Hurt Turns Into Anger

Currently Feeling: Evil

yup... i felt hurt. not afraid to admit it. coz i felt for her. so soon turn into anger? u ask. yeah i guess.

anger at her. anger at me. anger at some mentally unsound prick. anger at the world. anger at life. and anger at everyone else.

but i'm sensible enuff not to take my anger out on ppl who care abt me. that's stupid, pure and simple. y make the ppl impt to u suffer with u? sensible enuff not to take it out on myself too. also hurt the ppl who care abt u. ppl who do these things are idiots. idiots.

so i take it out on the treadmill. stomped on it until death occurred. up to u to guess whether the treadmill died on me or i died on the treadmill.

my mind's getting clearer as well. i realise in the end, ultimately, everything is about yourself. u fight bcoz u want to win. u suffer bcoz u can't lose. but in the end, the only person u hv to overcome is urself. the only person who's making u suffer is urself. the only person who truly feels ur joy is urself. the only person who feels ur pain is urself. we want to believe we are connected, but we are only connected thru verbal and body language. ultimately, we all are vastly seperate entities. no one can ever know wat's really inside. we can only hope that they can see some part of it.

added: oh yes, wanted to add that also ultimately, the only person you can depend on is urself. wanna get things done? do it urself.

make sense?

anyway. some anger is still there... and may surface now and then. but no one significant to me will hv to suffer for it. just pity the hapless insurance agent who mistakes me for a possible client. and the treadmill.