for one another.

Time has flown by, and time will still fly by. I will bring us to Fraser's Hill again, if not next yr then the following. If anything, just for old times' sake.

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Travel stories at http://rockies-roamings.blogspot.com

Nothing Interesting In Particular

How to write abt anything when you dunno wat's going on?

so busy? y does it always happen? but then again sometimes it turns around when i least expect it.

but then again it may not.

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department x'mas party was an anticlimax. among the 30-40% who didn't win any prizes, food wasn't fantastic. just that the entertainment was quite good. once the last prize was given out, the place emptied rather quickly. all that were left was the commercial side girls dancing to "tetno" music.

got pushed onto the dance floor by one of the managers, and in response to the prospect of gyrating to lousy music was a singular thot - these are the people i work with!! and slowly inched my way back into the shadows. time to head home.

===================================================================

the wkend passed too quickly. supposed to go kayaking but didn't - so wasted the saturday away. the gift exchange wasn't so exciting as previous years. maybe coz i had less stake in it - being just a participant. anyway we seemed to have parted faster than we met up.

today did errands, and whiled the day away. not too exciting either, hence the mood of this post. fallen asleep already? i'm going to. *yawn

at least it sets the exciting stage for next wkend. a destination but no direct way to go there. an amazing race style adventure, trekking and photo-taking (if my camera chooses to work), then amazing race again. shd be fun.

===================================================================

that's it. my life now is mostly work. i still wake up early even though its a wkend, and i get headaches if i sleep too much. and... wtf, this post is sssssoooo boring i can't bring myself to continue anymore.

Marathon-Photos.com

This is a photo of me during stanchart.

courtesy of Marathon-Photos.com.

This, is a photo of me after I had Ultimate Delight for breakfast at Cafe Cartel,

caught by a cameraman on the opposite side.

Just kidding. 2nd photo was stanchart 2005. If you notice, I wore the same shorts and same shoes for both runs. Which goes to show one thing:

Wear White: Lean & Mean

Wear Purple: Fat & Gay

plus, wearing white makes you look tanned. Lesson of the day - Wear White!

Lesson for Advanced Students: remember to suck in when you know there's cameras!

Another Year, Another Medal

I might make this running thing a habit.

6hrs after i first started running, my clothes are still wet. amazing!

oh wait... yah i was caught in the rain on the way back. got a headache after the run... dunno its due to the grotesque tasting berroca or the over exertion. paiseh ally, can't watch the show. and i dunno wat damage my legs went thru... guess i'll know when i go to work tml limping... then my colleagues will ask wat happened to me, and i can show off that i went for stan chart.

hey it was only 10km... but at least i nv stopped. achieved a whimsical comment i made a yr ago (see Dec 05). but it was horrible. I'm starting to like running, but only after i'm done with it.

reached slightly late, wld hv been later if not for my lovely neighbour who drove me and her 2 girls for the fun run. (only the girls went for the fun run, i didn't. really.) started at the back of the pack, and at a fast pace. but when i thot i shd hv run 5km, i saw it was ony 3. dang. with no full bladder like last yr, i didn't hv much motivation to go fast after tt.

the middle is a blur. all i did was to think to myself "don't think, just go." then "OK go" then the treadmill song comes up. waved at cheering ppl to distract myself. spilled 1/2 the paper cup at every water point. choked on a sip of water. it was all guys this time, so nothing much to look at.

really slowed down in the CBD area. picked up a bit now and then, but it was only at the last part, near SCC & the concert hall where i tried to feebly sprint. and this time i kept my head up, in preparation for the army of photographers. last yr i concentrated on running and kept my head down, so all my photos on the website were of the top of my head. dang. just realised i shd hv sucked in my stomach too. (note to self for next yr)

yay. 1st time in my life i ever ran non stop of 10km. but taking the bus wld hv been easier though.

21km next yr? well... no promises. see wat happens until next july.

need to sleep. may update on previous weeks where i missed out - been too busy doing nothing. may not.

Disgusted

So after all that talk about bridging the income gap, who's going to pay for all the poor ppl to catch up to a higher income level? (as opposed to making the rich give more money and thus driving the rich indons, chinamen, overpaid ang moh expats, and senior member of the community away to greener pastures)

Of coz, the poor themselves! what genius! we raise the consumption tax so it looks like everyone will kena. poor ppl or rich ppl, also hv to eat wat.

but. a consumption tax is a regressive tax. the poor will pay proportionally more. lemme illustrate.

Every mth has 30 days. and how much you pay for food = how much you pay tax.

Poor man: earns $1000/mth, eats $2 economical rice every lunch and dinner, $1 for breakfast. no drinks. spends $5 x 30 = $150 on food a mth. 15% of his income.

Rich man: earns $5000/mth, eats $5 fast food every meal, which includes drinks. spends $15 x 30 = $450 on food a mth. less than 10% of his income.

See?

public transport fares also go up. who takes public transport? definitely not those rich who can afford cars.

and we never have any say in it. we just keep Paying And Paying. but don't worry. we'll all get CashBack Rewards in 4-5 yrs, and we'll all forget abt this little episode.

Meat High

Why get high on drugs, when you can get high on MEAT?!?!?

went to carnivore w vj for birthday dinner. shiokest meal i had this yr!!

for those of u who dunno, there's a salad bar, and the chefs (i think) will come round with HUGE skewered hunks of beef/pork/lamb/chicken meat/pineapple, rows of sausages/chicken hearts/bread, and whether or not they slice some of it on ur plate with their sharp shiny short swords depends on whether ur little paper disc on the table says "yes, please" or "no thank you" - which sometimes doesn't work coz u change ur mind upon seeing the succulent lamb or juicy pineapple that goes so well with the honey baked ham coming ur way.

i ate sssssoooooo much that i felt like a xmas turkey... one false movement and i wld explode and my meaty stuffings wld fly all over the restaurant. we sat there and chatted (i.e. stalled) for a good half hr before i took a few morsels of fruit and cocktail onions/olives before throwing in the napkin.

then, standing up and walking out to the toilet, i experienced wat vj warned me abt - getting stoned. watever blood my body cld spare all rushed to disgest all the shiok-shiok meat... leaving my brain with less to work with. i cldn't work 100% straight, felt woozy, and things took longer to make sense.

