One Last Look

These thots hv been in my mind for some time now. this is one last exorcism, before i rid myself of this inner demon. then you, my dear readers, shall be spared of these sorts of entries again. one last time, and they shall occur no more.

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I wonder if you are happy where you are now.

Strange how events brought you to my door
I did leave it open
But you were the one who walked in

I've never seen the other side
How bright or how dark it is
All I knew is what you told me
That it was dark and restricted.
I knew you deserved better.
I wanted to make sure that wld happen.

Are you happy now,
In that room with anger and sadness?
Or was there light after all?

Maybe my empty room
without anger or sadness or anything bad
didn't have anything good as well
But in that time you were here
You were the light in my room

Do you remember?
Or has happiness wiped your memory
about how dark that room was
about how bright my room was

They remember me, all of them do.
Gelato ice cream
Swensen's earthquake
Thai food
Sushi Tei & Holland V
Tampines Mall & KTV
Places in school
My neighbourhood
Even my swimming pool
Not many of them, but they remind me
of more than I can stand.

I walk home from the wrong direction
I pass the white houses
And wonder if you are happy where you are now.

The bag in my cupboard hasn't seen the light of day
The book, wrapped in plastic, has on a layer of dust
The photos and videos are left unclicked
The cards are left unopened
The adventure is distant and never brought up
But you probably don't have anything that needs to be ignored.

All seemed good til you went away again
You said you didn't want to leave
Shd I had made more effort in making you stay?
Shd I hv not cared what ppl might say?
Shd I hv been more daring when the chance came by?
But I am not him; I am me.
I wanted you to be free, so I let you choose.

And you chose not to come in anymore.

Did you go back coz too much had been paid there?
And you feared you would be left with nothing?
That no room would be opened again?

Then, that done; did you understand wat i went thru?
How much doubt, how much pain?
I wonder if you even bother
And to think how much i cared
And how much you don't seem to.


Maybe one winter's day
We so happen to want to get away from the cold
We'll leave our rooms
And find each other again
Silently staring thru the falling snow

But I doubt it, for it nv snows here.


So I've packed up that empty room
I'll lock the door and return the keys
I will forgive, maybe even forget
And maybe one day, forgetting to forget,
I'll remember you were once special.

So let me have one last look
Before I close the door behind me.