- vj remarked the glass in the shop window was clean 3 times before i got it.
- i asked him twice whether we were taking the right train.
- at no point of time after the meal i was dictating where we were going. i was just following him blindly.

it felt mildly like the magic mushroom feeling - just without the hysterical laughter. even right now as i type this, the monitor is floating around. either due to the meat, or the morning's sailing, i'm not sure. it's also better than alcohol, coz u dun get the bitter taste nor the blood rush or headache. just that lovely floating feeling, the one that makes u wanna float out of ur 3rd storey window and peek into ur neighbour's, 30m across.

why drink expensive alcohol or take harmful drugs? just eat meat!! woohoo.......

4th November 2006

Currently Playing: My Zero7 CD - last yr's birthday present

1 year has passed. of coz it always seems fast on hindsight. but it's due to the things that u didn't attend to that you realise time really creeps up quickly. Just before writing this, i took out this CD to play as I type. i opened the cover and - HORRORS!! the CD wasn't there~!! horrors coz i immediately realised i must hv left it in the CD player for months... and sure enuff, there it was, with a thick outer ring of dust testament to my neglect.

I play the CD now coz i read my previous yr's birthday entries... and i realise some things still haven't changed. dunno - maybe its coz i've been leaving the CDs in the players for too long.

My occupational environment has changed considerably, thank goodness. 1 year ago i was mugging and wondering when it would ever end. Now, it finally has. and to make it sweeter, i just filled out the graduate employment survey this afternoon, and i didn't have anything good to say about how the education received helps me in my current job. pooi ah.

Although the pay isn't much, i can't stand ppl moaning abt how low their pay is, so i shall not do the same. can't complain anyway - the work is fun, the colleagues are nice, and the coffee is excellent. plus the potential opportunities i have been given are astounding. when the time is right, the only thing that can stop me would be my inability to fight for it. so for now, i shall learn fast, work hard, lay low, stay humble, and be nice.

Frens-wise, things hvn't changed much at all. 1 grp celebrated with me, while another went missing - disappointing my "high expectations", like last yr. hahah well i wldn't say i expected, just hoped. maybe its too early to pass judgement, surprises may come later... but then again i might be saying this coz of hope.

but anyway, this is the end of initiative liao. i don't need recognition, i just want cooperation, and hope for reciprocation. but since i get neither more often than not, i'm too tired to continue. received an sms from one earlier: "we all appreciate you and wish you all the best..." don't tell me. show me.

maybe i'm a little low coz of that impt issue as well. it is not the only one, but it is impt. nothing the whole day. no upcoming plans either. i don't know wat happened. i guess if i don't hear anything soon, i will hv to do something abt it.

else, things are ok. out-of-work hours are picking up. family is very fine. work is enjoyable. frens are here and there. life is ok. just ok, nothing more. i wld think it sucked long enuff to warrant something better than ok.

oh well. thanx go out to:
- zz, girl, qz, yb, alw, sop, leilei, shanz, for jioing me for dinner, coffee, ktv. long time since i had so much fun.
- misa, zow, an old fren, my brudder, my YEP nurse, kok, bowl, and consultant (in order of timing) for birthdae smses. zow and girl for birthdae nicks as well.
- ally, for sms and last min damn shiok jap dinner treat
- my brother for remembering even though he's too busy to come home for 2 days.
- my parents, for obvious reasons and more.

i have much to be thankful for, that i agree. but i just want the missing foundation piece. then everything else on top is just a bonus.

i'm missing that piece, in more ways than one.

Health Fads and Night Life

I notice there's a fad going round these days... that it's UNcool to be UNhealthy. Now the way to impress others is to go rock climbing/wakeboarding/jogging/gyming/marathon running/east coast blading over the wkend.

Not that it's bad... it's good. but it gets on my nerves when, like mcdonald's, "it's what I do and what I eat". I'm sure I heard a collective GASP when at a recent introduction to other new colleagues, i mentioned i cannot get thru the day without 3 cups of coffee (we were all forced to say something abt ourselves).

Coffee seems to be the no-no, uncool drink of choice these days. People i meet at the pantry sometimes tell me they're trying not to drink so much coffee - too much caffeine. But it's just a fad - something everyone does at the moment to be "in". Coffee just happens to be the scapegoat this time. Coffee, and sleeping/waking up late, which i just found out over dinner w qi.

Why do i think it's a fad? if this Healthy Lifestyle kick is for real, then y doesn't it extend to other areas in life as well? Why is it that when I tell ppl I drink coffee, they hear "I'm hopelessly addicted to that horrible drug, caffeine", but when ppl say they go clubbing every week, others think "Wow! that guy/girl is sssooo cool/groovy/in/hip/happening!" and not "So he/she subjects his ears to loud, deafening music, lungs to second hand smoke, liver to burning alcohol, numbs his/her senses, squeezes in a crowd and opens him/herself to groping strangers (either applies to a girl or a guy in a faggot bar) every week... sad case"

OK, maybe it's coz these "clubs" (they used to be called discotheques rite? "clubs" referred to Country Clubs then) dun appeal to me almost as much as i love coffee, that's y i came up with this analogy. I happened to look at the newspaper and chanced upon halloween events held at discos and thot "maybe that cld be fun". but then i pictured myself in such a setting, and it didn't appeal to me that much. maybe coz of my past bad experiences.

if i were to attend a "nightlife event", i'd rather be in a place with no dance floor, just plenty of sofas. maybe like balaclava, or harry's. i wldn't fancy the alcohol much - it mainly just makes me fall asleep, not do stupid things. if i'm asleep, i wldn't be able to enjoy the good rock or jazz music that the live band are hopefully playing, so i wld rather the establishment serve good coffee, as well as the usual alcoholic drinks to cater to the conventional mainstream.

u know... someplace more sophisticated and where there's no funny business going around. where ppl go to enjoy good music and relax, not throw away social norms.

u guys know of other places like this? if not i'll hv to set up one myself. hahahha.
===================================================================

anyway, enuff of nuahing over the wkend. next wkend onwards, things will get exciting. with or without company.

Certified...

...Addicted to Coffee.

I'm starting to look forward to work partly coz of the coffee machine.

Rockie = Junkie.

You Know You're Old When...

...after dinner, your colleague has cheng tng while you have a cup of kopi.

...you wonder whether you shd hv ate chin chow instead to cool off ur heatiness.

...you increase frequency from once a week on the treadmill to twice a week, and your knees start screaming blardy murder. oh, above all that screaming, they hurt too.

...the 30+ yr old mother of a small kid tells him, "Cannot go in, you see, UNCLE closing the gym oready."

oh well... here it goes again... something to watch to forget how old you are:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxeQN2GWAzw

and my parents think i actually RUN on the treadmill...

MPz In Da House, Yo!

A bit late with this topic, but bear with me here.

Young, first term pappy MPs are performing hip hop dances at next yr's Chingay Parade. http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/233752/1/.html

You see? they really attracting talent. last time parliament only got miss singapore universe, only know how to stand there, act pretty and keep the backbenchers awake. Now they probably got hip-hop performances during interludes!! Now dat's talent, yo.

But u gotta wonder... how did they come up with this idea? maybe to connect wid da youth, they did a poll thingy, like so, yo.

Q: Would you like your newly (un)elected MP to
a) Make sure your precinct is upgraded as promised during the elections, or
b) Go down wid da hip-hop grooves and earn some street cred to git widdit, yo?

Or maybe due to the success of so much more TV reality voting as compared to actual ballot-slip voting, they changing the format of the elections? instead of the boring "GE2010" you'll have "MP Idol 2010" where hosts Kermit Singh and DearDaniel Ong (it wld be great if he really didn't have a mouth) spout endless nonsense to spur senseless bouts of frenzied SMS voting.

Of course, you have the judges, or rather, arbitrators in this format, who are chosen based on their skill to praise the untalented with uncomprehensible statements. (I didn't waste my time watching sg idol, so i can't quote anyone, just read from newspaper.)

but the most impt - the hordes of idol-less teenagers who have absolutely no clue about wat talent is, willing to spend entire allowances supporting any good looker, and have SMS-friendly thumbs guaranteed to out-SMS any sensible adult. then of coz they will get a higher score than a distinction of 66%!!!!

but of coz, this is all conjecture of future events. wat's more impt here is the present state - MPz gettin' jiggy wid it. Guess wid all dat bling, it wuz da next logical step 2take, yo.

So while the teenagers of today are gagging themselves over the MPz attempts at establishing a connection of some semblance, http://www.spug.net/showthread.php?t=87050, more grown up ppl like me have some concerns when we 1st saw it on the news. like:

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!??!?!?!?!?!

we didn't (un)elect you to dance at chingay lor... we spent money to get foreign talent to come here and do the same thing, and better somemore. we (didn't) elect u to solve our country's problems... and there you are doing hip-hop?!?!?!?

I think in time to come, some of them will receive letters beseeching them to return to being actual MPs. below here is a sample letter you can use:
===================================================================
Dear MP,

Recently I heard in the news that you and your colleagues in parliament are to perform dances at next year's Chingay Parade. I salute your efforts - it probably must take lots of time and energy to become to competent at something some of you have admitted you are not good at.

However, the upgrading works for my precinct, promised in the elections earlier this year, have still not been carried out - there have been no signs of any construction work done in my area.

Seeing that Chingay is so far away and you being so competent at your dance moves, why don't you skip a few practise sessions and carry out your promises? you could start by

a) help me repaint my leaky ceiling HDB takes no liability for even though they built the damn building
b) help me set up hidden CCTV cameras in my house to catch my maid swinging my kid around by the legs
c) get my upstairs neighbour to stop their weekly late night mahjong sessions
d) get my downstairs neighbour to stop her nightly karaoke sessions
e) catch my neighbourhood cat killer

I'm sure you can start practising your dance moves in Jan '07 and still give a great performance.

Yours sincerely,
A flabbergasted citizen.
===================================================================

let's just all hope they start taking their serious positions seriously. itz so damn weird y'know wadyamean?. dey hang loose at da wrong times, like on national tv, and dey are so damn uptight when ppl criticise dem, yo.

"That's part of the fun - to laugh at yourself, to have a sense of humour
about everything...(yo)"

-Chris de souza, MP, Holland-Bukit Timah GRC

Well, many of us found mrbrown humourous. even wid all dat bling, methinks its too late to git down widdit, yo?

I really really hope they stop all this nonsense.

yo.

Doing Nothing & Dreaming

Today, or rather yesterday, was a do-nothing day. i had stuff planned, but i let it all go and vegetated with online games (www.xgenstudious.com. go ahead - vegetate.) and slept for a greater half of the day, something i hvn't done in a long long time.

i love these do-nothing days. i used to have more of them when i was studying though. just a late night before or morning decision, telling myself fark it, i need a break. and push everything aside. 2 positive outcomes are gained:

1) rest.
2) panic the next day spurs me on to accomplish wat i'm supposed to the day before.

i did take the time off from doing nothing to check out my mum's plants, and together we discovered a small green pepper hiding amongst the equally green leaves. the laughter that comes from discovery is just wonderful.
===================================================================
on wed i caught Singapore Dreaming http://www.singaporedreaming.com/ a "filem" by Colin Goh & his wife - editors of www.talkingcock.com. but the show's main draw is not slapstick humour, (think talking cock the movie) but really, how dank our very normal singaporean lives can be.

The father, played by Richard Low, is the typical chinese singaporean father. works and hardly spends on himself, using his hard earned money to send his son overseas for studies. he hardly shows any affection to his long suffering wife, belittles his son-in-law, and shows all his love and pins all his hopes on his son. His only dream is to strike Toto, and that his son is rich and successful.

The mother, played by Alice Lim, is the typical housewife, who slogs day and night for the family. nearing the end of the show, she recalls that she used to sing a lot before marriage, and wanted to b a famous singer - but she never sang again after marriage. for 20+yrs, all she knew was to clean the table, mop the floor, cook the food and wash the dishes. she asks herself, "what happened?"

The son, played by Dick Su, is the "villian" of the show. only dreams of making it big, but does little to achieve it. asks his parents for money to set up business, etc. in the show, he screams at his gf, "If you want to make it, you got to already look like you've made it!" which, sadly, might have some truth.

The girlfriend, played by Serene Chen, chipped in to send her good-for-nothing bf abroad for studies. dreams abt her perfect marriage and pins all hopes of the future on the guy. all the way, she showers him with support and encouragement, hoping her bf shares the same desire to get married.

The daughter, played by Yeo Yann Yann, is largely ignored by her father, even though she is pregnant with her first child. A secretary at work, she is highly depended on by her boss, who orders her around and takes her for granted. Shackled to her job, she is at every beck and call from her boss and his wife.

The son-in-law, played by Lim Yu Beng, is looked down upon by his father-in-law, maybe coz he doesn't earn much. a former regular, he struggles as with his insurance agent job, his father-in-law and his relationship with his wife - which is starting to strain, possibly because he, once again, doesn't earn much. The scene where he attempts to speak chinese with a china prostitute is hilarious - he sounds worse than me!!

all these ppl sound very familiar to u? go watch it before its run ends. i treated my consultant to the movie, and really didn't mind paying $14.50.

what are you dreaming of?

Progress

things are progressing, but not as well as i hoped. or maybe i want more than what is given. maybe that's y i feeling a little down. coz other ppl still hv it better.

i need to stop and take stock - to see where i'm heading.

just hope i'm rewarded for my efforts.

it shdn't hv to be so difficult.

i guess i'm feeling insecure and worried. and when i feel negative, i take it out on others.

i need to be a better person.

and you make me want to.

Sometimes

sometimes i really wish that i am the type who will bo chup - watever comes, comes. don't come means don't come. but i'm not. i HAVE to make things work. so i will run around and make sure everyone is on the same boat. until i started work.

i'm not saying i'm the only one who rows the boat. others chip in also. but i took on more coz when i was a student, i still had more free time.

but now when responsibilities are assigned, i do not wish to take up any more that what i have/want to. i understand you are busy, but i am too. that's y we started assigning responsibilities in the 1st place - to be fair to everyone, so its not up to a few of us to make everyone feel happy. everyone shd chip in to make everyone feel happy.

similarly, when i've arranged something, and u want a change in arrangements, u can go ahead to arrange with everyone. just dun expect me to clean up ur mess and re-do all my effort. last time still can, now i dun hv the energy liao.

i know that more than half the time, my efforts pay off handsomely. i usually enjoy my time with the group. but i can only give so much now. so pls pull ur own weight also. if u want to change direction, its up to u to pull everyone ur way. if u dun want to do that, u're free to get off on your own accord. i dun wanna pull for anyone anymore.

no hard feelings.

Tired...

...so can only live life one day at a time.

Tired Post

I want to comment on current affairs, but at 3.30am, i'm too sleepy to think, and too tired to take the ten steps to the hall to fumble in the dark for the newspaper. thus i will expend less effort and blog abt my boring life instead. ha.

in 3.5 hrs i will hv to wake up and go for my company soccer tournament. i don't play soccer. heck, i don't even like playing ball/team sports. my dept was going, so i cldn't refuse - my feeble attempt at resisting was to tell the team captain to put me in reserve, as i might be going overseas (this was true then). last week he told me he couldn't find anyone, so i'd hv to play. he probably didn't try looking too hard.

but no worries. my plan is simple -
if the ball comes my way, i kick it twds the other side.
if the opponent, with the ball, comes my way, i shall harass him for all of 30 seconds.
if the opponent turns violent, i avoid his elbow/shoulder/head/fist/spanner and collaspe on the ground. thereafter i will feel unwell, and come home early.

been sick for the past 2 wks too, so didn't manage to spend time with impt ppl. i just hope things are still progressing well.

so this wkend is packed. i hope the coming week wld be fruitful as well, to make up for lost time.

Sitting Waiting Wishing

but i'm in so deep
you know i'm such a fool for you
you got me wrapped around your finger
do you have to let it linger?

Don't You Just Love 20hr Days?

Woke up at 6.30am yesterday, and proceeded with the following:

- Help Mum & Dad pack finish, all of us go airport.

- Breakfast at mac's; years since they last ate a big breakfast.

- Bye Mum & Dad... have a fun trip.

- Pick up insurance claim form for my dengue episode from hospital.

- Consult bank staff & waste insurance agent's time - opened new bank account.

- Stone in front of PC for 1 hr.

- Swim for 1 hr+.

- Shower, cook lunch, expiring ice cream for dessert.

- Stone in front of PC for 1/2 hr.

- Hot date! meet at starbucks.

- Still waiting at starbucks. read newspaper.

- Finally she arrives. Coffee and newspaper.

- Walk to esplanade, shop at marina, dinner at suntec.

- Play pool. kena trashed 4-1, none of which is my credit.

- Saw her to cab. Last train has already left. Last bus home.

- Tok cock to security guard. he gives me way too much information. but not as bad as zoe tay.

- Reach home 1am. Do accounts. Shower. Record in blog.

- Sleep at 2.30am.

PS. any suggestions to nice dinner places i can bring someone?? pls let me know!! this kind of thing i used to bo chup... now cannot!!

"How Do You Climb Onto The Shoulders Of Giants?"

was what a good fren asked. probably metaphorically, but not that i care. here is my answer:


1st, u have to find one. Written accounts have placed the residences of giants on the top end of magic beanstalks, so u might wanna try looking there. although climbing rock walls and bean stalks might be different, the fundamental techniques are the same, so i'm sure u shd hv no problems there.

next, although u r not an englishman, so the giant will not grind ur bones to make his bread, he might grind them to make his noodles, since u r oriental. as such, u might want to wait until he is asleep, like a certain "Jack" did.

Written accounts have mentioned that giants fall asleep on their great dining tables after heavy meals, so after that happens, you will be able to carry out ur plan. do note that climbing bean stalks and rock walls are different from climbing giant table legs, as they tend to be smoother. you might want to try other methods, like climbing up an ajacent giant cupboard before lowering urself with a very very long rope.

next, when u're on the giant table, take care not to upset any giant cutlery or glasses of water, in case you wake the giant up or get washed away by the ensuing flash flood. if the giant stirs during this time, do not hide in giant loaves of bread, in case u get eaten unknowingly. instead, hide in giant pieces of swiss cheese, so u can look out of holes to see if the giant takes a fancy to your cheese. if so, scamper out of a hole at the other side to avoid detection.

another good place to hide would be in the fruit bowl, but behind any fruit except red apples, as that is always the 1st (and only) fruit to be taken in any situation.

in the unfortunate event of detection, jump behind a FULL glass of water. the magnification of the curved surface and refraction of the water will make u appear (hopefully) as big as the glass. snarl at the giant, and hopefully the distorted image would startle the giant long enuff to make ur escape.

if the giant fails to get startled, tip the glass over in his direction. this would not hurt him very much, but get the front of his pants all wet. hopefully this would make him scramble to find paper towels long enuff to make ur escape.

note: do NOT use the same tactic with a hot beverage. not only would it hurt ur hands, it would make the giant VERY, VERY angry. u do NOT want that to happen.

once going up on the shoulder, take care not to make any noise, as the giant's ear is situated very close to the shoulder, and is BIG - probably able to pick up the most minute sound, as mentioned in writing about one giant, known only by his initials "BFG".

when your task is completed, quickly make ur escape, hopefully undetected. once you reach the beanstalk, you are safe, as written accounts have mentioned that giants are clumsy while climbing down beanstalks.

Although chopping down magic beanstalks to avoid the wrath of giants, as written before, is effective, the consequences are devasting, and thus chopping should be avoided, if possible. The written account of a certain "Jack" ends at the happy ending of him chopping down the magic beanstalk and getting rich, presumably living happily ever after. but it does not mention how "Jack" eventually lost all his riches and ended up even poorer, due to the lawsuits that came from the property losses after the giant fell to the ground.

Good Giant Hunting!

Packed

Don't really hv much time nor the energy, hence this short post after a week.

Day times during weekdays taken up by work. Using Excel and a simple formula, may have found a way to either
a) lighten everyone's workload and need to calculate, or
b) effectively let the manager cut half his manpower needed.
The results are so astounding, for once even i can't believe how smart i am. but of coz, it may not be applicable.

After work I'm packing up my time, either going out with girls or jogging. if not then resting at home with family or going diving. ok, only went diving once. more abt it on roamings when i have the time and energy.

Planning to pack in more stuff by september... wasted too much time and energy in boon lay liao. now gotta do the things i shd finally do.

Also need to start thinking abt how to manage finances and abt my career path. hopefully wkend wun be too tiring.

finally, my life is heading in the direction i want it to. packed, tiring, eventful, satisfying.

a bit more "finances" to "manage" wld be good too.

Ah Girl: ?? Feb 2004 - 14 Aug 2006

Aged: 2 1/2 yrs

Thank you so much, for being my 1st pet, along with ah pui, and for being part of my life.

Thank you so much, for showing me the miracle of birth.

Thank you so much, for holding on as long as you could.

I hope that your life had been that much better being a part of mine.

I am sorry that your part had grown smaller over the years,

but I hope you know I always loved you.

So in return, I immortalise you here. As you will always be part of my life.

To the first girl who ever licked me on the nose.

Thank you, and goodbye.

Environmental Manipulation Implement vs Spade

I'm always wary of big long wordy titles, and titles where it just doesn't seem right. Coz if u can't call a spade a spade, then i believe u have something to hide.

an example.
Until a few yrs ago, we were calling insurance agents, guess what? insurance agents. now u see all sorts of weird titles in the classifieds - financial planner, wealth management, life planner, personal financial consultant, etc etc etc. come on... u don''t PLAN my finances, u don't PLAN how much i earn and spend. and i certainly don't have any wealth for u to manage. i don't want anyone else to plan my life, and i absolutely need no advice from a salesman how to spend my money.

that's wat they are anyway isn't it? just insurance salesmen. i guess we're used to calling them "agents" already, which in the legal sense isn't incorrect. after all, the insurance company is the principal, and the salesman definitely isn't going to pay out any of his commision money to you. planner? consultant? come on... at most u are an AGENT. it's the insurance company's big shots who PLAN wat investment-linked policies to con ppl with, and they CONSULT their bosses.

a nice sounding name might fool some ppl initially, but if u need to fool ppl, then what u are offering must be something undesirable in the 1st place. comprehend?

===================================================================

on another, grim note.

fear can drive one to do the unimaginable.
and i have done it.

a much younger me would have laughed evilly at the present me. a much younger me without fear.

i'm afraid.

As usual

it happens again. always always always.

am i really that detestful to begin with? one step forward and u run away?

i'm still back where i started. or rather, i nv left.

wat will it take?

why?

why me?

why never me?

why

Have You Ever...

...gazed at the fren sitting beside you, longed to put your arm around her and hold her close, to let her head rest on your shoulder? but you know you can't, coz the moment that happens, you know she wld absolutely totally freak out and nv hang out with u again?

And you have absolutely totally no clue how to get her to love u?

Yet another song, now forever associated with you.

"But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger?"

For All Working Readers:

"Are you aware that all jobs require you to do things you'd rather not do? That's why they have to pay you."

-Dilbert

Raffles Place Rat

Ok ok... not quite at raffles place... then wat do i call myself? Tanjong Pagar Tiger? hahaaha ridiculous.

so. i'm finally here, at my decided-during-uni short term goal. to be a raffles place rat. to wear a tie, long sleeved collared shirts and swanky leather shoes to work everyday. to wake up when there's already light. to rush to work flustered in the mornings, squeezing with hundreds of commuters on the mrt. to search for a place for lunch amongst huge lunchtime crowds. to work in an aircon, carpeted office, with my very own dedicated extension phone line. working 9am to 7pm, fueled by limitless amounts of coffee. where i always wanted to be.

(of coz, this is as opposed to waking up at 5+am to reach jurong before 8am, wearing polo-tee, jeans and sneakers to work, staring at machines and diagrams all day. but i'd very much rather wake up at 1pm everyday and spend the whole day at home in singlet and shorts and watch gundam seed destiny.)

or is it? everything is new and fun now, but i can't stand the thought of doing this all my life. there must be something more. own business? adventure guide? professional backpacker? i have a follow up 6yr short term goal liao... but that's it. i guess i'll figure it out as i go along.

anyway, right now there's good and bad.

BAD:
- senior colleague who thinks he's damn smart. well, maybe he isn't a bad person... but i think his bark is 10 times louder than his bite. but being new, i may be wrong...
- falling asleep during classroom sessions (wat's new?)
- reaching office sweaty everyday
- limitless amounts of coffee

GOOD:
- my current seat has a view of the sea!
- my current job situation as a whole
- very nice (current) manager
- lunch buddies with all the newbies
- cute girl among the newbies
- rotated for 6 mths (at least i won't get bored so soon)
- (hopefully) being selected for bigger things
-limitless amounts of coffee

frankly, everything is still fluid, coz i'm part of a new hazy programme to rotate noobs throughout my department functions for us to get a better view of things, i dunno wat i'll be doing eventually. i dun think anyone knows. maybe the director's making it up as he goes along, coz my (current) manager's as clueless as me. bad thing is liddat ppl dunno how to deploy me also, and i end up doing sai kang. but at least i learn a lot and hopefully hv chance for bigger things.

yup... i like wat i see so far... but i hvn't seen much yet. the enthu fresh grad vs the perpetual cynic.

Convocation

Didn't want to go really. but went for parents. And they, especially dad, were much happier than i was. i was just plain bored by the hassle, irritated by the crowd, and pressed for time most of the day.

started off well enuff, albeit the initial confusion. dun blame me, i nv grad before. dunno where to go, dunno where to send parents. i found my own seat easily enuff, and much too soon i think. was so bored i started thumbing the PR material they gave me, among the empty seats.

then the guy on my left starts talking. surprised and welcoming the change, we chatted about part time studying (him), first jobs (me), third jobs (him), overseas jobs (him), prize-winning classmates (him), pregnant classmates (him), the indian graduates wearing short sleeves (me).

meanwhile the pomp and ceremony begins. the catchy academically-inclined tune starts up and is still playing in my head right now. the old men and women in their gaudy gowns start flowing down the stairs in their black, red, blue, orange. i even saw a purple and a green/red, like a x'mas tree. fitting that an ang moh was wearing it... hahah

everytime someone came up to speak, he wld bow to the old guy in the centre on the biggest chair and he wld bow back. great job he has. best view in the audi and he only has to say 2 lines: declare ceremony open, and declare ceremony closed. he did stand and give out empty folders, but someone else took over by the time i was up there.

i nearly fell asleep twice. zow's thick warm comfy dress made the seat very cushy. the old man droning on and on brought back LT memories. of me being lulled to sleep. didn't really help that i only knew 1 or 2 other ppl collecting their empty folders today.

i had to get up and walk around. so i went to the toilet, disrupting the monotony of the ushers as they tried to direct me to where the others, after coming down from stage, were heading to their seats. hope i didn't attract too much attention in the violent scuffle to pee. hahah! just kidding. they made way for me once i whispered my destination.

nice ppl, really. i'm sure they have regular day jobs and kena arrowed to wear magenta monk robes for the whole week. kinky. i was thinking they shd wear a matching hood as well, which covers their faces in darkness, and not speak at all, but only point to the direction we must head to. and as an interlude they could hv went on stage and performed the gregorian chant version of "Graduation"
(originally that (too) sweet sweet sweet song overplayed at every kindy / pri / sec / jc / poly / ite / uni / line dancing course / etc graduation)

finally it was my turn - i was seated at the 2nd last row. everyone either ignored the video camera projected on the big screen behind, or the earnest *koffnerdykoff* ones wld stand stiffly and display the folder to the world, even if they held it upside down by mistake while the lensmen recorded that ghastly scene for posterity. so i decided to give a nice big smile when i passed it.

ceremony done, we took photos in my gown (only me in the gown) with the help of a long time fren; surprised to see him coz he was very early for the next session. went to reception but all there was left was stale beehoon, so intro mum and dad to cant a jap food... nice and cheap! and cant a kopi... shiok. if i wld miss anything from ntu, it wld be cant a kopi.

and that was it. the rest of the day was spent going to new company to sign contract, medical check up, pushing insurance claim, chatting at the dentist's, running errands. then at home dad hits upon the idea to go to grandma's and take photos with the gown. onz.

grandma was very glad, very proud, and couldn't stop laughing with joy at me in the gown, and the photos we took. she was so happy getting her to sit still for a un-blur picture took coaxing from dad twice. aiming to make her happy again by year's end, and dad too. mum already knows how.

special mention: thanx zow, for lending me the gown. my parents and grandma loved it. i owe u a meal.

Siti! Awak Kenapa Mengahwini Orang Tua!?!?*

My favourite Malay pop star, Siti Nurhaliza, is getting married to a guy who has more of everything than her.

She's probably really rich, as a singer, but this guy, Datuk** K, confirm more money. Coz he's a datuk. He also got 1 moustache more than Siti. oh yah, he also got 4 kids, a previous marriage, and TWENTY YEARS more than her.

Well ok, i admit, i've not exactly listened to her songs before, but i can never, never turn the page without looking at her photo at least twice. Thanx to a local lunchtime tabloid, which features malay celebrities on english print. (THANK YOU, TNP)

for those of u who still dun get it, here's her picture.



SANGAT MANIS***!!!! everytime i look at her, i just feel like pinching those cute cute chubby cheeks of hers and play masak-masak**** with her.

For those of u who dunno her, she's the sweet innocent pop princess of Malaysia. Always sweet and smiling, always singing innocent songs abt innocent love, always modestly covered (see above photo). Never any songs abt sex, angst, and all that crap the US churns out. Always, only female fans can go up to stage and get close to her during her shows. 100% no khalwat, no scandal. until now.

But she's not the extremist muslim type either. no burkas. else how to see her cute cute chubby cheeks? can only see her eyes. anyway she looks GREAT in sarong kebayas.

WHY? Siti, WHY?

what madness drove her to marry someone old enuff to be her father??? i wun mind if she marries some young dude abt her age; i'd even be happy for her. but an old man? a divorced old man? a divorced old man with 4 kids abt her age?!?!?

guys, how would u feel if ur wife and ur kids were abt the same age? how abt ur wife and ur daughter sharing the same clothes? ok. maybe for some aunties who refuse to admit their age, that's normal. how abt ur wife getting along much better with ur kids? ok. maybe that is normal for most families. argh. you know wat i mean.

ok. another angle. girls, wld u marry an old man whose daughters are ur age? wat? then u can share clothes without feeling weird?

sigh. ok ok. wat IF, ur dad married someone ur age, say... a classmate. wldn't that be GROSS?!??!?

so u see, this rich old man not only does not care abt Siti's pristine reputation, he doesn't care abt his kids' psychological well-being.

I can see the tabloid headlines now. from Malaysia, the Star: SITI MARRIES RICH OLD MAN. from UK, the Sun: SITI MARRIES RICH OLD MAN. from China, the Moon: SITI MARRIES RICH OLD MAN.

ok, i made the last one up. but it looks like got world-wide coverage rite?

SITI, WHY?

sigh.


i know wat "english name" i shd get liao. nowsaday got so many weird names, dun sound like english at all. like... like... it's late, i can't remember any. anyway i shall join in the fray: my first name will be DATUK.

now to look for a future pop princess 20yrs younger than me. hmmm... that PSC an pei na bei always got kids talentime on tv hor? ok, will try there 1st. hopefully they have a lot of 6 yr olds to choose from. dun worry, i wun do anything now... i can wait 20yrs, when she gives her 1st solo concert, then i pounce. just like that datuk.

now, where do i find 4 kids?


* Why You Marry Old Man!?!?
** an honorary title given to distinguished citizens by the M'sian gahmen. either that, or u're rich enuff to buy it from them. with it might come ur own M'sian road as well. see http://www.kennysia.com/archives/2006/03/datuk_applicati.php
*** VERY SWEET!!!!
**** literally means "play-play", refers to the play cooking with little plastic utensils that i... i mean WE enjoyed with our girl cousins when young. or last month.
***** aiyah go get ur own english-malay dictionary can?

Endings

don't you just hate it when things end? and just when you feel attachment?

you feel a sense of emptiness... a sense of loss. you feel sorry that it ended.

nights aren't the same anymore. all you can do is sit in front of the computer and stone. and think abt the good times you had. and that even a second time round won't be the same.

it wldn't be full of delightful surprises, full of unexpected twists and turns.

sigh.




cyclist, thanx for ur Samurai 7 series. now i need a new set of anime.

Should or Want?

Finally, finally, finally; at the end, with a dozen roads to choose from, and he wants, no, insists, that I go straight ahead.

That i should do something i am trained for.

That i should not dabble in other chapalang, half past six, anyone can do jobs.

That i should not end up like my good-for-nothing MLM relations. (this one i agree)

So how? Am i going to do wat i SHOULD do? or WANT to do? although i still do not know wat i WANT, I know wat i DON'T WANT, which incidentally happens to be wat i SHOULD do.

so how so how so how?

There are 5 options.

a) Do what I SHOULD do, suffer for another 13 years to make up an even 20, shrivel up, and die.

b) Do what I SHOULD do, suffer for another 3 years, leave with wat's left of my sanity to find another job, get rejected countless times coz of totally irrelevant experience, shrivel up, and die.

c) Do what I WANT to do, and suffer for it every evening when I get home.

d) Do what I WANT to do, and run away from home, sleep in a rarely-used closet/janitor room and live on colleagues' biscuits until I rise to manager and get an office - then i can sleep in there.

e) Do what I WANT to do, and let on that I'm doing what I SHOULD do, until I get found out.

Any suggestions?

===================================================================
Added, 24 hrs later:

you guys can't think of a solution eh? no worries. I know what to do liao.

As usual, the answer came from me. Not becoz i'm insightful, but becoz i'm too stubborn to listen to anyone else.

must be humble. at first. later then exhalt also can, as long as i get there.

What?

What keeps you awake at night?

a) The question of whether to compromise?

b) Or whether you can make that choice?

Chicken & Egg.

If you choose not to compromise, you don't need worry if you can make a choice anyway.

If you don't have that choice, whether to compromise or not is irrelevant.

mrbrown, I Support You!

Hence I am reproducing his "questionable" piece of work here. If you hvn't read it yet, enjoy.

S'poreans are fed, up with progress! by Mr Brown.

THINGS are certainly looking up for Singapore again. Up, up, and
away.

Household incomes are up, I read. Sure, the bottom third of our country is
actually seeing their incomes (or as one newspaper called it, "wages") shrink,
but the rest of us purportedly are making more money.

Okay, if you say so.

As sure as Superman Returns, our cost of living is also on the up. Except
we are not able to leap over high costs in a single bound.

Cost of watching World Cup is up. Price of electricity is up. Comfort's
taxi fares are going up. Oh, sorry, it was called "being revised". Even the
prata man at my coffeeshop just raised the price of his prata by 10 cents. He
was also revising his prata prices.

So Singaporeans need to try to "up" their incomes, I am sure, in the light
of our rising costs. Have you upped yours?

We are very thankful for the timing of all this good news, of course. Just
after the elections, for instance. By that I mean that getting the important
event out of the way means we can now concentrate on trying to pay our bills.

It would have been too taxing on the brain if those price increases were
announced during the election period, thereby affecting our ability to choose
wisely.

The other reason I am glad with the timing of the cost of living increases
and wages going down, is that we can now deploy our Progress Package to pay for
some of these bills.

Wait, what? You spent it all on that fancy pair of shoes on the day you saw
your money in your account? Too bad for you then.

As I break into my Progress Package reserves to see if it is enough to pay
the bills, I feel an overwhelming sense of progress. I feel like I am really
staying together with my fellow Singaporeans and moving forward.

There is even talk of future roads like underground expressways being
outsourced to private sector companies to build, so that they, in turn, levy a
toll on those of us who use these roads.

I understand the cost of building these roads is high, and the Government
is relooking the financing of these big road projects.

Silly me, I thought my road tax and COE was enough to pay for public
roads.

Maybe we can start financing all kinds of expensive projects this way in
future. We could build upgraded lifts for older HDB blocks, and charge tolls on
a per use basis.

You walk into your new lift on the first floor, and the scanner reads the
contactless cashcard chip embedded in your forehead. This chip would be part of
the recently-announced Intelligent Nation 2015 plan, you know, that initiative
to make us a smart nation?

So you, the smart contactless-cashcard-chip-enhanced Singaporean would go
into your lift, and when you get off at your floor, the lift would deduct the
toll from your chip, and you would hear a beep.

The higher you live, the more expensive the lift toll.

Now you know why I started climbing stairs for exercise, as I mentioned in
my last column. I plan to prepare for that day when I have to pay to use my
lift. God help you if some kid presses all the lift buttons in the lift, as kids
are wont to do. You will be beeping all the way to your
flat.

The same chip could be used to pay for supermarket items. You just carry
your bags of rice and groceries past the cashierless cashier counter, and the
total will be deducted from your contactless cashcard automatically.

You will not even know you just got poorer. And if your contactless
cashcard runs out of funds (making it a contactless CASHLESS cashcard), you just
cannot use paid services. The door of the lift won't close, the bus won't stop
for you, taxis will automatically display "On Call" when their chip scanners
detect you're broke.

Sure, paying bills that only seem to go up is painful, but by Jove, we are
going to make sure it is at least convenient.

No more opening your wallet and fiddling with dirty notes and coins. Just
stand there and hear your income beeped away. No fuss, no muss! I cannot wait to
be a Smart e-Singaporean.

I also found out recently that my first-born daughter's special school fees
were going up. This is because of this thing called "Means Testing", where they
test your means, then if you are not poor enough, you lose some or all of the
subsidy you've been getting for your special child's
therapy.

I think I am looking at about a $100 increase, which is a more than a 100
per cent increase, but who's counting, right? We can afford it, but we do know
many families who cannot, even those that are making more money than we are, on
paper.

But don't worry. Most of you don't have this problem. Your normal kids can
go to regular school for very low fees, and I am sure they will not introduce
means testing for your cases.

We need your gifted and talented kids to help our country do well
economically, so that our kids with special needs can get a little more therapy
to help them to walk and talk. And hey, maybe if the country does really well,
the special-needs kids will get a little more subsidy.

Like I said, progress.

High-definition televisions, a high-speed broadband wireless network,
underground expressways, and contactless cashcard system — all our signs of
progress.

I am happy for progress, of course but I would be just as happy to make
ends meet and to see my autistic first-born grow up able to talk and fend for
herself in this society when I am gone.

That is something my wife and I will pay all we can pay to see in our
lifetimes.

mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been
documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He enjoys
having yet another cashcard, in addition to his un-contactless one and the
ez-link one to add to his wallet.

taken from http://singabloodypore.blogspot.com/

Travelling Smurf

I think the best kind of travels are those that make you look forward to going home, but sad that you're leaving.

And when you come back to all that is familiar, you wonder to yourself if it was all a dream.

But it wasn't, because although it is all the same as before, things have changed. You've changed.

Maybe that's what travelling is all about.

My kind of travelling, anyway.

I know that somewhere along the way, once again, I shall leave home with a heavy heart, and return with an equally heavy one for the same reason.

Travelling Smurf & I.

I PASSED

I PASSED
I PASSED
I PASSED
I PASSED

thats all i can comprehend rite now. wanna blog on roamings but i can´t

i passed
i passed
i passed

finally i am free. damn... i shdn´t hv messed up that interview... else cutting short my trip wld be totally on my terms.

but it does not matter... i am now free. I shall be back to reality soon. but this time, its a new reality.

maybe thats wat i look for when travelling. I know the places i´m going, but exactly how it is like, I have totally no idea.

finally, time to unfurl my sails for real.

I FUCKING PASSED

I FUCKING PASSED!!! I´M A FREE MAN!!! WOOHOO!!!!

Europe: 26 May - 14 July

For updates, go to http://rockies-roamings.blogspot.com

Busy Planning Invasion

Taking advantage at a lull at work and the planning of a city finished to blog.

Things are looking up since my last, depressing entry. At least my parents hvn't kicked me out of the house, and I'm trying to hang out with them as much as I can. Later we going for lunch to celebrate brother's birthday. Yay.

Been too busy to sleep, much less blog. Although work is 4 out of every 6 days, the 3rd & 4th shifts, like now, is actually a night shift which lasts until the next day morning, so technically this is my 5th day at work out of 6 days. After every shift I'm so tired I just want to bathe and sleep, after watching 1-2 episodes of desperate housewives. 6 hrs a night is considered good. Needless to say, I'm not performing very well at work. hahah

Whatever waking time I have left goes to planning my itinerary, buying stuff I need, making errands. going to hospital and bank. And still trying to run at least once a week, which i just barely manage to fulfil.

Besides work, keeping fit, packing and planning (only planned 2 out of 5 cities assigned to me so far. I don't think I can finish before we leave.), there's campus interviews this coming tuesday and thursday. I need time to prepare and research the companies, etc. but also, I won't be around for any follow up interviews and may not be able to work for another 5 mths... so it's low priority. But still, after my disasterous last interview, I wanna redeem myself. May go still...

So, fuck everything else. It's time for another adventure. and maybe a few interviews.

Feeling

DespairGuiltDefianceDisappointmentDisdainPainFutilityAngerLoathingDisgustHatredMurderousRegretDoubtUndeserving

why

do i go

how can i go

how can i leave

when will it ever come

how long how far how come

it all

Loop

"The road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the road has gone,

And I must follow if I can..."

- Gandalf the Grey

Only I didn't forsee that the road I'm taking is actually a loop.

Now I'm right back where I started. Everything's still as I remember it, albeit a little older.

I know I went somewhere. But I don't know what good it did me.

The more things change, the more they remain the same.

"I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in
my heart. I feel... thin... sort of stretched, like... butter, scraped over
too much bread. I need a holiday... a very long holiday..."

-Bilbo Baggins

Holiday

The internet is truly wonderful; so much info. without it, i wldn't hv realised to what extent the media is controlled.

Is it me, or have the pappies become more arrogant, more tactless, and less mindful? and the hatchet is unsheathed, the knuckle duster is out once again, just waiting to meet in the cul-de-sac.

Maybe because now, there is more potential in a contender, and they're peeing in their pants. So in their panic, they fumble.

If they pull no punches, everyone will suffer from it. Pappies will hv an even worse image problem, contender will attract less candidates, and public only gets to choose lesser of 2 evils.

I do not expect the well-off, the content and the awe-struck to want to change the status-quo. it is up to the disgruntled, the oppressed and the idealists to wake up. and the not-so-apathetic will watch, while the truly-apathetic live their lives as usual.

You only see what you want to see.

"Can I get another amen? (amen)

There's a flag wrapped around a score of men.

A gag, a plastic bag on monument...

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies

This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

On holiday"

- Green Day, "Holiday" from the album American Idiot

PS. yup. I saw what i wanted to see. that's y my GE prediction so off. hahah

Elections 2006

I can't help it. I wanted to refrain but I just have to. Anyway, how many ppl are going to read this before polling?

Been surfing a bit. Many, many blogs speaking out against ruling party. BUT. this may be bcoz their supporters are heeding balaji's warnings, or although we are an advanced nation, the majority do not have much to do with the internet, much less blogs. so the wave of support for opposition might not be as big as it seems.

Same for rallies. Many, many people go turn up to watch. but how many are there for the show? how many are like me, a non-voter, just there to see for themselves? knowing singaporeans, most wld hv a good laugh and play on the safe side, vote ruling party as usual.

My stand? ruling party has done a VERY good job thus far, but the way they do some things is unpalatable. like:

- HUGE, HUGE GRCs sheltering homogenous bureaucrats. shd be limited to 4 member GRCs
- tagging upgrading to votes. flats shd be upgraded according to age, not wards.
- putting down opposing contenders arrogantly. must be gentleman mah, like low thia khiang
- controlling the media so obviously that it sickens me. at least be more discreet, can?

My hope? ruling party in power with 1/3-1/4 of good opposition members. i believe a similar number in the ruling party are kinda redundant anyway. backbenchers sleeping on the back benches. at least liddat, on their toes, no time to sleep.

my guess? 2 SMCs, 1 GRC in opposition. hopefully even 3 SMCs.

today will be an exciting day. I wish all candidates all the best, esp those brave souls on the WP and SDA slates.

I Tried.

didn't u see? can't u understand that different people have different capabilities? woe is me, my strengths are heavily unrecgonised, and all everyone can see are what i can't do.

I tried. i really did. the key difference is i had confidence this time round, until i saw what those academic bastards put there. i guess understanding is not enuff. need tips. need to regurgitate what is readily available.

i cannot just sit on my hands for 6 mths just to wait for one paper. i needed to add value to myself. i wanted to feel useful. i wanted to remain sane. i guess i hv to sit for 6mths after all.

how to live with myself rotting in my room all day for months? how to stay sane with just one fucking paper in mind?

i don't want to lose myself. i don't want to lose who i am. but this system doesn't hv a place for me.

those academic bastards. i want to stab them. and again. and again. and again. think they so fucking smart? i'm take a hammer and smash their brains out, to see what they're really made of.

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to get out

i want to finally have a real life. i want to be free. i want to be me.